Instert standard disclaimer here. Everyone should know that I don't own these characters. Except, of course, the original ones. Also chopped the story up into chapters. Sorry if the transitions are rough. If you want to read it without chapters, head over to vejiitasei.com.

Absolution- Part 1, Chapter 20
by the Prime Minister

She woke up early the next morning when Lecia began to move, realizing they had spent the entire night sleeping on the couch. Wrapping an arm around the child to keep her steady, she stretched and pressed her lips to the baby's head, closing her eyes and inhaling Lecia's sweet scent. Lecia giggled and wrapped her fists in Lina's hair with a great sigh, apparently content to just be near her mother. Lina gently removed her hair and set Lecia on the carpet, who then rubbed her eyes and began to totter around. Smiling, Lina leaned against the back of the couch and rubbed her own face until she realized something was sitting on the low table in front of the couch. It was an envelope, the fine linen envelope bulging as if something other than paper was inside. Picking it up gingerly, she found that it was heavy and her name was written in a tidy yet elegant script on the front of the envelope. Upon opening it she felt dread spread through her. It was undoubtedly from Xellos, and as such she wasn't certain she wanted to read what was inside. She left whatever was heavy in the envelope, careful not to peek, and pulled out the letter.

Miss Lina, it read. I apologize for any distress I may have caused you. My refusal of your affections was not motivated by a desire to hurt you. I hope that you and Lecia have gotten along well in my absence.

Please do your best not to be angry with me. I will try to ease your anger and pain in any way possible. I only ask that you try and listen to me when I explain my actions. Explanation does not excuse them, but I am hoping that you will know where I am coming from, and therefore will be less confused and frustrated.

I dearly hope you know that I have only the best of intentions where you and our daughter are concerned. I never meant to keep you prisoner here on this island or shape your life in any way. Simply decide what you want and I will make it so, even if it means that you will no longer be sharing your life with me. Enclosed you will find a pair of amurium rings; I think you will recognize them. Keep them or destroy them as you wish. I will return in the evening to hear your decision.

Fondest regards, Xellos.

Lina fought down a strange lump in her throat and inspected the second sheet of the letter, which was a detailed process on how to destroy the rings. He had enclosed his ring as well as hers, which she had thought lost. How like him to find hers and keep it without her knowledge. Still, the method of destroying the rings was long, complicated, and irreversible, obviously. Destroying them would mean she would leave Xellos forever. Once that bridge was burned she could not come back.

She cursed her fate for the millionth time, wishing she had been able to stay with Gourry. Things would have been so different with him, and she wouldn't be stuck with a Monster for a live-in. Still, she had made her bed, now she had to decide how long she was going to lie in it. She knew that if she kept on thinking about the if only she'd either go mad or grow old without having lived her life to the fullest.

Lecia giggled, having encountered her blocks, and Lina sighed. Lecia was the cause of this. No, she admitted, her inability to stay away from Xellos was the cause of this. She didn't know what it was about him that drew her so, but it did, and it was the exact opposite of what had drawn her to Gourry. She loved Gourry because he was so dependable, so big and strong, and loyal to the core. Xellos was oddly irresponsible, although he seemed to be loyal now, but how could she be sure? How could she really trust him? Even if she didn't trust him, could she really just abandon Lecia? After all, now she had seen the child growing, and she had to admit to being curious as to how the girl would turn out. Plus, the child was hers, truly hers. She could say that about precious little at present. Could she honestly just throw that away?

She extracted the rings with a slightly unsteady hand, feeling the cold, heavy metal in the palm of her hand. She couldn't decide if it felt like a blessing or a curse. Lecia cried from the floor.

Lina smiled down at the child, nodding at the little pyramid she had made with her blocks. Very good, Lina replied, glancing down at the rings in her hand. I think you did a great job. She crouched down next to her daughter and put the rings on the table. They would be dealt with soon enough.

She was on the floor of the parlor, pointing out pictures in books to Lecia, when she heard the door open and shut somewhere in the house. A courtesy, she supposed, since she knew he didn't have to use the door. A quick glance told her the rings were well out of sight, and before long his booted footsteps came closer, coming to a stop behind her in the entrance to the room. Lina was content to ignore him for a while longer, still bitter about his escape and the fact that he left her alone with the baby, but she couldn't help but feel she had done well with the child. Lecia, however, had other ideas, squealing when she saw her father and immediately tottering over to him. Dada, Dada! she cried, going over and latching on to his pant leg. Lina slowly turned around and fixed him with her most distant gaze, quietly studying his face. His sharp features were softened somewhat in the candlelight, but his expression was far from relaxed. Xellos smiled down at the child and leaned his staff against the doorway, scooping her up and holding her casually in his arms.

I've returned, Miss Lina, he said softly, his low, silky voice winding its way through the still air of the room.

A million different emotions surged within her, none of them easy to confront. I can see that, she replied curtly.

He looked at her a moment with his depthless amethyst gaze, then returned his attention to his daughter. Were you a good girl for Mama? he crooned to the child, stroking her chin with his gloved hand.

she giggled, grabbing at his finger.

he whispered, puzzling Lina as he closed his eyes and buried his nose in the child's dark, soft hair. Lina remained sitting on the floor, studying him with slightly narrowed eyes. It was funny, seeing him act so obviously worried. In all the years she had known him he had only shown a few states of mind, most of which rarely revealed what he was truly thinking. Now, however, he had dropped all pretenses. It was as if he knew that the time for masks had passed, and he was letting her see what was happening inside his head. She didn't need the rings to know that he was worried. Come, little one, he continued to coo, taking up his staff with his hand as he shifted Lecia onto one arm. It's going to storm tonight.

We'll be fine, what with all the barriers you put up, Lina said, looking down at the book lying open on the carpet.

She caught a slight hitch in his movement. As observant as ever, I see, he murmured, setting Lecia down on the couch and proceeding to dispose of his cloak and staff. These actions were also unnecessary for him, she realized. If he wanted to he could simply will away his clothing and staff, since she had seen him do it before. She wondered briefly if his charade of humanity was for her, Lecia, or his own peace of mind. he continued, startling her from her thoughts, We had best make sure all the windows are shut tightly.

Then you'd better hop to it, she replied sharply, reaching up and absently tickling the little girl's foot, making her giggle.

Xellos nodded with pursed lips, and she watched as he stole a glance at her neck. His expression rippled with some unknown emotion, then he turned his back to her and left the room. She could hear him rifling about and shutting windows, sealing the house up for the tropical storm that was on its way. When he returned he was carrying in his hands the brown leather bag he sometimes wore around his body. He hadn't taken it off when he entered the room and was rummaging through it, finally coming to rest on the couch next to Lecia. The crown of his head shone in the candlelight, his thick, silky hair falling around his face as he dug through the bag, finally producing several parcels. I brought presents, he murmured, casually handing Lina several.

Lecia cried, crawling into his lap and trying to peek into the bag.

Ah ah, he replied, shaking his head. You only get these. Out of the satchel came several more parcels, wrapped in tissue and ribbon.

Lecia snatched them out of his hands and began to tear at the paper, having long ago learned how to open the multitudes of presents her father brought home. Lina suspected that sometimes Xellos wrapped things they had lying around the house and gave them to the child, since Lecia seemed to enjoy the act of unwrapping better than what was inside. Lecia exclaimed with glee as she pulled out a stuffed animal toy. It was a little dragon, with big, round eyes and fuzzy wings. Lecia pulled the plush animal close and squeezed it, burying her face in its neck. Still holding on to the toy, she ripped into the other presents, pulling out a strange crystal top and a darling little sundress.

She can't cut herself on that top, can she? Lina asked quickly, suddenly having horrible visions of Lecia running through shattered crystal.

Xellos shook his head, his secretive smile stealing across his sculpted lips. No, she can't, he murmured. Please don't forget that I've brought you something as well.

Lina glanced at the packages she had set aside. Of course their presence had been driving her crazy, and it had taken every single ounce of willpower she had not to rip into them even more quickly than her daughter had. Oh, right, she said nonchalantly, trying to keep her fingers from twitching as she reached for the gifts. After all, Xellos usually brought her beautiful things, and price was rarely an object. The first couple were simply delicacies from this place or that, her mouth watering immediately, and then a rare book on herb lore. He must have had to dig for the book, for it looked ancient and was still slightly covered with dust. The final package was the smallest, but also very heavy. What's this, solid gold? she said, voice snide as she ripped it open. Inside was a lovely box about the size of her hand and about as thing. Slowly prying it open, she blinked as a sparkling jewel on a chain emerged. It was an amethyst the size of her palm, set in glistening, delicate gold. It was the largest gem she had ever seen, and the jewel was absolutely flawless, its color deep and true. The value of it staggered her, and although she knew she would never wear it, she treasured such a rare, expensive piece of jewelry. she breathed, trying not to look flabbergasted.

I'm pleased you like it, he murmured as Lecia crawled into his lap, resting her head against his chest as she clung to the toy dragon.

Yeah, I do, she replied, looking away. His scrutiny was making her uncomfortable. Why was he examining her so, anyway? Didn't he have anything else to do?

Minutes passed like years as she idly examined her gifts, thankful that she had something else to do besides look at him. His presence was drawing her to him like gravity, and she hated him for it. When she finally did hazard a glance at him a smile broke out on her face. She's asleep, Lina mouthed.

Xellos looked down at his lap, his face softening as he confirmed Lina's words. He stood in a fluid motion, child suddenly in his arms, and disappeared. Lina took the opportunity to fetch the rings from behind one of her books and cup them in her hands. By the time he returned from putting their daughter down she was safely back on the rug, paging through the book he had given her, the rings concealed in her fist curled against the floor. You're sunburned, he said, voice slightly thicker.

Lina started to shrug, then yelped as he put a hand on her shoulder. she said sharply, her burned skin throbbing. She was okay as long as she didn't move, but Xellos' touch was setting of sirens of pain in her head.

How did you get burned?

Not everyone tans like you do, mister, she growled, then remembered that he didn't have skin anymore, technically. Er, like you used to, I mean.

She was grateful when he let the comment pass, instead producing a bottle of ointment from nowhere. Did you fall asleep in the sun?

she hissed as he removed his gloves and began to spread the gel on her skin. The stuff was cool and his touch was gentle, immediately soothing her pain. she moaned, leaning into his caress.

I'm pleased you like it, he said, breath against the curve of her ear. She sighed and leaned into him as he slid the straps of her shirt off of her shoulders and began to rub gel on her. His cheek pressed against her skull and she felt him clench his jaw slightly. Lina, I want to take you away from here.

Lina snorted in amusement, closing her eyes and focusing on his gentle touch and the soothing effect of whatever it was he was spreading on her. To where?

The shore. Away from Xellas.

He feared for her safety, that was obvious. Fine. Where?

Wherever you want. I'll buy you whatever house you like, or have one built if nothing meets your wants and needs.

Again Lina grunted a short laugh. It was just her luck that the man that wanted to sweep her off her feet, take care of her forever, and lavish her with expensive things wouldn't be a prince in shining armor on a white horse but one of the world's most powerful and merciless demons. We'll look soon, then, she murmured, leaning back into him. No heartbeat sounded within his chest, nor did breath stir within his ribs. You know, sometimes I forget what you are, she said softly, keeping her eyes shut. I keep thinking that this is all a bad dream, that someday I'll wake up and only have to see-

You don't need to finish, he said, his voice slightly edged. I'm well aware that if you had your way, I would not be the man you would wake up to. I don't believe anything else needs to be said.

Fine, mister smartypants, she growled, but her stomach was feeling a bit nauseous. After all, she had just realized that she didn't necessarily know who it was she wanted to wake up next to. Sometimes she just had to go with it. You know, though, I still think a lot about the time in the cabin.

I do, too. More than I'd like to.

It's hard for me to believe that you're really a Monster, sometimes. You're so good at being human.

She opened her eyes and sat upright as he pulled away, slowly rolling up his shirt sleeve. Without warning he pulled out a short blade and scratched his skin, dark blood welling out of the cut. I'm not, though, he murmured, watching as the wound parted slightly to show dark, roiling astral matter. This body isn't even remotely similar to my true form.

What do you really look like? she whispered, curious and afraid at the same time.

Xellos retreated a bit onto the astral plane, the lines of his physical body becoming faint, blurry, and slightly transparent. His form began to swirl, and for the briefest of moments she thought she saw a dark, massive, cone-like shape. That, sort of, he murmured, glancing down at his arm. There was no evidence his skin had ever been pierced at all. He edged up behind her again, cooling her skin with the strange gel, then sighed and rested his forehead on the back of her skull. Miss Lina, he began, voice faint.

She knew what he was going to ask and slowly took his hand from her shoulder, curling it within her own. His body stiffened and she knew he had recognized what she was pressing into his palm. she whispered, unable to speak any louder in the magnitude of her decision.

he breathed, taking the ring from her reverently. This could be dangerous for you.

She shrugged, ignoring the pain response her sunburn sent to her brain. Like it matters now.

No, really. I'm not sure that I want you to feel what I feel...

If it'll help us avoid stupid incidents like the one yesterday morning I'm all for it, she growled. Maybe. . . Maybe this way you can at least experience what I'm feeling. Perhaps you'll be able to feel a little bit human again.

Being a Monster is different.

Anger flared up within her. You can talk all you want, but I'm stuck with you, and I'll be damned if I pass up an opportunity to make this situation less hellish for us.

Shut up, she snapped, snatching his hand and pressing the ring against his skin. She clasped her own ring tightly and did her best to call to him through the amurium's magic. There was a strange swirling feeling, just like she had felt the day she had given birth to Lecia, and light began to pour between her fingers. Her head felt light and still she reached, blinking rapidly to maintain her concentration. It was as if her brain was speeding along a tunnel, the light getting brighter and brighter... Then the light stopped and she had the sensation of floating in darkness. It was cold and empty, more silent and dead than anything she had ever known in her entire existence. The pure void of it made her physically ill and frightened her, especially since it chilled her so, froze her to the very core. Yet the void was not peaceful; somewhere, along the edges, was warmth. She tried to pull it to her, to have any sort of light or heat in the darkness she floated in, but every time she reached toward it, it disappeared like smoke. It was there, just beyond the edge of her perception, and yet it remained maddeningly out of reach. Desperation overtook her and she realized that she would do anything, anything at all, to not feel alone and isolated anymore.

From far away a voice spoke to her, but so horrified was she by the hollowness around her that she couldn't make out the words. The voice came closer and closer until she could finally hear Lina, please let go.

She came to with a gasp, feeling the ring being pried out of her fingers, the action accompanied by a clap of thunder as the rain began to pour down outside. Sitting in the dim light, she stared at Xellos, dumbfounded. The storm rattled the windows and pelted their house with moisture, but Lina was barely aware of that as she studied the man in front of her. Is that how it always was?

He looked at her levelly, slitted eyes glistening in the shadows of his thick bangs. I suppose, with the exception of human feeling at the fringes. Now that you've experienced what I feel, or rather don't feel, every day, imagine how it must have been to have that void filled with emotion, only to have it drained and taken just out of reach.

For once she had nothing to say. There were no words she could comfort him with, nor did she know how to help. I'm sorry, she said softly.

Now do you understand? he asked, scooting closer to her.

I think I understand more than I'd like to.

He was silent for a while, his hands resting on her thighs. I apologize, Lina, he finally murmured. I'm sorry that I can't be what we both want me to be.

She leaned back into him, closing her eyes and inhaling his clean scent. He always smelled so good. It's not your fault. We'll make do.

Thoughts swirled through her head, her brain turning her life over and over as if it were a coin to be appraised. Things could have been so different if she'd made choices other than the ones that had come to pass. Still, this was what she was stuck with, and she just had to deal with it. Besides, there were good aspects to this relationship as well. Xellos lived to serve, and he took care of all the details of daily life that she didn't care for. He kept a spotless house, was an able chef, looked after the child, kept her clothed, and not only provided her with any and all study materials she requested, but was also a fascinating conversationalist. Sure, he was a demon devoid of any emotion, but which was more important to her, human warmth, like Gourry, or someone she could feel was on her level, like Xellos? A sigh escaped her as she realized she'd never know, and it didn't matter anyway. She was stuck with her daughter and Xellos, and that was that. It occurred to her as she leaned against him that the ointment he had rubbed her with had done the trick. She couldn't even feel her sunburns anymore. she breathed, turning around in his lap so that she was curled against him.

I'm tired.

I'll leave you be, then.

She watched the rain patter against the windows for a few moments, then shook her head. No, don't. Come to bed with me.

I know the rings will let me feel what you do, but I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Scowling, she swatted at him. Not that, silly. I just want you there while I sleep.

He stood with a single, smooth motion and all the candles in the room went dark with a glance. Very well, he murmured, and carried her to her room.