CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
AN: ok, so we're all asking why poor Jamsie is crying. It's because he realizes how f*cking much he loves Lily, and how he can't have her, and how… how he's taking advantage of her and feels slightly guilty and a bunch of other stuff. So are we getting it? Good. :)
~*~*~*~*~*
James and I are avoiding each other. It's funny now that he's not around me I feel so… empty. When I fall asleep, the moment replays in my head, again, and again, and again… and I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty about doing this to Martin, but it James and I… it just felt so right at that moment.
Dear James, hi, yes, it's me. Just writing to say… well, we have to end this. I can't keep doing this to Martin. I'm so sorry. Thank you for everything.
-Lily-
Dear Lily, I understand. I'm really sorry for kissing you. Sorry.
-James-
"Lily?" I look up from James' note. It's… Martin?
"Um, hi Martin," I crunch up the parchment in my hand, hiding it from Martin's view.
"I-" we both start talking at the same time.
"You go first."
"Ok," I take a deep breath, "I'm really sorry about… everything. James and I, we're not really together. I was only doing it because I wanted to you miss me. I wanted you to want me back. But then I knew I was hurting you, so I stopped. And…" I've run out of words.
"You kissed him."
"But it was really you that I wanted to be kissing," I reply. Something nags at the back of my mind, but I ignore it.
"Lily, are you sure?"
No, no you're not.
"Yes."
Conscience, go away. I don't need you right now.
"Ok. I'm… I'm sorry too," Martin pulls me into a hug. I squeeze the note in my left hand. I hope I'm doing the right thing.~*~*~*~*~*
"Lily is with Martin," Sirius says.
"I know," I answer dispiritedly.
"So the plan worked her way."
"I know."
"And… she didn't fall for you."
"I know…"
"Prongs?"
"Yes?"
"I usually don't say this, but are you ok?"
"Yes…"
"No, you're not. I can tell."
"Fine, I'm not."
"You wish she had, don't you?"
"She had what?"
"Fallen for you."
I hesitate. "No… yes…"
"I'm sorry mate."
"Not your fault."
My head's full of thoughts
Thoughts of you
And I'm distracted so easy
Thinking what to do
So unsure, so unfamiliar
Am I wrong to think that something could happen
Will you fall for me
I need to know, the way I'd like you to
Baby, will you fall for me
The way I've fallen for you
I'm not like myself
And I'm playing the role of someone else
And my hearts beating so fast
I can't stop it
And I'm so unsure
So unfamiliar
Am I wrong to think that something could happen
Will you fall for me
The way I'd like you to
Will you fall for me
The way I've fallen for you
The way I've fallen for you
The way I've fallen for you
Fallen for, fallen for you
For you..
So unsure, so unfamiliar
Am I wrong to think,
That something could happen
Was I wrong to think I
Will you fall for me
The way I'd like you to
Will you fall for me
The way I've fallen for you
The way I've fallen for you
The way I've fallen for you
(Song: Delta Goodrem's 'Will You Fall For Me' taken from 'Innocent Eyes' album)
I hate it when you've fallen so deeply for someone, and they don't have a clue. They don't know they're driving you insane. (AN: yes, ali, toe, mia, sim, what you're thinking at the moment is right. At the moment, James is me.)
~*~*~*~*~*
AN: oh, poor James. I feel sorry for him. I'm kind of at a block, so I just took a song to put in. Sorry bout this crappy chapter.
I don't have time for individual replies today, but thank you to everyone who reviewed. Really appreciated. Keep reading, I promise it gets happier. At the moment it gets quite sentimental and stuff.