Disclaimer- I don't own any of the characters.
AN: This is my first song fic. It's I'm Missing You by Diana Ross.
Since you've been away
I've been down and lonely
Since you've been away
I've been thinking of you
Trying to understand
The reason you left me
What were you going through?
"Goodnight." Misao said.
She gave everyone a bright smile and walked to her room. The minute she was safely inside, the pitiful smile dropped off her face. The tears that had been threatening to come all day rolled down her cheeks. Misao sank down on the bed and buried her face in her pillow. It was getting harder and harder to hold back the onslaught of pain. Misao wasn't even sure if she wanted to hold it back. At least then she would actually feel something. It had been three months since her world collapsed and her heart shattered. Three months since her beloved Aoshi had left. She understood why he left yet she didn't understand. Aoshi still felt guilt over the deaths of Hannya, Beshimi, Shikijou, and Hyottoko. And Misao knew that he always would feel that. But it had been a year since Himura brought Aoshi back to the Aoiya. In that time, she honestly thought that she had been breaking him down. Never before had she been so wrong. Obviously it hurt more than anyone ever imagined because Aoshi had left the Aoiya one night and still hadn't returned.
I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
Ooh ooh
I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
Misao's chest twisted painfully. She missed her beloved Aoshi so much. She couldn't sit back and wait for him again. Yet at the same time she couldn't go after him again. It was killing her to wonder where he was, if he was okay, was he coming back, or if he was even alive at all.
"Oh Aoshi." Misao whispered. "Why didn't you just kill me? It would've hurt a lot less."
As I look around
I see things that remind me
Just to see you smile
Made my heart fill with joy
I'll still recall
All those dreams we shared together
Where did you run to, boy?
Aoshi was gone yet he was still there. Taunting her, mocking her, haunting her. The tea he drunk, the temple where he meditated, the training hall, the garden, the kunai he gave her. His presence was everywhere. Even if she could remove everything that reminded her of him, there would still be one place that she couldn't erase him from. Her heart. He owned it. A simple gesture from him and she'd be happy for days. If only he would return to her. They could have the life that Misao wanted for them. Where are you Aoshi, she wondered for the millionth time today.
I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
Ooh ooh
I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
Why Aoshi? Why won't you come back? Can't you hear me screaming for you? Hasn't my heart broken into enough pieces? Don't you see my pain? What will it take to make you come back? Whatever it takes, I'll do it. Scream louder, cry longer, shred my heart into more pieces, ANYTHING. Just as long as you come back. I need you. I miss you.
Sometimes I've wondered
I didn't understand
Just where you were trying to go
Only you knew the plan
And I tried to be there
But you wouldn't let me in
Before he left, Aoshi had been letting the guilt slowly kill him. It was a long, painful death and Misao couldn't stand to watch it. Hannya, Beshimi, Shikijou, and Hyottoko wouldn't have wanted that for him. Misao knew that deep inside Aoshi also knew this, but he refused to acknowledge it. So on behalf of them Misao made it her mission to save him. Everyday she brought him tea, talked to him, tried to make him smile, defended him, and anything else she could think of. The only thing she wanted was for him to return to the Aoshi she knew before their deaths. But everything she tried had failed and Aoshi was gone. Misao sobbed even harder. She would've done anything to help him. All he had to do was let her.
But now you've gone away boy
I feel so broken hearted
I knew the day we started
That we were meant to be
If only you'd let me!
Thinking about how she failed not only Aoshi but Hannya, Beshimi, Shikijou, and Hyottoko brought a new wave of heartbreak. Misao clutched her chest and wished that she could rip her heart out. It would be the only way to stop the pain. She loved Aoshi for as long as she could remember. Misao doubted that she could even love another. She and Aoshi were made for one another. Why didn't he see that?
I've cried so many tears
Gotta face now all my fears
We let time slip away
I need you boy
Here today!
Misao continued crying until she couldn't cry anymore. Her pillow was soaked with tears but she continued to lay there. Without the sound of her sobs, it was eerily quiet. And in that quiet, Misao's fears found a voice. It's your fault he left...he was tired of you pathetic attempts at getting him to love you...he could never love you...he's turned on you again...he's never coming back...Aoshi's dead...He's never coming back...Never coming back...Never coming...Never...
"No." she whimpered. "None of that was true."
Misao squeezed her head to get rid of those thoughts. Aoshi was coming back. He had to. She needed him too desperately for him not to.
I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
Ooh ooh
I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
The tears started falling once again. Misao curled up into a tight ball. The despair was consuming her. It was all too much to handle. The pain of Aoshi's leaving, the heartbreak it caused, and most of all, the guilt Misao felt because she hadn't been able to save her beloved.
"Aoshi you have to come back. It hurts too much to be without you." she whispered.
Misao pulled a kunai out of her kimono and slowly ran her finger across the sharp edge.
"Please make it soon. I don't know if I can hold on any longer."