Ryan enjoyed the rest of the week at the Newport Group with Kirsten, but
still counted the days until Saturday.
It was finally Saturday, but at the dance all Ryan could think was God, this sucks. A fund raising dance for the athletic department? Made no sense to Ryan. With all that tuition money, why would they still need a fundraiser? But Sandy and Kirsten made him come. He was an athlete at Harbor, and he needed to support his school, they said.
Now he would have to see Marissa. He had been able to avoid her all week. Sandy and Kirsten made it easy. He was 'grounded'. He couldn't go anywhere or talk to anyone without Sandy or Kirsten's ok. He still had no idea what he was going to say to her. He didn't know how he felt. He had hoped to talk to Theresa first. She was always the one he could talk to, no matter what. And now she was coming, and Ryan couldn't wait.
Ryan was so wrapped up in his thoughts, that he didn't see Marissa walk up to him.
"Hi, how are you doing? How was your week? Seth said you were no longer grounded. I'm glad to see you."
Ryan was trying to play it cool. He didn't really want to stand around and make small talk with her.
"Well, Sandy and Kirsten made me come. You know, support my school, or something like that."
Marissa hated how cold he was.
"Yah, I'm also glad to hear that Harbor is still your school."
Marissa signed, "Listen, can we just start over."
Ryan was taken back. "Start over?"
Marissa just nodded, and shrugged,
"Yah. Hi, I'm Marissa. You go to Harbor, right?"
As Marissa extended her hand to shake his, Ryan just shock his head, "Marissa.."
But Marissa just continued,
"What? Come on Ryan, please. Just try. Just try to start over."
That's when Ryan realized it. He realized that Oliver had said the same thing to him, a number of times. Let's start over, let's start over, let's start over, Ryan could still hear Oliver's voice saying that.
"Marissa, I can't. Not now. I just can't."
Marissa knew she was about to cry. She pleaded with him,
"Ryan. I am so sorry. I didn't mean it. I love you and I need you. Please."
But it wasn't going to work with Ryan this time. Sandy's words replaced Oliver's in his head.
"Marissa. I almost lost everything, and I did it all for you. And you didn't care. Everything I did and said, and it wasn't enough. It will never be enough. I can't help you any more Marissa. Not until you're willing to help yourself, and I need to start helping myself, too. Look, I gotta go. I'm meeting my friend Theresa, from Chino. I'll see you around."
As Ryan turned and walked away from Marissa, he realized he felt good. It still hurt, but he knew he made the right decision. But now, he couldn't get out of there fast enough. He looked for Sandy, and found him by the bar.
"Hay, Sandy. Can I go now? Have I supported Harbor enough for one night? Theresa should be here soon, and I'd like to take off."
Sandy was surprised how calm Ryan seemed. He saw him talking to Marissa and was worried that Ryan would be really upset.
"Yah, Ryan, sure, you can go now if you want.. I saw you talking to Marissa. How did it go? Are you ok?"
Ryan shrugged, "Yah, I'm fine. It went. you know. Not good, but not bad."
Sandy seemed satisfied by that little bit of information Ryan gave him. It wasn't much, but for Ryan, it said a lot.
"Ok. Well, have a good time with your friend. Remember, not too late. Do you have your cell phone on you?"
"Um, no, sorry, I forgot it."
Ryan never could remember to grab it, even though he knew they wanted him to carry it, 'just in case.'
Sandy reached into his pocket and took out his.
"You've got to start carrying it with you, Ryan. That's why we gave it to you. Here take mine, and take this too" as he slipped $40 into Ryan's hand.
Ryan immediately tried to return the money,
"No, thanks, I don't need it."
But Sandy cut him off,
"Take it, Ryan. Show Theresa all the sights of Newport."
Ryan shoved the money in his pocket. He figured he could just give it back later. It was easier then arguing with Sandy in the middle of the dance.
"Thanks. See ya later."
Ryan walked out the door, just in time to see Theresa pulling up in her car. He hopped in her car, and they were off. Ryan finally felt free. He was finally with someone who knew everything about him, and still liked him for what he was. He could now talk to someone as much, or as little, as he wanted. He knew Theresa would help him figure it all out. She always did.
But as Ryan and Theresa walked along the pier, they just made small talk. About ice cream and car washes. It suddenly felt weird to Ryan to be with Theresa, and he wasn't sure why. Theresa must have felt it, too, because suddenly she stopped walking and looked directly at Ryan,
"Ok - Ry, out with it."
Ryan had forgotten how straight forward Theresa could be.
"Out with what?"
Theresa waved her hand in front of Ryan's face.
"Out with everything. Everything you're keeping bottled up inside you. Everything that's making you so miserable."
So Ryan told her. Everything. Marissa, Oliver, Luke, the Cohens, the therapist, Harbor. Everything. The past seven months of his life just spilled out. It had been a really, really long time since Ryan had talked that much, and Theresa listened. She only interrupted every so often to ask him to clarify something. Finally, he admitted something that he had been thinking for a while now. That he didn't know if he belonged in Newport. He wasn't sure if he would ever fit in, or if he wanted to fit in. He also wondered if he wouldn't just be better off back in Chino.
Then it was Theresa's turn to talk, and she did. And she was honest.
"Better off in Chino? You're joking, right? Better off watching your mother get high, drunk? Beat you? Better off watching your brother screw up, and beat on you, too. Wonder who your mother will be bringing into her house, and wonder if he, too, will beat on you. Ryan, you don't belong in Chino. You never did. You deserve better, and now you have it. You have a chance, with good people. You may not believe it, but you fit in here. This is where you belong, if you just give it, and the Cohens a chance. I can tell that you something to them, and I've never even met them. And honestly Ryan, I don't think you seeing a therapist is such a bad idea. You've had a miserable life up until this point, so you're not used to having anything good. It's really playing with your mind. Talking to someone will help. A lot."
When Ryan didn't answer her, Theresa knew he heard what she said and was thinking.
"Come one," she said, "Let's go. I still have a long drive back to Chino. I'll drop you off at home, and then take off."
Once they got back to the Cohen's house, Ryan invited Theresa in for some coffee before her drive back to Chino. As they sat in the kitchen, Sandy walked in.
"Hay, kid. You're earlier then I thought. I guess the sites of Newport really don't take that long."
Turning to Theresa, he said, "Hi, you must be Theresa. Sandy Cohen. It's nice to meet you."
Theresa was impressed by how friendly this Sandy Cohen guy seemed to be.
"Hi, Mr. Cohen. It's nice to meet you, too."
Turning to Ryan, she said,
"Listen, Ry, I better go. It's getting late, and it's still going to take like two hours to get home.."
Sandy offered,
"You know, Theresa, if you're tired, you're welcome to spend the night. You can stay in the guest room, and this way, you'll get a fresh start in the morning."
Theresa was a little surprised at the offer. Mr. Cohen didn't know her at all, and yet offered to let her stay the night.
"No, really, I don't want to put you out."
Sandy offered again,
"You're not putting us out. It's a guest room, you're a guest. Actually, I'd feel better knowing that you weren't out driving this late at night."
He hoped that would put her mind to ease. And it did.
Theresa just looked at Ryan, who shrugged.
"Well, ok. Thank you. Let me just call my mother."
Ryan handed her the phone, and she dialed her home number,
"Hi, mom. Yah, it's me. I'm still at Ryan's. Listen, I've been invited to stay over for the night... No, Mom, it's not like that. His parents are here. Yah, I'm sure. His father is standing right here. Yah, hold on.."
Theresa turned to Sandy and handed him the phone,
"Mr. Cohen, do you mind."
Sandy shook his head no as he took the phone from Theresa,
"Hi. This is Sandy Cohen. No, I understand. I'd do the same thing. No, we were just concerned about Theresa driving back to Chino so late at night. She is more then welcome to stay in our guest room. No, don't worry. I promise Ryan will be in his room. Ok. Nice talking to you, too. Here's Theresa."
As Sandy handed the phone back to Theresa, he turned to see Ryan rolling his eyes,
"What, What's wrong?"
"Theresa will be in the guest room. Ryan will be in his room..?" Ryan mocked.
Sandy just shrugged,
"Well, you will be, and it made Theresa's mom feel better. I take it there's a history.."
But before he could continue, Kirsten walked into the kitchen and Theresa was hanging up the phone.
"Hay, what's going on? I was wondering why you didn't come back." Kirsten asked Sandy, and then turned to Theresa,
"Hi, you must be Theresa. I'm Kirsten. It's nice to meet you."
Sandy pointed to Theresa and said,
"Theresa is going to spend the night. Go back to Chino in the morning."
Theresa was surprised to see that this Kirsten woman was also not bothered that some strange girl was staying in her house for the night. And was especially surprised by Kirsten's response.
"Ok. Good idea. I'll go up and make sure the guest room is ready. Ryan, why don't you go get Theresa one of you tee shirts and a pair of your sweatpants for her to sleep in."
Sandy followed Kirsten out, patting Ryan on the back on his way out.
"Well, then as long as that's settled, I'm going back to bed. Theresa, nice to meet you again. Ryan will show you where the guest room in, and we'll see you in the morning. Night, kid."
After Kirsten and Sandy left, Ryan turned to Theresa,
"God, you know, you made his night."
Theresa looked at Ryan strangely and said,
"Why? What are you talking about?"
Ryan raised his eyebrows and continued,
"My parents? My father?.."
Theresa just glared at him,
"Well, they are, but if you're too stupid to notice it.. Go, your mother told you to get me a tee shirt and sweats. Go on, do as your told."
Ryan just shook his head, as he headed for the door,
"Gee, and I forgot just how sweet you could be."
It was finally Saturday, but at the dance all Ryan could think was God, this sucks. A fund raising dance for the athletic department? Made no sense to Ryan. With all that tuition money, why would they still need a fundraiser? But Sandy and Kirsten made him come. He was an athlete at Harbor, and he needed to support his school, they said.
Now he would have to see Marissa. He had been able to avoid her all week. Sandy and Kirsten made it easy. He was 'grounded'. He couldn't go anywhere or talk to anyone without Sandy or Kirsten's ok. He still had no idea what he was going to say to her. He didn't know how he felt. He had hoped to talk to Theresa first. She was always the one he could talk to, no matter what. And now she was coming, and Ryan couldn't wait.
Ryan was so wrapped up in his thoughts, that he didn't see Marissa walk up to him.
"Hi, how are you doing? How was your week? Seth said you were no longer grounded. I'm glad to see you."
Ryan was trying to play it cool. He didn't really want to stand around and make small talk with her.
"Well, Sandy and Kirsten made me come. You know, support my school, or something like that."
Marissa hated how cold he was.
"Yah, I'm also glad to hear that Harbor is still your school."
Marissa signed, "Listen, can we just start over."
Ryan was taken back. "Start over?"
Marissa just nodded, and shrugged,
"Yah. Hi, I'm Marissa. You go to Harbor, right?"
As Marissa extended her hand to shake his, Ryan just shock his head, "Marissa.."
But Marissa just continued,
"What? Come on Ryan, please. Just try. Just try to start over."
That's when Ryan realized it. He realized that Oliver had said the same thing to him, a number of times. Let's start over, let's start over, let's start over, Ryan could still hear Oliver's voice saying that.
"Marissa, I can't. Not now. I just can't."
Marissa knew she was about to cry. She pleaded with him,
"Ryan. I am so sorry. I didn't mean it. I love you and I need you. Please."
But it wasn't going to work with Ryan this time. Sandy's words replaced Oliver's in his head.
"Marissa. I almost lost everything, and I did it all for you. And you didn't care. Everything I did and said, and it wasn't enough. It will never be enough. I can't help you any more Marissa. Not until you're willing to help yourself, and I need to start helping myself, too. Look, I gotta go. I'm meeting my friend Theresa, from Chino. I'll see you around."
As Ryan turned and walked away from Marissa, he realized he felt good. It still hurt, but he knew he made the right decision. But now, he couldn't get out of there fast enough. He looked for Sandy, and found him by the bar.
"Hay, Sandy. Can I go now? Have I supported Harbor enough for one night? Theresa should be here soon, and I'd like to take off."
Sandy was surprised how calm Ryan seemed. He saw him talking to Marissa and was worried that Ryan would be really upset.
"Yah, Ryan, sure, you can go now if you want.. I saw you talking to Marissa. How did it go? Are you ok?"
Ryan shrugged, "Yah, I'm fine. It went. you know. Not good, but not bad."
Sandy seemed satisfied by that little bit of information Ryan gave him. It wasn't much, but for Ryan, it said a lot.
"Ok. Well, have a good time with your friend. Remember, not too late. Do you have your cell phone on you?"
"Um, no, sorry, I forgot it."
Ryan never could remember to grab it, even though he knew they wanted him to carry it, 'just in case.'
Sandy reached into his pocket and took out his.
"You've got to start carrying it with you, Ryan. That's why we gave it to you. Here take mine, and take this too" as he slipped $40 into Ryan's hand.
Ryan immediately tried to return the money,
"No, thanks, I don't need it."
But Sandy cut him off,
"Take it, Ryan. Show Theresa all the sights of Newport."
Ryan shoved the money in his pocket. He figured he could just give it back later. It was easier then arguing with Sandy in the middle of the dance.
"Thanks. See ya later."
Ryan walked out the door, just in time to see Theresa pulling up in her car. He hopped in her car, and they were off. Ryan finally felt free. He was finally with someone who knew everything about him, and still liked him for what he was. He could now talk to someone as much, or as little, as he wanted. He knew Theresa would help him figure it all out. She always did.
But as Ryan and Theresa walked along the pier, they just made small talk. About ice cream and car washes. It suddenly felt weird to Ryan to be with Theresa, and he wasn't sure why. Theresa must have felt it, too, because suddenly she stopped walking and looked directly at Ryan,
"Ok - Ry, out with it."
Ryan had forgotten how straight forward Theresa could be.
"Out with what?"
Theresa waved her hand in front of Ryan's face.
"Out with everything. Everything you're keeping bottled up inside you. Everything that's making you so miserable."
So Ryan told her. Everything. Marissa, Oliver, Luke, the Cohens, the therapist, Harbor. Everything. The past seven months of his life just spilled out. It had been a really, really long time since Ryan had talked that much, and Theresa listened. She only interrupted every so often to ask him to clarify something. Finally, he admitted something that he had been thinking for a while now. That he didn't know if he belonged in Newport. He wasn't sure if he would ever fit in, or if he wanted to fit in. He also wondered if he wouldn't just be better off back in Chino.
Then it was Theresa's turn to talk, and she did. And she was honest.
"Better off in Chino? You're joking, right? Better off watching your mother get high, drunk? Beat you? Better off watching your brother screw up, and beat on you, too. Wonder who your mother will be bringing into her house, and wonder if he, too, will beat on you. Ryan, you don't belong in Chino. You never did. You deserve better, and now you have it. You have a chance, with good people. You may not believe it, but you fit in here. This is where you belong, if you just give it, and the Cohens a chance. I can tell that you something to them, and I've never even met them. And honestly Ryan, I don't think you seeing a therapist is such a bad idea. You've had a miserable life up until this point, so you're not used to having anything good. It's really playing with your mind. Talking to someone will help. A lot."
When Ryan didn't answer her, Theresa knew he heard what she said and was thinking.
"Come one," she said, "Let's go. I still have a long drive back to Chino. I'll drop you off at home, and then take off."
Once they got back to the Cohen's house, Ryan invited Theresa in for some coffee before her drive back to Chino. As they sat in the kitchen, Sandy walked in.
"Hay, kid. You're earlier then I thought. I guess the sites of Newport really don't take that long."
Turning to Theresa, he said, "Hi, you must be Theresa. Sandy Cohen. It's nice to meet you."
Theresa was impressed by how friendly this Sandy Cohen guy seemed to be.
"Hi, Mr. Cohen. It's nice to meet you, too."
Turning to Ryan, she said,
"Listen, Ry, I better go. It's getting late, and it's still going to take like two hours to get home.."
Sandy offered,
"You know, Theresa, if you're tired, you're welcome to spend the night. You can stay in the guest room, and this way, you'll get a fresh start in the morning."
Theresa was a little surprised at the offer. Mr. Cohen didn't know her at all, and yet offered to let her stay the night.
"No, really, I don't want to put you out."
Sandy offered again,
"You're not putting us out. It's a guest room, you're a guest. Actually, I'd feel better knowing that you weren't out driving this late at night."
He hoped that would put her mind to ease. And it did.
Theresa just looked at Ryan, who shrugged.
"Well, ok. Thank you. Let me just call my mother."
Ryan handed her the phone, and she dialed her home number,
"Hi, mom. Yah, it's me. I'm still at Ryan's. Listen, I've been invited to stay over for the night... No, Mom, it's not like that. His parents are here. Yah, I'm sure. His father is standing right here. Yah, hold on.."
Theresa turned to Sandy and handed him the phone,
"Mr. Cohen, do you mind."
Sandy shook his head no as he took the phone from Theresa,
"Hi. This is Sandy Cohen. No, I understand. I'd do the same thing. No, we were just concerned about Theresa driving back to Chino so late at night. She is more then welcome to stay in our guest room. No, don't worry. I promise Ryan will be in his room. Ok. Nice talking to you, too. Here's Theresa."
As Sandy handed the phone back to Theresa, he turned to see Ryan rolling his eyes,
"What, What's wrong?"
"Theresa will be in the guest room. Ryan will be in his room..?" Ryan mocked.
Sandy just shrugged,
"Well, you will be, and it made Theresa's mom feel better. I take it there's a history.."
But before he could continue, Kirsten walked into the kitchen and Theresa was hanging up the phone.
"Hay, what's going on? I was wondering why you didn't come back." Kirsten asked Sandy, and then turned to Theresa,
"Hi, you must be Theresa. I'm Kirsten. It's nice to meet you."
Sandy pointed to Theresa and said,
"Theresa is going to spend the night. Go back to Chino in the morning."
Theresa was surprised to see that this Kirsten woman was also not bothered that some strange girl was staying in her house for the night. And was especially surprised by Kirsten's response.
"Ok. Good idea. I'll go up and make sure the guest room is ready. Ryan, why don't you go get Theresa one of you tee shirts and a pair of your sweatpants for her to sleep in."
Sandy followed Kirsten out, patting Ryan on the back on his way out.
"Well, then as long as that's settled, I'm going back to bed. Theresa, nice to meet you again. Ryan will show you where the guest room in, and we'll see you in the morning. Night, kid."
After Kirsten and Sandy left, Ryan turned to Theresa,
"God, you know, you made his night."
Theresa looked at Ryan strangely and said,
"Why? What are you talking about?"
Ryan raised his eyebrows and continued,
"My parents? My father?.."
Theresa just glared at him,
"Well, they are, but if you're too stupid to notice it.. Go, your mother told you to get me a tee shirt and sweats. Go on, do as your told."
Ryan just shook his head, as he headed for the door,
"Gee, and I forgot just how sweet you could be."