SIMON
A/N: This is part 3, and is narrorated by none other than GIPPAL! The title does not fit the chapter, I know, but it is the name of the Lifehouse song I used for the fic, so there is the name. I have also decided that if I get more reviews for this, like say... if I get a total of 7, I'll write another chapter. I don't like writing stories where only one person reads it, I do not believe that is what this site is used for. So please take the time to R+R, and I promise to keep writing!
catch your breath
hit the wall
scream out loud
as you start to crawl
back in your cage
the only place
where they will
leave you alone
cause the weak will seek the weaker till they've broken them
could you get it back again
would it be the same
fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense
left you with no defense
they tore it down
I stood behind him, one gloved hand curled around his chest. He knew I was there, but he hesitated. I can not say that I blame him, after all that I have done. I had ruined him, I knew, I had abandoned him.
Never once did I think that he would not want me back.
My Baralai, I thought, moving my hand across his chest, stroking the bare flesh, needing to feel his skin against mine. The skin on my hand tingled, told me to rip the glove off and throw it aside, told me that it needed its release, the release that Rikku had never been able to give me. I cupped one of his pecks in my hand, squeezing gently, and lowered my head to meet his neck, the line of smooth flesh. I opened my mouth, prepared to take him back into me, when his body jerked and suddenly he had my hand in his, and not in a good way.
I had seen the nude boy running from this place, but I had only began to think that Baralai could actually feel anything for him. He looked frail, weak, and scared. That was not the kind of boy Baralai was into, not at all. Unless my leaving had changed something dark inside of him... I shuddered and did not want to even consider it. My mind would not fathom that concept, I would not let myself, my mind, wander to those thoughts. They just simply were not true.
Of course I had envisioned this moment, and it was not going the way I had planned. I left with Rikku because that is what I felt I needed at the time, but I was dead wrong. She was still the whiny little cunt she always had been, and when I spoke those words to her, she smacked me and left me in Kilika Port, took our boat, and sailed into the sunset.
Baralai was supposed to be in his bed, staring out the window at the night sky, staring at anything, trying to being me back with will power. I would appear to him, and love him, sneaking into the bed and he would not notice until I was behind him, hot, sweaty, ready. I would thrust myself into him and he would moan in ecstacy.
This was not how it was going at all.
He was frail, he was lost, at least he was when I left him. I wanted to come back to protect him, but now it seemed as though The only person he needed protection from was me.
locked inside
the only place
where you feel sheltered
where you feel safe
you lost yourself
in your search to find
something else to hide behind
cause the fearful always preyed upon your confidence
didn't they see the consequence
they pushed you around
the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
breaking them till they've become
just another crown
I move around to sit in front of him, kneeling on the cold stone floor, the moonlight from the Macalania woods illuminating us, making us look more splendid then we ever actually could look. This was not a fairy tale, I could not see a happy ending. Not from this, not from where this was going.
This is the wrong path.
Poor boy, I thought. You have been beaten down so many times in the past. What have I done to you? I stared at him, and he was avoiding looking into my eyes, he would not meet them. When I put my hands on the side of his face and guided it to me, I saw the hatred, the anger, stirring in them.
"Baralai..."
"Don't talk to me." His voice was primal, almost a growl. He was growing ever more angry, and I knew from previous experience that he would soon explode. The Baralai from the past was beginning to show, but not in the way that I wanted him to. This was the bad side, the side that I feared. And I did not fear much.
When I thought the rage was going to swell to the breaking point he stopped, and looked at me. The anger, the resentment, melted away.
It was all a mask.
Tears came to the one eye that was not hidden behind the eye patch. Baralai lifted a hand to my hair and stroked it once, twice. His tongue flicked out over his lips, and he rushed forward. I could barely hold my arms out quick enough to catch him as he flung against me, his mouth mashing against mine, his tongue invading my mouth, separating my lips hard, searching, always searching.
I rocked back on my knees, and my body crashed to the floor. All of a sudden he was on top of me, wanting to dominate me, and I realized that this was what he had become, and this was not what I wanted him to become. This was not right, and I fell farther into my well of dispair.
What happened to you Baralai? Who are you?
refuse to feel
anything at all
refuse to slip
refuse to fall
can't be weak
can't stand still
watch your back
cause no one will
A/N: This is part 3, and is narrorated by none other than GIPPAL! The title does not fit the chapter, I know, but it is the name of the Lifehouse song I used for the fic, so there is the name. I have also decided that if I get more reviews for this, like say... if I get a total of 7, I'll write another chapter. I don't like writing stories where only one person reads it, I do not believe that is what this site is used for. So please take the time to R+R, and I promise to keep writing!
catch your breath
hit the wall
scream out loud
as you start to crawl
back in your cage
the only place
where they will
leave you alone
cause the weak will seek the weaker till they've broken them
could you get it back again
would it be the same
fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense
left you with no defense
they tore it down
I stood behind him, one gloved hand curled around his chest. He knew I was there, but he hesitated. I can not say that I blame him, after all that I have done. I had ruined him, I knew, I had abandoned him.
Never once did I think that he would not want me back.
My Baralai, I thought, moving my hand across his chest, stroking the bare flesh, needing to feel his skin against mine. The skin on my hand tingled, told me to rip the glove off and throw it aside, told me that it needed its release, the release that Rikku had never been able to give me. I cupped one of his pecks in my hand, squeezing gently, and lowered my head to meet his neck, the line of smooth flesh. I opened my mouth, prepared to take him back into me, when his body jerked and suddenly he had my hand in his, and not in a good way.
I had seen the nude boy running from this place, but I had only began to think that Baralai could actually feel anything for him. He looked frail, weak, and scared. That was not the kind of boy Baralai was into, not at all. Unless my leaving had changed something dark inside of him... I shuddered and did not want to even consider it. My mind would not fathom that concept, I would not let myself, my mind, wander to those thoughts. They just simply were not true.
Of course I had envisioned this moment, and it was not going the way I had planned. I left with Rikku because that is what I felt I needed at the time, but I was dead wrong. She was still the whiny little cunt she always had been, and when I spoke those words to her, she smacked me and left me in Kilika Port, took our boat, and sailed into the sunset.
Baralai was supposed to be in his bed, staring out the window at the night sky, staring at anything, trying to being me back with will power. I would appear to him, and love him, sneaking into the bed and he would not notice until I was behind him, hot, sweaty, ready. I would thrust myself into him and he would moan in ecstacy.
This was not how it was going at all.
He was frail, he was lost, at least he was when I left him. I wanted to come back to protect him, but now it seemed as though The only person he needed protection from was me.
locked inside
the only place
where you feel sheltered
where you feel safe
you lost yourself
in your search to find
something else to hide behind
cause the fearful always preyed upon your confidence
didn't they see the consequence
they pushed you around
the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
breaking them till they've become
just another crown
I move around to sit in front of him, kneeling on the cold stone floor, the moonlight from the Macalania woods illuminating us, making us look more splendid then we ever actually could look. This was not a fairy tale, I could not see a happy ending. Not from this, not from where this was going.
This is the wrong path.
Poor boy, I thought. You have been beaten down so many times in the past. What have I done to you? I stared at him, and he was avoiding looking into my eyes, he would not meet them. When I put my hands on the side of his face and guided it to me, I saw the hatred, the anger, stirring in them.
"Baralai..."
"Don't talk to me." His voice was primal, almost a growl. He was growing ever more angry, and I knew from previous experience that he would soon explode. The Baralai from the past was beginning to show, but not in the way that I wanted him to. This was the bad side, the side that I feared. And I did not fear much.
When I thought the rage was going to swell to the breaking point he stopped, and looked at me. The anger, the resentment, melted away.
It was all a mask.
Tears came to the one eye that was not hidden behind the eye patch. Baralai lifted a hand to my hair and stroked it once, twice. His tongue flicked out over his lips, and he rushed forward. I could barely hold my arms out quick enough to catch him as he flung against me, his mouth mashing against mine, his tongue invading my mouth, separating my lips hard, searching, always searching.
I rocked back on my knees, and my body crashed to the floor. All of a sudden he was on top of me, wanting to dominate me, and I realized that this was what he had become, and this was not what I wanted him to become. This was not right, and I fell farther into my well of dispair.
What happened to you Baralai? Who are you?
refuse to feel
anything at all
refuse to slip
refuse to fall
can't be weak
can't stand still
watch your back
cause no one will