Authors note: Sorry it took so long for me to update but between softball, school, and the play I currently auditioned for there wasn't really anytime. But here is a fix till the next chapter. Drum roll please….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I try not to but just one couldn't hurt could it. I decide that it can't.
"I'll have white wine please." I tell the waiter. The look on his face is priceless. Damit I know I shouldn't have. I know how he feels when I drink alcohol, he gets pissed. I think he might be okay, he wouldn't blow up in front of a whole restaurant would he?
"Abby…" Before I could even get anything else out she snaps.
"What, it's just one drink. No more, no less, okay?" I snapped. I couldn't just have waited to see what he was going to say I just assumed. I always jump to conclusions.
"That's not even what I was gonna say! You always just assume you know what I am going to say next, when half the time you don't know. Or maybe you do but it just comes out before you can stop it. I wasn't gonna say a damn thing about it Abby, I trust you but apparently you don't think so. Or maybe you don't trust yourself." And now I have gone off. The dream I had of a perfect night to rekindling our relationship has obviously gone down the drain. I could have just stayed calm but no, I had to get pissed, its what I always do. If this is ever going to work I am gonna have to change.
"How dare you say I don't trust myself, or even you!. How could you say that. There is no else in this world that I trust more than you!" Before I know it, I am getting up and walking out. I am running away from yet another problem, I always do and I can't seem to stop. I'm scared and I admit it to myself but I won't to anyone else. I guess I'm afraid to let my walls down, I could to Carter but wouldn't that mean I would have to keep them down for him. Hell I don't know anymore.
I realize then that I am standing in the pouring rain, well rather running down the street towards the El. I could go back or I could just stand here. Eventually he would find me, he would take me in his arms hug me and tell me everything would be fine and take back to his friggin mansion, though I much prefer my small apartment, and he would set me by the fire, bring me towels, and make me coffee. But I can't let him do that, not now, maybe someday but not now. So I continue walking, knowing exactly what I am leaving, and step onto the train. I sit down in the back corner and I realize I'm cold. I'm starting to wish I would have stayed and waited for him or hell even gone back to him. I want so much for everything between us to be just the way it was at the beginning of all this. Right after the "lockdown." I want to but something is holding me back, I don't know what but I sure as hell wish I did.
Somehow I have made it back to my apartment, I take off all my wet clothes and there strewn all over the floor, I turn the shower on and step in under the steaming water. It feels good, I feel good knowing I haven't had even one drink, at least not since the last time i was with him. Finally I am warm and dry off and put on some warm pajama pants and tank top. I go to the living room, grab a blanket, and put in a movie. I don't even know what movie it is because before the previews are even over I'm asleep. Hell I don't even know what I'm dreaming about, or well I do. I guess I'm dreaming about what I'm not dreaming about? Okay now I am just confusing myself.
A loud pounding wakes me out of my deep slumber and I groggily get up. It's the door and I know who it is. I knew he would find me, no matter where I am he always finds me, I am almost sure he knows me better than I do. I go to the door and I'm almost afraid to open it, yet I know I have to or I could very well loose him forever but in the end I decide to open it.
"Carter." I look him in the eye with as stern a face as I can muster right now and it's not easy being upset like this but I can tell by the look on his face that he knows I am more upset than I am mad.
"Abby we need to talk. Well I need to talk, you just listen." I look at her straight in the eyes and she is staring me down as well. She is willing to let me talk or at least I think she is. I walk in and sit in the chair next to her couch. She comes around from behind me and looks me in the eyes again.
"Okay so talk." I wait for a while and then he starts talking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohhhhhhh a cliffhanger!! Anyways more to come hopefully sooner than this last update. And I am sorry this chapter wasn't all that long but I wrote it in about 30 min. and I am now going to bed because I have to get up at 5:30 to go to school. J