This chapter was the hardest for me to write because the story is now going
to get very angsty after this chapter and I didn't quite know how to tie
things together. Again, all disclaimers apply. Anything that needs to be
disclaimed to keep my butt out of trouble is disclaimed.
Chapter 15.
Seth flipped through the large book reading snippets of it, filing away information to use in a later conversation with Ryan. Seth closed the book and watched Ryan sleep, wondering if he should wake him.
Ryan slowly sat up and leaned against the walls in his lightless corner. He drew his knees up and took a deep breath. There was no pain in his black haven, only silence. He smiled to himself and enjoyed his solitude. He let his mind drift. The Cohen's were going to take him home. Their home......His home too. In the darkness it all made sense. He knew they cared about him. They'd done just about everything they could think of to let him know, to try to make him understand that he was a part of the family....even Caleb was trying and it was easy to believe he belonged as long as he stayed in the dark.
The problem was the light. In the light was the real world. The light exposed the filth that encompassed him. Years of abuse and degradation that coated every part of his body. In the light, people could see his shame and they pitied him or they were afraid his filth was contagious.
In the dark he was Ryan. Smart, funny, playful. In the light he was a lost cause. Social service caseworkers, the free clinic doctors, the teachers would all pat him on the head, tell him things would get better and then walked away, their guilt assuaged, leaving him with shattered hopes and the realization that nothing ever changed. But even in the light he thought things could be different with the Cohen's.
It took months before he could let his guard down even a little. The Cohen's hadn't disappointed him. Even at soccer practice when he took Luke out with the slide tackle, its legality debatable, Sandy's initial parental anger had manifested itself into the fear that child services could come and remove him from their home.
The Cohen's worried about his less than normal sleep patterns. He knew that when he wandered out of the pool house or 'Ryan's room' as they called it, and sat in a deck chair at two in the morning that either Sandy or Kirsten would be watching him from their bedroom window. He couldn't see them, but he knew they were there.
He knew they worried about his eating habits. They worried as he would spend dinner pushing his food around his plate, re-arranging it so it would look like he ate something. He couldn't explain why 'family' dinners made him so nauseous. Instead Kirsten kept the pool house fridge stocked with eggs, fruit and juice. Fortified cereal and whole grain bread sat on the counter, always replenished when he finished them.
But he would still get hurt in the light, despite their best intentions. Seeing his mother reappear through Marissa's actions during the holidays, her drinking and callousness mirroring Dawn's behaviour cut through him. He couldn't go through that again. He had crawled deep into the darkness after bringing Marissa home that night. It had taken Seth nearly 20 minutes the next morning to wake him. Seth's voice had finally penetrated his cocoon, bringing with it a beam of light, not the harsh light of pain, but the warm glow of diffused lighting. He was safe with Seth. He was safe with the Cohens. They wouldn't hurt him. This thought stayed with him as he once again heard Seth's voice wrapped in the soft ray of light.
"Ryan.....hey.....wake up.C'mon......NO!............DON'T!...............HE HAS TO WAKE UP FIRST......RYAN!................"
Rough hands yanked at his pajama pants. Ryan opened his eyes, abject terror painted on his face as he struggled against the violation. Ryan opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out. The probing hands were torn away. Ryan scrambled into a sitting position, his breathing ragged and uncontrolled. Other voices joined in and his eyes were unable to focus on the commotion in front of him.
A soft voice repeated that he was safe. No one would hurt him. He became aware of Seth. Seth was yelling. He was fighting to get out of the grip of a large man behind him. Seth slipped through the orderly's hands and lunged again. Ryan's eyes followed Seth, the voice reminding him he was safe still whispering in his ear. The orderly grabbed Seth again before he could jump on top of the white coated individual on the ground. Dr. Michaels ran into the room and pulled the young doctor off the floor.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE....?" He yelled at the other doctor who was now struggling to straighten out his lab coat.
The younger man was furious.
"I was getting the patient prepped up to have his staples removed when this idiot tackled me."
Seth struggled again in the orderly's arms, trying to get at this clown masquerading as a doctor. The orderly dragged Seth a few steps back. Liz still whispered in Ryan's ear, trying to calm the traumatized boy down. She gently touched Ryan's shoulders. When he didn't flinch at her touch she began rubbing them slowly, not stopping her soothing words.
Dr. Michaels turned to Seth.
"Seth...calm down....John will let you go, but you have to promise me you'll settle down...Can you do that?"
Seth took a few moments before he nodded his head. His breathing was still rapid. His eyes betrayed the fury he felt at the other 'doctor'. Dr. Michaels nodded to the orderly and he let go of Seth, stepping back but not leaving the room.
"I want him removed from the hospital..." the younger doctor snarled at Seth. "Call security.....I want him arrested.."
John quickly stepped behind Seth again, but Seth didn't move.
"Wyatt....Shut the hell up!" Dr Michaels spat. He regained his composure and turned back to Seth.
"What happened Seth?"
Seth took in a shaky breath and forced himself to stay calm.
"Doctor....doc....." Seth seemed to choke on the word.
"Dr. Wyatt came in and said he was going to get Ryan ready to have the surgical staples removed. He wanted to give Ryan a pain shot but I told him that he had to wake Ryan up first......I tried to wake Ryan up, but this guy thought it was taking too long so he pushed me out of the way and....."
Dr. Michaels looked at Wyatt, seething.
"I told you to bring the suture tray in. I did not tell you to give the boy any meds. You were to get acquainted with him and wait for me....That was all!"
Dr. Wyatt stood up straighter and glared at Dr. Michaels.
"It was time for his Demerol..."
"You weren't supposed to give it to him....."
"I didn't know the kid was going to freak...."
"Did you read his chart at all..?"
Dr. Michaels' voice became very calm.
Dr. Wyatt nervously licked his lips.
"I checked to see when his last shot was...."
"Did you read all of his chart?"
Dr. Wyatt was suddenly less sure of himself.
"I uh....I uh.....didn't think it was necessary but I double checked the time of his last meds..."
"Your callousness compromised the well-being of my patient."
Dr. Michaels' voice had no emotion to it.
"Get out......I'll have security escort you to your car..."
Dr. Wyatt looked shocked.
"You can't fire me over this....If the kid is so unstable why isn't he in the psych wing?"
Dr. Michaels took a step towards the former doctor.
"OUT..NOW!"
Before Wyatt could say anything else, three security guards appeared. Gathering himself, Dr. Wyatt glared at Ryan and then Seth. He turned back to Dr. Michaels.
"I'll see you in front of the board of directors."
He shot one last look at the boys.
"This isn't over yet...."
Dr. Michaels watched has the security detail escorted Dr. Wyatt out of the room. He took a deep breath and then turned to Ryan and Seth.
"I'll be back in about 20 minutes to take out your staples...Are you guys okay?................Ryan......?"
Ryan's eyes were clear. His breathing was calm and relaxed.
"I okay...."
"Seth?"
Seth nodded.
"Yeah....I'm good...sorry about...about this......I couldn't...I....I couldn't just stand here and watch....I shouldn't have...."
Dr. Michaels smiled.
"Don't worry about it....As far as I'm concerned Wyatt tripped and fell on his ass...."
The doctor walked out of the room. Liz whispered something else in Ryan's ear. He nodded and leaned back on the bed. Liz gathered up the tray and left the room only to return a minute later with another syringe filled with Demerol. Ryan didn't flinch this time as the medication was administered. Liz made sure he was comfortable before she left again.
Seth slumped down in the chair beside the bed. He looked at Ryan.
"Are you sure you're okay Ry....?"
Ryan nodded...
Seth shook his head.
"I'm way too tired to play this game again dude. You're supposed to verbalize your answers, so please....just tell me and I won't ask anymore questions"
"I ...fine....S-s-seth...." Ryan held out a shaking fist. "Th-thanks w-w- watching my back...."
Seth leaned over, tapping Ryan's fist with his own.
* * *
Dr. Michaels and Liz came back into the room to remove Ryan's staples. They were both pleased to see Ryan and Seth relaxed. Ryan was smiling at Seth's manic ramblings. Seth got out of the chair and stepped back from the bed as the doctor started to remove the staples. He moved right behind the doctor. He was fascinated by the 'squick' sound they made as they were removed from Ryan's skin. Ryan also watched, intrigued by the process. It had gotten to the point where Dr. Michaels found it impossible to see what he was doing because of a dark curly head and a pale scarred one in his way.
"Guys..You're going to have to take turns watching. I've got 22 of these left..11 each okay?.........Seth, you first.....It'll be easier for Ryan to see the bottom ones anyway..."
Dr. Michaels shook his head. This was definitely a first for him. Even his med students didn't get this close. He was sure if he had asked either boy they'd want to try to pull a staple out themselves. Seth seemed almost disappointed when the doctor was finished. Ryan ran his fingers down the dark scar. Liz rolled Ryan's t-shirt back down.
"Are you up for a little trip to the cafeteria?" She asked Ryan. "It'll be nice to get out of this room for a while....I'm going on a break so I can take you down and bring you back later."
Before Ryan had a chance to nod Seth spoke to him.
"Ryan...you better use your words 'cause this getting you to talk thing was their idea and I'm hungry and I'm cranky.....oh wait.....I'm hungry and you're cranky...."
Ryan threw a pillow at Seth. The throw was weak but the aim was good. The pillow caught Seth in the face.
"Me n-n-not cr-cranky...you give...you give other doctor s-s-smack down."
Dr. Michaels gathered up the tray and wished Liz good luck. He handed the tray off to an orderly and retreated to his office to attempt to write a report describing that afternoon's events.
Ryan pushed his feet into the white slip on runners Kirsten had picked up for him. They were almost identical to the ones in Juvie. They made the same squeaking noise here as they did in jail. Ryan shook off that thought as he hung on to Liz for dear life. It was his first time with just a cane. He loosened his 'death grip' on her as he became more sure of himself. By the time they reached the cafeteria, Ryan had let go of Liz completely, relying only on the cane. She guided him to a table, got him settled and then whispered a few dinner instructions to Seth.
Ryan sat alone at the table while Seth stood in line to get their dinner. He thought about the dark again. He had wanted to retreat into his inky comfort zone after the encounter with Dr. Wyatt, but it was like he couldn't find his way. He was forced to stay in the light.....the light that caused him pain as his mind replayed the afternoon's events. This time the light had also shown him safety. In the light he was able to see Seth jump in and protect him. That had never happened before. Nobody had ever protected him. In the light he was able to hear the calming words and feel a gentle touch on his shoulders. Today in the light people had made him feel safe and secure. In the light he laughed with Seth. Home was in the light. He was going home tomorrow. Maybe he would stay in the light a little longer
Chapter 15.
Seth flipped through the large book reading snippets of it, filing away information to use in a later conversation with Ryan. Seth closed the book and watched Ryan sleep, wondering if he should wake him.
Ryan slowly sat up and leaned against the walls in his lightless corner. He drew his knees up and took a deep breath. There was no pain in his black haven, only silence. He smiled to himself and enjoyed his solitude. He let his mind drift. The Cohen's were going to take him home. Their home......His home too. In the darkness it all made sense. He knew they cared about him. They'd done just about everything they could think of to let him know, to try to make him understand that he was a part of the family....even Caleb was trying and it was easy to believe he belonged as long as he stayed in the dark.
The problem was the light. In the light was the real world. The light exposed the filth that encompassed him. Years of abuse and degradation that coated every part of his body. In the light, people could see his shame and they pitied him or they were afraid his filth was contagious.
In the dark he was Ryan. Smart, funny, playful. In the light he was a lost cause. Social service caseworkers, the free clinic doctors, the teachers would all pat him on the head, tell him things would get better and then walked away, their guilt assuaged, leaving him with shattered hopes and the realization that nothing ever changed. But even in the light he thought things could be different with the Cohen's.
It took months before he could let his guard down even a little. The Cohen's hadn't disappointed him. Even at soccer practice when he took Luke out with the slide tackle, its legality debatable, Sandy's initial parental anger had manifested itself into the fear that child services could come and remove him from their home.
The Cohen's worried about his less than normal sleep patterns. He knew that when he wandered out of the pool house or 'Ryan's room' as they called it, and sat in a deck chair at two in the morning that either Sandy or Kirsten would be watching him from their bedroom window. He couldn't see them, but he knew they were there.
He knew they worried about his eating habits. They worried as he would spend dinner pushing his food around his plate, re-arranging it so it would look like he ate something. He couldn't explain why 'family' dinners made him so nauseous. Instead Kirsten kept the pool house fridge stocked with eggs, fruit and juice. Fortified cereal and whole grain bread sat on the counter, always replenished when he finished them.
But he would still get hurt in the light, despite their best intentions. Seeing his mother reappear through Marissa's actions during the holidays, her drinking and callousness mirroring Dawn's behaviour cut through him. He couldn't go through that again. He had crawled deep into the darkness after bringing Marissa home that night. It had taken Seth nearly 20 minutes the next morning to wake him. Seth's voice had finally penetrated his cocoon, bringing with it a beam of light, not the harsh light of pain, but the warm glow of diffused lighting. He was safe with Seth. He was safe with the Cohens. They wouldn't hurt him. This thought stayed with him as he once again heard Seth's voice wrapped in the soft ray of light.
"Ryan.....hey.....wake up.C'mon......NO!............DON'T!...............HE HAS TO WAKE UP FIRST......RYAN!................"
Rough hands yanked at his pajama pants. Ryan opened his eyes, abject terror painted on his face as he struggled against the violation. Ryan opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out. The probing hands were torn away. Ryan scrambled into a sitting position, his breathing ragged and uncontrolled. Other voices joined in and his eyes were unable to focus on the commotion in front of him.
A soft voice repeated that he was safe. No one would hurt him. He became aware of Seth. Seth was yelling. He was fighting to get out of the grip of a large man behind him. Seth slipped through the orderly's hands and lunged again. Ryan's eyes followed Seth, the voice reminding him he was safe still whispering in his ear. The orderly grabbed Seth again before he could jump on top of the white coated individual on the ground. Dr. Michaels ran into the room and pulled the young doctor off the floor.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE....?" He yelled at the other doctor who was now struggling to straighten out his lab coat.
The younger man was furious.
"I was getting the patient prepped up to have his staples removed when this idiot tackled me."
Seth struggled again in the orderly's arms, trying to get at this clown masquerading as a doctor. The orderly dragged Seth a few steps back. Liz still whispered in Ryan's ear, trying to calm the traumatized boy down. She gently touched Ryan's shoulders. When he didn't flinch at her touch she began rubbing them slowly, not stopping her soothing words.
Dr. Michaels turned to Seth.
"Seth...calm down....John will let you go, but you have to promise me you'll settle down...Can you do that?"
Seth took a few moments before he nodded his head. His breathing was still rapid. His eyes betrayed the fury he felt at the other 'doctor'. Dr. Michaels nodded to the orderly and he let go of Seth, stepping back but not leaving the room.
"I want him removed from the hospital..." the younger doctor snarled at Seth. "Call security.....I want him arrested.."
John quickly stepped behind Seth again, but Seth didn't move.
"Wyatt....Shut the hell up!" Dr Michaels spat. He regained his composure and turned back to Seth.
"What happened Seth?"
Seth took in a shaky breath and forced himself to stay calm.
"Doctor....doc....." Seth seemed to choke on the word.
"Dr. Wyatt came in and said he was going to get Ryan ready to have the surgical staples removed. He wanted to give Ryan a pain shot but I told him that he had to wake Ryan up first......I tried to wake Ryan up, but this guy thought it was taking too long so he pushed me out of the way and....."
Dr. Michaels looked at Wyatt, seething.
"I told you to bring the suture tray in. I did not tell you to give the boy any meds. You were to get acquainted with him and wait for me....That was all!"
Dr. Wyatt stood up straighter and glared at Dr. Michaels.
"It was time for his Demerol..."
"You weren't supposed to give it to him....."
"I didn't know the kid was going to freak...."
"Did you read his chart at all..?"
Dr. Michaels' voice became very calm.
Dr. Wyatt nervously licked his lips.
"I checked to see when his last shot was...."
"Did you read all of his chart?"
Dr. Wyatt was suddenly less sure of himself.
"I uh....I uh.....didn't think it was necessary but I double checked the time of his last meds..."
"Your callousness compromised the well-being of my patient."
Dr. Michaels' voice had no emotion to it.
"Get out......I'll have security escort you to your car..."
Dr. Wyatt looked shocked.
"You can't fire me over this....If the kid is so unstable why isn't he in the psych wing?"
Dr. Michaels took a step towards the former doctor.
"OUT..NOW!"
Before Wyatt could say anything else, three security guards appeared. Gathering himself, Dr. Wyatt glared at Ryan and then Seth. He turned back to Dr. Michaels.
"I'll see you in front of the board of directors."
He shot one last look at the boys.
"This isn't over yet...."
Dr. Michaels watched has the security detail escorted Dr. Wyatt out of the room. He took a deep breath and then turned to Ryan and Seth.
"I'll be back in about 20 minutes to take out your staples...Are you guys okay?................Ryan......?"
Ryan's eyes were clear. His breathing was calm and relaxed.
"I okay...."
"Seth?"
Seth nodded.
"Yeah....I'm good...sorry about...about this......I couldn't...I....I couldn't just stand here and watch....I shouldn't have...."
Dr. Michaels smiled.
"Don't worry about it....As far as I'm concerned Wyatt tripped and fell on his ass...."
The doctor walked out of the room. Liz whispered something else in Ryan's ear. He nodded and leaned back on the bed. Liz gathered up the tray and left the room only to return a minute later with another syringe filled with Demerol. Ryan didn't flinch this time as the medication was administered. Liz made sure he was comfortable before she left again.
Seth slumped down in the chair beside the bed. He looked at Ryan.
"Are you sure you're okay Ry....?"
Ryan nodded...
Seth shook his head.
"I'm way too tired to play this game again dude. You're supposed to verbalize your answers, so please....just tell me and I won't ask anymore questions"
"I ...fine....S-s-seth...." Ryan held out a shaking fist. "Th-thanks w-w- watching my back...."
Seth leaned over, tapping Ryan's fist with his own.
* * *
Dr. Michaels and Liz came back into the room to remove Ryan's staples. They were both pleased to see Ryan and Seth relaxed. Ryan was smiling at Seth's manic ramblings. Seth got out of the chair and stepped back from the bed as the doctor started to remove the staples. He moved right behind the doctor. He was fascinated by the 'squick' sound they made as they were removed from Ryan's skin. Ryan also watched, intrigued by the process. It had gotten to the point where Dr. Michaels found it impossible to see what he was doing because of a dark curly head and a pale scarred one in his way.
"Guys..You're going to have to take turns watching. I've got 22 of these left..11 each okay?.........Seth, you first.....It'll be easier for Ryan to see the bottom ones anyway..."
Dr. Michaels shook his head. This was definitely a first for him. Even his med students didn't get this close. He was sure if he had asked either boy they'd want to try to pull a staple out themselves. Seth seemed almost disappointed when the doctor was finished. Ryan ran his fingers down the dark scar. Liz rolled Ryan's t-shirt back down.
"Are you up for a little trip to the cafeteria?" She asked Ryan. "It'll be nice to get out of this room for a while....I'm going on a break so I can take you down and bring you back later."
Before Ryan had a chance to nod Seth spoke to him.
"Ryan...you better use your words 'cause this getting you to talk thing was their idea and I'm hungry and I'm cranky.....oh wait.....I'm hungry and you're cranky...."
Ryan threw a pillow at Seth. The throw was weak but the aim was good. The pillow caught Seth in the face.
"Me n-n-not cr-cranky...you give...you give other doctor s-s-smack down."
Dr. Michaels gathered up the tray and wished Liz good luck. He handed the tray off to an orderly and retreated to his office to attempt to write a report describing that afternoon's events.
Ryan pushed his feet into the white slip on runners Kirsten had picked up for him. They were almost identical to the ones in Juvie. They made the same squeaking noise here as they did in jail. Ryan shook off that thought as he hung on to Liz for dear life. It was his first time with just a cane. He loosened his 'death grip' on her as he became more sure of himself. By the time they reached the cafeteria, Ryan had let go of Liz completely, relying only on the cane. She guided him to a table, got him settled and then whispered a few dinner instructions to Seth.
Ryan sat alone at the table while Seth stood in line to get their dinner. He thought about the dark again. He had wanted to retreat into his inky comfort zone after the encounter with Dr. Wyatt, but it was like he couldn't find his way. He was forced to stay in the light.....the light that caused him pain as his mind replayed the afternoon's events. This time the light had also shown him safety. In the light he was able to see Seth jump in and protect him. That had never happened before. Nobody had ever protected him. In the light he was able to hear the calming words and feel a gentle touch on his shoulders. Today in the light people had made him feel safe and secure. In the light he laughed with Seth. Home was in the light. He was going home tomorrow. Maybe he would stay in the light a little longer