CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Lily and Martin are standing almost right in front of me, kissing. I breathe in sharply as Martin moves his hand down Lily's back and plants a kiss on her neck. Lily glances across and our eyes meet. She pulls away from Martin and heads for her dormitory, pressing a note into my hand as she passes.
Why are you sorry? Lily
As the days pass we keep passing replies although we never talk.
It was wrong of me. But it's just that it felt so right for me at the time. James
I know. Lily
Sirius leans over my shoulder.
"Ooh, she knows… what does she know?"
I show Sirius the notes.
"You're doing this behind Martin's back?"
"Yeah."
"Ooh, very good."
"I don't know what to reply," I say, resting my head in my hands.
"You mean you know what you want to say, you just don't know if you should let her know," Sirius corrects.
"How do you know?"
"Why else am I your best friend?"
"I need some space to think," I say, pulling out our map and heading for the tunnel leading to Hogsmeade.
"I'll cover for you," Sirius responds and lies back in the armchair.
I arrive in Hogsmeade. All the shops are closed. I climb the hill that I took Lily up, and sit down to watch the sunset on my own.
Dear Lily, I am sitting on our hill, watching the sunset - watching the sunset and thinking of you. I can't find the right words to put down how I feel. Your electric eyes pierce my heart, your voice haunts my dreams and your smile blinds me. So blindly in love even though I cannot have you. It hurts just to see you, to think of you, even to read your handwriting, but I don't want the pain to ever cease. I smile when you laugh, though I know the laughter is not for me. Love hurts, yes it kills. I love you Lily, I love you…
-James-
I pocket the note. I'm not going to give this to her, I think to myself.
~*~*~*~*~*
"Caitlin, hi!"
"Lily, hey!"
"Do you have time?"
"Sure, what's up?"
We sit under a tree.
"It worked, I'm with Martin again."
"I can tell."
"But something's not right. He… he's perfect and all, but it's different from when James and I were pretending to date."
"How do you mean?"
"When he kisses me, it doesn't feel right. I just… I always pull away."
"But it didn't feel right with James either, did it?" Caitlin looks worried.
"No, most of the time it was just… fun. But there was this one time at Hogsmeade when he kissed me. I… I don't know, it felt so right at the time…"
"Oh no!"
"What?" I jump in surprise.
"You've fallen for him."
"James?"
"Yes."
"No way."
"Yes way, I can see it in your eyes."
I look away quickly.
"I can hear it in your voice. You wish you could like Martin, but you don't."
"That's not true!" I say, standing up, "James doesn't even like me in that way."
"He does… Just think about it," Caitlin stands up and leaves me tangled in my own thoughts.
"Ok, class dismissed. Evans, I would like to speak to you briefly."
Everyone rushes out of transfiguration as fast as they can. I walk up to the professor's desk. James rushes to pack all his books but ends up dropping them all, papers flying everywhere. We both kneel to pick up his stuff. James mutters under his breath as he gathers his books. Something catches my eye. A piece of parchment scrawled with green writing. The first word I see is my name. I glance at James. He doesn't notice as I pocket the note and stack the last of his books in his arms.
"Thanks," he mutters, avoiding my eyes.
"No problem," I reply. His eyes snap up as my hand brushes fleetingly against his arm.
"Evans, I would just like to discuss with you about your previous illness."
"Yes professor."
"Have there been any similar symptoms lately?"
"No, professor."
"Good, good. If there is anything, please make sure to inform myself and the nurse."
"Of course professor."
"Very well, you may go."
I leave the classroom and unfold James' note.
~*~*~*~*~*
AN: cliffy?? Yes, once again the oh-evil-writer leaves her readers in an awful state of suspense, expectation, tension, anticipation, and apprehension… (I've run out of synonyms now…) anyway, let's try to get to 250 reviews shall we? Would we all like replies? Yes? Here they are.
Windowseat wonderer – yes, we are getting to the hooking up with James process.
Crazy Starz – ali, a crush is a brief sudden sexual attraction to someone of the opposite sex, most commonly occurred within teenagers and based on the grounds of sexual appearance and or appeal. I do not have a crush. Fine, I have fallen in like or love then. Whatever. I don't care if people know. I don't care anymore. But that doesn't mean you should go letting everyone know. Thank you for your concern. Much appreciated. You are not insane, I am the one who is crazy.
Darkening Sky – yes, Lily is a bit deluded at the moment.
Cassie – happy Christmas to you too and happy New Year.
Shadow Fox 991– you're going to have to wait for the next update because I'm going away for a week soon.
EVERYONE, BELATED XMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.
MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: NO CHOCOLATE FOR A DAY! YES, FOR ME THAT'S VERY HARD…
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: GET LILY WITH JAMES!
KEEP REVIEWING. LOVE YOU!
-Electra*27-