It was like everything had stopped and slowed down, like for a moment,
time, sound, movement, everything had stopped and icy terror filled every
space and everything in the room.
Lex was still frozen curled up on the end of the sofa, tears of fear, regret, and sorrow streaming down his face as he stared back at Ram scared of what he'd do to him. He'd never seen Ram look so angry, and just the sight of Ram stood there, hands clenched at his sides and eyes narrowed, filled him with deep dread and trepidation.
"I didn't do anything" Lex spoke very quiet and shakily, shattering the silence and stillness of the cold room.
"YOU LYING, FUCKING WHORE!" Ram suddenly roared, grabbing the nearby beer bottle and hurling it forwards with quick harsh force, sending it shattering against a space on the wall metres away from Lex, making the boy scream out with shock as he scrambled away from the sofa where shards of glass had fallen upon like rain.
"If your plan was to piss me off, it bloody well worked" Ram seethed, eyes blazing, "I should have expected a slut like you to just throw yourself at anyone and everyone. And forcing your self upon my friend, while I was in THE NEXT ROOM" Ram yelled grabbing Lex by the arm and twisting it making Lex cry out, "Did you really think you'd get away with it?"
Lex sobbed "He forced himself on me!"
"STOP LYING!" Ram backhanded Lex across the face with such a force, he fell back, and a loud CRACK! Was heard as the boy's head smacked against the wall and he slid down it, blood beginning to run from his nose. "I saw you with my own eyes!"
Lex sobbed again, from the physical pain now as well as the ache inside his body. "He was the one who did it!" he sobbed and flinched looking up at Ram, "come on, I blush when you even talk about sex stuff for God's sake, can you really see me kissing another guy?"
There seemed to be a pause as Ram turned around putting his hands in his hair, "I JUST DID SEE YOU!" Ram shouted.
Lex had his hands over his face, and he brought them down, seeing traces of blood on them, and thick red drips splattered onto the flesh of his palms. "I can't believe you hit me" he whimpered and sobbed again.
"THAT'S THE LEAST YOU DESERVE!" Ram bellowed and paced a bit, "What else did you expect? For me to smile and say 'carry on guys, or give me a minute and I'll join in'" sarcasm dripped off his bitter tone.
"I told him to stop...I didn't want it to happen, I told him I'm yours"- "WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I BELIEVE A WORD THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR FUCKING DIRTY MOUTH?" Ram bellowed again making Lex flinch even more.
Another sob ripped out of Lex's chest as more blood dripped, trailing down past his lip, "Why would I lie to you? I've had to trust you since the start of this relationship"-
He was cut off by Ram's laughter. "Relationship? You call our situation a fucking relationship? God what kind of 'relationships' have you had in the past? You're a slut Lex, you just proved that, and that's, that's all you've been to me. Its only been about the sex, from the start"
Lex flinched, more from the words than anything else. His eyes were warm with tears, "But...but this morning"-
"What about it?" Ram spat out.
"You...everything was so... you said it was...and you said that I was"-
"I'd say anything you'd want to hear" Ram looked away from him and swallowed, "I'd say anything just so I can get a decent fuck. If only I'd known ages ago just saying the empty lines of 'you're beautiful' would get you to offer yourself to anyone"
Lex bit his lip, tasting the coppery blood on it as he looked down shakily, listening to Ram say all this. "You don't mean that! You cared, you"-
"Don't you dare tell me what I mean and don't mean! You must have some funny idea of how people care, if you think that I cared...cared for, someone like you"
"You're only saying this because you're mad!" Lex sobbed, "If Greg hadn't kissed me and you hadn't come in, you wouldn't be saying that!"
Ram bit onto his lip as he swallowed and carried on pacing in anger, "I'm not listening to your lies anymore. God, the way you've behaved today, purposefully trying to get me mad" he growled shaking his head.
"Me? What about you? Being nice one minute, being a bastard the next. Ever since we came into this god damn bar you've treated me like crap, like some worthless whore"-
"WELL THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!"
Lex sobbed, "Why won't you listen to me? Why do you believe Greg? I thought you...you..."
"What? Love you?" Ram spat out, "after a few days of fucking you, you think its love? You really are fucked up in the head and heart aren't you?"
Lex let out another sob, as blood continued to drip off his face and onto him. "I wish we'd never come here! I wish we'd just stayed back at that house". He missed it with such ache in his heart. All he wanted was to be back in that bed in Ram's arms, feeling safe feeling...cared for. Ram was so different then.
"I WISH I'D NEVER BOTHERED WITH YOU IN THE START!" Ram roared back at him.
"WELL WHY THE HELL DID YOU THEN?!" Lex screamed back at him.
Ram stood in front of Lex staring back down at him with a blank expression clear under the rage washed over him. Lex stared back for a terrified aching moment in silence. Ram seemed to shake it off though as he sneered and reached down, grabbing the front of Lex's tops and hauling him up from the floor, slamming him against the wall.
Ram growled and forced a rough harsh kiss on Lex, gripping to his hair tightly, painfully, ignoring Lex trying to shove him off in protest. He pulled away, but remained against Lex, trapping him against the wall as he began to try get a hold of Lex's wrists, but Lex fought back. "STOP IT!" Lex screamed.
Ram growled again in annoyance and slapped Lex harsh across the face, "Shut up! Shut up, this is what you whore's like isn't it?" he sneered by Lex's ear, ignoring the boy's sobs as he continued to fight against him, and took a hold of Lex's t-shirt and shirt at the front, ripping the with an almost demon like strength as he tried pulling the clothing away off Lex's body, as the boy screamed and tried stopping him.
Lex sobbed, bleeding over himself and Ram as he kept trying to push Ram away, get his hands off him. Sure Ram had been violent in the past, but not like this. Not this...sexually, so brutally, for some kind of revenge on something not even his fault. "Ram please...please stop it!" Lex begged, "I didn't do anything, please, stop, please" he squeezed his eyes shut as Ram hit him again and began to roughly undo his trousers while he tried pulling Ram's hands away.
"SHUT UP!" Ram yelled in his face.
"He kissed me...he did it...I didn't want it, I want you, please...just stop this!" Lex's chest was aching, with all the emotion and tears erupting out of him. The screams had hurt his throat as well, and he wondered if he would ever stop the want to scream.
Ram suddenly lashed out again, sending Lex flying to the side, knocking into the nearby table, sending himself, the table, and its contents crashing to the ground harshly with the loudest crashes and bangs, before the room fell into another one of those time lapsing moments.
Ram panted roughly as he stared down at the mess around him. He stared down at the boy. Lex was on his hands on knees, trousers undone and pulled down slightly, blood smeared over his face and over his hands and what was left of the rest of his torn clothing, tears cascading down his face from eyes filled with terror. And Lex was just there, sobbing his heart and eyes out as he kept repeating "I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me" in a desperate mantra.
Something inside Ram seemed to snap as the sight absorbed in and he knew: this was because of him. He'd just hurt another human being, emotionally, physically, psychologically: he'd just done this to Lex. He'd taken out his own pain, his own shock, his own anger, on Lex. His sweet innocent submissive Lex. The Lex who did indeed blush at most things they did. The Lex he had lay in bed with at night and held in his arms. The Lex who he didn't fuck but *made love to * that morning. And he'd just done this. To Lex. It was the worst thing he'd done. He even almost just... he swallowed down, trying not to throw up at the thought. And now his sweet innocent blushing boy, was a hysterical broken terrified mess on the floor. And he knew things couldn't be like they had before, even for the short amount of days and nights they had been. He knew things had to be different now. And it was his entire fault. He'd just fucked up everything, over something...that wasn't even Lex's fault. He shouldn't have taken this out on Lex. It was Greg's fault. It was Greg who'd fucked it all up.
"I.......I'm....." he opened and closed his mouth a few times, unable to take his eyes away from the heartbreaking sight of Lex. "I'm so sorry" he near whispered, as he moved to kneel by Lex. He wanted to pull the boy into his arms, and beg him for forgiveness, tell him how sorry he was, that he was a complete bastard, and that this wasn't enough to make up for it and Lex should never forgive him, but he'd try spending forever making up for it if Lex will let him. But Lex flinched away from him, terrified, and crawled over to the edge of the sofa and leant against it as he continued to sob.
Ram clenched his hands into fists and dug his nails into his palms. He'd royally fucked this one up. "I'm...I'm just going to be a minute" he quietly and shakily told Lex, not even sure if he'd even listened to him, as he slowly stood up and walked across the mess to the front door, opening it up and leaving the flat.
He walked down the hallway, and as he reached the stairs he saw Greg sat at the other end, who immediately stood up and turned looking at Ram. "Is everything alright mate? I heard all the screams and shouts, even over that crazy lot out there" he gestured to the door behind him that led to the bar, "you musta gone crazy at that slut"
SMACK! Ram's fist connected with Greg's face, sending him flying against the wall. Ram moved and pinned Greg against it as he punched him across the face again, then punched him to the floor. "Lex is no slut, he's mine! Not for you to put yourself anywhere near!" Ram growled and gave a sharp kick to Greg in the ribs, "lying, manipulative, evil bastard!" he yelled.
"You believe him?" Greg coughed out, "what are trying to say that he actually means something to you? You care for him?"
"I can't believe I ever thought to come back here. And don't think I'll ever come back here again, not if it's the last place on earth!" he kept delivering kicks to the curled up body at his feet. "You bastard, you've ruined everything. Everything!" he gave one last sharp kick, "I'm getting Lex, and we're leaving" he sneered.
"You think he'd stay with you? After whatever you've done to him?" Greg choked out.
Ram stopped and turned around, walking back to haul Greg up by the shirt and punched him across the face knocking him out. "I'll never let him leave me" he growled out and dropped Greg to the floor, before bounding back up the stairs.
He opened up the door and entered the flat, and was surprised, that amid the complete mess of the lounge, Lex was missing. "Lex?" he called out. He glanced around and spotted the bathroom door was left ajar. He stepped over the mess, and opened the door, frowning as Lex jumped and turned, from where he was stood at the sink gingerly trying to wash the blood off his face. Ram swallowed. "Lex" he felt so bad when Lex flinched even at him just saying that, "are... do you want help?" he gestured to the bloodied washcloth in Lex's hands. Lex just stared back frozen, as if too scared to answer in case he got it wrong.
With a sorrowful sigh, Ram slowly crossed over, not wanting Lex to flinch from any sudden movements, as he slowly and carefully took the wash cloth off Lex and took a hold of his arms. Lex was totally rigid, tense from the contact. Ram ignored the ache in him as he made Lex sit on the edge of the bath, then he turned and rinsed the washcloth in the sink, frowning at the red tints in the water.
He turned and saw Lex watching with wide eyes, visibly shaking as Ram approached him and slowly moved his hand towards his face, wiping at it carefully to get rid of the blood. Lex pulled away from the touch, more from the pain, and almost toppled backwards, but Ram had one hand on his arm keeping him balanced. "I know it hurts baby" Ram whispered the small apology as he carefully wiped at Lex's face again, taking away the blood that had run from his nose, and dribbled over his lips and chin. "I'm sorry" Ram choked on the words. "I should have believed you" he wiped away the last traces of blood and let the washcloth fall to the tiled floor.
Lex was practically holding his breath as he'd been sat there, tense with fear, and eyes wide, watching Ram carefully. He watched as Ram looked down and turned away as he stood up, running a hand over his face. "I shouldn't have said all those things...or...or have..." Ram trailed off. "I'm such a bastard. A complete utter bastard...that was, that's the worst thing I've ever done" he admitted, eyes stinging with rare warmth.
Lex swallowed painfully and continued to shake lightly. He looked down at his hands gripping tightly to the bath's edge, turning his knuckles white.
Ram sighed and looked down, closing his eyes. "I know you won't forgive me, I'm not asking you to, nor will I let you.... I went and fucked everything up.... And now, now what do we do? Where do we go from here? What do you want me to do?" he turned around, and Lex was surprised at the building watery level in Ram's eyes that threatened to fall. "What do you want from me?"
Lex was still perched on the bath edge, deadly still with those haunted wide eyes just staring back at a desperate looking Ram. "A hug would be nice" he finally quietly and shakily asked, almost afraid this might annoy Ram or make him laugh.
Ram had an almost comical expression on his face of both disbelief and relief at this, as he sighed gratefully and opened his arms up. Before he could even move over towards Lex, the boy had shot up against him making him stumble slightly, as Lex clung and a damp face was pressed against Ram's chest. He circled his arms around Lex in a tight possessive embrace, and planted kisses on the top of Lex's head as he said "I'm sorry. It won't happen ever happen again, I promise", he reached up a hand to stroke the long dark hair cascading down the boys back. Lex closed his eyes and felt like in some way really he was really the one being forgiven, and hoped to God what Ram was saying was true. Despite whatever he thought about them, and what Ram really thought of him, he knew that he didn't want Ram to leave him. That was what had terrified him the most.
"Can we please get out of here?" Lex whispered against Ram's chest.
"Definitely" Ram immediately answered, pulling away slightly. He stroked hair away from Lex's face, and then placed lingering kisses against the boy's forehead, and on his cheeks. "I, we better change your tops" Ram commented. "Sorry about that" he frowned.
"You broke the buttons off the shirt ages ago anyway" Lex shrugged nervously. "You said you'd buy me stuff sometime as well"
Ram smiled at this, but still felt guilty. "We should get a move on, there should be somewhere nearby where we can stay"
"Um" Lex shifted nervously, "do you, um, remember where that house was?" he looked down and chewed on his lip as a blush crossed his face.
Ram knew immediately which one he meant and offered a reassuring smile, "clothes first" he said moving his hand to gesture to the lounge where their bag still was, and guilt panged in him again when Lex flinched from that. With a sigh he reached over and laced his hand into Lex's, before leading him away.
Lex was still frozen curled up on the end of the sofa, tears of fear, regret, and sorrow streaming down his face as he stared back at Ram scared of what he'd do to him. He'd never seen Ram look so angry, and just the sight of Ram stood there, hands clenched at his sides and eyes narrowed, filled him with deep dread and trepidation.
"I didn't do anything" Lex spoke very quiet and shakily, shattering the silence and stillness of the cold room.
"YOU LYING, FUCKING WHORE!" Ram suddenly roared, grabbing the nearby beer bottle and hurling it forwards with quick harsh force, sending it shattering against a space on the wall metres away from Lex, making the boy scream out with shock as he scrambled away from the sofa where shards of glass had fallen upon like rain.
"If your plan was to piss me off, it bloody well worked" Ram seethed, eyes blazing, "I should have expected a slut like you to just throw yourself at anyone and everyone. And forcing your self upon my friend, while I was in THE NEXT ROOM" Ram yelled grabbing Lex by the arm and twisting it making Lex cry out, "Did you really think you'd get away with it?"
Lex sobbed "He forced himself on me!"
"STOP LYING!" Ram backhanded Lex across the face with such a force, he fell back, and a loud CRACK! Was heard as the boy's head smacked against the wall and he slid down it, blood beginning to run from his nose. "I saw you with my own eyes!"
Lex sobbed again, from the physical pain now as well as the ache inside his body. "He was the one who did it!" he sobbed and flinched looking up at Ram, "come on, I blush when you even talk about sex stuff for God's sake, can you really see me kissing another guy?"
There seemed to be a pause as Ram turned around putting his hands in his hair, "I JUST DID SEE YOU!" Ram shouted.
Lex had his hands over his face, and he brought them down, seeing traces of blood on them, and thick red drips splattered onto the flesh of his palms. "I can't believe you hit me" he whimpered and sobbed again.
"THAT'S THE LEAST YOU DESERVE!" Ram bellowed and paced a bit, "What else did you expect? For me to smile and say 'carry on guys, or give me a minute and I'll join in'" sarcasm dripped off his bitter tone.
"I told him to stop...I didn't want it to happen, I told him I'm yours"- "WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I BELIEVE A WORD THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR FUCKING DIRTY MOUTH?" Ram bellowed again making Lex flinch even more.
Another sob ripped out of Lex's chest as more blood dripped, trailing down past his lip, "Why would I lie to you? I've had to trust you since the start of this relationship"-
He was cut off by Ram's laughter. "Relationship? You call our situation a fucking relationship? God what kind of 'relationships' have you had in the past? You're a slut Lex, you just proved that, and that's, that's all you've been to me. Its only been about the sex, from the start"
Lex flinched, more from the words than anything else. His eyes were warm with tears, "But...but this morning"-
"What about it?" Ram spat out.
"You...everything was so... you said it was...and you said that I was"-
"I'd say anything you'd want to hear" Ram looked away from him and swallowed, "I'd say anything just so I can get a decent fuck. If only I'd known ages ago just saying the empty lines of 'you're beautiful' would get you to offer yourself to anyone"
Lex bit his lip, tasting the coppery blood on it as he looked down shakily, listening to Ram say all this. "You don't mean that! You cared, you"-
"Don't you dare tell me what I mean and don't mean! You must have some funny idea of how people care, if you think that I cared...cared for, someone like you"
"You're only saying this because you're mad!" Lex sobbed, "If Greg hadn't kissed me and you hadn't come in, you wouldn't be saying that!"
Ram bit onto his lip as he swallowed and carried on pacing in anger, "I'm not listening to your lies anymore. God, the way you've behaved today, purposefully trying to get me mad" he growled shaking his head.
"Me? What about you? Being nice one minute, being a bastard the next. Ever since we came into this god damn bar you've treated me like crap, like some worthless whore"-
"WELL THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!"
Lex sobbed, "Why won't you listen to me? Why do you believe Greg? I thought you...you..."
"What? Love you?" Ram spat out, "after a few days of fucking you, you think its love? You really are fucked up in the head and heart aren't you?"
Lex let out another sob, as blood continued to drip off his face and onto him. "I wish we'd never come here! I wish we'd just stayed back at that house". He missed it with such ache in his heart. All he wanted was to be back in that bed in Ram's arms, feeling safe feeling...cared for. Ram was so different then.
"I WISH I'D NEVER BOTHERED WITH YOU IN THE START!" Ram roared back at him.
"WELL WHY THE HELL DID YOU THEN?!" Lex screamed back at him.
Ram stood in front of Lex staring back down at him with a blank expression clear under the rage washed over him. Lex stared back for a terrified aching moment in silence. Ram seemed to shake it off though as he sneered and reached down, grabbing the front of Lex's tops and hauling him up from the floor, slamming him against the wall.
Ram growled and forced a rough harsh kiss on Lex, gripping to his hair tightly, painfully, ignoring Lex trying to shove him off in protest. He pulled away, but remained against Lex, trapping him against the wall as he began to try get a hold of Lex's wrists, but Lex fought back. "STOP IT!" Lex screamed.
Ram growled again in annoyance and slapped Lex harsh across the face, "Shut up! Shut up, this is what you whore's like isn't it?" he sneered by Lex's ear, ignoring the boy's sobs as he continued to fight against him, and took a hold of Lex's t-shirt and shirt at the front, ripping the with an almost demon like strength as he tried pulling the clothing away off Lex's body, as the boy screamed and tried stopping him.
Lex sobbed, bleeding over himself and Ram as he kept trying to push Ram away, get his hands off him. Sure Ram had been violent in the past, but not like this. Not this...sexually, so brutally, for some kind of revenge on something not even his fault. "Ram please...please stop it!" Lex begged, "I didn't do anything, please, stop, please" he squeezed his eyes shut as Ram hit him again and began to roughly undo his trousers while he tried pulling Ram's hands away.
"SHUT UP!" Ram yelled in his face.
"He kissed me...he did it...I didn't want it, I want you, please...just stop this!" Lex's chest was aching, with all the emotion and tears erupting out of him. The screams had hurt his throat as well, and he wondered if he would ever stop the want to scream.
Ram suddenly lashed out again, sending Lex flying to the side, knocking into the nearby table, sending himself, the table, and its contents crashing to the ground harshly with the loudest crashes and bangs, before the room fell into another one of those time lapsing moments.
Ram panted roughly as he stared down at the mess around him. He stared down at the boy. Lex was on his hands on knees, trousers undone and pulled down slightly, blood smeared over his face and over his hands and what was left of the rest of his torn clothing, tears cascading down his face from eyes filled with terror. And Lex was just there, sobbing his heart and eyes out as he kept repeating "I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me" in a desperate mantra.
Something inside Ram seemed to snap as the sight absorbed in and he knew: this was because of him. He'd just hurt another human being, emotionally, physically, psychologically: he'd just done this to Lex. He'd taken out his own pain, his own shock, his own anger, on Lex. His sweet innocent submissive Lex. The Lex who did indeed blush at most things they did. The Lex he had lay in bed with at night and held in his arms. The Lex who he didn't fuck but *made love to * that morning. And he'd just done this. To Lex. It was the worst thing he'd done. He even almost just... he swallowed down, trying not to throw up at the thought. And now his sweet innocent blushing boy, was a hysterical broken terrified mess on the floor. And he knew things couldn't be like they had before, even for the short amount of days and nights they had been. He knew things had to be different now. And it was his entire fault. He'd just fucked up everything, over something...that wasn't even Lex's fault. He shouldn't have taken this out on Lex. It was Greg's fault. It was Greg who'd fucked it all up.
"I.......I'm....." he opened and closed his mouth a few times, unable to take his eyes away from the heartbreaking sight of Lex. "I'm so sorry" he near whispered, as he moved to kneel by Lex. He wanted to pull the boy into his arms, and beg him for forgiveness, tell him how sorry he was, that he was a complete bastard, and that this wasn't enough to make up for it and Lex should never forgive him, but he'd try spending forever making up for it if Lex will let him. But Lex flinched away from him, terrified, and crawled over to the edge of the sofa and leant against it as he continued to sob.
Ram clenched his hands into fists and dug his nails into his palms. He'd royally fucked this one up. "I'm...I'm just going to be a minute" he quietly and shakily told Lex, not even sure if he'd even listened to him, as he slowly stood up and walked across the mess to the front door, opening it up and leaving the flat.
He walked down the hallway, and as he reached the stairs he saw Greg sat at the other end, who immediately stood up and turned looking at Ram. "Is everything alright mate? I heard all the screams and shouts, even over that crazy lot out there" he gestured to the door behind him that led to the bar, "you musta gone crazy at that slut"
SMACK! Ram's fist connected with Greg's face, sending him flying against the wall. Ram moved and pinned Greg against it as he punched him across the face again, then punched him to the floor. "Lex is no slut, he's mine! Not for you to put yourself anywhere near!" Ram growled and gave a sharp kick to Greg in the ribs, "lying, manipulative, evil bastard!" he yelled.
"You believe him?" Greg coughed out, "what are trying to say that he actually means something to you? You care for him?"
"I can't believe I ever thought to come back here. And don't think I'll ever come back here again, not if it's the last place on earth!" he kept delivering kicks to the curled up body at his feet. "You bastard, you've ruined everything. Everything!" he gave one last sharp kick, "I'm getting Lex, and we're leaving" he sneered.
"You think he'd stay with you? After whatever you've done to him?" Greg choked out.
Ram stopped and turned around, walking back to haul Greg up by the shirt and punched him across the face knocking him out. "I'll never let him leave me" he growled out and dropped Greg to the floor, before bounding back up the stairs.
He opened up the door and entered the flat, and was surprised, that amid the complete mess of the lounge, Lex was missing. "Lex?" he called out. He glanced around and spotted the bathroom door was left ajar. He stepped over the mess, and opened the door, frowning as Lex jumped and turned, from where he was stood at the sink gingerly trying to wash the blood off his face. Ram swallowed. "Lex" he felt so bad when Lex flinched even at him just saying that, "are... do you want help?" he gestured to the bloodied washcloth in Lex's hands. Lex just stared back frozen, as if too scared to answer in case he got it wrong.
With a sorrowful sigh, Ram slowly crossed over, not wanting Lex to flinch from any sudden movements, as he slowly and carefully took the wash cloth off Lex and took a hold of his arms. Lex was totally rigid, tense from the contact. Ram ignored the ache in him as he made Lex sit on the edge of the bath, then he turned and rinsed the washcloth in the sink, frowning at the red tints in the water.
He turned and saw Lex watching with wide eyes, visibly shaking as Ram approached him and slowly moved his hand towards his face, wiping at it carefully to get rid of the blood. Lex pulled away from the touch, more from the pain, and almost toppled backwards, but Ram had one hand on his arm keeping him balanced. "I know it hurts baby" Ram whispered the small apology as he carefully wiped at Lex's face again, taking away the blood that had run from his nose, and dribbled over his lips and chin. "I'm sorry" Ram choked on the words. "I should have believed you" he wiped away the last traces of blood and let the washcloth fall to the tiled floor.
Lex was practically holding his breath as he'd been sat there, tense with fear, and eyes wide, watching Ram carefully. He watched as Ram looked down and turned away as he stood up, running a hand over his face. "I shouldn't have said all those things...or...or have..." Ram trailed off. "I'm such a bastard. A complete utter bastard...that was, that's the worst thing I've ever done" he admitted, eyes stinging with rare warmth.
Lex swallowed painfully and continued to shake lightly. He looked down at his hands gripping tightly to the bath's edge, turning his knuckles white.
Ram sighed and looked down, closing his eyes. "I know you won't forgive me, I'm not asking you to, nor will I let you.... I went and fucked everything up.... And now, now what do we do? Where do we go from here? What do you want me to do?" he turned around, and Lex was surprised at the building watery level in Ram's eyes that threatened to fall. "What do you want from me?"
Lex was still perched on the bath edge, deadly still with those haunted wide eyes just staring back at a desperate looking Ram. "A hug would be nice" he finally quietly and shakily asked, almost afraid this might annoy Ram or make him laugh.
Ram had an almost comical expression on his face of both disbelief and relief at this, as he sighed gratefully and opened his arms up. Before he could even move over towards Lex, the boy had shot up against him making him stumble slightly, as Lex clung and a damp face was pressed against Ram's chest. He circled his arms around Lex in a tight possessive embrace, and planted kisses on the top of Lex's head as he said "I'm sorry. It won't happen ever happen again, I promise", he reached up a hand to stroke the long dark hair cascading down the boys back. Lex closed his eyes and felt like in some way really he was really the one being forgiven, and hoped to God what Ram was saying was true. Despite whatever he thought about them, and what Ram really thought of him, he knew that he didn't want Ram to leave him. That was what had terrified him the most.
"Can we please get out of here?" Lex whispered against Ram's chest.
"Definitely" Ram immediately answered, pulling away slightly. He stroked hair away from Lex's face, and then placed lingering kisses against the boy's forehead, and on his cheeks. "I, we better change your tops" Ram commented. "Sorry about that" he frowned.
"You broke the buttons off the shirt ages ago anyway" Lex shrugged nervously. "You said you'd buy me stuff sometime as well"
Ram smiled at this, but still felt guilty. "We should get a move on, there should be somewhere nearby where we can stay"
"Um" Lex shifted nervously, "do you, um, remember where that house was?" he looked down and chewed on his lip as a blush crossed his face.
Ram knew immediately which one he meant and offered a reassuring smile, "clothes first" he said moving his hand to gesture to the lounge where their bag still was, and guilt panged in him again when Lex flinched from that. With a sigh he reached over and laced his hand into Lex's, before leading him away.