Meanwhile…..
Rincewind huddled in the corner underneath the table and pretended to be invisible. He wished he'd led a better life, been more generous , maybe even taken up a religeon. If he had, he rezoned, he wouldn't be here. Wherever here was, of course. The strange golem-like man had told him that he was on a spaceship, flying through space very fast, and he could come out from under the table and everything would be alright.
Hah.
Rincewind knew from experience what people saying 'It'll be alright' usually meant. They meant that now, at this particular moment in time, nothing especially horrible would happen, but that it was a definite possibility in the near future.
As for the bit about the spaceship, he hadn't asked what that meant and didn't intend to. He had a perfectly good imagination, however, and his own little extra-planetary experience had left him worshiping the ground he could walk on. The idea that someone could just turn off the 'down'* seriously upset him, especially when the people supposedly in control of these things were such a bunch of serious idiots.
There was something of a commotion happening at the front desk. Rincewind couldn't see what it was from under the table of course, leaving him with a horrible conundrum. Should he stick his head out and see what the fuss is about, or stay here where it's safe?
Ford glared at the door as if it had personally insulted him.
"So," he spoke to it softly and menacingly, "So. An open door. No!" He suddenly shouted to Arthur, who hadn't moved or indeed done anything at all. "Let me investigate the situation before you do something stupid. I think I'm onto something here." Arthur shrugged and turned back to the door. The conversation with the robot had left Ford feeling decidedly let down, and he was dealing with it the only way he knew how.
A shout from beyond the open door caused both of them to jump. At this distance the words were distorted but even Arthur could tell that whoever was shouting was very annoyed. Very much so.
"Um." Ford turned his suspicious glare from the door to Arthur.
"Yes?"
"Should we go through the door? It might be dangerous. There could be anything on the other side. It's very suspicious." He did a good impression of Ford glaring at the door, and Ford grinned.
"Of course not. It's just a door Arthur, honestly. Let's go." Arthur smiled as he followed Ford out. Reverse psychology. Brilliant stuff.
Finally, Rincewind risked a quick glance from under the table. The shouting at least wasn't directed at him, in itself a novelty, and his legs were getting cramped. There were three people at the desk-type-thing towards the front of the room, all pointing at moving blobs on the little window type thing set into the desk. Curious he looked over.
"Um." They all turned to look at him and he took a nervous step back. There was the badly dressed one with the diseased carpet aftershave, the guy who looked suspiciously cat-like, and the guy who, apparently, wasn't the guy called Ace, even though he looked just like him. The guy who wasn't Ace snorted through a nose that a moon dragon** would be proud of and ignored him.
"What's that sort of green blobby thingummy, there?" The guy who wasn't Ace sighed exasperatedly.
"The green blob," he said in tones of extreme irritation, " is us. The red blob there, "he pointed, "is a planet. The yellow blobs there are- LISTER!" He yelled again, despite the fact that the one called Lister (eau-de-old-carpet aftershave) was stood in front of him.
"What. Is. That." He glared at the screen accusingly and prodded Lister in the jacket. Lister shrugged.
"I dunno, probably biriani. Or maybe mango chutney." He grinned in a way carefully designed to annoy Rimmer and wiped the screen with a sleeve. Then he tapped the glass thoughtfully.
"Rimmer, you smeghead, it's inside the glass."
Rimmer stared at the screen again.
"They're still there. We're being chased by little yellow blobs."
Rincewind stared at him. "So," He said, cautiously, "That's bad, is it?" The guy who wasn't called Ace but was, as Rincewind just now remembered, called Rimmer, looked at him.
" I think I should go and check on the escape pods. Make sure they're all in tip top condition, escape mechanism working properly, that sort of thing." He got up to leave and Lister shook his head.
"There aren't any escape pods." Rimmer's eyebrows did a funny little dance all of their own.
"It's regulations. There should be one on C-deck, next to the towel cupboard."
Lister shrugged.
"I don't remember any escape pods on C-deck. I don't think Starbug has any escape pods." Rimmer glared.
"What-" Then he stopped. He stared, staying very still, at a point just to the right of Lister's feet. He cleared his throat nervously and very quietly asked on of the questions that has been plaguing mankind for centuries.
"What the hell is that thing with all the legs?" Lister looked down and jumped backwards. Something creaked warningly.
Rincewind gave it a brittle cheery smile.
"Don't worry, it's just the Luggage. It follows me everywhere." Rimmer gave him another glare.
"Your luggage." He muttered unhappily. Then louder; "Your luggage runs around on hundreds of tiny little legs!" Rincewind nodded and decided to try the effect of an annoying grin on Rimmer.
"Well, yes. It's a magic box." Rimmer opened his mouth to say something more and Lister interrupted him.
"What about those?" He pointed at the yellow blobs on the screen that did indeed look like little blobs of mango chutney.
"What do we do about those?"
."I don't smell anything, maybe it's a glitch."
"Or maybe," Rimmer added, "They're psychotic aliens with two sets of teeth each who want to take us out to dinner."
"Dinner?" The cat butted in again. "In this jacket? Oh man, I've gotta change. Is it formal?"
Arthur watched in semi-disbelief as Ford sidled down the corridor, slid across the wall to the doorway from which the sounds of a long-running argument were still issuing, and motioned for Arthur to follow him at a discrete distance. He waved his arms desperately trying to convey that Arthur should follow him, that he should be quiet and as stealthy as he knew how to be, that he should please do his best to not tread on his bathrobe and trip over, and that he was holding Arthur entirely responsible for their being discovered.
The unfortunate victim of Ford's random arm-wavings pulled himself up from where a stray elbow had knocked him and gave Ford a chipmunk smile.
"So. You're awake, then." Ford looked at him and grinned back.
"No. I walk in my sleep. And talk. And have fully interactive conversations." Chipmunk man shrugged.
"I'm Lister, that's Rimmer, Cat, Rincewind and his Luggage." Ford nodded.
"I'm Ford, this is Arthur. Where are we?" Arthur gave Lister an apologetic smile, then stopped. Lister had carried on talking but he wasn't listening anymore, he was too busy staring at the people in the other room. The one he'd called Cat was wearing, well, weird clothes, but the other two were far more worrying.
Ignoring Ford and Lister, who seemed to be doing some kind of bonding thing, he strode over to – Rimmer, was it?
"Um, Hello?" The one he thought might be Rimmer looked up at him and shook his head disapprovingly. The one that was possibly Rincewind looked him up and down critically.
"You must be Arthur. I'd welcome you but there's not much point seeing as we're about to die horribly anyway. It was nice knowing you." Arthur stared at him briefly.
"Uhm. What are we about to die of? I feel fine." He paused when it filtered through that he was talking to two men who looked almost exactly like him, one of whom was wearing a tall pointy battered hat with the word wizard embroidered on it. "Well, maybe not fine but I certainly don't feel like I'm about to die."
Possibly Rincewind shrugged. "I never knew curry stains could be so dangerous."