ALL HOPE LOST
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Surging, terrible, deadly, throbbing, pain.
Lily felt sick to her stomach. Everything was wrong. Hope was gone. Remus was a disaster. And James had told her that he couldn't be with her. Not a single thing was going right. What had she done to deserve this? What had anyone done to deserve this?
Feeling like she couldn't breath, she kept running through the streets of London searching desperately for somewhere to escape to. Somewhere that would let her forget her troubles. Noticing a small neon light, she headed in its direction. It said "the Fritz" and it looked to be a club of some sort.
Forgetting all her principals, she pushed her way into the small smoky space, looking for a bar. Noticing a familiar head of black ruffled hair, she pranced her way towards it.
"Lil-ly" The raven haired boy said in a slurred tone, as she took the stool next to him at the bar. She glanced at the drink in his hand and said to the bartender, "Whatever he's having"
The young man glanced at her for a second as if doubting her age, but then walked off to mix her drink, obviously not caring.
"You know you shouldn't be drinking Sirius. Not when you're in this kind of mental state" she reprimanded, though she honestly didn't mean a word of it.
"Hope is dead" he replied in an emotionally void voice, his eyes glazing over as he looked out into space. Lily felt tears rising to her own eyes, and she quickly downed the concoction that had been placed in front of her. The drink stung her throat, but she had to have more. She was beginning to forget, and that was what she needed.
Thankfully, the bartended refilled her glass, and then did it again, and again, until she suddenly felt the urge to get on the dance floor. Grabbing Sirius's hand and pulling him away from his liquor bottle, she dragged him across the room to where the DJ was blasting his music. Forgetting where she was, and what she was doing she quickly grabbed his hands and placed them around her waste, as she pushed her body into his. The floor was crowded, but she was thankful for the closeness. It felt so good to just give into the music.
She didn't recognize the song, but she thought it was something muggles called rock and roll. The beat was slow and strong, and she easily pulsed her body to it, swaying her hips against Sirius's. He began to grope her body and she grinned with pleasure. Soon she felt his lips pushing softly against hers, and she tasted the sweetness of the drink they had both been downing. Placing her hands around his neck, she continued to kiss him passionately as she pulled him off the dancefloor to a secluded corner of the club.
She fell onto a couch and he fell on top of her as they broke into a fit of hysterical giggles. For a moment Lily had forgotten all about Hope. But only for a moment.
As soon as their giggles were contained, she looked into Sirius's eyes and remembered why she was here. The butterflies came back and she wanted to cry. Sirius looked like she felt. Wanting to forget again, she pulled Sirius face to her own and continued to play tongue hockey with him. His hands touched her back as hers reached up his shirt.
This was what she needed, and it felt so nice. Pure, meaningless, pleasure. Pushing him off of her she dragged him out on to the street, and continued to touch him as they ran down the London streets to her families home.
Unlocking the door quickly as her mouth continued to play with his, Lily thanked god for business trips, just barely remembering that that was where her parents were. She grabbed another bottle of wine from the kitchen and began to drink it in between kisses, and letting Sirius have a sip.
They went into the living room, and Lily pressed on the Record player, and started to dance teasingly as she pushed Sirius onto the couch. He watched her with hungry, longing eyes, as she playfully stripped off her shoes and sweatshirt. Not a single word passed between them, as she slowly climbed on top of him on the couch.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Surging, terrible, deadly, throbbing, pain.
That was all she could feel, all she could think about. Not even knowing where she was she stumbled towards the nearest recognizable sink, and splashed ice cold water onto her sweaty face. Clearing her eyes and wiping her face with a towel, she looked up at her reflection, and winced at what she saw. She looked a mess, and she needed to make a very strong potion to cure her of this headache.
Taking out the ingredients she had hidden in the back of the medicine cabinet, she spent half an hour painfully measuring out liquids and mixing them together. When she was done at last, she drank the end product very quickly, and sighed with relief, as the pain subsided. Wiping her face one last time with water, she decided to face whatever awaited her in the house.
Slowly, she walked into the living room, and nearly fainted at what she saw. Sirius Black was asleep on her couch, wearing, just like she, only his underwear. The night suddenly all came back to her. Potent drinks, rock and roll, and shagging one of her best friends.
Lily fell to her knees and sobbed. Uncontrollable, loud, painful sobs. Not because she had broken all her principals within the span of an evening. Not because she had cheated on James and caused Sirius to cheat on Ruby. Not even because her world was at war.
No, she sobbed, because she had let her dead best friend down.