Sway
my heart, your hands, gentle my friend
break me neatly, numb me sweetly
The moon shines through the window, falling over the bed where I laid next to him. This was not what I wanted, I told myself, looking over the naked form next to me. The smooth slope of his bare back, seeming to glow in the moonlight, until it disappeared under the thin sheet at the base of the spine, the muscled arms and messy tan hair. I can not remember what his name was, or why he was here, only that he was and this was what had to be.
I used to love someone else, I used to love my best friend... Until we had that fight. He used me, tore my heart open and spilled my love for him across the expanse he put between us. There was something going on, something he would not tell me, but he was always secretive and I respected that.
Shaking my head, I turn back to watching the shadows play across the wall. My thoughts drifted once again to the youth that lay beside me. I was not that old, early twenties, but this was little more than a boy. He was still a teenager, and he was sharing my bed. I am the Praetor of Yevon, sleeping with this child, keeping him with me. No one else knew, I could not shame Yevon that way, or any way. I am completely devoted to my faith, and I want only the best for Spira. Everyone knows that, but they could not understand me or the actions that made me who I am.
I am numb to feeling love anymore, even for Yevon. I can still worship and lead, but never would I regain what I once used to be. Maybe that is why there is this boy next to me. I searched my mind, trying to remember his name...
say you would, say you could
say you'd come and stop the rain
say you'd try and hold me tight
and you just give me away
make me high on lullabies
a melody for me to sway
say you would, say you could
and you don't do anything
He had promised me so many things, actually, the both of them have. The boy laying next to me and the man that would never come back. Gippal... I think to myself, wanting to feel his touch again. He used to be so funny, so kind, so sincere, but something had changed and now he was gone from me, nothing anymore. I want him back in my life so bad, but I will never see him again. That much is for sure.
Empty promises were what had become the last weeks of our relationship. He had told me so much, what we would do together, how we were going to survive whatever came our way, how we would be accepted, but empty promises never meant anything. There was really no way to save what we had, once I had caught him with ... someone else. The little bitch, I think now, anger flushing into my face. She stole everything from me!
The boy next to me awakes and sees the anger in my eyes as I glare at him. The anger is not directed towards him but he has no way to know that. Fear ripples across his face, but I make it subside by leaning in to kiss him. "It is not you," I say, caressing his hair.
"What's wrong?" he asks in his childish voice.
"Don't ever make a promise you can't keep," I say to him. "Don't ever ruin someone you think you love."
come down heavy, try and steady
precious ladies, love you, love me...
There is nothing I can do to get him back. "Gippal," I whisper.
He heard me. The boy. What the hell is his name? "Baralai...?"
"I'm PRAETOR!" I yell suddenly. "A PRAETOR OF YEVON!"
He looks frightened. His body shivers beneath the sheets, and he edges away from me. His eyes are searching frantically for a way out, but he could go nowhere unless I say he can. And I do not want him going anywhere right now.
"Stop moving." The icy tone of my voice made him freeze. "Do you know why you are here? You are here just to satisfy my lust for the flesh, my hunger for another's body. I use you and you either are too dumb to realize it or too dumb to care. You know nothing about me, other than my name, which I cannot bear you to say to me, and I know nothing about you. I don't even remember your fucking name!" The boy tried to reach out a hand to comfort me, and I shoot out of the bed. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"
The boy's eye lit up with tears. "I... need to go..." He got up and ran naked from the room. He did not even bother with clothes. He just bolted.
And I was alone.
hold my head up to the lies that you feed me
I'll fall under the spell you cast as you let me down
I sat against the window, repeating "Tidus... Tidus..." Over and over. Over and over. Over and over.
A hand slid across my chest. I expected it to be Tidus again, coming back again, like he always does, until I notice that the hand is gloved. "No..." I whisper under my breath. My mind screams no but my body screams yes, and I lean back into his body.
Please Yevon help me get through this night...
say you'd come and stop the rain...
my heart, your hands, gentle my friend
break me neatly, numb me sweetly
The moon shines through the window, falling over the bed where I laid next to him. This was not what I wanted, I told myself, looking over the naked form next to me. The smooth slope of his bare back, seeming to glow in the moonlight, until it disappeared under the thin sheet at the base of the spine, the muscled arms and messy tan hair. I can not remember what his name was, or why he was here, only that he was and this was what had to be.
I used to love someone else, I used to love my best friend... Until we had that fight. He used me, tore my heart open and spilled my love for him across the expanse he put between us. There was something going on, something he would not tell me, but he was always secretive and I respected that.
Shaking my head, I turn back to watching the shadows play across the wall. My thoughts drifted once again to the youth that lay beside me. I was not that old, early twenties, but this was little more than a boy. He was still a teenager, and he was sharing my bed. I am the Praetor of Yevon, sleeping with this child, keeping him with me. No one else knew, I could not shame Yevon that way, or any way. I am completely devoted to my faith, and I want only the best for Spira. Everyone knows that, but they could not understand me or the actions that made me who I am.
I am numb to feeling love anymore, even for Yevon. I can still worship and lead, but never would I regain what I once used to be. Maybe that is why there is this boy next to me. I searched my mind, trying to remember his name...
say you would, say you could
say you'd come and stop the rain
say you'd try and hold me tight
and you just give me away
make me high on lullabies
a melody for me to sway
say you would, say you could
and you don't do anything
He had promised me so many things, actually, the both of them have. The boy laying next to me and the man that would never come back. Gippal... I think to myself, wanting to feel his touch again. He used to be so funny, so kind, so sincere, but something had changed and now he was gone from me, nothing anymore. I want him back in my life so bad, but I will never see him again. That much is for sure.
Empty promises were what had become the last weeks of our relationship. He had told me so much, what we would do together, how we were going to survive whatever came our way, how we would be accepted, but empty promises never meant anything. There was really no way to save what we had, once I had caught him with ... someone else. The little bitch, I think now, anger flushing into my face. She stole everything from me!
The boy next to me awakes and sees the anger in my eyes as I glare at him. The anger is not directed towards him but he has no way to know that. Fear ripples across his face, but I make it subside by leaning in to kiss him. "It is not you," I say, caressing his hair.
"What's wrong?" he asks in his childish voice.
"Don't ever make a promise you can't keep," I say to him. "Don't ever ruin someone you think you love."
come down heavy, try and steady
precious ladies, love you, love me...
There is nothing I can do to get him back. "Gippal," I whisper.
He heard me. The boy. What the hell is his name? "Baralai...?"
"I'm PRAETOR!" I yell suddenly. "A PRAETOR OF YEVON!"
He looks frightened. His body shivers beneath the sheets, and he edges away from me. His eyes are searching frantically for a way out, but he could go nowhere unless I say he can. And I do not want him going anywhere right now.
"Stop moving." The icy tone of my voice made him freeze. "Do you know why you are here? You are here just to satisfy my lust for the flesh, my hunger for another's body. I use you and you either are too dumb to realize it or too dumb to care. You know nothing about me, other than my name, which I cannot bear you to say to me, and I know nothing about you. I don't even remember your fucking name!" The boy tried to reach out a hand to comfort me, and I shoot out of the bed. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"
The boy's eye lit up with tears. "I... need to go..." He got up and ran naked from the room. He did not even bother with clothes. He just bolted.
And I was alone.
hold my head up to the lies that you feed me
I'll fall under the spell you cast as you let me down
I sat against the window, repeating "Tidus... Tidus..." Over and over. Over and over. Over and over.
A hand slid across my chest. I expected it to be Tidus again, coming back again, like he always does, until I notice that the hand is gloved. "No..." I whisper under my breath. My mind screams no but my body screams yes, and I lean back into his body.
Please Yevon help me get through this night...
say you'd come and stop the rain...