EPILOUGE
How do you know when to give up? How do you realize that there is nothing left for you, that your life is pointless?
As I lay in the dark of Orthanc, I thought I had reached that point. My brother had betrayed me again, my voice had been taken, my body badly bruised and spirit broken, my best friend thought to be dead... I had nothing left, nowhere left to turn. And so I gave up.
Fading is as experience unique to the Elves. While your body is still alive, your spirit begins to detach itself, to prepare for the journey to the Hall of Mandos. Your skin becomes cold, your eyes dull. You lose interest in everything around you: friends, family, loves...You don't eat or sleep. It's almost as though a waking death has found you.
I have seen fading before, but only once. A childhood companion had a sister whose lover was killed by a Mirkwood spider. When I saw her about a week afterwards, I believed she was nothing more than exquisitely carved statue. Realizing that this woman was indeed alive was one of the biggest heartaches I have ever suffered.
Despite desperate pleas from those around her, she would not wake up. She was buried beside her lover just two weeks after his death.
I was welcoming the Shadow Lover at some point during my captivity, waiting for his welcoming arms to take me to the Hall of Mandos.
But I was lucky. I had friends who loved and cared for me, who would not let me give up. And I wonder, if that young woman had had friends such as mine, would she still be here today?
Now we are on our way to Caradhras. As I sit here with Aragorn on one side and Ylana on the other, watching the hobbits try and teach Gimli one of their songs from the Shire, I can't imagine feeling that way.
And I hope I never will again.
How do you know when to give up? How do you realize that there is nothing left for you, that your life is pointless?
As I lay in the dark of Orthanc, I thought I had reached that point. My brother had betrayed me again, my voice had been taken, my body badly bruised and spirit broken, my best friend thought to be dead... I had nothing left, nowhere left to turn. And so I gave up.
Fading is as experience unique to the Elves. While your body is still alive, your spirit begins to detach itself, to prepare for the journey to the Hall of Mandos. Your skin becomes cold, your eyes dull. You lose interest in everything around you: friends, family, loves...You don't eat or sleep. It's almost as though a waking death has found you.
I have seen fading before, but only once. A childhood companion had a sister whose lover was killed by a Mirkwood spider. When I saw her about a week afterwards, I believed she was nothing more than exquisitely carved statue. Realizing that this woman was indeed alive was one of the biggest heartaches I have ever suffered.
Despite desperate pleas from those around her, she would not wake up. She was buried beside her lover just two weeks after his death.
I was welcoming the Shadow Lover at some point during my captivity, waiting for his welcoming arms to take me to the Hall of Mandos.
But I was lucky. I had friends who loved and cared for me, who would not let me give up. And I wonder, if that young woman had had friends such as mine, would she still be here today?
Now we are on our way to Caradhras. As I sit here with Aragorn on one side and Ylana on the other, watching the hobbits try and teach Gimli one of their songs from the Shire, I can't imagine feeling that way.
And I hope I never will again.