Chapter 20

            I don't really remember what happened the moment that went black. I just remember feeling totally gone. I didn't hear anything and I didn't see anything. I never felt anything. 

            I had opened my eyes and I was in my quarters. I looked out the window and I saw space. Was everything just a dream?

            "You're awake!"

            "Uh?"

            Copper has hugged me tightly. "Sabra, Rat Trap, Zane, she's awake!"

            The three ran into my room. Sabra moved Copper from me. He held the listener thing to my chest. Her heart rate is fine. She shine a light in my eyes. I think she's really awake and not sleep walking this time.

            "Whoa guys what the hell is going on?"

            Sabra looked at the others. "So who's going to tell her?"

            "I will," Copper said.

            "We'll leave her in your hands then."

            They left and Copper sat down. "Rip, do you remember anything that happened?"

            I held my hand to my forehead. "I was hoping that it was all a dream. How long was I out?"

            "Two days."

            "Really?"

            "Yea."

            "What happened? The others? The Visser?"

            "Jessie, is she really dead?"

            "Yes, she is," he said. "And so is Rachel."

            "Where's Silvy?"

            "He stayed behind. We tried to convince him to come back, but he wanted to stay," he explained. "I guess he felt bad for all the damage we caused."

            "The Visser?"

            He shook his head. "Dead."

            "So I killed him."

            "It wasn't you, I refuse to believe that monster was you."

            "Eh?" I blinked a few times. "What exactly happened?"

            He looked up at the ceiling and folded his arms across his chest. It was as if he was reluctant to tell me anything. I gave him a look, and he had no choice.

            "I really don't know how it started," he began. "You seem normal enough to me, like you always do when you're mad. Then I noticed your feet weren't touching the ground.  Then the walls started to fall and the ground shook. A huge wave of energy flew from your body and your hair wiped up. It was horrible. I've never felt such energy. I had closed my eyes and my ears, I didn't want to know what was going on, but a sound caught my senses. When I looked up, I saw the blood splatter upon the wall. And, …that monster… was standing in the air. Its eye glowed with more rage and more hate then I've ever seen in anyone, in anything. No, Rip, it wasn't you. I don't know where you went, but that monster wasn't you."

            I looked away. "Yes it was," I said. "She was me. Whatever she is, it's me." I looked away from him. "That's the me that will come out in the middle of a fight. Only this time, I did not have enough self control. I let it overwhelm me. I wanted it to. I didn't want to have control. My only desire at that moment was to kill who ever was causing the rage that was sleeping inside me. So, I let myself become submissive and let it come. It's funny, I always thought if I ever did that, I'd never be able to wake up from it. That I'd be lost in my own soul forever. Now, I realize, that my soul isn't separate from me, but me. Who knows, maybe next time I awaken, I'll stay like that."

            "Rip, are you listening to yourself?" he questioned. "Please don't tell me it's the demon theory you have again. Rip, you're not a demon. You're just different. We already did the research that proves you have sorcery, it's given. If there's anything that causing of the sort it's that."

            He doesn't understand, I thought. He'll never understand.

            I began to weep.

            "Hey, c'mon Rip," he tried to consul. "Don't cry." He embraced my shoulders with his arms. "You did it though. It's over, alright. You don't ever have to fight again. It's over."

            I still sobbed. He figured then it was just best to let me cry. He leaned his forehead against the nap of my neck and let me weep against him. "It is over," he said.

            "But how can I?"

            "Huh?"

            "Look at me Ookami," I said. "Can I go back to that kind of life? The lives of so many are stained in on my hands. Is it possible for me to live without that guilt? I don't feel comfortable around people, Copper. I need to fight."

            "Hey, just with me, alright," he said. "If you want, you can come and live at my little forest cabin with me. I rather liked it back there. No one can bother you."

            "Perhaps I will," I said. "After of course I check on Kerry and Streaks."

            "Yea, of course," he replied.

            "I do wish Silvy was coming back with us," I said. "He will be missed."

            "I don't think we'll be missing him too long," I said.

            "What are the others planning to do?"

            "Zane said he's gonna go live on his own," he replied. "With a brain like his, he could do just about anything. Sabra is staying on base. She figures being she's an orphan and all she can do is be a good doctor, why not do it for people worth saving."

            "Our military, has she lost her space marbles or something?" I snored. "And R. T.?"

            "Ah, he never really told me," he said. "He told me he's working on a project he had started not to long ago."

            "And you?"

            "Take life one day at time."

***

            "And you all actually believe that you're allowed to go free now?" Cray asked.

            "Look, buddy," I said. "That was the deal.  Whether you are Leo or not the treaty with the government was that once this war was over, they didn't need us, and that they were going to let us go and we become just like any other soldier here."

            "Government, what government?"

            "Listen!" I slammed my fist on the desk. "I have had a very frustrated and tired few weeks. Now, I am pissed off, and if you were there just to see how I killed every single person in one room without even moving, you would not be messing with my head right now.  I am ready to get out of here, hopefully make it for myself and without killing anybody. I'm tired of killing!"

            He leaned back and smirked. "Fine then, go. Let me assure you though, Ms. Raptor. It will not be your last day to kill. You're still needed in the game."

            I narrowed my eyes at him. Why does that sound so familiar? I turned and left, closing the door behind me.

            "So, did you kill him?" Rat Trap asked.

            "Unfortunately, I didn't loose my temper well enough to carry out the task," I said. "But we can go home."

            "Oh, yes, I am so out of here!"

            I looked at Copper. "I'm going to see Kerry and Streaks."

            He smiled. "Alright then, you know where to find me then."

            "That I do."

            "Hmm? Rip!" Streaks hugged my waist.

            "He kiddo," I said. "C'mon back up, and lemme look at. Man, you've grown! How old are you?"

            "I'm gonna be 13 in three weeks."

            "Really?" I was shocked. If he was gonna be 13 in three weeks, that meant my 17th birthday was only days away. I thought I would much older than that by now. It felt like it.

            "Hey guess what?"

            "What?"

            "Kerry, she had her baby, yea. We're an uncle and aunt. She's even married too. This is her house."

            "I figured that," I smiled. "You live with her."

            "Well, when I'm off," he said. "Kerry and Tarosu, send me to a boarding school. It's nice, but there's no girls there."

            I chuckled. "What's the baby's name?"

            "Well, he's not a baby anymore, he's older ya know. His name is Todu. He's smart too."

            "I bet he is," I replied.

            "Where is Kerry?"

            "Oh, inside," he said. "C'mon!" He took my hand and lead me in.

            "Kerry, Kerry! Rip's home!"

            "Rip?" She looked out the window. "Rip! My God you are! Another vacation?"

            "No," I replied. "We're off the hook, for now."

            She smiled and looked at me in the eyes and the smile faded. "Streaks, let me talk to Rip for awhile alright. We have girl stuff to catch up on."

            "Yea, ok, whatever." He left us.

            "What happened on Earth? Did you finally kill the Visser."

            "Yea," I sat down. "And hundreds of people who didn't deserve it."

            "Rip, your eyes…"

            "I know, they've darkened." I folded my arms across my chest and looked up. "I'm well aware of that."

            "No offense but they're…."

            "Colder, immortal, immoral," I cut her off again. "I know the list. I am aware of it."

            "What happened?"

            "I killed people," I replied. "What did you expect for me to be completely normal after doing things I have done?" I glared at her.

            "Eh…."

            "Don't worry, I'm not going to kill anyone," I said. "I'm not even going to live in town."

            "Rip, you're always welcome to stay with me," she pointed out.

            "I know," I replied. "But you're married, have a son, and you're taking care of Streaks. Besides, I can take care of myself, sis. I'm not 12 years old anymore."

            "You're not yet an adult either, Sindel Raptor."

            I looked down. "Kerry, I grew up faster than you think."

            "Where would you be staying anyway?"

            "Here and there," I replied. "Copper offered for me to stay with him. I think I'll do that for awhile until I plan some more."

            "With Copper?" she questioned. "Did you two get extra friendly while away?"

            I stood up and glared at her. "We grew up together, Kerry. You of all people should know that," I said. "And if I did, it would be my business. Good bye, sister."

            I walked out the kitchen.

            "You're leaving already?" Streak asked.

            "Yea, I have a lot to do, bro," I said. "I'm gonna come and visit you in a few days though. I'm gonna go settle down where I'm going to be staying. I'll give you the address and you can come visit me too, okay."

            "Sure!"

            "Here." I took a piece of paper from the stand and wrote down the address. "Just make sure you knock first."

            "No problem!."

            "So how'd your visit go?" Copper asked.

            I sat down. "She's as naïve as ever," I said. "First off she thinks I'm still a child. Second she thinks I'm the same Sindel Rip Raptor I was when I left. Either that or she think I can become that."

            "Hmm, you know Rip," he said, sitting down. "She'll never see you for what you are now. She doesn't know does she? Are her hands stained with blood, no they're not. Then how do expect her to understand? She can't understand."

            "I'm not asking her to understand," I said. "I know that. I just want her to except it. Whether she understands or not."

            He nodded. "So what are your plans?"

            "You asked me that, and I said I wasn't sure."

            "True, just trying to make conversation."

            "You should know by now, Ookami," I said. "I'm not one to take well to conversations."

            "That I know. That I know."