(¯`'·.¸(¯`'·. .author's note. .·'´¯)¸.·'´¯)
I'm really thankful for all the great reviews. However, I seem to be getting more reviews marveling over the coupling then over the actual story or writing skill.
Overview: Quistis has attempted suicide, and Laguna, being a heroic moron, decides to run through the storm to find her. He fixes her up, and they take shelter in a cave. Sound cliché? Well, the cliché ends when Laguna triggers a rockslide. Trapped.
NO, nothing like THAT happens, you perverted little people!
(¯`'·.¸(¯`'·. quistis .·'´¯)¸.·'´¯)
I was weakened, slightly dazed, and had a rock digging into my back. My arms felt like they were made of lead and wood. My head swam, and I felt light, even though it took all my strength just to lift my hand.
My mind hazily sent images to my brain. Laguna Loire, president of Esthar. Saved my life. I tried to commit suicide. We were in a cave.
I shook my head. So fuzzy.
Laguna was cursing. Rocks? Rocks were blocking the way out? We were trapped. Ah.
I forced my hazy mind to think. Think Quistis. . .
Laguna began to heave at the rocks.
". . .don't. . ." I heard myself say groggily. ". . .more rocks. . . another cave-in. . ." Yes, that's right. Shifting the rocks might cause another rockslide.
I tried to get up. Must stand. . . to get out, we'll have to check the other end for an exit . . . won't we . . .
Laguna looked at me, and shoved me back down. "No, don't get up."
'Esuna' was cast on me. Some of the fog snapped out of my head. I blinked as a face came sharply into focus. A slightly worried, slightly angry, and very tired Laguna. I felt a twinge of regret: all his frustration right now was due to me.
I cupped a hand over my forehead. "We'll have to see it there's an exit down the other end." I pointed deeper into the cave. He peered down in the receding darkness. I noticed there was light. "Where's the light coming from?"
I hadn't meant to say that out loud, but I must have, because Laguna replied, "I kinda took your pack. It had a flashlight." Sure enough, my standard issue flashlight was sitting upright on the dirt floor.
"We need to go as soon as possible," I remarked. "We don't want the others to send out an undue search party."
Laguna gave me an incredulous look. "Undue? You have got to be kidding me." He shook his head. He took the flashlight and handed it to me. "Hold that." He knelt next to me, and waved his fingers in front of my face. "How many am I holding up?"
"Three."
He shook his head. "Well, you're in no condition to walk like that."
"What was the correct answer?"
"Two."
He swung my arm over his shoulder and heaved me upward. Blood rushed from my head as I got up, and I found myself standing in a stunned position a moment later.
"You okay?"
"Yes, yes of course." I tried to take my arm off of his shoulder, but his hand was firmly around my wrist.
"Nope. Sorry, you can't walk alone yet, even if you tried." Laguna's voice was annoyingly cheerful. I mumbled something very un-Quistis under my breath at him as we started down the stone passage.
"Hold up the flashlight. It'll give ya something to concentrate on." Laguna shook his hair out of his face wearily.
I nodded.
We continued on. I wished for sleep desperately, but I knew that right now, sleep wasn't the best thing for me. Three things kept me walking- stubbornness, training, and Laguna Loire's incessant verbal interruptions into my thought, with dumb random comments such as 'Hey, it's a mushroom!' and 'What I wouldn't give for a cheeseburger.'
"This is stupid." Laguna remarked. Yes, a perfect example of a dumb random comment.
I shook my head. It was my fault, did he really think I didn't know how stupid it was? I shuffled along, rather pitifully. I suppose I did go a bit rough on him. "Look who's talking, Mr. Let's-all-head-to-the-dark-cave-for- cover."
"Well, we're covered, aren't we?" Laguna quipped. He was laughing at a time like this? I had just attempted suicide, we were trapped in a cave with no way to communicate to the outside, and he was cracking corny jokes.
"I didn't find that very funny," I replied flatly. Laguna shrugged.
"Neither did I, but I'm working on it."
Ah. Blissful silence. So tired. . .
My brain began to fog up agin. I was getting giddy. I shook my head to clear it. "We've been walking for awhile now. We'll need to rest soon."
Laguna must have noticed my condition. "Sure, let's stop now, my feet are killing me." Not surprising, considering he'd been half-carrying me most of the way.
'Fira.' I cast it on a rotting vegetation to our right. Warmth.
Laguna set me down, and looked uneasily at the fire I'd made. "Er . . . should we really start a fire? Those things eat up the air pretty fast."
True. I forced my brain to think. "If there isn't a sufficient oxygen source close enough to feed the fire, then it's doubtful we'd survive the night anyway." Not exactly a cheerful thought, but I had no desire to be a little ray of sunshine.
Laguna stared at me objectively. "Not that you'd care," he challenged lightly.
I stifled a groan Great, now I was going to get grilled. By Laguna Loire. I shook my head, and tried to veer the conversation away from the uneasy subject of my attempt at my life. "On the contrary. If we died now, I'd get blamed for your death."
Laguna saw through it. Well, he was a very good soldier at one point. He wasn't stupid . . . well, most of the time anyway.
"Stop being logical. Why did you come out here? I can't think of anything you'd want to kill yourself for. . . that Rinoa girl was overeacting. . ."
"It's not that." I said it a bit too quickly. He looked at me over the fire. It popped loudly.
"Really."
". . ." I cast my mind back and forth for a reply. ". . .not all of it, anyway."
"What's all of it?" Laguna leaned forward and put all of his attention on me. I didn't really want his attention. What was I supposed to tell him?
Should I regurgitate what he wanted to here? Should I lie? Should I burst into false tears?"
. . . should I tell the truth? Should I tell him that . . . ". . .my heart . . . is broken . . "
I'd said it outloud. Damn. Laguna looked at me, shocked. "You mean your killing yourself because of some guy-"
"No!" I rubbed my temples. Dammit, having him think something as dumb as that was worse than telling the truth. 'Don't say anything, you're not yourself,' a little voice was telling me. I unwisely ignored it.
Laguna was waiting for an explanation. I tried not to meet his eyes, then thought better of it, and looked him directly in the face.
"No, it's nothing like that. My heart, it doesn't love. I want it to love. But it doesn't work."
I watched his face changed from shock to something a bit worse-pity. . .No, not pity . . . sympathy? "What? How-"
I knew what he was going to say. And I knew that none of it was true. None of it. I don't know what exactly happened after that, but something in me broke.
I think my ice cracked a bit.
"No, don't," I snapped. "Don't say anything." Laguna fell silent.
I took a deep breath, and started. "I always have been, I am, and always will be mediocre. I am mediocre. I used to seek perfection, you know. I thought I was damn close, and I hadn't even known what I was seeking.
"And then I got a reality check, and I realized: I am Quistis Trepe, and I am a mediocre person, who will never amount to much. I didn't deal with that too well. Then I saved the world, and I thought, maybe I'm not so mediocre. And then another thought struck me. Maybe that was it. That was all I was here to do. To do that one thing, and then all requirements are filled, and I was done.
"Irvine has something to live for: Selphie. Squall has something to live for: Rinoa. Even Zell has that librarian . . . but, what about me? What do I have to live for?" I bitterly-and quite feebly-punched the cave's rock floor.
"I never have and never will know love. Oh, I know, I love Irvine, Selphie, and the others, but that isn't what I mean. You know, I can't even recognize true love. Hell, I thought I was in love with Squall.
"Inability to love alone, I think, is a perfectly good reason to commit suicide. To kill myself, to end it. And there is much, much more where that comes from." I was breathing heavily, and I think if I had gone on for any longer I would have fainted, I was so giddy. Laguna wasn't looking sympathetic anymore. He looked . . . calm. Shockingly calm.
"So . . . do you feel better? Now that all that's out in the open?"
What? What did he mean? I bean to give a scathing answer, but stopped. I . . .
I did feel better. A lot better.
I felt like a weight I didn't know I'd been carrying had been suddenly heaved out of my chest, and my stomach was untangled out of a knot that I hadn't been sure existed.
"Yeah . . ." I breathed softly . . . and then noticed Laguna was smiling wryly. I straightened and continued. "I mean, yes. Yes, I do."
"Good." Laguna's smile faded, and he stared into the fire tiredly. I wondered if he had a burden like mine, and whether he knew he was carrying it or not.
I wondered if I cared. I think I did.
A thought struck me. "Are you . . . see, right here . . ." I swallowed and started again. "Are you going to tell anybody? That I . . ."
Laguna blinked, and shook his head. "It depends on whether or not you still want to kill your self."
I shook my head. "No. I was ignorant of my mind." I wanted to live. I knew that; even if I didn't deserve life, I still wanted it.
Laguna nodded. "Then I won't tell anyone. I swear."
I leaned towards the fire. I had told Laguna I no longer wanted to commit suicide.
Did I? I certainly hadn't planned on it yesterday, what if it just hit at me again, like I had tonight? And then, it hit full blast.
I had tried to commit suicide. I had tried to kill myself. I should be dead right now. But I wasn't. But I still should be dead.
By my hand. Not in battle, honorably, but the coward's way.
Coward.
"I'm a coward." I said it flatly. I let the world know exactly what I thought.
Laguna looked at me, and his mouth twitched. "Hardly." He said it wryly, with a touch of humor.
He leaned back. "Trust me on this one, 'K? I know cowards. You aren't one."
I looked up. Mold grew in patches on the ceiling. I hoped it didn't fall on me. It looked disgusting.
What would Laguna know of cowards? I suppose his being in the military . . . I could see him being confronted with cowardly soldiers. But, would it remain so fresh in his mind that it would be brought up so quickly?
Laguna looked at me strangely. "I'll cut you a deal, Quistis," he said slowly.
I narrowed my eyes slightly. "What kind of deal?"
Laguna looked up. "I promised already never to tell anyone about this, but . . . in return, I want you to keep my secret."
(¯`'·.¸(¯`'·. laguna .·'´¯)¸.·'´¯)
What the hell was I doing? I was NOT about to tell her this. I shook my head.
Man, was I stupid.
I guess if she keeps the secret, then I'm good to go. If she doesn't, then . . . then it's better for Squall to find out from a friend, I guess. I mean, to him I'm practically a stranger.
"It's a long story, if you want to listen," I heard myself saying. It seemed like my subconscious was fighting with my. . .you know. . .other conscious, the logical one.
And my sub was this giant sumo guy, and my logic was this little small fry.
I'd be rooting for the little guy, but my money was all for the sumo.
Quistis looked at me solemnly, and nodded. "I'm listening."
I looked back. It all started with Raine.
"Were you one of the people who saw Raine? When Ellone sent Squall back?"
"Yes."
"Well. . .Raine and I, we . . . got engaged. In the time between when Kiros appeared and when Ellone was taken . . .I gave her a ring." I looked down, and debated whether to take it out of my pocket, but I decided not to. I didn't really want to seem too pitiful.
Kinda late for that, I am way past pitiful.
Quistis was still listening. Probably getting bored, too.
"I had to leave just days before the wedding was gonna take place. To find Ellone, I had too. And when I came back, Raine was dead."
My voice began to close up, and I tried to surreptitiously clear my throat.
"I heard. . ." Quistis said softy. I forced myself to meet her eyes. They were pitying. I didn't want pity. She tried to continue. "But how-"
"I'm not done yet." I cut in sharpely. Man, I was screwing this up really really bad. For once, I had to force my mouth to keep going. "Not many know this. . .when Raine died. . .it was through childbirth."
Aha. She reacts. Quistis's eyes went wide. "Oh. . .my, was the child. . ."
I had to look away at this point. Argh, I really was pitiful. My damn leg was cramping up again. It twitched involuntarily.
Second time in less then two days. The old habit was picking up again.
"Yeah, he's mine." I sounded tired. I was.
Quistis shook her head, as if to clear it. "Oh my."
I don't really know why, but a flabbergasted Quistis was kinda funny. I laughed, even though it sounded harsh. "Let me finish. It gets better." Or worse, depending on your point of view.
I leaned back, and dimly recounted my side of the story. Not that there was another side, mind you. "I left him. You hear me? I left my kid in a damn orphanage. . .Raine's kid. . .I knew I had a kid the whole time. I knew. And I claimed ignorance and left him. . .And now he's an adult, and. . ." I bit my tongue.
No need to make an even bigger idiot of myself. I glanced over at Quistis. Her eyes didn't hold pity anymore. They held shock. I don't know what I was looking for, but shock wasn't what I wanted either.
She tilted her head slightly, and leaned forward. "Laguna. . .the-"
She was getting the picture. Better to get this over with. That in itself was wrong. . . a father should pronounce his son with pride, not damn cowardice.
I interrupted her. "Do you know Raine's maiden name?" I snapped. Ouch, shouldn't do that to people, an inner voice muttered. It's mean.
Quistis didn't look hurt by it. She looked confused. "No," she murmured, "I don't-"
I cut her short. "Leonhart. Raine Elizabeth Leonhart."
Her eyes went wider than before. I would have killed to know what she was thinking at that moment. "Leon. . .hart. . .oh, god, you mean. . ." She trailed off, staring at me. I wondered why. Maybe looking for a family resemblance.
"Yeah." I said dully. "I'm Squall's father."
Quistis narrowed her eyes slightly, and shook her head-and snapped back into Ice Queen mode. The change was startling. She suddenly seemed far older and taller than she had been a moment ago. Her eyes took on that glazed look for a moment before they focused on me again.
"Squall doesn't know." She stated the obvious like it was a revelation. Dang, I wish I had that skill.
I guess since she was snug in her Ice Queen act, I could slip back into my old moron mode. "Nope." I tried to bring some liveliness into my dead voice. I don't think I did too good with that. "And I can't bring myself to tell him. He seems happy enough now."
Silence. I elaborated. "I mean, what am I gonna do, waltz up to him, and go, 'Hey there, Squall! Did you know that I've denied your existence for nineteen damn years? Why would I do that you ask? Oh, well, the fact that I'm your father might have something to do with it'?"
Quistis didn't even blink. She was good. Oh, yeah, she was good. "I see your point."
I looked into the fire. I was empty. Nothing left to say. Quistis was staring into the fire too.
Quistis, How could she think her heart didn't work? I mean, anyone, everyone can love. Sure, it takes a little bit of searching, but it'd come eventually.
No wonder she was depressed, going around thinking like that.
Seriously, how stupid. Even I know better than that.
"This is all a secret, right?" Quistis said suddenly. I looked up.
"Yeah. But, if you ever get suicidal tendencies again, you hafta call me so I can try to talk you out of it."
Quistis didn't exactly smile, but her face relaxed, like she was a bit more content then she'd been a moment before. "Fine."
She looked down in the direction we'd been walking.
"I'm not that tired anymore," she stated softly, "let's keep going."
We did.
We walked for quite some time.
We got out of the cave and to Garden by dawn.
We were kinda dirty, but okay.
I wondered when I had started to think in the term 'we'.
(¯`'·.¸(¯`'·. .author's note. .·'´¯)¸.·'´¯)
Yes. A bonding chapter. Needed by plot, annoying by all other standards. Now's the hard part: I have to slowly turn everything from angst to fluff. I don't want a completely happy ending; I mean, real life never has a happy ending. But if the reviewers ask, I guess a happy ending wouldn't be too horrible.
I'm surprised at the number of reviews. I've seen completed fics with less reviews than this. I'm not prone to actions done in asterisks. . . but . . . *reluctantly resorts to asterisks and hugs all reviewers*
. . .Thanks, guys.
I guess I'm doing this for more than pure fun, now. I hope I don't turn into a review crazed writer, who stalls a story's continuation because of the lack of reviews. Ack. Those bastards.
I'm really thankful for all the great reviews. However, I seem to be getting more reviews marveling over the coupling then over the actual story or writing skill.
Overview: Quistis has attempted suicide, and Laguna, being a heroic moron, decides to run through the storm to find her. He fixes her up, and they take shelter in a cave. Sound cliché? Well, the cliché ends when Laguna triggers a rockslide. Trapped.
NO, nothing like THAT happens, you perverted little people!
(¯`'·.¸(¯`'·. quistis .·'´¯)¸.·'´¯)
I was weakened, slightly dazed, and had a rock digging into my back. My arms felt like they were made of lead and wood. My head swam, and I felt light, even though it took all my strength just to lift my hand.
My mind hazily sent images to my brain. Laguna Loire, president of Esthar. Saved my life. I tried to commit suicide. We were in a cave.
I shook my head. So fuzzy.
Laguna was cursing. Rocks? Rocks were blocking the way out? We were trapped. Ah.
I forced my hazy mind to think. Think Quistis. . .
Laguna began to heave at the rocks.
". . .don't. . ." I heard myself say groggily. ". . .more rocks. . . another cave-in. . ." Yes, that's right. Shifting the rocks might cause another rockslide.
I tried to get up. Must stand. . . to get out, we'll have to check the other end for an exit . . . won't we . . .
Laguna looked at me, and shoved me back down. "No, don't get up."
'Esuna' was cast on me. Some of the fog snapped out of my head. I blinked as a face came sharply into focus. A slightly worried, slightly angry, and very tired Laguna. I felt a twinge of regret: all his frustration right now was due to me.
I cupped a hand over my forehead. "We'll have to see it there's an exit down the other end." I pointed deeper into the cave. He peered down in the receding darkness. I noticed there was light. "Where's the light coming from?"
I hadn't meant to say that out loud, but I must have, because Laguna replied, "I kinda took your pack. It had a flashlight." Sure enough, my standard issue flashlight was sitting upright on the dirt floor.
"We need to go as soon as possible," I remarked. "We don't want the others to send out an undue search party."
Laguna gave me an incredulous look. "Undue? You have got to be kidding me." He shook his head. He took the flashlight and handed it to me. "Hold that." He knelt next to me, and waved his fingers in front of my face. "How many am I holding up?"
"Three."
He shook his head. "Well, you're in no condition to walk like that."
"What was the correct answer?"
"Two."
He swung my arm over his shoulder and heaved me upward. Blood rushed from my head as I got up, and I found myself standing in a stunned position a moment later.
"You okay?"
"Yes, yes of course." I tried to take my arm off of his shoulder, but his hand was firmly around my wrist.
"Nope. Sorry, you can't walk alone yet, even if you tried." Laguna's voice was annoyingly cheerful. I mumbled something very un-Quistis under my breath at him as we started down the stone passage.
"Hold up the flashlight. It'll give ya something to concentrate on." Laguna shook his hair out of his face wearily.
I nodded.
We continued on. I wished for sleep desperately, but I knew that right now, sleep wasn't the best thing for me. Three things kept me walking- stubbornness, training, and Laguna Loire's incessant verbal interruptions into my thought, with dumb random comments such as 'Hey, it's a mushroom!' and 'What I wouldn't give for a cheeseburger.'
"This is stupid." Laguna remarked. Yes, a perfect example of a dumb random comment.
I shook my head. It was my fault, did he really think I didn't know how stupid it was? I shuffled along, rather pitifully. I suppose I did go a bit rough on him. "Look who's talking, Mr. Let's-all-head-to-the-dark-cave-for- cover."
"Well, we're covered, aren't we?" Laguna quipped. He was laughing at a time like this? I had just attempted suicide, we were trapped in a cave with no way to communicate to the outside, and he was cracking corny jokes.
"I didn't find that very funny," I replied flatly. Laguna shrugged.
"Neither did I, but I'm working on it."
Ah. Blissful silence. So tired. . .
My brain began to fog up agin. I was getting giddy. I shook my head to clear it. "We've been walking for awhile now. We'll need to rest soon."
Laguna must have noticed my condition. "Sure, let's stop now, my feet are killing me." Not surprising, considering he'd been half-carrying me most of the way.
'Fira.' I cast it on a rotting vegetation to our right. Warmth.
Laguna set me down, and looked uneasily at the fire I'd made. "Er . . . should we really start a fire? Those things eat up the air pretty fast."
True. I forced my brain to think. "If there isn't a sufficient oxygen source close enough to feed the fire, then it's doubtful we'd survive the night anyway." Not exactly a cheerful thought, but I had no desire to be a little ray of sunshine.
Laguna stared at me objectively. "Not that you'd care," he challenged lightly.
I stifled a groan Great, now I was going to get grilled. By Laguna Loire. I shook my head, and tried to veer the conversation away from the uneasy subject of my attempt at my life. "On the contrary. If we died now, I'd get blamed for your death."
Laguna saw through it. Well, he was a very good soldier at one point. He wasn't stupid . . . well, most of the time anyway.
"Stop being logical. Why did you come out here? I can't think of anything you'd want to kill yourself for. . . that Rinoa girl was overeacting. . ."
"It's not that." I said it a bit too quickly. He looked at me over the fire. It popped loudly.
"Really."
". . ." I cast my mind back and forth for a reply. ". . .not all of it, anyway."
"What's all of it?" Laguna leaned forward and put all of his attention on me. I didn't really want his attention. What was I supposed to tell him?
Should I regurgitate what he wanted to here? Should I lie? Should I burst into false tears?"
. . . should I tell the truth? Should I tell him that . . . ". . .my heart . . . is broken . . "
I'd said it outloud. Damn. Laguna looked at me, shocked. "You mean your killing yourself because of some guy-"
"No!" I rubbed my temples. Dammit, having him think something as dumb as that was worse than telling the truth. 'Don't say anything, you're not yourself,' a little voice was telling me. I unwisely ignored it.
Laguna was waiting for an explanation. I tried not to meet his eyes, then thought better of it, and looked him directly in the face.
"No, it's nothing like that. My heart, it doesn't love. I want it to love. But it doesn't work."
I watched his face changed from shock to something a bit worse-pity. . .No, not pity . . . sympathy? "What? How-"
I knew what he was going to say. And I knew that none of it was true. None of it. I don't know what exactly happened after that, but something in me broke.
I think my ice cracked a bit.
"No, don't," I snapped. "Don't say anything." Laguna fell silent.
I took a deep breath, and started. "I always have been, I am, and always will be mediocre. I am mediocre. I used to seek perfection, you know. I thought I was damn close, and I hadn't even known what I was seeking.
"And then I got a reality check, and I realized: I am Quistis Trepe, and I am a mediocre person, who will never amount to much. I didn't deal with that too well. Then I saved the world, and I thought, maybe I'm not so mediocre. And then another thought struck me. Maybe that was it. That was all I was here to do. To do that one thing, and then all requirements are filled, and I was done.
"Irvine has something to live for: Selphie. Squall has something to live for: Rinoa. Even Zell has that librarian . . . but, what about me? What do I have to live for?" I bitterly-and quite feebly-punched the cave's rock floor.
"I never have and never will know love. Oh, I know, I love Irvine, Selphie, and the others, but that isn't what I mean. You know, I can't even recognize true love. Hell, I thought I was in love with Squall.
"Inability to love alone, I think, is a perfectly good reason to commit suicide. To kill myself, to end it. And there is much, much more where that comes from." I was breathing heavily, and I think if I had gone on for any longer I would have fainted, I was so giddy. Laguna wasn't looking sympathetic anymore. He looked . . . calm. Shockingly calm.
"So . . . do you feel better? Now that all that's out in the open?"
What? What did he mean? I bean to give a scathing answer, but stopped. I . . .
I did feel better. A lot better.
I felt like a weight I didn't know I'd been carrying had been suddenly heaved out of my chest, and my stomach was untangled out of a knot that I hadn't been sure existed.
"Yeah . . ." I breathed softly . . . and then noticed Laguna was smiling wryly. I straightened and continued. "I mean, yes. Yes, I do."
"Good." Laguna's smile faded, and he stared into the fire tiredly. I wondered if he had a burden like mine, and whether he knew he was carrying it or not.
I wondered if I cared. I think I did.
A thought struck me. "Are you . . . see, right here . . ." I swallowed and started again. "Are you going to tell anybody? That I . . ."
Laguna blinked, and shook his head. "It depends on whether or not you still want to kill your self."
I shook my head. "No. I was ignorant of my mind." I wanted to live. I knew that; even if I didn't deserve life, I still wanted it.
Laguna nodded. "Then I won't tell anyone. I swear."
I leaned towards the fire. I had told Laguna I no longer wanted to commit suicide.
Did I? I certainly hadn't planned on it yesterday, what if it just hit at me again, like I had tonight? And then, it hit full blast.
I had tried to commit suicide. I had tried to kill myself. I should be dead right now. But I wasn't. But I still should be dead.
By my hand. Not in battle, honorably, but the coward's way.
Coward.
"I'm a coward." I said it flatly. I let the world know exactly what I thought.
Laguna looked at me, and his mouth twitched. "Hardly." He said it wryly, with a touch of humor.
He leaned back. "Trust me on this one, 'K? I know cowards. You aren't one."
I looked up. Mold grew in patches on the ceiling. I hoped it didn't fall on me. It looked disgusting.
What would Laguna know of cowards? I suppose his being in the military . . . I could see him being confronted with cowardly soldiers. But, would it remain so fresh in his mind that it would be brought up so quickly?
Laguna looked at me strangely. "I'll cut you a deal, Quistis," he said slowly.
I narrowed my eyes slightly. "What kind of deal?"
Laguna looked up. "I promised already never to tell anyone about this, but . . . in return, I want you to keep my secret."
(¯`'·.¸(¯`'·. laguna .·'´¯)¸.·'´¯)
What the hell was I doing? I was NOT about to tell her this. I shook my head.
Man, was I stupid.
I guess if she keeps the secret, then I'm good to go. If she doesn't, then . . . then it's better for Squall to find out from a friend, I guess. I mean, to him I'm practically a stranger.
"It's a long story, if you want to listen," I heard myself saying. It seemed like my subconscious was fighting with my. . .you know. . .other conscious, the logical one.
And my sub was this giant sumo guy, and my logic was this little small fry.
I'd be rooting for the little guy, but my money was all for the sumo.
Quistis looked at me solemnly, and nodded. "I'm listening."
I looked back. It all started with Raine.
"Were you one of the people who saw Raine? When Ellone sent Squall back?"
"Yes."
"Well. . .Raine and I, we . . . got engaged. In the time between when Kiros appeared and when Ellone was taken . . .I gave her a ring." I looked down, and debated whether to take it out of my pocket, but I decided not to. I didn't really want to seem too pitiful.
Kinda late for that, I am way past pitiful.
Quistis was still listening. Probably getting bored, too.
"I had to leave just days before the wedding was gonna take place. To find Ellone, I had too. And when I came back, Raine was dead."
My voice began to close up, and I tried to surreptitiously clear my throat.
"I heard. . ." Quistis said softy. I forced myself to meet her eyes. They were pitying. I didn't want pity. She tried to continue. "But how-"
"I'm not done yet." I cut in sharpely. Man, I was screwing this up really really bad. For once, I had to force my mouth to keep going. "Not many know this. . .when Raine died. . .it was through childbirth."
Aha. She reacts. Quistis's eyes went wide. "Oh. . .my, was the child. . ."
I had to look away at this point. Argh, I really was pitiful. My damn leg was cramping up again. It twitched involuntarily.
Second time in less then two days. The old habit was picking up again.
"Yeah, he's mine." I sounded tired. I was.
Quistis shook her head, as if to clear it. "Oh my."
I don't really know why, but a flabbergasted Quistis was kinda funny. I laughed, even though it sounded harsh. "Let me finish. It gets better." Or worse, depending on your point of view.
I leaned back, and dimly recounted my side of the story. Not that there was another side, mind you. "I left him. You hear me? I left my kid in a damn orphanage. . .Raine's kid. . .I knew I had a kid the whole time. I knew. And I claimed ignorance and left him. . .And now he's an adult, and. . ." I bit my tongue.
No need to make an even bigger idiot of myself. I glanced over at Quistis. Her eyes didn't hold pity anymore. They held shock. I don't know what I was looking for, but shock wasn't what I wanted either.
She tilted her head slightly, and leaned forward. "Laguna. . .the-"
She was getting the picture. Better to get this over with. That in itself was wrong. . . a father should pronounce his son with pride, not damn cowardice.
I interrupted her. "Do you know Raine's maiden name?" I snapped. Ouch, shouldn't do that to people, an inner voice muttered. It's mean.
Quistis didn't look hurt by it. She looked confused. "No," she murmured, "I don't-"
I cut her short. "Leonhart. Raine Elizabeth Leonhart."
Her eyes went wider than before. I would have killed to know what she was thinking at that moment. "Leon. . .hart. . .oh, god, you mean. . ." She trailed off, staring at me. I wondered why. Maybe looking for a family resemblance.
"Yeah." I said dully. "I'm Squall's father."
Quistis narrowed her eyes slightly, and shook her head-and snapped back into Ice Queen mode. The change was startling. She suddenly seemed far older and taller than she had been a moment ago. Her eyes took on that glazed look for a moment before they focused on me again.
"Squall doesn't know." She stated the obvious like it was a revelation. Dang, I wish I had that skill.
I guess since she was snug in her Ice Queen act, I could slip back into my old moron mode. "Nope." I tried to bring some liveliness into my dead voice. I don't think I did too good with that. "And I can't bring myself to tell him. He seems happy enough now."
Silence. I elaborated. "I mean, what am I gonna do, waltz up to him, and go, 'Hey there, Squall! Did you know that I've denied your existence for nineteen damn years? Why would I do that you ask? Oh, well, the fact that I'm your father might have something to do with it'?"
Quistis didn't even blink. She was good. Oh, yeah, she was good. "I see your point."
I looked into the fire. I was empty. Nothing left to say. Quistis was staring into the fire too.
Quistis, How could she think her heart didn't work? I mean, anyone, everyone can love. Sure, it takes a little bit of searching, but it'd come eventually.
No wonder she was depressed, going around thinking like that.
Seriously, how stupid. Even I know better than that.
"This is all a secret, right?" Quistis said suddenly. I looked up.
"Yeah. But, if you ever get suicidal tendencies again, you hafta call me so I can try to talk you out of it."
Quistis didn't exactly smile, but her face relaxed, like she was a bit more content then she'd been a moment before. "Fine."
She looked down in the direction we'd been walking.
"I'm not that tired anymore," she stated softly, "let's keep going."
We did.
We walked for quite some time.
We got out of the cave and to Garden by dawn.
We were kinda dirty, but okay.
I wondered when I had started to think in the term 'we'.
(¯`'·.¸(¯`'·. .author's note. .·'´¯)¸.·'´¯)
Yes. A bonding chapter. Needed by plot, annoying by all other standards. Now's the hard part: I have to slowly turn everything from angst to fluff. I don't want a completely happy ending; I mean, real life never has a happy ending. But if the reviewers ask, I guess a happy ending wouldn't be too horrible.
I'm surprised at the number of reviews. I've seen completed fics with less reviews than this. I'm not prone to actions done in asterisks. . . but . . . *reluctantly resorts to asterisks and hugs all reviewers*
. . .Thanks, guys.
I guess I'm doing this for more than pure fun, now. I hope I don't turn into a review crazed writer, who stalls a story's continuation because of the lack of reviews. Ack. Those bastards.