Act Two- Scene Five
[Curtain opens on Capulet's orchard, a fretting Hermione frantically pacing in the begonias.]
Hermione: By Merlin, I sent that wicked nurse off hours ago! Surely she's met with Harry by now? The boy isn't that hard to find. But what if she didn't meet him? Oh, she's a frigid, infertile, malicious, rabid, bitter, vile, insipid-
[Enter Nurse]
Hermione: Insipidly wonderful, I mean!
Pomfry: Don't think I didn't hear you...
Hermione: Hear me? Hear what? I think you're growing senile in you age.
Pomfry: If you weren't such a lamb, I'd slaughter you.
Hermione: ... Uhh... What do I say to that? ... Er... What news from Harry?
Pomfry: Weeeeeell......
Hermione: He's changed his mind?! Does he not love me anymore?!
Pomfry: I was just about to say -
Hermione: He spat at you and defecated on your shoes?! Say it isn't so!
Pomfry: If you'll just settle down -
Hermione: He puts a pox on my soul?! Oh, say no more, good Nurse!
Pomfry: Lady Hermione, just listen for a -
Hermione: Oh, cold hard earth, take me now, for I no longer wish live!!
Pomfry: Don't you ever shut up?!
Dobby: Not often Dobby witnesses role-reversal, sirs.
Pomfry: I thought I told you to wait by the gate!
Dobby: Sir must have forgotten... as usual...
[Exit Dobby, sulking]
Hermione: Well... If you'd hurry up and talk I wouldn't have to kill myself.
Pomfry: [aside] Perish the thought...
Hermione: What was that?!
Pomfry: I was just thinking about what Harry was saying to me this afternoon.
Hermione: FINALLY, we're getting to the subject.
Pomfry: He told me that he would be happy to marry you, and that you are in the absolute necessity of bringing a rope ladder.
Hermione: Rope ladder? Why in God's name would I need a rope ladder? Is that my ring? Are we going to fling rope ladders over each other in happy wedlock?!
Pomfry: Your guess is as good as mine, my lady. Anyway, Sir Harry wishes you to be at Friar Dumbledor's tonight to get hitched.
Hermione: Yess! Score! Go me!
[Exit All, curtain closes]
[Enter Chorus]
Snape: Script form is easy to write,
So don't applaud us much.
Or perhaps a standing ovation?
It helps our egos, such.
[Exit Chorus]
----------------------
AN: I know that these are so short, please don't skewer me with your tiny review spoons! I'll deliver more! I promise!
[Curtain opens on Capulet's orchard, a fretting Hermione frantically pacing in the begonias.]
Hermione: By Merlin, I sent that wicked nurse off hours ago! Surely she's met with Harry by now? The boy isn't that hard to find. But what if she didn't meet him? Oh, she's a frigid, infertile, malicious, rabid, bitter, vile, insipid-
[Enter Nurse]
Hermione: Insipidly wonderful, I mean!
Pomfry: Don't think I didn't hear you...
Hermione: Hear me? Hear what? I think you're growing senile in you age.
Pomfry: If you weren't such a lamb, I'd slaughter you.
Hermione: ... Uhh... What do I say to that? ... Er... What news from Harry?
Pomfry: Weeeeeell......
Hermione: He's changed his mind?! Does he not love me anymore?!
Pomfry: I was just about to say -
Hermione: He spat at you and defecated on your shoes?! Say it isn't so!
Pomfry: If you'll just settle down -
Hermione: He puts a pox on my soul?! Oh, say no more, good Nurse!
Pomfry: Lady Hermione, just listen for a -
Hermione: Oh, cold hard earth, take me now, for I no longer wish live!!
Pomfry: Don't you ever shut up?!
Dobby: Not often Dobby witnesses role-reversal, sirs.
Pomfry: I thought I told you to wait by the gate!
Dobby: Sir must have forgotten... as usual...
[Exit Dobby, sulking]
Hermione: Well... If you'd hurry up and talk I wouldn't have to kill myself.
Pomfry: [aside] Perish the thought...
Hermione: What was that?!
Pomfry: I was just thinking about what Harry was saying to me this afternoon.
Hermione: FINALLY, we're getting to the subject.
Pomfry: He told me that he would be happy to marry you, and that you are in the absolute necessity of bringing a rope ladder.
Hermione: Rope ladder? Why in God's name would I need a rope ladder? Is that my ring? Are we going to fling rope ladders over each other in happy wedlock?!
Pomfry: Your guess is as good as mine, my lady. Anyway, Sir Harry wishes you to be at Friar Dumbledor's tonight to get hitched.
Hermione: Yess! Score! Go me!
[Exit All, curtain closes]
[Enter Chorus]
Snape: Script form is easy to write,
So don't applaud us much.
Or perhaps a standing ovation?
It helps our egos, such.
[Exit Chorus]
----------------------
AN: I know that these are so short, please don't skewer me with your tiny review spoons! I'll deliver more! I promise!