Act I: Scene III
(The Scene opens where everyone last left off. Ganondorf has just finished his questioning after Mido, and Mido has thought himself out of existence. Raura, asking Navi to question Mido, flusters her with his incompetence on the case.)
Navi: (Peeved) Your Honor, Mido is dead or goddess-knows-what. Have you been paying the slightest attention to this case?
Raura: (Dazed) What now? (Looks around briefly.) Oh, I must have dazed off again, unless a trial is really interesting or if its mildly funny, I don't give a d#mn.
Navi: Sir, this is the trial of the century! Everyone will be watching it on national television.
Raura: Trial of the what now?
Navi: (Shakes her head) Never mind your honor, you're impossible. I'll just call my next witness...
(Abruptly out of nowhere, Mido's fairy spins around in circles several times. She slowly disappears, and in her place is Mido.
Navi: On second thought, I'll just question the previous witness.
Raura: Yeah, you better or something. (Rests his head on his hand.)
Mido: (Looks around the room and says in a child like voice.) Where am I?
Navi: What do you mean, "Where am I?" You're in a courtroom. You've been here for the past fifteen minutes!
Mido: I have?
Navi: (Flies to Mido and inspects him.) You really don't remember, do you? (Pauses to think) Your honor, I ask that no one bring up to Mido his previous "incident." It may bring post-traumatic stress syndrome.
(Ganondorf's eyes light up and he upons his mouth to speak.)
Navi: No you don't! (She flies over and slaps him.)
Ganondorf: Owe! You son of a ...
Navi: Your honor may I request that Ganondorf keep his mouth shut during my questioning.
Raura: (Snores) Yes officer, just don't take my pants.
Navi: (Confused) I'll take that as a yes.
(Ganondorf almost begins to argue, but then he smiles deviously and sits down at his bench.)
Navi: (Talking to Mido as if he were a child.) Okay Mido, we are going to play a game:
Mido: We are! What is it?
Navi: It's called answer the question. Here is how it is going to work. I'm going to ask you a question, and you'll answer it.
Mido: Yippee! I like games.
Astronomer: (Stands up from the jury. He is strangely wearing something that looks like a bathrobe.) Now wait, how do we know if this is the same Mido as before?
Navi: Don't talk about him being in here for the first time. You could damage his fragile mind.
Astronomer: We can not ignore that. If you question him, you may be breaking the law.
Navi: What are you talking about? Your honor, could you please hold this man for disturbing my client? (She looks over to see that he is still sleeping) I guess I can't avoid you unless I get help from the sleeping block over there. Mido, cover your ears.
Mido: Is this part of the game?
Navi: Yes it is. (He covers his ears) What is so important Mr....?
Astronomer: Don't bother asking. I'm just a plain old man from Terminia. An interesting thought accured to me when you were about to question the witness. He apparently has regressed to a childlike state and doesn't remember what has happened previously in the courtroom. Therefore, he is not the same Mido as before. Furthermore, since he is not the same Mido as he once was, he must take the sacred oath (another choir of song is heard and everyone looks around) again.
Navi: Could you give him a break? He freaking disappeared from our plane of existence, and his mind can't handle remembering the sacred (looks around) oath (choir of music) da*n it. That noise is getting pretty annoying. Any ways, he will be unable to comply.
Astronomer: We have had lame children who've recited the sacred oath (choir of music) before, and I shall once more bring up the point that this is not the same man as before! His mentality is completely different, so therefore he might lie when questioned this time.
Navi: He's as innocent as someone who has never seen a goron naked for goddess's sake, besides Miss What-ever-her name will faint again.
Malon: (In protest) I would not!
Navi: (Looks over to her) You would too. You've done twice today. Now if I may proceed...
Malon: (Daintily) I'm just a little light-headed today. I can cope with one little word.
Navi: No, you can't. (Sighs) Your honor...
Malon: Can too!
(Navi tenses up and slowly flies over to her. She stops right in front of her face and waits there for several seconds.)
Navi: (With a vengeance!) Cuckoo.
Malon: Nooo! (She then faints and hits the ground with a large thudding sound.)
Rarua: (Snapping up). What was that?
Talon: (Rolls his eyes) Not again. (Bends over to pick her up.)
Navi: (Flying back.) I have proven my point.
Astronomer: You only proved that the Cukoo lady faints every time there is a mention's worth about the animal, and she did. Seeing how she is out for awhile, all will be safe when Mido recites the oath (choir of music.) Seeing that was the only reasonable excuse you could bring to me, tell the child to uncover his ears.
Talon: She's waking up.
Astronomer: Oh Din! No she isn't. Look at her, she's out cold.
Talon: She's starting to come to. She looks much better. (Sits her up.)
Astronomer: No...she's turning into a zombie from fainting four times in one day. Now Navi, make Mido say the oath!
Talon: (Ignoring astronomer.) Its okay you're almost there. (Malon starts to stand up.
Astronomer: (Coughs) Cukoo! (Malon faints). Thank the goddesses, I saved us all. Mido, uncover your ears!
(Mido squirms in his seat and begins to uncover his ears.)
Navi: Don't do it Mido!
Raura: (Exploding) Shut up! Even I'm getting tired of both your b8tching. Here's a compromise. Mido doesn't need to say the sacred oath (choir of music.) All he and everyone else need to say is, "I do." That way they won't really be breaking the law, and I don't care what technicalities you bring up! (Yelling in a loud voice.) Case closed! Court is adjourned! (He begins to pound his gravel feverishly. People begin to vacate the court)
Darunia: Sir?
Raura: Crap, I mean court is not adjourned. Everyone, get back here. (Taps gravel slightly. He looks to Tingle.) You too... whatever the heck you are. I don't want to be here either. (Adlibs until everyone shuffles back into the court.)
Navi: Your honor, it seems you had great change in attitude.
Raura: No, I still hate this trial and everyone who's in it. When you were arguing with that guy who's wearing a bathrobe I remembered that I forgot to program my VCR to record the Indigos live in concert, and me explaining to you my change of heart has wasted another forty-five seconds of my life. (Silence.) What are you waiting for? Get going!
Darunia: You could declare a brief recess. You would have more than ample time to get him.
(Raura pauses for awhile. His face changes from that of deep thought to scorn.)
Raura: Recess declared! (He hops from his podium and begins running to the door.) I'm gonna get me my vidi's! (Exits to the back.)
(Everyone filters out of the courtroom exiting to the back. Ganondorf stays briefly to collect his papers.)
Ganondorf: (Mutters) I can't even finish my evil plan. This is going to be a long day. (Exits.)
(As the act ends, we see Mido is still on the witness stand, with his hands covering his ears, humming to himself.)
End of Act I: Scene III
(The Scene opens where everyone last left off. Ganondorf has just finished his questioning after Mido, and Mido has thought himself out of existence. Raura, asking Navi to question Mido, flusters her with his incompetence on the case.)
Navi: (Peeved) Your Honor, Mido is dead or goddess-knows-what. Have you been paying the slightest attention to this case?
Raura: (Dazed) What now? (Looks around briefly.) Oh, I must have dazed off again, unless a trial is really interesting or if its mildly funny, I don't give a d#mn.
Navi: Sir, this is the trial of the century! Everyone will be watching it on national television.
Raura: Trial of the what now?
Navi: (Shakes her head) Never mind your honor, you're impossible. I'll just call my next witness...
(Abruptly out of nowhere, Mido's fairy spins around in circles several times. She slowly disappears, and in her place is Mido.
Navi: On second thought, I'll just question the previous witness.
Raura: Yeah, you better or something. (Rests his head on his hand.)
Mido: (Looks around the room and says in a child like voice.) Where am I?
Navi: What do you mean, "Where am I?" You're in a courtroom. You've been here for the past fifteen minutes!
Mido: I have?
Navi: (Flies to Mido and inspects him.) You really don't remember, do you? (Pauses to think) Your honor, I ask that no one bring up to Mido his previous "incident." It may bring post-traumatic stress syndrome.
(Ganondorf's eyes light up and he upons his mouth to speak.)
Navi: No you don't! (She flies over and slaps him.)
Ganondorf: Owe! You son of a ...
Navi: Your honor may I request that Ganondorf keep his mouth shut during my questioning.
Raura: (Snores) Yes officer, just don't take my pants.
Navi: (Confused) I'll take that as a yes.
(Ganondorf almost begins to argue, but then he smiles deviously and sits down at his bench.)
Navi: (Talking to Mido as if he were a child.) Okay Mido, we are going to play a game:
Mido: We are! What is it?
Navi: It's called answer the question. Here is how it is going to work. I'm going to ask you a question, and you'll answer it.
Mido: Yippee! I like games.
Astronomer: (Stands up from the jury. He is strangely wearing something that looks like a bathrobe.) Now wait, how do we know if this is the same Mido as before?
Navi: Don't talk about him being in here for the first time. You could damage his fragile mind.
Astronomer: We can not ignore that. If you question him, you may be breaking the law.
Navi: What are you talking about? Your honor, could you please hold this man for disturbing my client? (She looks over to see that he is still sleeping) I guess I can't avoid you unless I get help from the sleeping block over there. Mido, cover your ears.
Mido: Is this part of the game?
Navi: Yes it is. (He covers his ears) What is so important Mr....?
Astronomer: Don't bother asking. I'm just a plain old man from Terminia. An interesting thought accured to me when you were about to question the witness. He apparently has regressed to a childlike state and doesn't remember what has happened previously in the courtroom. Therefore, he is not the same Mido as before. Furthermore, since he is not the same Mido as he once was, he must take the sacred oath (another choir of song is heard and everyone looks around) again.
Navi: Could you give him a break? He freaking disappeared from our plane of existence, and his mind can't handle remembering the sacred (looks around) oath (choir of music) da*n it. That noise is getting pretty annoying. Any ways, he will be unable to comply.
Astronomer: We have had lame children who've recited the sacred oath (choir of music) before, and I shall once more bring up the point that this is not the same man as before! His mentality is completely different, so therefore he might lie when questioned this time.
Navi: He's as innocent as someone who has never seen a goron naked for goddess's sake, besides Miss What-ever-her name will faint again.
Malon: (In protest) I would not!
Navi: (Looks over to her) You would too. You've done twice today. Now if I may proceed...
Malon: (Daintily) I'm just a little light-headed today. I can cope with one little word.
Navi: No, you can't. (Sighs) Your honor...
Malon: Can too!
(Navi tenses up and slowly flies over to her. She stops right in front of her face and waits there for several seconds.)
Navi: (With a vengeance!) Cuckoo.
Malon: Nooo! (She then faints and hits the ground with a large thudding sound.)
Rarua: (Snapping up). What was that?
Talon: (Rolls his eyes) Not again. (Bends over to pick her up.)
Navi: (Flying back.) I have proven my point.
Astronomer: You only proved that the Cukoo lady faints every time there is a mention's worth about the animal, and she did. Seeing how she is out for awhile, all will be safe when Mido recites the oath (choir of music.) Seeing that was the only reasonable excuse you could bring to me, tell the child to uncover his ears.
Talon: She's waking up.
Astronomer: Oh Din! No she isn't. Look at her, she's out cold.
Talon: She's starting to come to. She looks much better. (Sits her up.)
Astronomer: No...she's turning into a zombie from fainting four times in one day. Now Navi, make Mido say the oath!
Talon: (Ignoring astronomer.) Its okay you're almost there. (Malon starts to stand up.
Astronomer: (Coughs) Cukoo! (Malon faints). Thank the goddesses, I saved us all. Mido, uncover your ears!
(Mido squirms in his seat and begins to uncover his ears.)
Navi: Don't do it Mido!
Raura: (Exploding) Shut up! Even I'm getting tired of both your b8tching. Here's a compromise. Mido doesn't need to say the sacred oath (choir of music.) All he and everyone else need to say is, "I do." That way they won't really be breaking the law, and I don't care what technicalities you bring up! (Yelling in a loud voice.) Case closed! Court is adjourned! (He begins to pound his gravel feverishly. People begin to vacate the court)
Darunia: Sir?
Raura: Crap, I mean court is not adjourned. Everyone, get back here. (Taps gravel slightly. He looks to Tingle.) You too... whatever the heck you are. I don't want to be here either. (Adlibs until everyone shuffles back into the court.)
Navi: Your honor, it seems you had great change in attitude.
Raura: No, I still hate this trial and everyone who's in it. When you were arguing with that guy who's wearing a bathrobe I remembered that I forgot to program my VCR to record the Indigos live in concert, and me explaining to you my change of heart has wasted another forty-five seconds of my life. (Silence.) What are you waiting for? Get going!
Darunia: You could declare a brief recess. You would have more than ample time to get him.
(Raura pauses for awhile. His face changes from that of deep thought to scorn.)
Raura: Recess declared! (He hops from his podium and begins running to the door.) I'm gonna get me my vidi's! (Exits to the back.)
(Everyone filters out of the courtroom exiting to the back. Ganondorf stays briefly to collect his papers.)
Ganondorf: (Mutters) I can't even finish my evil plan. This is going to be a long day. (Exits.)
(As the act ends, we see Mido is still on the witness stand, with his hands covering his ears, humming to himself.)
End of Act I: Scene III