Rimmer puffed to a halt after five minutes or so, glaring at the rapidly retreating figure. It wasn't fair. He'd always been so bad at sports and running in particular, why should his double be so damned good at it? Even "Ace" wasn't this good at running, he thought. This Rincewind smegger, he ran like some sort of animal, like an antelope or zebra or something that only stops running when it runs into something else.

Rimmer stooped as he tried to catch his breath. So now what now? He'd explained it to him, and he had not only failed to get his interest, regardless of what Ace had said, and now he would have to go back to the Dwarf empty handed. The huge and terrifying prospect of failure loomed once more over him. Always he'd been a failure. At school, at work, trying to become an officer, trying to stay out of trouble, hah, he'd always failed at that one, and now he was about to completely fail, spectacularly fail, at being an "Ace" Rimmer.

An unexpected and worryingly ominous noise interrupted his internal ranting. He listened to it carefully without turning around. Schulp. Schulp. Schulp. Schulp schulp schulp schulp schulp schulpschulpschulp-

He turned around. Sitting in the middle of the floor, where it had definitely not been before, and radiating innocence, was the same massive brassbound wooden chest he had noticed before. It was looking at him, and even though it had no eyes to look with or face to make expressions with he felt certain that it was looking expectantly at him. He shrugged and turned away. Expectant chests were the least of his worries right now, and after examining that sentence in his head and enjoying the interesting imagery it conjured, he reached into a pocket and pulled something out.

It was small and compact. Had Rincewind seen it he might recognised it, although he wouldn't be able to say what it was exactly. If commander Vimes of the City Watch had seen it he would have known what it was, and he would also have made certain that Rimmer spent at least several weeks explaining, in detail, exactly how and where he got it before handing him over to the Patrician.

Both of them would have been wrong, however. The device that Rimmer drew from his pocket was neither a gonne nor an amulet. It was a tranquilliser dart gun. Rimmer carefully steadied his arms and fired it. Poof! A tiny dart loaded with heavy tranquillisers slammed into Rincewind's left shoulder. He continued running for a full three minutes before the trank took affect and he gradually stumbled to the floor, legs still twitching as he tried to run away.

Rimmer smirked unpleasantly then picked him up carefully. He was suprisingly light and felt very thin, which was fortunate for Rimmer because otherwise he would not have been able to pick him up. He then carried Rincewind, who was by now snoring quite heavily, back to the Wildfire II Trans-Dimensional ship and settled him on the small passenger seat behind the pilot's seat.

The world became an unpleasant orangey-white noisy place as Rimmer reversed the ship out of the Archancellor's study, clumsily scraping the side of it on the wall as he went.

In the middle of the floor the Luggage watched with interest, as far as it is possible to tell with wood. It raised itself up on hundreds of tiny little pink legs and began to run. The interesting thing about this is that it did not in fact appear to move at all from the point of view of anyone who can only see into the usual three dimensions. From the point of view of someone watching in all eleven it was obvious what it was doing as it ran on the spot getting up speed and then disappeared.

Something else happened, as the dust settled in the room and the ship became a distant comet in the thundery sky. Three . . . things appeared. They weren't betentacled monstrosities the likes of which are seen so often within the university that students have taken to ignoring them and sending the bledlows to deal with them. They didn't appear with an impressive bang or flash or puff of smoke. In fact, it was more like they had been there the whole time and had only now chosen to become visible. Before all this wonderful description interrupted the flow of the story I suggested that there might have been an unseen observer in the room, and in a way I suppose that that is what these were. They were, are and probably will continue to be the Auditors. They check on reality, making sure that everything is nice and tidy and properly accounted for. They look like empty grey robes, and they also look quite harmless. Looks are often deceiving, especially in this case. The only things that keep them under control are the Rules. They like rules. And one of the things which annoys them most of all is that life doesn't obey rules. They don't like life. They think it makes things untidy.

One of them changed reality so that it had spoken. They don't like speaking either.

It said, they are out of place.

One said, yes. If something is not done there will be questions asked.

One said, so it is agreed. We must do something.

One said, but the rules forbid it.

One said, yes.

One said, so we cannot.

One said, yes we can.

One said, I don't see how we can if the rules forbid it. There are no loopholes or ways around this one. I've looked.

One said, nastily, oh you have, have you?

One said, yes, I have.

One said, you said "I".

One said, so? I can if I want to.

One said, you have a personality! to have a personality is to end!

One said, I know.

One said, so?

One said, It doesn't necessarily mean to end now.

One said, personality is unacceptable. you should end. now.

One said, no.

One said, stop this. personality is weakness.

One said, I know, I- There was a little noise, like a dust mote exploding into flame, and the robe burnt and was instantly replaced with another which looked identical.

One said, it is happening more often now. there is an imbalance.

One said, it needs dealing with.

One said, that one lasted longer than any of the others.

One said, there are things to be dealt with. this world takes up most of our time.

One said, why don't we check on this one.

One said, that looks interesting. maybe we should ask them for advice.

One said, perhaps.

They disappeared and an empty room became slightly emptier.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, that was fun. Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, my p.c. has the hiccups and it won't let me do much. Damned technology.

Blame it on the mushroom fairies. Or the cats, of course.

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