Ryan had nothing to say to Sandy on the car ride home. Sandy was too angry
to talk as well. He kept telling himself that Ryan had every right to be
mad and hurt, but he was still angry at Ryan's behavior. Even though it
was a relatively short ride home, he hoped it would give them both a chance
to calm down. He wanted to talk to Ryan, and he wanted Ryan to listen. He
didn't want another argument like the one at the pier.
When they got home, Ryan jumped out of the car without one word, and stormed into the house. He had every intention of going straight through the house and into the pool house. Unfortunately, Kirsten was waiting for him in the kitchen, and Sandy was right behind him.
"Thank God." Kirsten said when she saw him, "Ryan, where were you?"
"Out!" He snapped at her, trying to push past her to get out of the kitchen.
"Watch it." He heard Sandy say from behind him.
"Look, I'm here," Ryan said turning to look at Sandy, "only so you wouldn't call the cops on me. That doesn't mean I have to like it."
"You don't have to like it, but you do have to watch your mouth." Sandy warned him.
"Sit down." Sandy continued, pointing to the barstool. But Ryan only continued to stand, with his arms folded in front of him.
"Now!" Sandy demanded.
Ryan glared at Sandy, but he sat down on the barstool. Kirsten found it very upsetting to see how angry Ryan and Sandy were at each other. She knew Ryan was upset, but she wondered what had happened between the two of them that would have Sandy so mad.
"Ryan, sweetie," Kirsten said, "I know you're upset, but I swear to you we never intended for you to find out this way. We were planning on telling you before the investigation started. I promise." Kirsten was trying to be the soothing voice of reason. She knew she needed to defuse both Sandy and Ryan's tempers.
But Ryan just snorted at her,
"Yeah, sure."
"Ryan," Sandy said, getting very close to Ryan as he spoke, "You need to listen to us, listen to what we are saying. If we're going to get through this investigation, we have to do it as a family."
When Ryan only looked down at the bar, and not meet Sandy's stare, Sandy softened his voice,
"Ryan, I know you're mad, and hurt, and scared, but listen to us. We're sorry that Julie was the one who told you about Child Services. I can only imagine how you felt. But I'm.... We're not sorry we didn't tell you when we first heard about it. We discussed it with Dr. Colefield and at the time, we all decided that it was best for you if we handled the specifics of the investigation, and let you concentrate on being 16. A normal 16 year old."
"Normal?" Ryan finally looked up at Sandy, "How can you say normal. My life is anything but normal, Sandy. It never has been."
"But we're hoping it will be." Sandy told him.
"How?" Ryan asked, "They're coming to take me away." He no longer sounded angry, but hurt. Very, very hurt, and very, very scared.
"No, Ryan. You're wrong." Kirsten said, "They're not. They want to look into what happened. Make sure we all recognize the mistakes that were made, and that none of us will make the same mistakes ever again."
But Ryan didn't believe that,
"Well, if that's it, and it's no big deal then why the secrets? Why not just tell me about it? Why hide it?"
"We didn't want to upset you." Kirsten told him. It sounded lame, even to her.
"Yeah, because it was so much better to find out about it this way." Ryan shot back at her, his voice was full of sarcasm.
"Ryan, we are so sorry." Kirsten said again, "We can't say it enough. It was wrong that you found out the way you did, but we weren't wrong in trying to protect you for as long as we could. I promise you we are going to handle this. We are handling this."
"How?" Ryan's voice was almost a whisper. He was looking at Kirsten as he asked the question, but wasn't surprised that it was Sandy who answered.
"I've turned your entire file over to Rachel from my office. She will be acting as your attorney from now on. She's already gotten your school records from Chino Hills so we can use them as a comparison to your records at Harbor. Show that despite everything that's just happened, you're still doing better at Harbor with us then you ever did in Chino. She also got some of your medical records. To show some of the abuse that went on in Chino, which you will need to be honest about."
"But why does she have to do it? Why can't you do it?" Ryan asked. It bothered him that Sandy knew anything about his past, now some woman he barely knew would be seeing his records.
"I'm working with her on it, but she will be your attorney of record." Sandy told him, not really answering Ryan's real question.
"Well, why do I even need an attorney? Because of juvie?" Ryan asked.
"No," Sandy explained, "Not because of juvie, but because this morning I went down to the prison to see your biological father. To ask him to sign these."
None of this was making any sense to Ryan. He looked at the papers Sandy had handed him, but they didn't mean anything to him.
"What? Why?" was about all Ryan could think to say.
Sandy tried to explain a little bit better,
"We've asked him to give up any and all parental rights to help clear the way to legally adopt you. That's why Rachel is your attorney of record. I can't be your attorney and your father, and I'd rather be your father."
Unfortunately, Ryan just answered with a
"Huh?"
Kirsten finally spoke up and told him,
"If we legally adopt you then we won't lose you."
"And you can do all of this right now, before the Child Services lady makes her decision?" Ryan asked.
First Sandy sighed and then answered,
"No. That we can't do. We'll be working on it at the same time as the investigation. We will still need to cooperate with Mrs. Dawson from Child Services."
"So, what's the point?" Ryan asked as he dropped the papers Sandy handed him, "That woman decides I don't belong here then I'm gone. And that's it."
"No, Ryan. That's not it." Kirsten didn't mean to shout, it just came out that way, "Some Social Worker is not going to break up this family. And we are a family. It will work out. We will answer whatever questions she has, and we will move on. The adoption will go through and then we can forget all about this. And then that will be it."
"Well, if answering her questions is just all it takes, then why bother with an adoption. Seems like a lot of trouble to go through for no reason." Ryan told her. He knew Kirsten was just trying to make him feel better. It wasn't working, though.
"Because we think you're a very important reason." Sandy told him softly. "We already consider you an important member of this family, as our son. Now we legally want to make you a Cohen."
"A Cohen?" Ryan said, "You mean I'd have to change my name?"
"What would be wrong with that?" Kirsten asked him, "I did it."
Ryan shrugged. Ok, Kirsten changed her name, because she got married. He wasn't getting married.
"It's not that. Its just, well, I'm a little old to change my name. To become someone else."
"Ryan," Sandy told him, "You won't be someone else. Yes, legally you would be a Cohen, with all the same legal rights and responsibilities as Seth. But it would be up to you. If you want to continue to use the name Atwood, that's fine with us. We just want it recognized legally that you are our son, and we are your parents."
Ryan just looked back down at the papers. It still wasn't making enough sense for Ryan to wrap his head around.
"And my father didn't have a problem with that? He just signed these?" Ryan asked, but then answered his own questions,
"Well, I guess there's no reason for him not to. I haven't seen him since I was like eight, and even before he went to jail, he really wasn't a big part of my life. So why would he care?"
"Actually he does care," Sandy surprised him by saying, "That's why he signed these. He knows it's what's best for you. He also knows it will be years before he will see you, if he ever sees you again. He asked a lot of questions about you. Wanted me to tell him everything about you."
"But he doesn't want to see me." Ryan said. It wasn't a question, since he already knew the answer.
"No." Sandy corrected him, "He doesn't want you to see him. Not in jail. He wants what's best for you, and he knows that it's here with us."
Ryan wasn't going to argue with Sandy. The facts were still the same. He had his father's DNA and nothing else, so he asked,
"What about my mother? Have you seen her yet?"
"No, not yet. We've tried contacting her, but, well, we haven't had much success yet." Sandy was trying to sugar coat it for Ryan, but Ryan already knew,
"What, did she move again without telling anyone?"
"Um," Sandy started, "We don't know yet. We're working on it."
Ryan knew Sandy was lying. He didn't know why Sandy felt the need to lie. He knew what his mother was like, better then Sandy would ever know.
"I don't know," Ryan told them, "I still think this all is just a waste. I mean, you've said it yourself. The slightest infraction would result in my being taken away. Well, I'd say what I did was a whole lot more then a slight infraction. I just know I'm gone."
"No, you're not," Kirsten cried, "I just know this will work out. Yes, you made some mistakes, and we made some mistakes. We all made mistakes, but we dealt with them. We'll explain everything to Mrs. Dawson, and we will show her that you belong here, with us. And it will be ok."
Ryan sighed, "I wish I could believe that, believe you, but..."
Sandy interrupted him,
"Then believe it. Believe us. It will be ok. But you have to stay here. You can't run away. No taking off without telling us where you are, no going off to Chino. You have to stay and be a part of this family. You need to prove to the Social Worker, as well as to yourself, that this is where you want to be, where you deserve to be. I promise, kid, it will be ok."
Ryan didn't want to talk about any of this any more. He was done talking, he was done listening. He just felt done.
"Yeah, ok." He said, "Look. I'm gonna go to bed now. I'm tired."
"And you will be here in the morning? To talk more, if you want." Kirsten asked him, before she would let him go.
"I'm just kinda tired." Ryan told her, not answering her question.
"But you will be here in the morning, right?" Sandy stated, with more authority in his voice then Kirsten.
Ryan smirked, a little, and said,
"That's another one of those rhetorical questions, isn't it?"
"Pretty much." Sandy told him.
"Yeah, night." Ryan said as he walked out the door. Kirsten and Sandy watched him walk to the pool house, without looking back. They knew he didn't believe them. They blew it, again, and they had no idea how they would be able to fix it.
Inside the pool house, a very tired Ryan sat on his bed, trying to figure out what to do. He didn't want to leave. Not now, not ever. He loved the Cohens, and desperately wanted to be a part of their family. He just doubted he ever would be. As he changed his clothes and brushed his teeth, Ryan could himself start to break down. By the time he turned out his lights and climbed into bed, he was crying. For the first time in years, Ryan actually cried himself to sleep.
When they got home, Ryan jumped out of the car without one word, and stormed into the house. He had every intention of going straight through the house and into the pool house. Unfortunately, Kirsten was waiting for him in the kitchen, and Sandy was right behind him.
"Thank God." Kirsten said when she saw him, "Ryan, where were you?"
"Out!" He snapped at her, trying to push past her to get out of the kitchen.
"Watch it." He heard Sandy say from behind him.
"Look, I'm here," Ryan said turning to look at Sandy, "only so you wouldn't call the cops on me. That doesn't mean I have to like it."
"You don't have to like it, but you do have to watch your mouth." Sandy warned him.
"Sit down." Sandy continued, pointing to the barstool. But Ryan only continued to stand, with his arms folded in front of him.
"Now!" Sandy demanded.
Ryan glared at Sandy, but he sat down on the barstool. Kirsten found it very upsetting to see how angry Ryan and Sandy were at each other. She knew Ryan was upset, but she wondered what had happened between the two of them that would have Sandy so mad.
"Ryan, sweetie," Kirsten said, "I know you're upset, but I swear to you we never intended for you to find out this way. We were planning on telling you before the investigation started. I promise." Kirsten was trying to be the soothing voice of reason. She knew she needed to defuse both Sandy and Ryan's tempers.
But Ryan just snorted at her,
"Yeah, sure."
"Ryan," Sandy said, getting very close to Ryan as he spoke, "You need to listen to us, listen to what we are saying. If we're going to get through this investigation, we have to do it as a family."
When Ryan only looked down at the bar, and not meet Sandy's stare, Sandy softened his voice,
"Ryan, I know you're mad, and hurt, and scared, but listen to us. We're sorry that Julie was the one who told you about Child Services. I can only imagine how you felt. But I'm.... We're not sorry we didn't tell you when we first heard about it. We discussed it with Dr. Colefield and at the time, we all decided that it was best for you if we handled the specifics of the investigation, and let you concentrate on being 16. A normal 16 year old."
"Normal?" Ryan finally looked up at Sandy, "How can you say normal. My life is anything but normal, Sandy. It never has been."
"But we're hoping it will be." Sandy told him.
"How?" Ryan asked, "They're coming to take me away." He no longer sounded angry, but hurt. Very, very hurt, and very, very scared.
"No, Ryan. You're wrong." Kirsten said, "They're not. They want to look into what happened. Make sure we all recognize the mistakes that were made, and that none of us will make the same mistakes ever again."
But Ryan didn't believe that,
"Well, if that's it, and it's no big deal then why the secrets? Why not just tell me about it? Why hide it?"
"We didn't want to upset you." Kirsten told him. It sounded lame, even to her.
"Yeah, because it was so much better to find out about it this way." Ryan shot back at her, his voice was full of sarcasm.
"Ryan, we are so sorry." Kirsten said again, "We can't say it enough. It was wrong that you found out the way you did, but we weren't wrong in trying to protect you for as long as we could. I promise you we are going to handle this. We are handling this."
"How?" Ryan's voice was almost a whisper. He was looking at Kirsten as he asked the question, but wasn't surprised that it was Sandy who answered.
"I've turned your entire file over to Rachel from my office. She will be acting as your attorney from now on. She's already gotten your school records from Chino Hills so we can use them as a comparison to your records at Harbor. Show that despite everything that's just happened, you're still doing better at Harbor with us then you ever did in Chino. She also got some of your medical records. To show some of the abuse that went on in Chino, which you will need to be honest about."
"But why does she have to do it? Why can't you do it?" Ryan asked. It bothered him that Sandy knew anything about his past, now some woman he barely knew would be seeing his records.
"I'm working with her on it, but she will be your attorney of record." Sandy told him, not really answering Ryan's real question.
"Well, why do I even need an attorney? Because of juvie?" Ryan asked.
"No," Sandy explained, "Not because of juvie, but because this morning I went down to the prison to see your biological father. To ask him to sign these."
None of this was making any sense to Ryan. He looked at the papers Sandy had handed him, but they didn't mean anything to him.
"What? Why?" was about all Ryan could think to say.
Sandy tried to explain a little bit better,
"We've asked him to give up any and all parental rights to help clear the way to legally adopt you. That's why Rachel is your attorney of record. I can't be your attorney and your father, and I'd rather be your father."
Unfortunately, Ryan just answered with a
"Huh?"
Kirsten finally spoke up and told him,
"If we legally adopt you then we won't lose you."
"And you can do all of this right now, before the Child Services lady makes her decision?" Ryan asked.
First Sandy sighed and then answered,
"No. That we can't do. We'll be working on it at the same time as the investigation. We will still need to cooperate with Mrs. Dawson from Child Services."
"So, what's the point?" Ryan asked as he dropped the papers Sandy handed him, "That woman decides I don't belong here then I'm gone. And that's it."
"No, Ryan. That's not it." Kirsten didn't mean to shout, it just came out that way, "Some Social Worker is not going to break up this family. And we are a family. It will work out. We will answer whatever questions she has, and we will move on. The adoption will go through and then we can forget all about this. And then that will be it."
"Well, if answering her questions is just all it takes, then why bother with an adoption. Seems like a lot of trouble to go through for no reason." Ryan told her. He knew Kirsten was just trying to make him feel better. It wasn't working, though.
"Because we think you're a very important reason." Sandy told him softly. "We already consider you an important member of this family, as our son. Now we legally want to make you a Cohen."
"A Cohen?" Ryan said, "You mean I'd have to change my name?"
"What would be wrong with that?" Kirsten asked him, "I did it."
Ryan shrugged. Ok, Kirsten changed her name, because she got married. He wasn't getting married.
"It's not that. Its just, well, I'm a little old to change my name. To become someone else."
"Ryan," Sandy told him, "You won't be someone else. Yes, legally you would be a Cohen, with all the same legal rights and responsibilities as Seth. But it would be up to you. If you want to continue to use the name Atwood, that's fine with us. We just want it recognized legally that you are our son, and we are your parents."
Ryan just looked back down at the papers. It still wasn't making enough sense for Ryan to wrap his head around.
"And my father didn't have a problem with that? He just signed these?" Ryan asked, but then answered his own questions,
"Well, I guess there's no reason for him not to. I haven't seen him since I was like eight, and even before he went to jail, he really wasn't a big part of my life. So why would he care?"
"Actually he does care," Sandy surprised him by saying, "That's why he signed these. He knows it's what's best for you. He also knows it will be years before he will see you, if he ever sees you again. He asked a lot of questions about you. Wanted me to tell him everything about you."
"But he doesn't want to see me." Ryan said. It wasn't a question, since he already knew the answer.
"No." Sandy corrected him, "He doesn't want you to see him. Not in jail. He wants what's best for you, and he knows that it's here with us."
Ryan wasn't going to argue with Sandy. The facts were still the same. He had his father's DNA and nothing else, so he asked,
"What about my mother? Have you seen her yet?"
"No, not yet. We've tried contacting her, but, well, we haven't had much success yet." Sandy was trying to sugar coat it for Ryan, but Ryan already knew,
"What, did she move again without telling anyone?"
"Um," Sandy started, "We don't know yet. We're working on it."
Ryan knew Sandy was lying. He didn't know why Sandy felt the need to lie. He knew what his mother was like, better then Sandy would ever know.
"I don't know," Ryan told them, "I still think this all is just a waste. I mean, you've said it yourself. The slightest infraction would result in my being taken away. Well, I'd say what I did was a whole lot more then a slight infraction. I just know I'm gone."
"No, you're not," Kirsten cried, "I just know this will work out. Yes, you made some mistakes, and we made some mistakes. We all made mistakes, but we dealt with them. We'll explain everything to Mrs. Dawson, and we will show her that you belong here, with us. And it will be ok."
Ryan sighed, "I wish I could believe that, believe you, but..."
Sandy interrupted him,
"Then believe it. Believe us. It will be ok. But you have to stay here. You can't run away. No taking off without telling us where you are, no going off to Chino. You have to stay and be a part of this family. You need to prove to the Social Worker, as well as to yourself, that this is where you want to be, where you deserve to be. I promise, kid, it will be ok."
Ryan didn't want to talk about any of this any more. He was done talking, he was done listening. He just felt done.
"Yeah, ok." He said, "Look. I'm gonna go to bed now. I'm tired."
"And you will be here in the morning? To talk more, if you want." Kirsten asked him, before she would let him go.
"I'm just kinda tired." Ryan told her, not answering her question.
"But you will be here in the morning, right?" Sandy stated, with more authority in his voice then Kirsten.
Ryan smirked, a little, and said,
"That's another one of those rhetorical questions, isn't it?"
"Pretty much." Sandy told him.
"Yeah, night." Ryan said as he walked out the door. Kirsten and Sandy watched him walk to the pool house, without looking back. They knew he didn't believe them. They blew it, again, and they had no idea how they would be able to fix it.
Inside the pool house, a very tired Ryan sat on his bed, trying to figure out what to do. He didn't want to leave. Not now, not ever. He loved the Cohens, and desperately wanted to be a part of their family. He just doubted he ever would be. As he changed his clothes and brushed his teeth, Ryan could himself start to break down. By the time he turned out his lights and climbed into bed, he was crying. For the first time in years, Ryan actually cried himself to sleep.