The first thing Buffy said as she entered the old cottage was, "Oh shit."

Spike blinked, "What is it?"

Buffy gave a deep exhale as she tossed the old, fat key onto the dish located on a table next to the door. "I always forget that I'm not living at home you know?"

Spike nodded tentatively, not exactly sure where she was going with this. He easily placed his two suitcases on the floor and shrugged out of a grey ankle length windbreaker he had worn on the way back. Earlier, he didn't have it since he left it in a locker at the airport with the rest of his things, but as it started to drizzle on the way to the car, they made a detour to the airport before returning to the cottage.

Buffy continued as she bustled around, making sure that it didn't look like a mess, "And I don't know why, my brain just crossed! And... and..."

Buffy stopped in front of Spike, "There's only one bed in the whole house."

Spike looked a little confused by how dejected she looked, "Uh, well I can always sleep on the couch, and it's a very comfy looking couch. Don't worry luv, lived in a crypt for the better part of time I knew you, remember?"

Buffy rubbed her eyes, "I know... it's just...I feel like a bad host. I can sleep on the..."

"No." Spike interrupted as he started to take his two suitcases into the living room. "You know me pet. I would never let you sleep on the couch. And if you tried to change our arrangement you can be sure that in the morning you would be in bed and I'd be on the couch."

Buffy allowed herself to fall into the green high backed chair, while muttering dryly "There's just no arguing with you huh?"

Spike gave Buffy a light smirk and started to unzip the suitcase when Buffy said out loud, "The bed is big enough..."

Spike stopped and looked back at the ex-Slayer, "Pet, don't make things anymore complicated than they are."

Buffy protested, "I'm not, it's just that..."

"You don't know what you're doing right now." Spike finished for her. "You will regret it, because both of us don't have the will power not to do something. I know you felt good and safe with me when I held you that time before the apocalypse. But Buffy, there's no apocalypse this time. Just you, me, and a bunch of unresolved feelings."

Buffy stared numbly at the empty fireplace, "I'm afraid..."

Spike decided to abandon his unpacking for now and sat down on the side of the couch that was closest Buffy, "What are you afraid of luv?"

"Maybe I don't want to resolve these feelings. What if in the end they don't... they don't add up." Buffy asked, her voice was raspy and her hands were clenching the arms of the chair too hard. If she had her powers, they would have snapped the wood, but instead her knuckles turned white and the arms of the chair were still intact.

Spike reiterated his question, but this time in a whisper, "What are you afraid of?"

"Being alone." Buffy quickly answered.

"But you aren't alone, you have the wotcher, Red, Cyclops, Niblet..."

Buffy's eyes became glassy, so Spike stopped and watched her mutely. A tense silence came over the room and suddenly the very big cottage didn't seem so big anymore, it seemed to only focus in this room, with the two of them waiting for some sort of answer.

"But Giles has his new watchers to train, Willow has Kennedy, Xander has this new girl he met in Africa, and Dawn is growing up and is out a lot. They're there, but not really. Everyone's so busy these days." Buffy said monotonously. Her eyes became red around the edges and she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, hoping to stifle the maudlin feelings that were threatening to rush forward. She took her hands away and found her tear drops on her wrists, sliding down her arms in a shameful display of weakness.

Spike wanted more than anything to hug her now, or to kiss her silly until she forgot, but he knew better. He had learned over time that you just had to let all out first before you could start to heal.

And she continued, "I lost my powers Spike..."

She stopped for a second and studied him, he was about to ask how it happened but she answered before the words came out of this mouth. "Willow just said it was just time... I've never felt so full of doubt or so scared. All my life I've wished that I never had these powers, but now that they're gone, I feel useless and I try to drive myself into the ground showing that I'm still me and I can be useful... I'm so tired, but I can't stop... Because if I do. What if I'm not wanted anymore? Just like that time Dawn kicked me out... I have to make myself valuable. Everyone has some sort of ability, but me? I'm just Buffy the ex-Slayer with no skills at all...And everyone walks on egg shells around me because they know I want to know what's going on. But they think I'll do something stupid and put myself in danger."

Now Buffy was sobbing and desperately wiping at her eyes, like she was trying to hide her tears from him. Spike pulled out the blue handkerchief in his pocket and handed it to Buffy. And as she took it from him, Spike swiftly picked her up and juggled both of them so that now he was sitting in the green high backed chair and Buffy was cradled in his arms.

Buffy, almost instinctively, tucked her face into his neck and murmured, "I'm going to mess up your nice suit."

Spike pulled her back a little and gave her a gentle exasperated look, "My Golden Girl is more important than some stupid suit the ponce is making me wear, don't you think?"

"But I'm not the Sla- "

"But you're still Buffy Summers aren't you?"

"Yeah..."

"Remember what I said that night before we attacked the Hellmouth?"

"Sort of..."

"I love you because you 'try'. Not because you're 'The Slayer', there's a difference you know. You deal with all your situations with stride. I know it's cruel and unfair that the Powers That Be are tugging you around like a puppet, but I know you'll pull out of this and show them that you can't be phased or hurt. Think of it as a test."

Buffy gave a soft fuzzy 'okay' as she wiped her eyes while leaning into his chest again. Then she felt his soothing hand rubbing her back in circles once more. She gave a soft sigh as her tears lessened and the both of them were lulled to sleep by the rhythm of the rain from outside. ~~~

The morning was still cloudy, but the birds were out and Buffy woke to the sound of birds chirping outside. Buffy woke up aware; the fact that she wasn't covered with a blanket was enough for her to recall that she was downstairs with Spike. She was a bit sore from the position she had maintained all night. Buffy looked up at Spike's peaceful sleeping face, his mouth was opened just a bit and there was the soft sound of air going through his lungs, perhaps a habit he had maintained even long after his transformation.

'Perhaps I was made wrong.' Buffy recalled from their dinner conversation and gave a small grin.

About this time, Spike slowly woke up twitching a few times before he blearily blinked his eyes open. He jumped a bit at the sight of such bright light, his instincts telling him to run from the light. But as he caught sight of the dull grey clouds from outside, he relaxed and then looked down at Buffy.

"Mornin'" He rasped groggily and reached up to rub his eyes with his free right hand. His left hand was wrapped comfortably around Buffy's waist. "What time is it?"

Spike shifted Buffy a little while still keeping her in his lap and brought up his left wrist hand so she could peer at his watch. The silver hands pointed to 9:47 on the blue dial.

"It's nearly ten." Spike said as he looked back down at Buffy, who was making herself comfortable against him again. Spike leaned down and affectionately placed a kiss on her head. "You feelin' a bit peckish?"

Buffy shrugged, "Not really. I don't know. I just don't really like the taste of my own food. Don't know why though..."

Spike gently coaxed Buffy to get up and eventually the both of them made their way to the kitchen, their semi-formal clothes creased badly, but neither of them cared much.

Spike moved around the kitchen and cooked some sausages and eggs for two of them. After he poured her some orange juice and blood for himself (which he got from his suitcase), Buffy started on her eggs and found them surprisingly good. She stabbed another piece of fluffy light yellow scrambled egg with her fork and held it up, "Why can't I ever get it to taste like this? I mean, mine always tastes really gross and dry."

Spike swallowed the piece of sausage, "Prolly should add a little water when you beat the eggs."

Buffy ate the piece of scrambled egg on the fork, "For a vampire, you sure know a lot about cooking."

Spike shrugged, "Not much for me to do as a vamp if you think about it. You ever see Groundhogs Day?"

Buffy nodded.

"Well, time is sort of like that for me. It's like never ending time, so I just sort of pick up things here and there. Probably completely worthless skills, but I mean I'm sort of limited to what I can do."

"What else can you do?"

Spike thought for a second, "Guitar, I'm bloody good at the electric. Um... some piano, but I already learned that while I was a human, sometimes I sort of play. Not that good anymore, but I can play stuff like the Star Wars theme."

Buffy snorted and laughed around her cup of orange juice, luckily she had swallowed earlier or else she might have sprayed it onto the table.

"You should have informed us of your talents earlier Spike, I'm sure the three geeks would have surrendered willingly knowing that we had a nerd on our side."

Spike gaped, trying to look offended as he lightly kicked Buffy under the table. Then he got her back, "I donno Slayer, I think I've seen their tongues waggin' a few times when you were around. If you flashed them a few times, I'm sure they would have died from permanent nosebleeds."

Buffy laughed as she tried to give him an insulted huff, but it just came out as a guffaw. Then she stuck her tongue at him and kicked his shin.

"Ouch Slayer, that hurt!"

Buffy gave him another kick, lighter this time, "You know it doesn't and its ex-Slayer remember?" She finished, trying to make it sound funny, but it came out flat.

Spike reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Buffy's ear, "Sorry about that luv. I'll keep it in mind."

Buffy fiddled with her cup, "I'm beginning to understand why Anya was so panic-stricken after she broke her leg. It's like a loud blaring wake up call. Realizing that you're no longer invincible. I'm beginning to feel it too, I get aches sometimes, I pulled my shoulder once I was trying to show the Slayer girls how to wield a double sided sword, I don't heal as fast anymore without my slayer powers, and I have the crappiest aim in the world."

Spike quietly listened to her words, slowly comprehending that that she wanted him here because she was afraid, in more ways than one and for more things other than just losing her powers. But allowing her to wallow in these things endlessly wasn't going to help, so he decided to give the conversation a lighter turn.

"Better than when I was a human though..." Spike said taking a sip or two of blood. "Imagine me with curly impossible poncy hair, and glasses, and a stutter that makes Giles sound like James Bond."

The trick worked, because now Buffy was looking at him, wide-eyed and amused, "You're kidding. I mean back when you told me about your past. You said you were a romantic fool that fell for someone. I didn't really imagine anything different from the way you are now."

Spike laughed around the rim of his cup, "You can't believe 'how' different I was."