Act Two- Scene Six

[Curtain opens to reveal Harry and Friar Dumbledor standing within Dumbledor's cell. Harry is pacing madly.]

Harry: What if she's a no-show? I love her too much to not marry her.

Dumbledor: You've known the girl for twelve hours-

Harry: Eleven hours!

Dumbledor: ... Eleven hours... I don't know if you should expect for her to show up, Harry.

Harry: Well, no matter what happens, I'll always love Hermione over anything else that might come between us! ... Is that a cake?

Dumbledor: Yes. A wedding cake for the happy couple.

Harry: GLEE!

[Harry runs to where the cake sits on a table and stares lovingly at it.]

Harry: Cake, I'll always love you over anything else that might come between us! The bonds of our love will be tested through time, and every time, we will overcome!

[Suddenly, a rope ladder lands on Harry's head as Hermione enters.]

Hermione: There, are we married yet?

Harry: What? What's this? A rope ladder? Why would you want to bring a rope ladder to a wedding? That's just silly!

Hermione: But you said-

Harry: Hush! Our wedding begins! We have our whole married life to bicker, so why start now?

Hermione: Why? Why am I doing this? Am I so completely love-starved that I will sink to this level?

Harry: I can hear you, you know.

Hermione: Like you said, our wedding begins!

Dumbledor: Lord, forgive me for the evil that I am about to commit unto this world...

Harry (singing): I'm gettin' married! I'm gettin' married! I'm gettin' married!

Hermione: But, hey, the sex will be great, right? Right? Please oh please let it be great...

[Exit all, curtain falls.]

[Enter Chorus]

Snape: Though it wasn't very quick,

So ends the boring Act Four.

I was getting so sick,

I'm so glad there's no more.

Audience: So... there's no more play?

Snape: No, to my chagrin, there are two more dreadful acts. Why, why was I so cursed? WHY?

[Exit Chorus]