Forgotten Buddha Seven
Sanzo stumbled back quick to himself in order and sat on top of the desk, "So, can I let you out now. Will you behave?" He thought he was doing a fine job of making it look like he'd been lecturing though most of his mind was still on the kiss.
"Probably not, but I promise to refrain from fondling your monkey," Hakkai smirked, then returned to smiling sweetly as Goku and Gojyo came in, yelling about something to do with the bag of stuff Goku was carrying.
"That's it. You are NOT coming out. In fact, I'm going to send Goku to bury the keys!"
"Um, Sanzo," Goku stood looking from Hakkai to Sanzo, then back, utterly puzzled. "Why's Hakkai in the cell?"
"You're too young, monkey." Gojyo said, stuffing bottles of beer in the icebox he found in the far corner of the room.
"Too young!" Goku turned to Sanzo, "Too young for what?"
Hakkai leaned on the bars, looking vastly amused.
It's nothing. Hakkai said earlier if he started acting strange to keep him out of trouble." Sanzo lied as he threw Goku the keys. "So he did and I did. Everything's fine now. You can go ahead and let him out."
Gojyo came over to Sanzo, two beers in his hand, a pack of cigarettes in the other. Handing the cigarettes and one beer to Sanzo, he hopped up on the desk next to the monk. 'It's not fine, is it?" Gojyo spoke softly, careful Goku couldn't hear. "You'd really rather leave him in there, huh?"
Sanzo quickly withdrew a cigarette from the pack and lit it. "You could say that. Hakkai's not himself right now…hell I'm not sure any of us are. I don't like this set-up at all and I'm beginning to worry it's gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets better."
"Sanzo," Goku appeared, holding out the keys. "Hakkai says now it's your turn to get measured. He said he doesn't want any nasty surprises later…" Goku looked expectantly at Sanzo, as though the monk would explain what he was missing.
"Hakkai is just having trouble deciding whether to be a dick or lighten the mood. Hell, maybe he thinks by being a dick he CAN lighten the mood. It works for Gojyo." His voice grew louder as he walked across the room to Hakkai. "Though I doubt he has anything to worry about. They'll be no nasty surprises. My measurements are well documented to be over-average for a man of my build and age…" Suddenly aware he was playing Hakkai's game Sanzo redirected his words. "Actually perhaps he should worry. Most of the townsfolk are significantly shorter. So they'll probably have to split me between two pine boxes if I die before they make one for me. So let's get this over with though I have no intention of making this place a permanent stop and it is nothing but an exercise in futility."
"It will pacify the locals until we can get the hell out of Dodge," Gojyo said around his cigarette.
"And exactly how were you were your over average measurements documented?" Hakkai whispered as he stretched the tape across Sanzo's back. "And what is the purpose of those documents exactly?"
"You need to stop," Sanzo said through a puff of his cigarette for Hakkai's ears only. "Or something will have to be done about you."
"Hey boys," Pa came bursting in unannounced, "You got that information for me?"
"You're not measuring me for a suit!" Sanzo growled as Hakkai spent a little too much time with his touchy feely measuring. "I don't think you'll need to know my inseam!"
"Well, they can't bury you naked, and they obviously recycle the outfits." Hakkai replied, moving away to scribble down Sanzo's measurements on the paper he had ready. "Almost Pa," Hakkai grinned at the man. "We had a beer run to attend to."
"Well, I could see where you'd be needin some o' that." Pa said understandingly. "Got your transpo outside. Might want to do a patrol before supper."
Sanzo downed his second beer in as many minutes. "Yeah, well, the idea of being put to rest in this get-up is more than enough incentive for me to stay alive." He started another cigarette. "And don't kid yourself, these people would easily bury us naked if they were needing to get rid of us to bring in the next round of saps." A long drag. "Isn't that right, Pa?"
"We could be forgettin the combination on the room with the antidote, Sonny. You might want to keep your opinions to yourself."
"You hear that, Gojyo, he wants me to keep my opinions to myself." He clinked his beer with the water-sprite's. "This town is so fucking quaint it kills me."
"Look, Sanzo! Ponies!!" Goku announced excitedly from the doorway.
Hakkai laughed and moved to the window. "Hmm, there are only three." He looked questioningly at Pa.
"We can only spare three and usually one of the four is dead before the first patrol. This is new to us. Can't tell you how many saps lost out on the betting pool cause you're all still here."
"Not a problem, old man, one of us will just have to ride bitch." Sanzo patted Pa on the shoulder as he walked outside to join Goku leaving the little old man in shock.
"I don't care what you three work out," Gojyo said walking outside to appraise the horses, "But I'm nobody's bitch."
Hakkai stood on the steps, looking put out as Goku grabbed Sanzo's arm. "I'll ride with you, Sanzo!" He grinned up at the monk, bright eyed with excitement.
"Sure, Goku, pick out which pony you like the best." Sanzo turned mouthing to the other two, "It's not me."
"Oh, but it is," Hakkai replied softly. He lightly swatted Sanzo's butt. "Giddy up!" He smirked evilly over his shoulder as he made for a palomino that had dark eyes much like Hakaryu's.
Sanzo almost choked on his cigarette instinctively reaching for his fan. "Yeah, like that'll work. If anything it will encourage you." He grumbled. "Goku, what the hell is that, the black horse of doom? The thing has red eyes, no offense Gojyo. Oh well." He climbed up behind Goku who was already patting and coaxing his pony.
"He's a bad-ass cowboy pony, Sanzo." Goku said proudly as he leaned down to talk to the horse. "Aren't you, Muriel? Yes, you are. You're the baddest bad-ass around." The leaning forward required Goku to stand a little in the stirrups, leaving him bent over, his ass rubbing against Sanzo.
"Um, Goku, you, ah…you're…just hurry up with THAT!!!!" Muriel took off at rapid pace with no prompting from either Sanzo or Goku.
"Ain't she a beaut." Pa said to the others who were too shocked to follow. "Last lawman actually stole her from the little guy with the black spiky hair. Seems she keeps trying to get back to him."
"Hey, Goku, can you stop your bad-ass pony?' Sanzo yelled, one arm around Goku, the other wrapped in the reins holding on for dear life.
"Whoa!" Goku grabbed the horse's mane and pulled. "Whoa!"
Hakkai kicked his horse into action, hoping he could catch the other two, but thinking it unlikely as the black horse sped up.
"Whoa? That's it, whoa?! Why didn't I think of that, you dumb monkey." Sanzo leaned down to whisper in the horse's ear near crushing Goku. "Do you know what glue is made of?"
The horse snorted and slowed only to start trying to buck Sanzo off. Its crazy pattern not actually altering its direction.
A blur on a pale horse rode by, snatching the reins of the mad horse, and riding side by side with her, forcing her to spin in a circle. The horse slowed as she became dizzy. As she stopped, she hung her head, panting.
The pale horse's rider dismounted and stood, hidden behind Muriel's head, softly whispering to the horse.
Sanzo breathed a sigh of relief. Hakkai had gotten on the pale palomino. "Nice save, Cho. I thought I was looking at a broken neck."
"You're welcome," A silver haired head appeared around the horses. "Are you all right, Goku?" Yoko asked concerned.
Goku nodded, unconsciously grabbing the hand Sanzo held around his waist.
Not him, anyone but him. Sanzo's grip on Goku was so tight it was shaking. "What are you doing here?"
"I was coming to meet Goku for dinner," Yoko replied innocently.
"Is it that time already?" Sanzo was at a loss of what else to say. "We just started our patrol of the town's borders."
"Oh," Yoko shrugged, "Guess I'm early. I'm quite eager to get to know Goku. Perhaps, he could… go with me?" Yoko asked, hopefully. "I'll take care of him I promise."
Not waiting for Goku's reply, Sanzo said testily. "He has to work. He is one of the deputies your little band insists this town have. You should let him do his job."
"I am not a member of the band you speak of," Yoko answered, raising his head defiantly. "I am no villain…"
"Then why are you with them?" Goku asked.
Yoko averted his eyes, and rested his forehead on the horse's. "I am no better than Muriel here was. A favorite pet." His ears drooped as he spoke. He hoped that they couldn't see how sick this little act was making him.
"Uh-huh. Well, how do you expect to court Goku if you have no freedom." Sanzo said not convinced of Yoko's plight.
"I… I haven't figured that out yet…" Yoko looked sadly at Sanzo. "They indulge me, as one would a show animal, and allow me to see you, Goku… But I fear that will be taken away." He moved to stand by Goku and Sanzo's legs, putting a hand on each. "Please, let me have what time I can with him. With you… Please."
Sanzo could feel the tide turning. Goku was likely remembering his own imprisonment. Trying to call up compassion, he asked. "What about escape? Maybe we could help you."
"I am… contained. I must find a way to remove the shackles I bear first."
Goku looked up at Sanzo. "I'll be back soon, Sanzo. I promise."
"I understand. Please, be careful. All right? Promise me."
"Yes, Sanzo," Goku nodded as he crawled off the horse. "I promise… I'll meet you for dinner, okay?"
Sanzo stared at the sun. "I don't think you'll make dinner. Best not to make promises. I'll see you tonight." Then leaning to speak to Muriel he said much more kindly than before sounding eerily like his ten-year old self. "Please do me this service and I'll turn you loose to go to your master or run free. We need to head east to circle the town, please."
"Thank you, Sanzo." Goku stood next to Yoko, grinning at the monk. He turned to Yoko. "Where do you want to go?"
"For a little ride," he mounted the horse, and held out a hand. "To get to know each other." Yoko smiled at Goku relieved the monk was leaving.
"Sanzo?" Hakkai rode into view, looking tussled from the ride. "How did you get this far out? And where's Goku?"
"You leave the damn monkey face down in a ditch?" Gojyo asked, hiding his concern behind sarcasm and the lighting of a cigarette.
Muriel's head turned in the direction Goku and Yoko had gone having waited long enough for some indication it was time to go and sensing her rider's need to follow the younger man. Sanzo's eyes instinctively followed. "No," he whispered to the pony then a little louder to all. "He wanted to go," he said quietly in response. "He wanted to go and he is no more bound to me than either of you." It wasn't easy. It wouldn't be if Hakkai or Gojyo left him either. Perhaps this is what the Merciful Goddess had warned him of. His shoulders sunk as he tried to draw in breath to breathe along with the strength it took to make it look like he didn't care. "Sun goes into hiding fast around here, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, but we're nestled at the bottom of a deep valley. It's not that surprising," Gojyo muttered aimlessly. He couldn't believe Goku had left. "Can't believe that stupid ape abandoned us…" he said under his breath, not totally understanding what was going on. He looked back at Sanzo, and decided it was better to just head back to town.
"He just left?" Hakkai asked. "Why?" Hakkai knew there were many possible meanings for what Sanzo said. None of them were pleasant.
"There was somewhere he wanted to be more than here. Someone he wanted to be with more than…" Sanzo stopped himself. "Let's go. As it is half the patrolling will have to be done in the dark."
Hakkai fell in beside Sanzo, and rode in silence for a second. Then he spoke, softly, hesitantly, "You can tell me, Sanzo…I want to ease the pain I know you feel…" Hakkai lit a cigarette and passed it to Sanzo before continuing. "Have you lost a dear companion, or…" Hakkai looked as though he wanted to be anywhere else, saying anything but what he was about to. "Have you lost a lover?"
Sanzo accepted the cigarette and smoked inhaling deeply. "I've only lost the foolish notion I've ever had the chance to have either." Only to Hakkai could he say something as full of vulnerable truth as that. The words poured out. "Live for no one but yourself, that's what I learned at the temple. Buddha's wisdom. But why do I feel like that wisdom… that teaching… is more of a curse and a personal one at that… then a common guiding sutra. I'm a Sanzo priest, and an imperfect one at that. But in that one teaching I am supposed to be steadfast. I'm told the whole of Shangri-La depends on it. So tell me," Dark purple eyes seemed to reveal the bruises on Sanzo's soul. "How does my existence being predestined to be alone… why is that necessary to save Shangri-La. Why has this world groomed me since childhood to live for no one only for myself and then ask me if I wouldn't mind coming out of that emptiness just long enough to live for all and not give me the right to say leave me to my loneliness which I've adapted to nicely, thanks for asking… But, no, now I get to learn there is a deeper empty, a darker void that no one could ever numb themselves to, even me."
Hakkai ran his hand through his hair. "Sanzo…" he lit himself a cigarette. "You've always missed the bullet… Even when the gun was pressed tightly to your temple and fully loaded." He shook his head, and watched the smoke he blew out curl away into the evening. "Living for yourself does not mean you need to deny yourself… Shut out everything that makes you whole and happy. Even if that means you let someone else in, and love them… If that love makes you happy, then you are following the path that Buddha meant for you."
Sanzo heard but refused to let the words comfort him. "I wonder sometimes about that. I wonder if I said fuck you MG, so long three heads. Sanzo is not your bitch anymore find someone else to save the world. I wonder what would happen if I did that and lived the life I truly wanted. But then, I realize if I would wake tomorrow and the three of you had decided you were tired of this field trip or if I was told, don't worry Sanzo, if it's too hard, we'll get someone else… I'd keep going anyway, I'd save the world. You know why. Because I know three souls that have the right to know the beauty of it. The beauty Buddha tried to show us. And in that I'm trapped. Buddha waits at the gate of heaven for the souls of the lost, even when it's down to one, Buddha will still wait. Before you and Gojyo and Goku, I'd have asked why… but I realize now how it works. If I were the Buddha I would wait for you even if you were the last, even if less worthy entered before you, if it meant you got to go I'd save them all. And therein lies the trap… once you have a reason, the madness comes, and you wind up one step from true heaven for eternity. Because to save one, you have to save them all. You can only hope when it's all said and done they remember not to lock the gate before Buddha follows the last person in."
"You can get really depressing sometimes, you now that?" Hakkai tossed the butt of his cigarette away. "Do you realize that if I fucked you until you couldn't stand up, tomorrow morning we'd wake up, and the world around us wouldn't have changed one bit. It would still need saving. And it would still be filled with people not worth saving." Hakkai smiled at Sanzo. "Only our understanding would change… Well, that and you wouldn't be able to ride in the Jeep for a day or two."
Sanzo smiled starting to speak, then stopped on the formulation of the first words. He started to sway in opposition to Muriel's pace, that is to say, side to side. Once, twice. The ground seemed to breathe then it was getting closer, then he hit it. Muriel stopped instantly as Sanzo fell one leg still caught in the stirrup. "Fuck," he tried to make light of it, "I lost my cigarette."
Hakkai was at his side almost instantly. "Sanzo?" He untangled the monk's leg, and pulled him into his arms. "I'm sorry, I guess the mere thought of me fucking you that hard was too much…" He smiled at Sanzo, green eyes still filled with concern.
"Yeah, I'm delicate like that." Sanzo grumbled. "Seriously, I think this whole patrolling thing is a bust. Take me back, I think I hear that oh so comfortable cot calling my name."
"Are you sure it's the cot?" Hakkai asked, smiling playfully.
Sanzo swatted at Hakkai's concerned touch. "Oh, look, Gojyo's finally joined us."
"Couldn't wait until bedtime, Hakkai?" Gojyo said, lighting a cigarette. He laughed a little to cover his first reaction to seeing Hakkai holding Sanzo, and their semi-guilty expressions. "Some things never change."
"Look, help me, rape me… whatever the fuck you two are gonna do… but do it before I pass out and you have to carry my ass back." Sanzo was becoming especially impatient and irritated as the toxin started to fuck with everything from the strength in his muscles to his vision and breathing. The monk could only recall being sick twice in his life. Once as a child under Komiyou's watchful caring eyes and that had still been scary. And once, when he'd just started out on his own and all he could do then was lie in a deep marsh in the mud to keep warm at night. That and pray he didn't die and, sometimes, that he would. It had been one of the most miserable times of his life. This was already shaping up to be much worse than that. He just didn't fucking have time for this.
"Rape you, huh?" Gojyo looked to be seriously considering it. "Nah. It's more fun when you can fight back."
Sanzo just shut his eyes and rested his aching head in his hands.