Instert standard disclaimer here. Everyone should know that I don't own these characters. Except, of course, the original ones. Also chopped the story up into chapters. Sorry if the transitions are rough. If you want to read it without chapters, head over to vejiitasei.com.

Absolution- Part 1, Chapter 14
by the Prime Minister

Lina passed by the parlor on her way to bed, pausing at the entryway and gazing at the scene inside. Xellos was reclining on the couch, shoulders propped up by pillows and pointed features softened by the candlelight. Lecia slumbered on his chest, fists curled in the fabric of his shirt, his hands gently resting on her back. The book he was reading was hovering in midair above him, the pages turning of their own accord, and she smiled to herself as she shook her head. It was a lovely, peaceful scene, and a pleasant end to a nice day.

She stepped inside the room and sat in a chair across from him, placing the saucer she held in her lap and curling her legs underneath him. That's a neat trick. Must be nice to have near-limitless power, she said with a smile.

One would think, he replied, not even glancing at her.

She scowled and shifted in her seat. Whatever's bugging you, don't take it out on me, she growled.

Xellos sighed, the book floating to an end table and coming to rest as he slowly sat up and held Lecia against his chest. She stirred slightly but did not wake up, only nestled her head into his shoulder and let out a long breath. I apologize, he murmured. It was a lovely day.

Yeah, it really was. I didn't think having a family would be fun.

He inclined his head and smiled slightly, then looked her straight in the eyes. I'll be leaving soon on business. I'll be gone for a while.

She absorbed his words and studied him. That's not what's eating you, she replied.

He blinked and gazed at her for a while, then looked down at Lecia. It will probably take me a month or so to carry out my mission. I'm afraid that I have to begin working in earnest. I most likely won't be around much.

You're avoiding the real subject.

My mistress has volunteered to care for Lecia, if that's convenient for you. I can also take you wherever you wish to go, if you desire to travel unencumbered in my absence.

I'll stay here, thanks, she replied. Now what's going on with you, Xellos?

If I can return sooner, I will.

Lina lost her temper, setting the cup and saucer down on an end table roughly. Stop avoiding it! she growled, scowling as hard as she could. Tell me!

Please, Miss Lina, the baby's trying to sleep.

She bared her teeth at him, mastering her anger with some difficulty. Marching over, she gently plucked Lecia out of his arms and took her from the room, putting her down in her crib. She stormed back into the room and grabbed Xellos by the front of his shirt. No more games, she hissed. You tell me what's going on right now.

I see no need to, he replied, standing up and deftly plucking his shirt from her grasp.

It really isn't any of your concern, he said, moving as if to brush her aside.

Lina lost all control, bringing a hand back and slapping him across the face as hard as she could. Damn you selfish Monsters! she grated. How dare you?

He looked at her levelly, obviously not even feeling her blow. Sometimes the best-kept secrets are the secrets best kept secret.

That might have worked once, but not now, Lina growled. I've suffered enough because of you. I was torn away from you, forced to bear your damn child, finally got my life back, and then you ripped me away from the man I loved! It's too late to back out of this now. I've thrown my lot in with you, and I've dealt with it. I've come to accept that it was the right thing to do, no matter how much it hurts and regardless of the pain it will always bring me in the future. I know you'll never love me or our child; you're a Monster, and not capable of it, but I know you well enough to know that you'll do your best, and I can't ask for much more than that. If I have to have you as my lifemate, whether I like it or not, I know you'll treat me and our baby with respect and care, if not love, and that's more than most women get from their men.

Xellos didn't bat an eyelash at her tirade, but she could see something in his eyes. I'm sorry for your pain, Miss Lina, I truly am, but I see no reason to disclose myself to you, nor do I see what good would come of it.

Screw what comes of it! she said, nearly shouting. We're a family now, and we have to act like it! That means no secrets. I refuse to let you punish us for your personal problems!

My intent was not to punish you.

Maybe so, but that's what you're doing. Maybe what's eating you won't seem as unmanageable with us at your side.

It can't be helped or changed, and I therefore can't see the purpose in discussing it.

Lina snarled and pushed him back down on the couch, getting down in his face. Maybe it doesn't need to be helped, just talked about. Take a chance, Xellos. You can trust your family. She felt something rise within her like a bubble, pressure applied to her insides with hollowness between. A sob caught in her throat, and she realized that she really, truly didn't want him to suffer. she said, voice growing soft.

He studied her for long moments, slitted eyes flickering over her face. He picked up her hand and turned it palm-up, gently tracing the lines in her skin. I didn't want to be a Monster again, he murmured. I wanted to say with you always, even if it meant I would die someday.

She let him hold her hand, his fingertips resting lightly in her palm, and moved onto the couch next to him, watching as his neutral expression slowly deteriorated into one of unbearable pain.

But I didn't have the choice. All the things you taught me about being human were blown away when I was forced to become Monster again. I was supposed to have been repenting for my actions when I was turned human, but instead I learned to rejoice. It was being returned to my former state that was the punishment.

I'm sorry, she breathed. She had never before considered what his existence must have been like.

Actually, my mistress couldn't restore me to my former state. The human was grafted to my soul, and try as she might, she couldn't remove it. So I am stuck, with Monster urges and desires, but with human longings. I want so much to miss you, and I know that somewhere, just beyond my reach, I do. That's the problem, though; it's all just beyond my reach. I'm human still, but I can't touch it. It's like I'm missing the most important part of myself, but will never get it back. I know I can still feel, I know that I do care for you and Lecia, but as I am now there is no way I can actually experience those feelings. I know I should be feeling, I know what I would be feeling at any given moment, but I still feel none of it, and never will again. I will watch you and Lecia grow and grow old, but won't be able to do so along with you. You and Lecia will someday die and leave me behind forever. I am with you, but I will always be separate. I am tired of being alone and separate, but there's nothing I can do but live with it for all eternity.

Lina's heart broke as she watched the pain and frustration play across his features. She hadn't considered any of what he was saying, but it rang true. Living like he did was unfathomable to her. Is there anything I can do? she asked softly.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. No, there isn't, unless you're prepared to kill me. Death is the only escape for me, but I find that I don't want to die. Even if I can't do so with you, I'd like to watch you both grow. It's a very un-Monsterly desire, but it is there nonetheless. Besides, could you do it in cold blood, Lina? Could you kill me now, after everything that has happened?

Of course not, she murmured, closing her eyes as well. I don't know if I would have had an easy time of it ever. Even if you were a backstabber, you were still useful, back then. It would have been awful to have to kill you. I'd never do it now. She pursed her lips and looked down at where his hand held hers, thinking what a curse eternity must be. She would continue to live and grow, just as he had said, and with the passage of time her pain would subside. Gourry's pain would dull eventually as well, and they would both be able to move on. Xellos, however, was outside of time, and she wondered what sort of hell it would be to be saddled with that pain throughout eternity.

Is that enough for you, or is there something else you would know? he asked softly.

I can't think of anything, unless there's something you think I should know.

No, that is all. I only ask that if you need anything to please tell me right away. I want to do what I can for you.

I'll find a way to help you, she whispered, gripping his hand. In honor of what we used to have.

Ah, the typical Inverse stubbornness I have come to expect, he murmured, shifting his weight and putting his arms around her. He gathered her to his chest and began to recline, pressing her body against his. It sometimes seems like a dream, he whispered. Please just lie here with me, and let me pretend that I dream still.

Lina replied, squeezing her eyes shut to keep away the feelings she felt rising within her. She curled her arms around him as well, clinging to him as if to keep him with her, remembering how she had felt about him during the time they had lived together. She had never really stopped loving Gourry, but she could no longer deny that she had once had strong feelings for Xellos as well. Was it possible that, even though she had gone back to Gourry and loved him with all of her heart, that she had not stopped feeling for Xellos as well? She pondered this for quite some time, wondering where her heart now lay, until her tired mind gave up and she finally dropped off to sleep.