Disclaimer: Don't own anything.
Please, please review. I write faster when I get more =)
Lots of songs. I just felt like making Aragorn sing after watching extended Fellowship. Here is list in order: Your song by Elton John, Eternal Flame by bangles, With this Love by Joy Enriquez, Everywhere and Goodbye by Michelle Branch. Special thanks to watersprite who alerted me to the two songs by Michelle Branch, they were amazingly fitting for the story. And also thanks to Guevera for With this Love from a review for Shadow.
Zhou: I do intend to develop things between Haldir and Éomer in the story more. Actually, I wrote it in there because it will affect people's behaviors a lot in the upcoming parts.
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Chapter 11: Goodbye love
NIGHT 12, MOUNTAIN OF THE SHADOWS
Aragorn had been trying to track their new ally for almost an hour now. It was beginning to get dark; and as much as the Man was unwilling to admit it, he was starting to worry about their missing companion. The Uruk-Hai was right; Aragorn had been biased against him from the start. When the beast wished to go by Legolas' name, the Man's cautious mistrust turned into full-blown resentment. Never once had Aragorn tried to see past that and give the Uruk-Hai a chance to prove himself a worthy friend. Now that the Man thought back on it, his behavior was unbefitting of a fair and just King. He really should be better than that.
But then, he had not been fully himself of late, ever since Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, had returned to his life. He had never been so emotionally confused and uncertain of what to do before. He knew he loved the Prince but could not be with him. He wanted to tell Legolas how he felt, but he knew he should not. It would only make things harder for both of them. There was nothing Aragorn could do to stop this excruciating dilemma from eating away at his heart. If it continued, the Man knew that he would soon be nothing more than an empty husk, existing yet not alive; for none could truly live without a heart.
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The Man found the Uruk-Hai at the edge of a pool, staring sadly at his reflection; as if the creature was trying to come to terms with his hideousness for the first time. That was when the realization hit Aragorn; that their new ally was not really a creature of darkness, but a Tirn Uipira in Uruk-Hai form. It explained so much. The Man closed his eyes and braced himself at the implication of this logic, that it could really be Legolas in that body; that once again, he had unknowingly hurt the one he loved. Quietly, Aragorn approached the kneeling Uruk-hai.
"Legolas?" asked the Man softly.
"Why the sudden change in heart?" inquired the Prince. But he already knew the answer. The Man figured out his secret. His mind began to make up possible denials while his heart jumped at the prospect of being acknowledged by his beloved.
"Is it really you? I need to know," said Aragorn shakily, ignoring the Watcher's question.
From the tone of the Man's voice, Legolas knew what he must do; he must lie. It would be too much of a distraction to Aragorn if the Man knew he was close. "No. But my Prince told me to use his Elven name. He said you might be more inclined to listen to me if I go by his name."
"I see," whispered the Man sadly. He should be glad that he had not hurt his beloved again; yet he could not help wishing that Legolas was here with him on this new Quest. He remembered enough to know the Elven Prince was the source of his strength and light. Aragorn wanted so much to have his lover fight by his side again, always there to let the Man know he was not alone.
"There is another reason he wanted me to use his name. My Prince wants you to know that he will always be with you, in spirit if not in flesh. He would have come himself if he could," added Legolas. He could read his lover's heart and needed to ease the Man's pain.
"Why? I don't deserve his devotion. All I have ever done is hurt him," bit out the Man in self-directed anger.
"I don't know much about love, but to my understanding, the heart does not distinguish between the worthy and unworthy the way the mind does. Love needs no explanation or reward. I don't think Prince Glorgalad will ever stop loving you, much to the chagrin of his family, I might add," reasoned Legolas with a small smile. It was easier to talk to Aragorn this way, in third person. It allowed him to speak of his love and offer comfort without fear of rejection.
"That does not change what I have done. His forgiveness does not lessen my guilt," whispered the Man.
"Nothing can change the past, Aragorn. What's done is done. Why do you let it weigh you down? I know my Prince only wants to see you happy. He told me that true love is about sacrifice and the willingness to give everything for this one special person without expecting anything in return, to always put this person's happiness before his own. That is how he loves you, my friend; he cares more about you than he does himself. It will only hurt him more, seeing you torture yourself because of him," pleaded the Prince.
Legolas watched as the King hung his head in remorse, touched by the depth of the Prince's love and shamed by his own betrayal of something that pure. He knew Aragorn well enough to know the Man would not release himself from guilt without a proper act of atonement. "Do you wish to make up to my Prince for the wrongs you have done him?" asked Legolas gently.
"How? I cannot do anything. I cannot even speak with him outside of a dream," said the Man dejectedly.
"Have you forgotten what the Watchers do? They watch Middle Earth. Prince Glorgalad is watching over you, even now," lied Legolas.
"Then what must I do? My sins were so horrible and numerous. And even now, as much as I feel for him, I cannot promise to be with him because of my family," asked Aragorn forlornly.
"It is enough for him to know that you love him. He will support and accept whatever decision you make. Search your heart, you will know what to do," replied the Prince before walking off to give the Man privacy.
He stopped, however, at a small distance away from Aragorn, just out of range of the Man's senses where he could keep vigil over the one he loved. He wondered if Aragorn would remember what to do.
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The confused Man watched as the Watcher disappeared into the night. Those parting words, this feeling of confusion, they were so familiar. He knew he felt them before eleven years ago, pertaining to the fight he and Legolas had. Slowly, Aragorn forced his racing heart and mind to calm. He began to follow the meandering path within the deepest recesses of his subconscious that led to yet another piece of precious memory.
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YEAR 3018, TOP OF MISTY MOUNTAINS
The Fellowship stopped to set up camp, using the few boulders on the summit as limited shelter. It would be a cold night for they could not risk lighting a fire at their current position. It would attract the unwanted attention of the beasts of Sauron and Saruman. Legolas went to scout ahead for the easiest route for the Company to take tomorrow. Surprisingly, the Elf asked Gimli to join him on his expenditure. It should not be so much of a shock, since the Elf and Dwarf seemed to be getting along quite well all of a sudden. The Man knew it was because Legolas had gone out of his way to charm Gimli.
Relationships within the Fellowship had improved. The two Men were now on friendly terms and the revelry between Gimli and Legolas had transformed into friendly teasing and competition. Everyone seemed to be getting along with each other, with the exception of the Elf and Aragorn.
Legolas had not spoken to him since their private conversation two days ago. The Man wanted to approach the Prince, but still had not figured out what to do to win the Elf's trust again. He had meant to ask Gandalf, but the old wizard was always with the Hobbits and the little ones were definitely too young to be hearing about that sort of things. As the days passed, Aragorn grew impatient as he knew the longer he waited, the harder his task would be. He needed to speak with the wise Istari now.
"Gandalf, may I have a word alone with you?" asked Aragorn politely.
"Sure thing, my friend," replied the wizard with a wink. He knew that Aragorn sought his advice on how to resolve the problem between the Man and the Elf.
"Who would protect us when both of you are gone?" asked Frodo craftily.
"Yeah, besides, you can talk in front of us. We are not as innocent as you think," said Merry.
"We might have some good suggestions," added the Ringbearer with a smirk.
"I will stay at the camp. What Aragorn and Gandalf have to discuss is an adult matter," said Boromir, coming to his new friend's rescue.
"I may be small but I am not that young. Besides, I had my first boyfriend when I was just eighteen," replied Merry.
"Yeah, I kissed a girl when I was only fifteen," boasted Pippin.
"And I am Sam's love life consultant. He and Rosie are well on the way of becoming a couple," said Frodo, which elicited an embarrassed murmur from Sam. The said Hobbit immediately made an excuse to go to bed and hid in his bedroll.
"Never mind Sam. He is still very innocent. Anyway, you guys are all too serious. You need someone with originality on this sort of thing," said Pippin.
"Why is Legolas mad at you anyway?" asked Frodo.
Aragorn was at a lost for words, he did not expect the entire camp to know about his relationship with the Elven Prince. It was supposed to be a secret. "What makes you think that we are together?"
"Well, there is the way you look at him. But then, most people look at him like that since Legolas is the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. Anyways, there is something more than just lust when you watch him," said Merry.
"And of course, there is the way he goes out of his way to avoid you. Yet, when we are in danger, he is more protective of you than he is of me. Which can only mean he is in love with you but is very angry over something," finished the Ringbearer.
"So, want to tell us?" asked Pippin.
The Man blushed, wondering how transparent his behavior had truly been during their journey. He looked at the faces surrounding him, the Hobbits looking eager, Gandalf and Boromir smiling while shaking their heads, and decided to consult them all.
"I hurt his feelings in my jealousy and now he thinks that I don't love him, that I only lust after him," said the Man quietly.
"That's simple. You just have to show him how you feel," said Pippin.
"If you don't have a suggestion, Peregrin Took, it is best to stay quiet," said the wizard, annoyed at the young Hobbit for stating the obvious.
"Make him breakfast in bed. That always works," suggested Merry.
"Sam is in charge of cooking. I don't think he will appreciate Aragorn taking over his job much. Besides, Legolas is an Elf, not a Hobbit. Food won't win him back," reasoned Frodo.
"Surprise him with a large bouquet of flowers. My girlfriend likes that. Not to mention that Elves like plants and Legolas is an Elf, " suggested Pippin.
"How is Aragorn going to get flowers in the middle of nowhere, Pip?" asked Frodo.
"Yeah, that's probably going to be difficult. Maybe sing him a song of love. That always works too," said Merry.
"Yes, love songs are good," agreed Frodo and Pippin.
"I don't think Legolas wants to hear me sing. I have a horrible voice," replied the Man.
"It's the thought that counts," said Boromir. "Besides, if it's something you don't do often, it will show him how sincere you are."
"Exactly, let me see, there is this one that works wonders. It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside, I am not one who can easily hide.." sang Pippin.
"No, that's too ordinary. Even I have heard it twenty times and I am only 21 years old. Legolas is like thousands of years old, we need something less common," said Frodo.
"How about this one? I believe it's meant to be, darling. I watch you when you're sleeping; you belong with me. Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Or is this burning, an eternal flame? Say my name, sunshine till the rain. My whole life so lonely and then you come and ease the pain. I don't want to lose this feeling.." sang Pippin
"That's nice," said Merry.
"Definitely," concurred Frodo.
"We can teach you that one within an hour, Aragorn," said Pippin.
"I don't think that one will work, little ones. Legolas is mad at Aragorn for being too possessive. The part about 'belonging with me' is a bit presumptuous and we won't want our Elf friend to take it the wrong way," said Boromir.
The little ones in turn suggested song after song, only to be shot down as being too presumptuous, not sincere enough or too common. After two hours, they were out of ideas. All the while, the wizard remained silent. When the Hobbits finally stopped singing, Aragorn asked the wise Istari for his opinion. "What do you think I should do?"
"Search your heart, you will know what to do," said Gandalf mysteriously as he stood and left the group.
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Aragorn was still unsure if singing was a good idea. Especially since he had never sung anything remotely romantic before. And there was also the fact that he could not think of a tune that described his feelings adequately. But he knew how Elves used songs to express intense emotions. If he could find a song to pour his heart into, Legolas would hear his feelings. The Elf might believe him and give him another chance. As he searched his heart for something suitable for his beloved, the Man did not even realized he had wandered very far from camp and was approaching the entrance of a forbidding cave.
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"Where is Aragorn?" asked the Elf as his unease grew. He could sense the warning in the air along with the tightening of his heart. His beloved was in danger.
"He wandered off that way," said Gandalf as he pointed to the left.
"We must find him quickly. A creature of darkness resides in those caves. I have not seen it, but I could sense its presence when we scouted the area," prompted the Prince.
"We cannot have the Ringbearer wandering into danger. If indeed what you said is true, most of the warriors should stay here in case the monster attacks. We need to protect the little ones at all cost," replied Gandalf.
"Aragorn is the future King of Men. How can you all just sit here?" argued Legolas. He was too worried and frustrated to see that the entire Fellowship was part of this trick the wizard had devised. Gandalf knew it was a lone spider that lived in those caves and the Prince of Mirkwood alone could handle the creature.
"I am sorry, Legolas. But there will be no future if the Ring is lost," said the wizard, shaking his head sadly.
"Fine, I will go alone," cried the Prince as he stalked off the way the Man had gone.
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Aragorn was so lost in his thoughts that he did not hear the creature's approach. In fact, it was not until he heard its angry roar that the Man became aware of the danger he was in. The spider was only a few yards behind him, poised to attack again. An arrow protruded from its belly, making the creature hissed in pain as it moved. A familiar hand grabbed Aragorn's arm and pulled him out of the beast's range before the situation even fully registered in his mind.
"Aragorn, go," said Legolas as the Elf pushed him further out of the way.
Swifter than the eye could see, the Prince notched another arrow and let it fly. It struck one of the creature's eyes as another scream filled the cavern. The spider launched itself at the Elf with full force. But when Legolas spun nimbly out of the way, it slammed hard against the side of the wall.
The Prince had much experience dealing with its kind in Mirkwood, a lone spider was indeed no match for the Elf. As soon as the monster was dispatched, Legolas rushed to the Man and began checking him for injuries and possible spider bites. The creature's stung was not poisonous, but it would feel very unpleasant if not treated immediately.
Stunned, Aragorn sat motionless as his beloved's hands roved his body. He knew it was only to check for injuries, but he could not stop his reaction to the Elf's touch. Ashamed of his thoughts and carelessness earlier, the Man turned his eyes upwards to stare at the ceiling. He did not dare look at Legolas for fear of finding the emotionless mask upon his beloved face. He would rather die than see the Elf looked at him like that again, as if Aragorn meant nothing to him.
As chance would have it, the Man's simple action saved their lives, for the spider's impact upon the walls had loosened the rocks on the ceiling. Aragorn noticed the falling rocks in the nick of time and pushed his beloved Elf out of the way, shielding the Prince's slender frame with his larger body. However, the Man did not move fast enough to avoid injury. His leg was stuck underneath a heavy boulder.
Legolas was shocked to find the Man on top of him in the blink of an eye; even more surprised when Aragorn suppressed a cry of pain as the Man's leg was pinned to the ground. The Elf was so intent on tending to his former lover that he failed to notice the falling ceiling. This was all his fault; it's just that being close to Aragorn was so distracting.
Slowly, the Prince wiggled his way from under the Man. He could not help noticing the hardness of the rising bulge between his beloved's legs as he moved. It had been so long since they shared intimacy of any sort; Legolas found himself missing Aragorn's passion very sorely. Chastising himself for his weakness, the Elf strengthened his resolve to stay away from the Man and willed his impure thoughts away. The Prince knelt beside Aragorn, trying to assess the situation.
"I don't think your leg is broken. It is trapped between two boulders, which pinned it to the ground. Give me a minute; I will try to loosen the stones. When you feel the pressure on your leg lessen, try to pull it out," said Legolas.
The Elf was true to his words. Within a few minutes, Aragorn's leg was free. He was lucky that it was only badly bruised. His ankle too was twisted severely. It needed to be bound right way lest it set improperly. Having no bandages at hand, Legolas removed his arm-braces and torn off the sleeves of his silk shirt. Ripping the delicate material into thin stripes, the Elf began to bandage Aragorn's ankle. The Man would probably be limping for at least two weeks.
"I think we are stuck here until the others choose to come and save us. I still cannot believe they would not come to your aid just now," said the Prince as he moved away from Aragorn after finishing his task.
The Man could not believe it either, that his friends would conspire against them in such a fashion just to give him a chance alone with the Elf. What if something went wrong and Legolas got injured? Aragorn made a mental note to give the rest of the Company a very severe scolding when he returned. Even Gandalf was not to be spared.
"Legolas, there is something I wish to say," said the Man.
"Aragorn, please just leave it be. My mind is made. You know how stubborn I am," replied the Prince.
"Yes, but you also know how stubborn I am, my Prince. You said I loved you only as a thing to possess. But I ask you this. Would a gourmet risk his life for food? Would I be willing to die just for a pretty bauble to warm my bed? You know I would die to protect you," continued Aragorn.
A small voice of hope whispered in Legolas' head. Had he not just proved his love when he shielded me from the collapsing walls? He saw the danger, yet he protected me, giving no thought to himself.
The hope was dashed when his reasonable side interjected, He would do it for anyone else in the Fellowship. He is that kind of Man, always thinking of others before himself.
"You would have done it for anyone else, Aragorn. I know you," said the Elf out loud, letting the Man hear his inner voice.
As much as the Man wished to deny it, he could not. It would be a lie and he did not want to win his lover back with falsehoods. He would most probably do the same for any other member of the Fellowship.
"If you still want me as a friend, please desist in pursuing what is lost," whispered the Prince as he bore into Aragon's eyes. He needed the Man to see his resolve. What he did not expect was his lover to hold his eyes with a pleading gaze and began to sing.
With this love, I vow that I will be forever by your side. I was lost and I was lonely and my heart was so afraid, then you lifted me up and you wiped the tears away. Now your love lives in a place I place no other one above. And my heart as long as I may live, I give you with this love
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Aragorn did not know how he knew the song. He just did. The Man did not even realized he had started singing until he heard his own airy voice reverberating in the cave. All he knew was that he stopped thinking when Legolas probed deep into his eyes. He just allowed the Elf's intense gaze to strip him of the defenses he had erected around his heart, wanting to trust his lover with his entire being in a way he never had before. Without thought, the ballad came to him; the words, infused with all the love he ever felt for the golden Elf, simply flowed from his mouth. It just felt like the right thing to do.
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Legolas stared at the Man he loved. He had always thought that only Elves could pour their hearts into songs the way Aragorn just did. It was not just any song, it was a song of love, promised only to him. The Elf was joyous beyond words as he realized that his beloved returned his feelings truly. Tears of happiness flooded Legolas' cheeks as he rushed forward to embrace the Man, showering his entire face with feather-light kisses.
"Oh Aragorn. I am so sorry I doubted you," whispered the Prince.
"Don't apologize. It's my fault for hurting you so badly," said the Man as he put a hand on the Elf's face, guiding him away gently so he could look at his beloved's eyes.
"Back to the thing I wanted to say," began Aragorn.
"Oh, I think we have done enough talking for now, don't you?" said the Elf seductively as he ran his fingers down the Man's chest.
Aragorn sighed in pleasure at his lover's gentle caress. But after several moments, he removed Legolas' hand firmly and held it in his own. "This is serious," said the Man, shaking his head lovingly at the Elf.
"Alright then. Speak, your mouth now has my undivided attention. But do it quickly since I am thinking of other much more pleasant uses for those perfect lips," said the Prince.
"Legolas, will you marry me?" asked the Man. He would have knelt on one knee if his leg were not injured. But as things were, he had a feeling that Legolas would not be too happy if he tried to move.
"But, your people are not as accepting as the Elves of our kind of relationship. Maybe you should wait. It is important for a new King to have a consort that his people approve of," replied the Prince.
"You know my heart. I will love no other. If I have to choose between you and my throne, I will choose you," said Aragorn.
"Even if your people needs you?" inquired Legolas.
At that question, the Man hesitated. He loved the Elf more than anything else in the world, but would he be so selfish as to turn his back on his Race if his assistance was needed.
Seeing his lover's inner struggle, the Prince smiled. "I know you will not let them down, no matter how much you love me. You are far too noble to pursue happiness at the expense of someone else's pain. It is one of the reasons why I love you so much."
"But Legolas....." protested the Man, but was silenced by a slender finger upon his lips.
"I haven't answered your question yet. The answer is yes. But only after this is over, and only if you still want me to be your consort after you become King," said the Prince.
Mischief glittering in the Elf's eyes, Legolas continued, "Now that serious matters have been discussed, may I suggest so more entertaining ways to spend our time while we wait for our rescue."
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Aragorn slumped breathlessly against the cavern wall. The Man had wanted to please Legolas, to make up for his horrible behavior in Rivendell; but the Prince would have none of it. His Elf had insisted on playing doctor, not allowing him to move for fear of worsening his injuries. When Aragorn protested, the Elf simply stated this was his punishment; that he must hold still and let the Prince play.
These were orders that Aragorn was glad he had obliged as Legolas' soft touch roamed his body, discovering sweet spots and exploring new ways to pleasure the Man. Within a few hours of experimentation and instructional feedback, the once innocent Prince had become rather skilled in the arts of satisfying his lover. As the Man sat, completely spent on the cold stone floor, he wished for another private moment with his Elf soon when he recovered. He wanted to return the favor to his beloved, to be a much more active participant in the proceedings.
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Laying a sweet kiss on Aragorn's lips, the Prince began to dress his lover again. Legolas knew the others would be coming soon, he too realized now that this was a trick to give them some private time together. Though part of him wanted to hurt Gandalf for devising such a dangerous plan, the other part wanted to give everyone of them a hug. They helped give him a chance at happiness that he thought he had lost. For that, he would be forever grateful.
Before breaking contact with his lover to get dress, Legolas whispered intimately in the Man's ears, "I will always be with you, for as long as you wish it, melethron nîn [my lover]."
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NIGHT 12, MOUNTAINS OF THE SHADOW
Legolas' words echoed in his ears. Aragorn never knew the Elf was so understanding of his dilemma; that the Prince still loved him, knowing the Man might one day betray what they shared for the sake of his people. It hurt to know that such selfless love existed, that this gift was given to him, only to be cruelly snatched away eleven years ago along with his memories. And to think that Legolas' love had not diminished after all these years; that the Prince would offer him the same treasure again at their second meeting. How Aragorn wished for things to be different, that he could accept Legolas' gift of love. Slowly, the Man freed his mind and allowed his heart to guide him into song.
Every time I look, you are never there. And every time I sleep, you are always there. Cause you're everywhere to me. And when I close my eyes, it's you I see. You are everything I know that makes me believe I am not alone. And when I touch your hand, it's then I understand the beauty that's within. You always light my way; I hope there never comes a day. No matter where I go, I always feel you so.
As he opened his heart more, Aragorn sang of what he must do, despite his love.
Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to. And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. I want what's yours and I want what's mine. I want you; but I am not giving in this time.
Tears were flowing down his face freely as the Man finished his song, but Aragorn did not make any effort to curb them. He could feel his heart break into a million pieces; but this was his final decision. He could not allow himself to be involved with Legolas again. He knew his beloved would understand.
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Legolas could feel the love and pain in the Man's song. Mingled within the maelstrom of emotions was determination, resolve to keep to his previous decision. Aragorn knew of their love, the Man might even cherish it deep inside his heart; but he was opting to give it up for his family, with a full knowledge of what would be lost. It was what the Prince expected, but no amount of anticipation could prepare Legolas for the agony resulting from the reality of his lover's choice.
He felt a throbbing pain in his heart, much like the symptoms of grief he experienced when he made his choice to leave Aragorn eleven years ago. Legolas did not expect an Uruk-Hai-Elf hybrid to be able to react to grief physically. He wondered if he would fade given enough time. Not that he would mind, since the Man had said his final goodbyes. But he would not allow himself to be a burden to the new Fellowship. The Prince was here to help his lover; he would not let grief take him until his mission was fulfilled. Steeling his heart, he wiped off his tears and returned to camp.
Please, please review. I write faster when I get more =)
Lots of songs. I just felt like making Aragorn sing after watching extended Fellowship. Here is list in order: Your song by Elton John, Eternal Flame by bangles, With this Love by Joy Enriquez, Everywhere and Goodbye by Michelle Branch. Special thanks to watersprite who alerted me to the two songs by Michelle Branch, they were amazingly fitting for the story. And also thanks to Guevera for With this Love from a review for Shadow.
Zhou: I do intend to develop things between Haldir and Éomer in the story more. Actually, I wrote it in there because it will affect people's behaviors a lot in the upcoming parts.
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Chapter 11: Goodbye love
NIGHT 12, MOUNTAIN OF THE SHADOWS
Aragorn had been trying to track their new ally for almost an hour now. It was beginning to get dark; and as much as the Man was unwilling to admit it, he was starting to worry about their missing companion. The Uruk-Hai was right; Aragorn had been biased against him from the start. When the beast wished to go by Legolas' name, the Man's cautious mistrust turned into full-blown resentment. Never once had Aragorn tried to see past that and give the Uruk-Hai a chance to prove himself a worthy friend. Now that the Man thought back on it, his behavior was unbefitting of a fair and just King. He really should be better than that.
But then, he had not been fully himself of late, ever since Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, had returned to his life. He had never been so emotionally confused and uncertain of what to do before. He knew he loved the Prince but could not be with him. He wanted to tell Legolas how he felt, but he knew he should not. It would only make things harder for both of them. There was nothing Aragorn could do to stop this excruciating dilemma from eating away at his heart. If it continued, the Man knew that he would soon be nothing more than an empty husk, existing yet not alive; for none could truly live without a heart.
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The Man found the Uruk-Hai at the edge of a pool, staring sadly at his reflection; as if the creature was trying to come to terms with his hideousness for the first time. That was when the realization hit Aragorn; that their new ally was not really a creature of darkness, but a Tirn Uipira in Uruk-Hai form. It explained so much. The Man closed his eyes and braced himself at the implication of this logic, that it could really be Legolas in that body; that once again, he had unknowingly hurt the one he loved. Quietly, Aragorn approached the kneeling Uruk-hai.
"Legolas?" asked the Man softly.
"Why the sudden change in heart?" inquired the Prince. But he already knew the answer. The Man figured out his secret. His mind began to make up possible denials while his heart jumped at the prospect of being acknowledged by his beloved.
"Is it really you? I need to know," said Aragorn shakily, ignoring the Watcher's question.
From the tone of the Man's voice, Legolas knew what he must do; he must lie. It would be too much of a distraction to Aragorn if the Man knew he was close. "No. But my Prince told me to use his Elven name. He said you might be more inclined to listen to me if I go by his name."
"I see," whispered the Man sadly. He should be glad that he had not hurt his beloved again; yet he could not help wishing that Legolas was here with him on this new Quest. He remembered enough to know the Elven Prince was the source of his strength and light. Aragorn wanted so much to have his lover fight by his side again, always there to let the Man know he was not alone.
"There is another reason he wanted me to use his name. My Prince wants you to know that he will always be with you, in spirit if not in flesh. He would have come himself if he could," added Legolas. He could read his lover's heart and needed to ease the Man's pain.
"Why? I don't deserve his devotion. All I have ever done is hurt him," bit out the Man in self-directed anger.
"I don't know much about love, but to my understanding, the heart does not distinguish between the worthy and unworthy the way the mind does. Love needs no explanation or reward. I don't think Prince Glorgalad will ever stop loving you, much to the chagrin of his family, I might add," reasoned Legolas with a small smile. It was easier to talk to Aragorn this way, in third person. It allowed him to speak of his love and offer comfort without fear of rejection.
"That does not change what I have done. His forgiveness does not lessen my guilt," whispered the Man.
"Nothing can change the past, Aragorn. What's done is done. Why do you let it weigh you down? I know my Prince only wants to see you happy. He told me that true love is about sacrifice and the willingness to give everything for this one special person without expecting anything in return, to always put this person's happiness before his own. That is how he loves you, my friend; he cares more about you than he does himself. It will only hurt him more, seeing you torture yourself because of him," pleaded the Prince.
Legolas watched as the King hung his head in remorse, touched by the depth of the Prince's love and shamed by his own betrayal of something that pure. He knew Aragorn well enough to know the Man would not release himself from guilt without a proper act of atonement. "Do you wish to make up to my Prince for the wrongs you have done him?" asked Legolas gently.
"How? I cannot do anything. I cannot even speak with him outside of a dream," said the Man dejectedly.
"Have you forgotten what the Watchers do? They watch Middle Earth. Prince Glorgalad is watching over you, even now," lied Legolas.
"Then what must I do? My sins were so horrible and numerous. And even now, as much as I feel for him, I cannot promise to be with him because of my family," asked Aragorn forlornly.
"It is enough for him to know that you love him. He will support and accept whatever decision you make. Search your heart, you will know what to do," replied the Prince before walking off to give the Man privacy.
He stopped, however, at a small distance away from Aragorn, just out of range of the Man's senses where he could keep vigil over the one he loved. He wondered if Aragorn would remember what to do.
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The confused Man watched as the Watcher disappeared into the night. Those parting words, this feeling of confusion, they were so familiar. He knew he felt them before eleven years ago, pertaining to the fight he and Legolas had. Slowly, Aragorn forced his racing heart and mind to calm. He began to follow the meandering path within the deepest recesses of his subconscious that led to yet another piece of precious memory.
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YEAR 3018, TOP OF MISTY MOUNTAINS
The Fellowship stopped to set up camp, using the few boulders on the summit as limited shelter. It would be a cold night for they could not risk lighting a fire at their current position. It would attract the unwanted attention of the beasts of Sauron and Saruman. Legolas went to scout ahead for the easiest route for the Company to take tomorrow. Surprisingly, the Elf asked Gimli to join him on his expenditure. It should not be so much of a shock, since the Elf and Dwarf seemed to be getting along quite well all of a sudden. The Man knew it was because Legolas had gone out of his way to charm Gimli.
Relationships within the Fellowship had improved. The two Men were now on friendly terms and the revelry between Gimli and Legolas had transformed into friendly teasing and competition. Everyone seemed to be getting along with each other, with the exception of the Elf and Aragorn.
Legolas had not spoken to him since their private conversation two days ago. The Man wanted to approach the Prince, but still had not figured out what to do to win the Elf's trust again. He had meant to ask Gandalf, but the old wizard was always with the Hobbits and the little ones were definitely too young to be hearing about that sort of things. As the days passed, Aragorn grew impatient as he knew the longer he waited, the harder his task would be. He needed to speak with the wise Istari now.
"Gandalf, may I have a word alone with you?" asked Aragorn politely.
"Sure thing, my friend," replied the wizard with a wink. He knew that Aragorn sought his advice on how to resolve the problem between the Man and the Elf.
"Who would protect us when both of you are gone?" asked Frodo craftily.
"Yeah, besides, you can talk in front of us. We are not as innocent as you think," said Merry.
"We might have some good suggestions," added the Ringbearer with a smirk.
"I will stay at the camp. What Aragorn and Gandalf have to discuss is an adult matter," said Boromir, coming to his new friend's rescue.
"I may be small but I am not that young. Besides, I had my first boyfriend when I was just eighteen," replied Merry.
"Yeah, I kissed a girl when I was only fifteen," boasted Pippin.
"And I am Sam's love life consultant. He and Rosie are well on the way of becoming a couple," said Frodo, which elicited an embarrassed murmur from Sam. The said Hobbit immediately made an excuse to go to bed and hid in his bedroll.
"Never mind Sam. He is still very innocent. Anyway, you guys are all too serious. You need someone with originality on this sort of thing," said Pippin.
"Why is Legolas mad at you anyway?" asked Frodo.
Aragorn was at a lost for words, he did not expect the entire camp to know about his relationship with the Elven Prince. It was supposed to be a secret. "What makes you think that we are together?"
"Well, there is the way you look at him. But then, most people look at him like that since Legolas is the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. Anyways, there is something more than just lust when you watch him," said Merry.
"And of course, there is the way he goes out of his way to avoid you. Yet, when we are in danger, he is more protective of you than he is of me. Which can only mean he is in love with you but is very angry over something," finished the Ringbearer.
"So, want to tell us?" asked Pippin.
The Man blushed, wondering how transparent his behavior had truly been during their journey. He looked at the faces surrounding him, the Hobbits looking eager, Gandalf and Boromir smiling while shaking their heads, and decided to consult them all.
"I hurt his feelings in my jealousy and now he thinks that I don't love him, that I only lust after him," said the Man quietly.
"That's simple. You just have to show him how you feel," said Pippin.
"If you don't have a suggestion, Peregrin Took, it is best to stay quiet," said the wizard, annoyed at the young Hobbit for stating the obvious.
"Make him breakfast in bed. That always works," suggested Merry.
"Sam is in charge of cooking. I don't think he will appreciate Aragorn taking over his job much. Besides, Legolas is an Elf, not a Hobbit. Food won't win him back," reasoned Frodo.
"Surprise him with a large bouquet of flowers. My girlfriend likes that. Not to mention that Elves like plants and Legolas is an Elf, " suggested Pippin.
"How is Aragorn going to get flowers in the middle of nowhere, Pip?" asked Frodo.
"Yeah, that's probably going to be difficult. Maybe sing him a song of love. That always works too," said Merry.
"Yes, love songs are good," agreed Frodo and Pippin.
"I don't think Legolas wants to hear me sing. I have a horrible voice," replied the Man.
"It's the thought that counts," said Boromir. "Besides, if it's something you don't do often, it will show him how sincere you are."
"Exactly, let me see, there is this one that works wonders. It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside, I am not one who can easily hide.." sang Pippin.
"No, that's too ordinary. Even I have heard it twenty times and I am only 21 years old. Legolas is like thousands of years old, we need something less common," said Frodo.
"How about this one? I believe it's meant to be, darling. I watch you when you're sleeping; you belong with me. Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Or is this burning, an eternal flame? Say my name, sunshine till the rain. My whole life so lonely and then you come and ease the pain. I don't want to lose this feeling.." sang Pippin
"That's nice," said Merry.
"Definitely," concurred Frodo.
"We can teach you that one within an hour, Aragorn," said Pippin.
"I don't think that one will work, little ones. Legolas is mad at Aragorn for being too possessive. The part about 'belonging with me' is a bit presumptuous and we won't want our Elf friend to take it the wrong way," said Boromir.
The little ones in turn suggested song after song, only to be shot down as being too presumptuous, not sincere enough or too common. After two hours, they were out of ideas. All the while, the wizard remained silent. When the Hobbits finally stopped singing, Aragorn asked the wise Istari for his opinion. "What do you think I should do?"
"Search your heart, you will know what to do," said Gandalf mysteriously as he stood and left the group.
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Aragorn was still unsure if singing was a good idea. Especially since he had never sung anything remotely romantic before. And there was also the fact that he could not think of a tune that described his feelings adequately. But he knew how Elves used songs to express intense emotions. If he could find a song to pour his heart into, Legolas would hear his feelings. The Elf might believe him and give him another chance. As he searched his heart for something suitable for his beloved, the Man did not even realized he had wandered very far from camp and was approaching the entrance of a forbidding cave.
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"Where is Aragorn?" asked the Elf as his unease grew. He could sense the warning in the air along with the tightening of his heart. His beloved was in danger.
"He wandered off that way," said Gandalf as he pointed to the left.
"We must find him quickly. A creature of darkness resides in those caves. I have not seen it, but I could sense its presence when we scouted the area," prompted the Prince.
"We cannot have the Ringbearer wandering into danger. If indeed what you said is true, most of the warriors should stay here in case the monster attacks. We need to protect the little ones at all cost," replied Gandalf.
"Aragorn is the future King of Men. How can you all just sit here?" argued Legolas. He was too worried and frustrated to see that the entire Fellowship was part of this trick the wizard had devised. Gandalf knew it was a lone spider that lived in those caves and the Prince of Mirkwood alone could handle the creature.
"I am sorry, Legolas. But there will be no future if the Ring is lost," said the wizard, shaking his head sadly.
"Fine, I will go alone," cried the Prince as he stalked off the way the Man had gone.
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Aragorn was so lost in his thoughts that he did not hear the creature's approach. In fact, it was not until he heard its angry roar that the Man became aware of the danger he was in. The spider was only a few yards behind him, poised to attack again. An arrow protruded from its belly, making the creature hissed in pain as it moved. A familiar hand grabbed Aragorn's arm and pulled him out of the beast's range before the situation even fully registered in his mind.
"Aragorn, go," said Legolas as the Elf pushed him further out of the way.
Swifter than the eye could see, the Prince notched another arrow and let it fly. It struck one of the creature's eyes as another scream filled the cavern. The spider launched itself at the Elf with full force. But when Legolas spun nimbly out of the way, it slammed hard against the side of the wall.
The Prince had much experience dealing with its kind in Mirkwood, a lone spider was indeed no match for the Elf. As soon as the monster was dispatched, Legolas rushed to the Man and began checking him for injuries and possible spider bites. The creature's stung was not poisonous, but it would feel very unpleasant if not treated immediately.
Stunned, Aragorn sat motionless as his beloved's hands roved his body. He knew it was only to check for injuries, but he could not stop his reaction to the Elf's touch. Ashamed of his thoughts and carelessness earlier, the Man turned his eyes upwards to stare at the ceiling. He did not dare look at Legolas for fear of finding the emotionless mask upon his beloved face. He would rather die than see the Elf looked at him like that again, as if Aragorn meant nothing to him.
As chance would have it, the Man's simple action saved their lives, for the spider's impact upon the walls had loosened the rocks on the ceiling. Aragorn noticed the falling rocks in the nick of time and pushed his beloved Elf out of the way, shielding the Prince's slender frame with his larger body. However, the Man did not move fast enough to avoid injury. His leg was stuck underneath a heavy boulder.
Legolas was shocked to find the Man on top of him in the blink of an eye; even more surprised when Aragorn suppressed a cry of pain as the Man's leg was pinned to the ground. The Elf was so intent on tending to his former lover that he failed to notice the falling ceiling. This was all his fault; it's just that being close to Aragorn was so distracting.
Slowly, the Prince wiggled his way from under the Man. He could not help noticing the hardness of the rising bulge between his beloved's legs as he moved. It had been so long since they shared intimacy of any sort; Legolas found himself missing Aragorn's passion very sorely. Chastising himself for his weakness, the Elf strengthened his resolve to stay away from the Man and willed his impure thoughts away. The Prince knelt beside Aragorn, trying to assess the situation.
"I don't think your leg is broken. It is trapped between two boulders, which pinned it to the ground. Give me a minute; I will try to loosen the stones. When you feel the pressure on your leg lessen, try to pull it out," said Legolas.
The Elf was true to his words. Within a few minutes, Aragorn's leg was free. He was lucky that it was only badly bruised. His ankle too was twisted severely. It needed to be bound right way lest it set improperly. Having no bandages at hand, Legolas removed his arm-braces and torn off the sleeves of his silk shirt. Ripping the delicate material into thin stripes, the Elf began to bandage Aragorn's ankle. The Man would probably be limping for at least two weeks.
"I think we are stuck here until the others choose to come and save us. I still cannot believe they would not come to your aid just now," said the Prince as he moved away from Aragorn after finishing his task.
The Man could not believe it either, that his friends would conspire against them in such a fashion just to give him a chance alone with the Elf. What if something went wrong and Legolas got injured? Aragorn made a mental note to give the rest of the Company a very severe scolding when he returned. Even Gandalf was not to be spared.
"Legolas, there is something I wish to say," said the Man.
"Aragorn, please just leave it be. My mind is made. You know how stubborn I am," replied the Prince.
"Yes, but you also know how stubborn I am, my Prince. You said I loved you only as a thing to possess. But I ask you this. Would a gourmet risk his life for food? Would I be willing to die just for a pretty bauble to warm my bed? You know I would die to protect you," continued Aragorn.
A small voice of hope whispered in Legolas' head. Had he not just proved his love when he shielded me from the collapsing walls? He saw the danger, yet he protected me, giving no thought to himself.
The hope was dashed when his reasonable side interjected, He would do it for anyone else in the Fellowship. He is that kind of Man, always thinking of others before himself.
"You would have done it for anyone else, Aragorn. I know you," said the Elf out loud, letting the Man hear his inner voice.
As much as the Man wished to deny it, he could not. It would be a lie and he did not want to win his lover back with falsehoods. He would most probably do the same for any other member of the Fellowship.
"If you still want me as a friend, please desist in pursuing what is lost," whispered the Prince as he bore into Aragon's eyes. He needed the Man to see his resolve. What he did not expect was his lover to hold his eyes with a pleading gaze and began to sing.
With this love, I vow that I will be forever by your side. I was lost and I was lonely and my heart was so afraid, then you lifted me up and you wiped the tears away. Now your love lives in a place I place no other one above. And my heart as long as I may live, I give you with this love
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Aragorn did not know how he knew the song. He just did. The Man did not even realized he had started singing until he heard his own airy voice reverberating in the cave. All he knew was that he stopped thinking when Legolas probed deep into his eyes. He just allowed the Elf's intense gaze to strip him of the defenses he had erected around his heart, wanting to trust his lover with his entire being in a way he never had before. Without thought, the ballad came to him; the words, infused with all the love he ever felt for the golden Elf, simply flowed from his mouth. It just felt like the right thing to do.
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Legolas stared at the Man he loved. He had always thought that only Elves could pour their hearts into songs the way Aragorn just did. It was not just any song, it was a song of love, promised only to him. The Elf was joyous beyond words as he realized that his beloved returned his feelings truly. Tears of happiness flooded Legolas' cheeks as he rushed forward to embrace the Man, showering his entire face with feather-light kisses.
"Oh Aragorn. I am so sorry I doubted you," whispered the Prince.
"Don't apologize. It's my fault for hurting you so badly," said the Man as he put a hand on the Elf's face, guiding him away gently so he could look at his beloved's eyes.
"Back to the thing I wanted to say," began Aragorn.
"Oh, I think we have done enough talking for now, don't you?" said the Elf seductively as he ran his fingers down the Man's chest.
Aragorn sighed in pleasure at his lover's gentle caress. But after several moments, he removed Legolas' hand firmly and held it in his own. "This is serious," said the Man, shaking his head lovingly at the Elf.
"Alright then. Speak, your mouth now has my undivided attention. But do it quickly since I am thinking of other much more pleasant uses for those perfect lips," said the Prince.
"Legolas, will you marry me?" asked the Man. He would have knelt on one knee if his leg were not injured. But as things were, he had a feeling that Legolas would not be too happy if he tried to move.
"But, your people are not as accepting as the Elves of our kind of relationship. Maybe you should wait. It is important for a new King to have a consort that his people approve of," replied the Prince.
"You know my heart. I will love no other. If I have to choose between you and my throne, I will choose you," said Aragorn.
"Even if your people needs you?" inquired Legolas.
At that question, the Man hesitated. He loved the Elf more than anything else in the world, but would he be so selfish as to turn his back on his Race if his assistance was needed.
Seeing his lover's inner struggle, the Prince smiled. "I know you will not let them down, no matter how much you love me. You are far too noble to pursue happiness at the expense of someone else's pain. It is one of the reasons why I love you so much."
"But Legolas....." protested the Man, but was silenced by a slender finger upon his lips.
"I haven't answered your question yet. The answer is yes. But only after this is over, and only if you still want me to be your consort after you become King," said the Prince.
Mischief glittering in the Elf's eyes, Legolas continued, "Now that serious matters have been discussed, may I suggest so more entertaining ways to spend our time while we wait for our rescue."
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Aragorn slumped breathlessly against the cavern wall. The Man had wanted to please Legolas, to make up for his horrible behavior in Rivendell; but the Prince would have none of it. His Elf had insisted on playing doctor, not allowing him to move for fear of worsening his injuries. When Aragorn protested, the Elf simply stated this was his punishment; that he must hold still and let the Prince play.
These were orders that Aragorn was glad he had obliged as Legolas' soft touch roamed his body, discovering sweet spots and exploring new ways to pleasure the Man. Within a few hours of experimentation and instructional feedback, the once innocent Prince had become rather skilled in the arts of satisfying his lover. As the Man sat, completely spent on the cold stone floor, he wished for another private moment with his Elf soon when he recovered. He wanted to return the favor to his beloved, to be a much more active participant in the proceedings.
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Laying a sweet kiss on Aragorn's lips, the Prince began to dress his lover again. Legolas knew the others would be coming soon, he too realized now that this was a trick to give them some private time together. Though part of him wanted to hurt Gandalf for devising such a dangerous plan, the other part wanted to give everyone of them a hug. They helped give him a chance at happiness that he thought he had lost. For that, he would be forever grateful.
Before breaking contact with his lover to get dress, Legolas whispered intimately in the Man's ears, "I will always be with you, for as long as you wish it, melethron nîn [my lover]."
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NIGHT 12, MOUNTAINS OF THE SHADOW
Legolas' words echoed in his ears. Aragorn never knew the Elf was so understanding of his dilemma; that the Prince still loved him, knowing the Man might one day betray what they shared for the sake of his people. It hurt to know that such selfless love existed, that this gift was given to him, only to be cruelly snatched away eleven years ago along with his memories. And to think that Legolas' love had not diminished after all these years; that the Prince would offer him the same treasure again at their second meeting. How Aragorn wished for things to be different, that he could accept Legolas' gift of love. Slowly, the Man freed his mind and allowed his heart to guide him into song.
Every time I look, you are never there. And every time I sleep, you are always there. Cause you're everywhere to me. And when I close my eyes, it's you I see. You are everything I know that makes me believe I am not alone. And when I touch your hand, it's then I understand the beauty that's within. You always light my way; I hope there never comes a day. No matter where I go, I always feel you so.
As he opened his heart more, Aragorn sang of what he must do, despite his love.
Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to. And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. I want what's yours and I want what's mine. I want you; but I am not giving in this time.
Tears were flowing down his face freely as the Man finished his song, but Aragorn did not make any effort to curb them. He could feel his heart break into a million pieces; but this was his final decision. He could not allow himself to be involved with Legolas again. He knew his beloved would understand.
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Legolas could feel the love and pain in the Man's song. Mingled within the maelstrom of emotions was determination, resolve to keep to his previous decision. Aragorn knew of their love, the Man might even cherish it deep inside his heart; but he was opting to give it up for his family, with a full knowledge of what would be lost. It was what the Prince expected, but no amount of anticipation could prepare Legolas for the agony resulting from the reality of his lover's choice.
He felt a throbbing pain in his heart, much like the symptoms of grief he experienced when he made his choice to leave Aragorn eleven years ago. Legolas did not expect an Uruk-Hai-Elf hybrid to be able to react to grief physically. He wondered if he would fade given enough time. Not that he would mind, since the Man had said his final goodbyes. But he would not allow himself to be a burden to the new Fellowship. The Prince was here to help his lover; he would not let grief take him until his mission was fulfilled. Steeling his heart, he wiped off his tears and returned to camp.