Amarth Part I: Amarth to.... One day, Glorfindel was walking along contemplating (a) why on earth and under sky he had been left out of the movies, and (b) amarth. He had just begun to understand Elrond's fascination with amarth1 when a cracking noise from the sky startled him out of his reverie. He looked up to see the blueness of the sky split, revealing a darkness. Then... Out of the darkness dropped a fat ugly dude. "Who are you, fat ugly dude?" asked Glorfindel, reverting to Common out of politeness. The fat ugly said, angrily, "I'm not fat and ugly!!" "I beg to differ or disagree," muttered Glorfindel under his breath, this time in Elvish. "Anyway," continued the fat ugly dude, annoyed at the interuption, "My name is Peter Jackson." One thought lodged itself firmly in Glorfindel's mind: Amarth to PJ!!!! Part II: The Amarth comes. Glorfindel launched himself at PJ, roaring an elvish war cry2 and drawing a dagger. PJ stumbled backwards, but Glorfindel still managed to hit PJ's shoulder with the dagger. "Ow! What'd ya do that for?" complained PJ. Glorfindel simply drew his sword and began to advance on the director. "C***. Um, may I ask who you are?" Which was of course, a reasonable question. But it provided Glorfindel with just the opening he needed. "Hello. My name is Glorfindel. You left me out of the films. Prepare to die."3 PJ scrambled frantically backwards. Glorfindel followed him. "Hello. My name is Glorfindel. You left me out of the films. Prepare to die." "Oh dear oh dear oh dear," said PJ. He had backed into a tree. There was nowhere else to go. "Hello. My name is Glorfindel. You left me out of the films. Prepare to die." Glorfindel was getting really close. "Sir, you're freaking me out," PJ tried. To no avail. "Hello. My name is Glorfindel. You left me out of the films. Prepare to die." Glorfindel was even with PJ now. "Hello. My name is Glorfindel. You left me out of the films. Prepare to die." "Um, sir?' PJ tried again. "Could you please stop?" Too late. "Hello. My name is Glorfindel. You left me out of the films. Prepare to die." And with a sword thrust through the heart, PJ died. And Glorfindel would never think about amarth again.

Footnotes: 1Elvish for doom. 2 If there are any. 3 Sorry, I couldn't resist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: This is short, I know, but so be it. (Or in Quenya, nai.) Please review and tell me what you think. Read other LotR humor!! And read my other stories, most of which are coming soon to a computer near you.

Thanx to my 2 reviewers! Lost-magic: I'm not violent like Glorfindel! *rips brother's head off* No, really, I'm not. One of my friends hasn't read OR seen the movies, but she's still my friend (and in one piece). Glorfindel was a random dude whose horse saved Frodo. And the first part of the Fellowship is boring if you don't like hobbits. (Or so I am told by an anti-pheriannath [hobbit] friend.)

Chrestonanci: Thank you thank you thank you. Maybe they can find someone with more respect for characters/lines to direct the Hobbit and the Silmarillion. :)