AN: Okay, so I admit it. Them. I'm admitting two things. First off, that I
haven't updated in ages. All I can say is that I blame television. It
shouldn't be so enjoyable, and the International Channel shouldn't have
anime on all the time, because it's just too tempting! It's like offering
whiskey to an alcoholic—how is a pathetic little otaku like me supposed to
resist a *Tenchi Muyo Marthon*?!? It's just not right. Second off, I didn't
intend for this to be a crossover, but hey, it happened, and I think I've
done a fine job of it too, even though I usually hate Crossover fics
because they're tacky. But for some reason, 1800WhereRU and The Mediator
are meant to be together, and work very well. Neither of which I own, by
the way, and suing me won't due me any good, cuz even if I had money, I
would spend it on moving out of Alaska, not on buying the rights to Meg
Cabot books, so you wouldn't get a dime.
And, of course, my shout-outs to all the people who like my work, and a brief note: The final chapter of Welcome Home Jesse, well, I wrote it, like I write most things, in Italian before translating it to English. And I accidentally forgot to translate it. Which is why the spelling and grammar is so poor, because I didn't check those either. And let's face it, Microsoft Word Italian packs are like, $50, so I'm not buying it. Okay. I'll translate it someday. Over the rainbow. Maybe.
As long as the International Channel never again shows Ah! My Goddess. bqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqb
It took exactly three hours for the FBI to locate me and fly out to California. Right in the middle of third period the door creaked open, and there stood two people. One was a man who looked like he stepped out of the XMen ("You'll never win, Charles. The war between mutants and men has already begun" (three stepbrothers, remember?)). The second was a woman who looked like a high schooler—she must have come on her off day, because she was in jeans and a t-shirt. She had short, dark hair, which she was currently running a hand through.
"Never again will I use product," she muttered, only to be elbowed by the XMan.
Sister Maria looked towards the door, her tiny wiry frame quivering in fear. "Can I help you, gentlemen?" she squeaked out.
"Gentlemen?" the woman asked, furrowing her eyebrows. "I know I have short hair, but really."
"I mean, sir, ma'am?"
The XMan stepped forward, taking out a sheet of paper from his coat. "Is there a Susannah Simon here?" he asked, reading off the paper.
"That's me," I said, waving my hand. Then, like an idiot, as if the past three hours had never happened, I added, "Why?"
The girl smiled. "We just wanna talk to you. We heard a few rumors, and want to see if they're true. No biggie, you don't have to come if you don't want to. Of course, I'm missing a date with Rob for this, so you better want to."
"Rob? Didn't you tell me that Mr. Wilkins wouldn't date you because you're still a minor?" the XMan asked.
Ah. So the reason she looked like a high-schooler is because she is a high-schooler.
"Yes, well, I'm very persuasive," she winked. "And you better not arrest him, we haven't done anything, we're still good citizens." I lifted up my bag and began to walk over to her. She grinned even wider. "Is there somewhere we can talk in private?" she asked, looking up at the XMan.
"I'll go ask Father Dom," I answered, walking past her and swishing my hair.
"Oh, God, she's a preppy," the girl groaned, following me.
I looked over my shoulder. "No, I'm not. I just like to keep my hair looking good, thank you very much. I"—I slammed into something, falling backwards.
The girl ran up to me. "Are you alright?" she cried. "Do you need an ambulance?!?"
"Queirida, you should really watch where you are going." Jesse, too, was sprawled out on the floor, then started to gather up my papers. I guess the floating notebooks must have really terrified the girl, because she screamed. Mr. XMan put his hand over her mouth.
"Quiet, Jess, you'll wake the dead."
"I think I'm woken up now, thank you." (AN: Shameless death pun!) I laughed, taking my things from him and shoving them back into my bag.
"Besides," Mr. XMan said, "Susannah sees and touches dead people. She probably just ran into a ghost."
I nodded, smiling at Jesse and trying to look my cutest. Jesse frowned. "Did he just say that that girl is named Jesse?"
"Is your name Jesse?" I asked to the girl.
She pried away Mr. XMan's hand. "No, Jess. Jessica Mastrianni. Why?"
"Oh," Jesse said, standing up, and then holding out his hands to help me do the same.
"Nothing," I said. "Oh! Father D! These people are here to talk to me. The tall guy is holding a gun, so I thought I'd speak with them. Anywhere private we can go?" My mother stepped into the hallway too. "Oh, hey, Mom."
"Mrs. Simon?" the Mr. XMan asked now. "We'd like for you to be present, if possible. We can't use the information if you aren't. I'm Dr. Cyrus Krantz from the Special Operatives Bureau of the FBI, and this is one of my agents, Special Agent Jess Mastrianni. Mind, your daughter isn't in trouble, we just want to speak to her."
Mom looked at him, then at the teenage girl beside him. "All right, but show me your badges."
They both pulled out badges, Jess from a chain on her neck, and Dr. Krantz from his wallet. They had this bored look on their faces, as if people question their authority all the time. "Is there somewhere we can speak privately?"
"My office is available." Father D began to walk towards his office until Dr. Krantz stopped him. "Unfortunately, it's against policy for us to discuss such matters in front of anyone but the family and the family's lawyer during discussions of this manner. Unless you want us to be alone in your office, I'd suggest another location, Father."
"Ah," Father D said, as if, once again, this happens all the time. "Well, there is Classroom 14. They say it's haunted. Perhaps you could ask him to wait outside? He'll listen to Suze."
I looked around to realize that Jesse was gone. "IsthatJesse'sroomFatherD?!?" I asked quickly. "Let's go there!" I sprinted off to the west wing, with two FBI agents and my mother in tow. My mother was asking them questions as they walked, why'd they join the FBI, how long they'd been in, why they needed me...
I threw open the door to see Jesse and my father, yes, my own dad, having a talk while hovering by the window. "Dad!" I yelled.
"Peter!" Mom cried. "Are you staying here now? Why aren't you haunting your mother like you said you would?"
"My mother's boring," he answered. "All she does is knit. Try to scare an old woman while she's knitting? Impossible. Besides, I always swore I'd talk to Suze's boyfriends. Remember?" My face turned bright red.
My mom just looked angry. "Peter, leave Jesse alone. You already spoke to him. I thought we agreed he is a nice boy. Now go home, we need to speak in private."
Jess looked at Dr. Krantz and whispered something to him. He shook his head.
"Fine, I'll go," Dad said, disappearing.
"Jesse, you need to go too." I looked at the floor. He was just about to disappear when I said, "Oh, he's gone now, yup, no longer in the room. Now let's talk."
In case any of you have forgotten in the past three paragraphs, my mom sees dead people too. Which explains why she said, "Very funny, Suze. We'll see you in a few minutes, Jesse, we just need to talk to these FBI agents."
"What's the FBI?" he asked.
"I'll tell you later," I answered, looking at the floor. He disappeared.
Dr. Krantz sat at the teacher's desk, Jess sat on the teacher's desk, and I sat on the cot that was laid out under the window. Mom remained standing.
"So, let me be blunt. Agent Mastrianni is a psychic"-- "Hey," she said, waving--"and because of her extraordinary talent of finding missing persons, she is a member of our team. There are others, but you will be working mostly with Agent Mastrianni, if you choose to join our force. We've looked at your records, and I personally think you'd make an excellent partner for her. You both are very hard to break. So, in light of this, I'd like to offer you a job at the Federal Bureau of Investigations."
"I can't quit school," I said quickly. "No way she'd go for that." I pointed to Mom.
"I don't miss much school because of this," Jess said, shrugging. "Mostly I'll work on weekends, or if the case is for a child, I'll just work from home. You know, quick phone call, I'm done."
Dr. Krantz looked at her, then at me. "You'll be working on weekends, over the summer, breaks, that kind of thing. We'll only pull you out of school if it's absolutely necessary. Besides, it's excellent pay, along with free travel all over the country."
Jess snorted. "Yeah, free trips. To beautiful militia compounds!"
"I remember telling you not to go barging in on that militia compound, Jess. Don't go blaming that on me. And if you recall, I was the only one with any sort of injury."
"Because Rob's concussion was nothing," she shot back.
"I meant in the bureau," he muttered. "In any case, you won't be dealing with anything as dangerous as Agent Mastrianni, because she goes rampaging into these things when we tell her not to. Besides, she was dealing with the living. You'll be dealing with the dead, so the risk factor will be decreased." At this point, my mother and I burst out laughing.
My mother had tears in her eyes when she finally managed to sputter out, "The dead are as bad, if not worse, than the living. You can't really injure a dead person, not for long anyway. I have had seventy-three broken bones from cadavers, Dr. Krantz. But, I don't think it's anything Susie couldn't handle. She's built as tough as me with the brains of her father."
"Ah," Dr. Krantz said, swallowing loudly. "Well, in any case, we'll pay for your vehicle and its maintenance and for you to purchase appropriate gear and work wear, in addition to your salary. Also, you will get the pride of serving your country, and should you perform well, a guaranteed career path once you graduate from college. You'll be working with gifted individuals like yourself, and you will travel around the country, and possibly the world. Now, we are headquartered in Indiana, so you'll have to fly there once a month to check in with our personnel director, Agent Alan Johnson. We have a contract drawn up, setting your salary at $50,000 dollars a year, until you graduate from college and work with us full time. At that point, your salary will double every ten years. Sign on the dotted line if you're interested, and Mrs. Simon, we'll require your signature as well."
"It's Ackerman," my mom said as she took the pen. "Do you want to do this, Susie? It sounds like a wonderful opportunity to put your skills to work."
I nodded. Mom signed, then passed the pen to me. I grinned madly as I signed my name in a big, loopy font. Jess ran up and hugged me. "Welcome to the team!" she cried. "You'll love it. Say, do you like motorcycles?"
bqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbq
My first day in Indiana was the next day. I flew on the private FBI jet, sitting next to Jess. She had her feet propped up on the table in front of us, chatting away about how wonderful her boyfriend Rob was. "He's got these killer eyes," she laughed. "They're the color of ice, I swear-- and he's got these huge muscles."
"Sure," I nodded, "but there's no way he's as cute as Jesse."
"I doubt it," Jess said, crossing her arms.
So I sat there, describing everything about Jesse, and she admitted that it must be nice to have a boyfriend who wasn't on probation, and I replied that it must be nice to have a boyfriend who's alive. She spat out her coke. "He's _dead_?"
As soon as the plane landed, Jess ran over to a motorcycle parked right on the tarmac, hugging it and wiping off the dust with her handkerchief. "This is my bike," she said to me, lovingly stroking the Harley Davidson emblem.
And there, on another motorcycle right beside that, sat the most gorgeous boy alive. Jesse being the most gorgeous guy ever, of course. This boy leaned over and said, "Can I get some of that?"
Jess jumped up and threw her arms around his neck. "Rob!" she cried, kissing him. He seemed to enjoy it, too, if the way his arms were draped around her waist was any indication. Dr. Krantz came up beside me. "They do that," he stated, as if warning me about a malfunction.
"Okay," I answered slowly.
His cell phone rang loudly. He answered it on the first ring. "Krantz. Yes... Yes... all ready?.. I see. I'll tell them both." He flipped it shut.
"Suze, Jess, you have-- JESS!" Jess broke away and looked at Dr. Krantz. "You two have some work to do." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------Today's Italian Vocab Word (parola Italiana di vocabolario di oggi):
Fantasma=Ghost, phantom, death spirit.
And, of course, my shout-outs to all the people who like my work, and a brief note: The final chapter of Welcome Home Jesse, well, I wrote it, like I write most things, in Italian before translating it to English. And I accidentally forgot to translate it. Which is why the spelling and grammar is so poor, because I didn't check those either. And let's face it, Microsoft Word Italian packs are like, $50, so I'm not buying it. Okay. I'll translate it someday. Over the rainbow. Maybe.
As long as the International Channel never again shows Ah! My Goddess. bqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqb
It took exactly three hours for the FBI to locate me and fly out to California. Right in the middle of third period the door creaked open, and there stood two people. One was a man who looked like he stepped out of the XMen ("You'll never win, Charles. The war between mutants and men has already begun" (three stepbrothers, remember?)). The second was a woman who looked like a high schooler—she must have come on her off day, because she was in jeans and a t-shirt. She had short, dark hair, which she was currently running a hand through.
"Never again will I use product," she muttered, only to be elbowed by the XMan.
Sister Maria looked towards the door, her tiny wiry frame quivering in fear. "Can I help you, gentlemen?" she squeaked out.
"Gentlemen?" the woman asked, furrowing her eyebrows. "I know I have short hair, but really."
"I mean, sir, ma'am?"
The XMan stepped forward, taking out a sheet of paper from his coat. "Is there a Susannah Simon here?" he asked, reading off the paper.
"That's me," I said, waving my hand. Then, like an idiot, as if the past three hours had never happened, I added, "Why?"
The girl smiled. "We just wanna talk to you. We heard a few rumors, and want to see if they're true. No biggie, you don't have to come if you don't want to. Of course, I'm missing a date with Rob for this, so you better want to."
"Rob? Didn't you tell me that Mr. Wilkins wouldn't date you because you're still a minor?" the XMan asked.
Ah. So the reason she looked like a high-schooler is because she is a high-schooler.
"Yes, well, I'm very persuasive," she winked. "And you better not arrest him, we haven't done anything, we're still good citizens." I lifted up my bag and began to walk over to her. She grinned even wider. "Is there somewhere we can talk in private?" she asked, looking up at the XMan.
"I'll go ask Father Dom," I answered, walking past her and swishing my hair.
"Oh, God, she's a preppy," the girl groaned, following me.
I looked over my shoulder. "No, I'm not. I just like to keep my hair looking good, thank you very much. I"—I slammed into something, falling backwards.
The girl ran up to me. "Are you alright?" she cried. "Do you need an ambulance?!?"
"Queirida, you should really watch where you are going." Jesse, too, was sprawled out on the floor, then started to gather up my papers. I guess the floating notebooks must have really terrified the girl, because she screamed. Mr. XMan put his hand over her mouth.
"Quiet, Jess, you'll wake the dead."
"I think I'm woken up now, thank you." (AN: Shameless death pun!) I laughed, taking my things from him and shoving them back into my bag.
"Besides," Mr. XMan said, "Susannah sees and touches dead people. She probably just ran into a ghost."
I nodded, smiling at Jesse and trying to look my cutest. Jesse frowned. "Did he just say that that girl is named Jesse?"
"Is your name Jesse?" I asked to the girl.
She pried away Mr. XMan's hand. "No, Jess. Jessica Mastrianni. Why?"
"Oh," Jesse said, standing up, and then holding out his hands to help me do the same.
"Nothing," I said. "Oh! Father D! These people are here to talk to me. The tall guy is holding a gun, so I thought I'd speak with them. Anywhere private we can go?" My mother stepped into the hallway too. "Oh, hey, Mom."
"Mrs. Simon?" the Mr. XMan asked now. "We'd like for you to be present, if possible. We can't use the information if you aren't. I'm Dr. Cyrus Krantz from the Special Operatives Bureau of the FBI, and this is one of my agents, Special Agent Jess Mastrianni. Mind, your daughter isn't in trouble, we just want to speak to her."
Mom looked at him, then at the teenage girl beside him. "All right, but show me your badges."
They both pulled out badges, Jess from a chain on her neck, and Dr. Krantz from his wallet. They had this bored look on their faces, as if people question their authority all the time. "Is there somewhere we can speak privately?"
"My office is available." Father D began to walk towards his office until Dr. Krantz stopped him. "Unfortunately, it's against policy for us to discuss such matters in front of anyone but the family and the family's lawyer during discussions of this manner. Unless you want us to be alone in your office, I'd suggest another location, Father."
"Ah," Father D said, as if, once again, this happens all the time. "Well, there is Classroom 14. They say it's haunted. Perhaps you could ask him to wait outside? He'll listen to Suze."
I looked around to realize that Jesse was gone. "IsthatJesse'sroomFatherD?!?" I asked quickly. "Let's go there!" I sprinted off to the west wing, with two FBI agents and my mother in tow. My mother was asking them questions as they walked, why'd they join the FBI, how long they'd been in, why they needed me...
I threw open the door to see Jesse and my father, yes, my own dad, having a talk while hovering by the window. "Dad!" I yelled.
"Peter!" Mom cried. "Are you staying here now? Why aren't you haunting your mother like you said you would?"
"My mother's boring," he answered. "All she does is knit. Try to scare an old woman while she's knitting? Impossible. Besides, I always swore I'd talk to Suze's boyfriends. Remember?" My face turned bright red.
My mom just looked angry. "Peter, leave Jesse alone. You already spoke to him. I thought we agreed he is a nice boy. Now go home, we need to speak in private."
Jess looked at Dr. Krantz and whispered something to him. He shook his head.
"Fine, I'll go," Dad said, disappearing.
"Jesse, you need to go too." I looked at the floor. He was just about to disappear when I said, "Oh, he's gone now, yup, no longer in the room. Now let's talk."
In case any of you have forgotten in the past three paragraphs, my mom sees dead people too. Which explains why she said, "Very funny, Suze. We'll see you in a few minutes, Jesse, we just need to talk to these FBI agents."
"What's the FBI?" he asked.
"I'll tell you later," I answered, looking at the floor. He disappeared.
Dr. Krantz sat at the teacher's desk, Jess sat on the teacher's desk, and I sat on the cot that was laid out under the window. Mom remained standing.
"So, let me be blunt. Agent Mastrianni is a psychic"-- "Hey," she said, waving--"and because of her extraordinary talent of finding missing persons, she is a member of our team. There are others, but you will be working mostly with Agent Mastrianni, if you choose to join our force. We've looked at your records, and I personally think you'd make an excellent partner for her. You both are very hard to break. So, in light of this, I'd like to offer you a job at the Federal Bureau of Investigations."
"I can't quit school," I said quickly. "No way she'd go for that." I pointed to Mom.
"I don't miss much school because of this," Jess said, shrugging. "Mostly I'll work on weekends, or if the case is for a child, I'll just work from home. You know, quick phone call, I'm done."
Dr. Krantz looked at her, then at me. "You'll be working on weekends, over the summer, breaks, that kind of thing. We'll only pull you out of school if it's absolutely necessary. Besides, it's excellent pay, along with free travel all over the country."
Jess snorted. "Yeah, free trips. To beautiful militia compounds!"
"I remember telling you not to go barging in on that militia compound, Jess. Don't go blaming that on me. And if you recall, I was the only one with any sort of injury."
"Because Rob's concussion was nothing," she shot back.
"I meant in the bureau," he muttered. "In any case, you won't be dealing with anything as dangerous as Agent Mastrianni, because she goes rampaging into these things when we tell her not to. Besides, she was dealing with the living. You'll be dealing with the dead, so the risk factor will be decreased." At this point, my mother and I burst out laughing.
My mother had tears in her eyes when she finally managed to sputter out, "The dead are as bad, if not worse, than the living. You can't really injure a dead person, not for long anyway. I have had seventy-three broken bones from cadavers, Dr. Krantz. But, I don't think it's anything Susie couldn't handle. She's built as tough as me with the brains of her father."
"Ah," Dr. Krantz said, swallowing loudly. "Well, in any case, we'll pay for your vehicle and its maintenance and for you to purchase appropriate gear and work wear, in addition to your salary. Also, you will get the pride of serving your country, and should you perform well, a guaranteed career path once you graduate from college. You'll be working with gifted individuals like yourself, and you will travel around the country, and possibly the world. Now, we are headquartered in Indiana, so you'll have to fly there once a month to check in with our personnel director, Agent Alan Johnson. We have a contract drawn up, setting your salary at $50,000 dollars a year, until you graduate from college and work with us full time. At that point, your salary will double every ten years. Sign on the dotted line if you're interested, and Mrs. Simon, we'll require your signature as well."
"It's Ackerman," my mom said as she took the pen. "Do you want to do this, Susie? It sounds like a wonderful opportunity to put your skills to work."
I nodded. Mom signed, then passed the pen to me. I grinned madly as I signed my name in a big, loopy font. Jess ran up and hugged me. "Welcome to the team!" she cried. "You'll love it. Say, do you like motorcycles?"
bqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbqbq
My first day in Indiana was the next day. I flew on the private FBI jet, sitting next to Jess. She had her feet propped up on the table in front of us, chatting away about how wonderful her boyfriend Rob was. "He's got these killer eyes," she laughed. "They're the color of ice, I swear-- and he's got these huge muscles."
"Sure," I nodded, "but there's no way he's as cute as Jesse."
"I doubt it," Jess said, crossing her arms.
So I sat there, describing everything about Jesse, and she admitted that it must be nice to have a boyfriend who wasn't on probation, and I replied that it must be nice to have a boyfriend who's alive. She spat out her coke. "He's _dead_?"
As soon as the plane landed, Jess ran over to a motorcycle parked right on the tarmac, hugging it and wiping off the dust with her handkerchief. "This is my bike," she said to me, lovingly stroking the Harley Davidson emblem.
And there, on another motorcycle right beside that, sat the most gorgeous boy alive. Jesse being the most gorgeous guy ever, of course. This boy leaned over and said, "Can I get some of that?"
Jess jumped up and threw her arms around his neck. "Rob!" she cried, kissing him. He seemed to enjoy it, too, if the way his arms were draped around her waist was any indication. Dr. Krantz came up beside me. "They do that," he stated, as if warning me about a malfunction.
"Okay," I answered slowly.
His cell phone rang loudly. He answered it on the first ring. "Krantz. Yes... Yes... all ready?.. I see. I'll tell them both." He flipped it shut.
"Suze, Jess, you have-- JESS!" Jess broke away and looked at Dr. Krantz. "You two have some work to do." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------Today's Italian Vocab Word (parola Italiana di vocabolario di oggi):
Fantasma=Ghost, phantom, death spirit.