Act Two- Scene One
[Curtain opens on the orchard wall just outside Capulet's house. The party of maskers meanders drunkenly down the alley.]

Ron: [drunk] Oy, Neville me boy. Whurr de ye thinkin' ole Harry be goin'?

Neville: [also drunk] Mebbe 'e's still whinin' over Ch- err... Ch-... Choooo.

Ron: HARRY!! OY! HAPPY HAPPY HARRY!! Yeh... Yeh coom on out now, we're too drunk to coom and find yeh...

Neville: Well mebbe we should let 'im whine over Ch- err... Ch-... Cho.

Ron: Naw, 'taint healthy fer 'im. HARRY! LOVE-SICK PRETTY BOY PERFECT EXAMPLE HAAAARRY!!..... HARRY AND CHO SITTIN' IN A TREE!! K-I-S-... Er, Neville, what comes next?

Neville: More wine, I hope.

Ron: Eh, well it don' matter no more. Harry'll come to 'is senses soon, eh? OH HARRY BOY OH HARRY BOY, FERGIT THAT STUPID HOOOOOE!!

Justin: Why do I always have to be the designated driver?

Ron: 'Cuz you're a bloody stick-in-the-mud 'oo ruins me best-est-est-est lines, what's whoo.

[As the drunken procession veers over the road, the curtain closes.]

[Enter Chorus]

Snape: We finally updated,
Aren't you glad?
Too bad there's so little
Text to be had.

Angry Reviewer: This should be combined with Scene Two!

Snape:... Nah.

[Exit Chorus]