Disclaimer: Hellblazer is the property of DC Comics and The Discworld is
the property of Pterry Pratchett.
The Shite Fantastic
A Hellblazer/Discworld Crossover
By: Mozphoto
Chapter 9: Fortress Around Your Heart
And if I have built this fortress around your heart Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire Then let me build a bridge For I cannot fill the chasm And let me set the battlements on fire
Many years ago, a girl named Esmerelda chose to dedicate her life to being the most powerful witch on the Disc. She knew full well that it was a very lonely path she would take. Just by choosing to be a witch, she was guaranteeing that she would not have many friends at all. But to be the best, well that meant an even greater isolation. She had been in love once, ironically enough he was now the most powerful wizard on the disc. But there had been nothing more than a few moments of laughter and even fewer stolen kisses. And since Mustrum, nothing. No long walks holding hands, no, well, you know.
Now decades later, her brain was trying to get itself around the fact that her body was that of the girl again. She was not coping well. Her body was raging with hormones, while her mind was still holding on to the memory of decades of self-denial.
And then this man walked in and she felt like the dam was ready to burst. The aura of magical power he had around him was so intense; it was setting off very disturbing signals in her head. It didn't help matters much that he was also good looking. She then noticed that her hands were shaking.
"Gytha," she croaked, "get me out of here!"
Nanny took Esme by the arm and led her out of the castle without so much as a word to Verence or the oddly dressed stranger.
Once they were clear of the castle gates, Nanny Ogg began to chuckle.
"What's so funny?" Esme asked in a low hiss.
"Now this is more than just a little bit ironic, Esme." Nanny was now practically cackling.* "All this time that you were lookin' down your nose at me for being popular with the men folk and now it's because you always played hard to get with a vengeance, that you can't control yourself!"
Esme stopped and yanked her arm free of Nanny's grip.
"Can't control myself?! I'll show you Gytha Ogg, I have more self-control in my little finger than you'll ever hope to have in your whole body! And that's on my worst day"
With that, she turned on her heel and marched to the castle. At least, she tried to. It seemed that her feet were much smaller than they used to be/will be. She kicked off her boots, gathered up her skirts and began to run. And that's when the mail coach went through the puddle. Water splashed Esme, soaking her from the neck down. But she continued to run.
When she reached the castle, there was the strangely dressed man, leaning against a wall, smoking a cigarette. He was giving her a long lingering stare.**
"Hullo luv," John said with his usual mischievous grin, "Back so soon?"
It was as if something inside her had snapped.
Esme lunged forward, wrapped her arms around John, and kissed him hard on the lips. She couldn't think. All she could do was want. She had denied so many desires for so long that it hurt. While still locked together, they stumbled into the castle and into a broom cupboard.
"Bloody hell, it isn't just my spells that are bigger here, is it?"
*Well she is a witch! What would you expect her to do, giggle?
**Bear in mind that even in her regular, more mature state, Granny was described by many men as "a fine figure of a woman." Add to that the fact that her clothes are now soaking wet and clinging to her. There may never have been wet t-shirt contest in Lancre***, but there's little doubt from anyone who's familiar with JC that he's observed a few in his time****.
***In Ankh-Morpork, they're held every Friday night at Chrysoprase's nightclub.
****And probably snogged most of the winners to boot.
The Shite Fantastic
A Hellblazer/Discworld Crossover
By: Mozphoto
Chapter 9: Fortress Around Your Heart
And if I have built this fortress around your heart Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire Then let me build a bridge For I cannot fill the chasm And let me set the battlements on fire
Many years ago, a girl named Esmerelda chose to dedicate her life to being the most powerful witch on the Disc. She knew full well that it was a very lonely path she would take. Just by choosing to be a witch, she was guaranteeing that she would not have many friends at all. But to be the best, well that meant an even greater isolation. She had been in love once, ironically enough he was now the most powerful wizard on the disc. But there had been nothing more than a few moments of laughter and even fewer stolen kisses. And since Mustrum, nothing. No long walks holding hands, no, well, you know.
Now decades later, her brain was trying to get itself around the fact that her body was that of the girl again. She was not coping well. Her body was raging with hormones, while her mind was still holding on to the memory of decades of self-denial.
And then this man walked in and she felt like the dam was ready to burst. The aura of magical power he had around him was so intense; it was setting off very disturbing signals in her head. It didn't help matters much that he was also good looking. She then noticed that her hands were shaking.
"Gytha," she croaked, "get me out of here!"
Nanny took Esme by the arm and led her out of the castle without so much as a word to Verence or the oddly dressed stranger.
Once they were clear of the castle gates, Nanny Ogg began to chuckle.
"What's so funny?" Esme asked in a low hiss.
"Now this is more than just a little bit ironic, Esme." Nanny was now practically cackling.* "All this time that you were lookin' down your nose at me for being popular with the men folk and now it's because you always played hard to get with a vengeance, that you can't control yourself!"
Esme stopped and yanked her arm free of Nanny's grip.
"Can't control myself?! I'll show you Gytha Ogg, I have more self-control in my little finger than you'll ever hope to have in your whole body! And that's on my worst day"
With that, she turned on her heel and marched to the castle. At least, she tried to. It seemed that her feet were much smaller than they used to be/will be. She kicked off her boots, gathered up her skirts and began to run. And that's when the mail coach went through the puddle. Water splashed Esme, soaking her from the neck down. But she continued to run.
When she reached the castle, there was the strangely dressed man, leaning against a wall, smoking a cigarette. He was giving her a long lingering stare.**
"Hullo luv," John said with his usual mischievous grin, "Back so soon?"
It was as if something inside her had snapped.
Esme lunged forward, wrapped her arms around John, and kissed him hard on the lips. She couldn't think. All she could do was want. She had denied so many desires for so long that it hurt. While still locked together, they stumbled into the castle and into a broom cupboard.
"Bloody hell, it isn't just my spells that are bigger here, is it?"
*Well she is a witch! What would you expect her to do, giggle?
**Bear in mind that even in her regular, more mature state, Granny was described by many men as "a fine figure of a woman." Add to that the fact that her clothes are now soaking wet and clinging to her. There may never have been wet t-shirt contest in Lancre***, but there's little doubt from anyone who's familiar with JC that he's observed a few in his time****.
***In Ankh-Morpork, they're held every Friday night at Chrysoprase's nightclub.
****And probably snogged most of the winners to boot.