Katrina Trsika DelaVon was really in a bad mood. She hated the docks
because her peg leg always got stuck in the holes that littered the way.
After her leg got stuck in a hole for the millionth time she got fed up,
nook off her leg and hopped the rest of the way to the ocean for a swim to
Atlanta.
She passed a bearded man with gold teeth and trinkets in his hair who though that was the strangest thing he had ever seen.
Never mind.
Jack shrugged and headed to the bar to drink all the rum. He heard a drunken woman singing Johnny Tarr and thought this was highly amusing and was flattered that someone made a song about him. Except they changed the name. Then he changed his mind when Johnny Tarr died of thirst after drinking 15 pints of rum. Then decided that was a pretty cool way to die. He continued to wonder about this and so didn't even notice a member of his crew sitting very comfortably with a wench on his knee.
"Right..." sighed Jack. "I need me self a wrench."
"NO you don't!" exclaimed a woman behind him. She was short...no, she was a midget with an attitude! Short spiked blue and green hair and half blue half brown eyes. She wore what looked like a business suit and heels. A brief case was in hand and a can in the other.
"Uh who are you?" Jack asked slightly alarmed.
"You don't need to know that at the moment Mr. Sparrow." She snorted
"Actually its captain Jack Sparrow luv," Jack tried to correct.
"Don't you Captain me mister! Now down on all fours and let me give you a spanking!" she demanded.
"Why are you here?" Jack asked bending down as she spanked him.
"There it is. You need to learn some manners." She said
"Who are you?" Jack asked
"My name is Mrs. Annabel Rocks" she replied sternly.
"Who on Earth would want to marry you?" Jack asked, clearly confounded.
"I'm not married; it's a term of respect."
"No it isn't and what kind of name is that!"
"MINE!!!!!" Jack shrunk back.
"Okay, okay, sorry." Ms. Annabel Rocks eyes him sternly. He cracked up laughing. She flipped him off.
"For someone that needs a lawyer, you are very rude. Now bend over and let me spank you again like the naught boy you are." He obliged and she spanked him with a wooden paddle that really hurt. He doubted that he would be able to sit for a rather long while. Then again, she probably wouldn't let him. He realized he was starring when she started shooting daggers at him. If looks could kill, he'd be dead. But if thoughts could kill, she would have her head blown off with a gun by now; and eaten by a fish.
"Okay you stop anytime now!" he sighed. She let him stand back up.
"No, mister Sparrow, how do you address a woman?" she asked
"Ello luv." He replied. She kicked in the shins.
"NO! NO! NO! You say: hello Madame how are you today?" she corrected him.
"Ok." Jack agreed so he wouldn't be spanked again.
"Now go over to those two ladies and repeat what I just taught you." She demands. He looks at the two women.
"Are you crazy woman- I mean aren't thou...um, crazy sir, ma'am." He stutters.
"Why are you so afraid?" she demands
"I know them." He replied. She kicked him again.
"Ow! Okay, Okay!" he whines then walks over to the women...Scarlet and Giselle. "Hello Madame how are you today?" he asked shakily. Scarlet slapped him as Giselle kicked in his man hood. He fell over in pain.
"Okay, that's the last time I'm going to be polite because some short old lady with spiked hair told me to. With the name of Annabel Rocks." Ms. Rocks slapped him with an extendable paddle and put her hands on her hips. Jack found that amazing.
"Take that back." Jack rubbed his broken nose and nodded.
"Okay, anything you say." Ms. Rocks grinned.
"Good. Now I want you to apologize to those two women and offer weeks worth of servitude." Jack's eyes goggled
"WHAT!!!!!! Ah, heck no you crazy woman!" Ms. Rocks glared at him, silently promising to hurt him if he didn't and her glare spoken a thousand words. "Okay, I'll do it."
"Good boy." She said and watched him walk back to Scarlet and Giselle, utterly humiliated.
"Giselle, Scarlet, before you kick me manhood or slap me again I've got something to say." Jack said his hands covering his manhood. "I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. And I could I'd it all back."
"Jack...that's so sweet!" exclaimed Scarlet.
"It is?" Jack asked surprised he wasn't on the ground in pain yet.
"Yes. Oh Jack I want you!" exclaimed Scarlet.
"No he's mine!" yelled Giselle. The two women started slapping each other and tearing off each others cloths.
Suddenly they were in a mud wrestling arena. They were in nothing but their corsets and pantaloons. They slapped ands kicked, and fought. Jack sat in a chair eating an apple quite amused. Suddenly they slapped each other then looked into each others eyes and began making out.
Then the door swung open and standing there was Annabell Rocks. He shrunk back in fear fore she had a whip in her hand. She advanced on him and grabbed his ear and dragged him out of the arena. Once outside he knew what to do. He bent down as Annabell began to spank him.
"You weren't supposed to drive them apart. Now go and offer your service to them for anything they so desire." She ordered. His eyes went wide. She cracked her whip and he ran back to where Scarlet and Giselle in corsets and pantaloons drinking lemonade.
"This is weird. I think this is a conspiracy." HE muttered to himself.
"Hello Jack. Why don't you take a nap?" Jack agreed and fell asleep on a bed. Giselle and Scarlet grinned at each other, and removed his hair ornaments, replaced them with pink Barbie ornaments; dyed his hair orange, his beard pink, and put so much pink and glitter make up on that he looked like Barbie on hyper drive. Then grinning, Scarlet and Giselle went back to the lawn chairs and drank their lemonade, waiting for Jack to wake up. And they talked about monkeys and The United Preppy Savages that had kidnapped a woman named Vanessa and had uniforms of skimpy lingerie.
Jack awoke a few hours later and felt...different. He sat up and noticed first of all his hair trinkets were lighter. He ran out of the room to find a mirror. He found on in the bathroom.
"AHHHHHH! OH MY GOD!!!! AHHHHH! I'mTHIS HAS TO BE A- AHH!" he screeched dancing around the bathroom. He kicked the toilette. He broke his toe and hopped around on one foot. "SOME ONE HELP ME!!!"
The door opened and the last person he wanted to see was standing there. Annabell Rocks. She laughed hysterically and fell to her knees. Jack gave her the finger with out thinking...thank god she didn't see it. Jack knew who did this....SCARLET AND GISELLE! He ran out side and found the girls missing. There was nothing but Barbie dolls and orange and pink hair dye. He fainted. Purely out of Humility.
And as he was out, a flock of screaming fan girls found him and before snogging them (which they would have done) they laughed hysterically at the interesting color of his accessories. Then one smart woman got out and dyed his skin purple. And put a tattoo of a short woman with spiked hair with a whip and a cruel grin on his cheek.
Then Scarlet and Giselle walked up, still in corsets and pantaloons with a bucket of water. Which they promptly poured on Jack's head. He woke up sputtering and muttering profanities by the dozen and ten fold, which immediately earned him a beating from Annabel Rocks. And then a whip lash on his tush. He screamed.
"You are all crazy" and he ran away into the sunset with his but on fire.
She passed a bearded man with gold teeth and trinkets in his hair who though that was the strangest thing he had ever seen.
Never mind.
Jack shrugged and headed to the bar to drink all the rum. He heard a drunken woman singing Johnny Tarr and thought this was highly amusing and was flattered that someone made a song about him. Except they changed the name. Then he changed his mind when Johnny Tarr died of thirst after drinking 15 pints of rum. Then decided that was a pretty cool way to die. He continued to wonder about this and so didn't even notice a member of his crew sitting very comfortably with a wench on his knee.
"Right..." sighed Jack. "I need me self a wrench."
"NO you don't!" exclaimed a woman behind him. She was short...no, she was a midget with an attitude! Short spiked blue and green hair and half blue half brown eyes. She wore what looked like a business suit and heels. A brief case was in hand and a can in the other.
"Uh who are you?" Jack asked slightly alarmed.
"You don't need to know that at the moment Mr. Sparrow." She snorted
"Actually its captain Jack Sparrow luv," Jack tried to correct.
"Don't you Captain me mister! Now down on all fours and let me give you a spanking!" she demanded.
"Why are you here?" Jack asked bending down as she spanked him.
"There it is. You need to learn some manners." She said
"Who are you?" Jack asked
"My name is Mrs. Annabel Rocks" she replied sternly.
"Who on Earth would want to marry you?" Jack asked, clearly confounded.
"I'm not married; it's a term of respect."
"No it isn't and what kind of name is that!"
"MINE!!!!!" Jack shrunk back.
"Okay, okay, sorry." Ms. Annabel Rocks eyes him sternly. He cracked up laughing. She flipped him off.
"For someone that needs a lawyer, you are very rude. Now bend over and let me spank you again like the naught boy you are." He obliged and she spanked him with a wooden paddle that really hurt. He doubted that he would be able to sit for a rather long while. Then again, she probably wouldn't let him. He realized he was starring when she started shooting daggers at him. If looks could kill, he'd be dead. But if thoughts could kill, she would have her head blown off with a gun by now; and eaten by a fish.
"Okay you stop anytime now!" he sighed. She let him stand back up.
"No, mister Sparrow, how do you address a woman?" she asked
"Ello luv." He replied. She kicked in the shins.
"NO! NO! NO! You say: hello Madame how are you today?" she corrected him.
"Ok." Jack agreed so he wouldn't be spanked again.
"Now go over to those two ladies and repeat what I just taught you." She demands. He looks at the two women.
"Are you crazy woman- I mean aren't thou...um, crazy sir, ma'am." He stutters.
"Why are you so afraid?" she demands
"I know them." He replied. She kicked him again.
"Ow! Okay, Okay!" he whines then walks over to the women...Scarlet and Giselle. "Hello Madame how are you today?" he asked shakily. Scarlet slapped him as Giselle kicked in his man hood. He fell over in pain.
"Okay, that's the last time I'm going to be polite because some short old lady with spiked hair told me to. With the name of Annabel Rocks." Ms. Rocks slapped him with an extendable paddle and put her hands on her hips. Jack found that amazing.
"Take that back." Jack rubbed his broken nose and nodded.
"Okay, anything you say." Ms. Rocks grinned.
"Good. Now I want you to apologize to those two women and offer weeks worth of servitude." Jack's eyes goggled
"WHAT!!!!!! Ah, heck no you crazy woman!" Ms. Rocks glared at him, silently promising to hurt him if he didn't and her glare spoken a thousand words. "Okay, I'll do it."
"Good boy." She said and watched him walk back to Scarlet and Giselle, utterly humiliated.
"Giselle, Scarlet, before you kick me manhood or slap me again I've got something to say." Jack said his hands covering his manhood. "I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. And I could I'd it all back."
"Jack...that's so sweet!" exclaimed Scarlet.
"It is?" Jack asked surprised he wasn't on the ground in pain yet.
"Yes. Oh Jack I want you!" exclaimed Scarlet.
"No he's mine!" yelled Giselle. The two women started slapping each other and tearing off each others cloths.
Suddenly they were in a mud wrestling arena. They were in nothing but their corsets and pantaloons. They slapped ands kicked, and fought. Jack sat in a chair eating an apple quite amused. Suddenly they slapped each other then looked into each others eyes and began making out.
Then the door swung open and standing there was Annabell Rocks. He shrunk back in fear fore she had a whip in her hand. She advanced on him and grabbed his ear and dragged him out of the arena. Once outside he knew what to do. He bent down as Annabell began to spank him.
"You weren't supposed to drive them apart. Now go and offer your service to them for anything they so desire." She ordered. His eyes went wide. She cracked her whip and he ran back to where Scarlet and Giselle in corsets and pantaloons drinking lemonade.
"This is weird. I think this is a conspiracy." HE muttered to himself.
"Hello Jack. Why don't you take a nap?" Jack agreed and fell asleep on a bed. Giselle and Scarlet grinned at each other, and removed his hair ornaments, replaced them with pink Barbie ornaments; dyed his hair orange, his beard pink, and put so much pink and glitter make up on that he looked like Barbie on hyper drive. Then grinning, Scarlet and Giselle went back to the lawn chairs and drank their lemonade, waiting for Jack to wake up. And they talked about monkeys and The United Preppy Savages that had kidnapped a woman named Vanessa and had uniforms of skimpy lingerie.
Jack awoke a few hours later and felt...different. He sat up and noticed first of all his hair trinkets were lighter. He ran out of the room to find a mirror. He found on in the bathroom.
"AHHHHHH! OH MY GOD!!!! AHHHHH! I'mTHIS HAS TO BE A- AHH!" he screeched dancing around the bathroom. He kicked the toilette. He broke his toe and hopped around on one foot. "SOME ONE HELP ME!!!"
The door opened and the last person he wanted to see was standing there. Annabell Rocks. She laughed hysterically and fell to her knees. Jack gave her the finger with out thinking...thank god she didn't see it. Jack knew who did this....SCARLET AND GISELLE! He ran out side and found the girls missing. There was nothing but Barbie dolls and orange and pink hair dye. He fainted. Purely out of Humility.
And as he was out, a flock of screaming fan girls found him and before snogging them (which they would have done) they laughed hysterically at the interesting color of his accessories. Then one smart woman got out and dyed his skin purple. And put a tattoo of a short woman with spiked hair with a whip and a cruel grin on his cheek.
Then Scarlet and Giselle walked up, still in corsets and pantaloons with a bucket of water. Which they promptly poured on Jack's head. He woke up sputtering and muttering profanities by the dozen and ten fold, which immediately earned him a beating from Annabel Rocks. And then a whip lash on his tush. He screamed.
"You are all crazy" and he ran away into the sunset with his but on fire.