Chapter 5

"And that's about it, sir." Janet closed the file and rested her folded hands on top of it. "The Samposians use the wine strictly as a ceremonial drink, an essential component in the worship of their god. The have no idea of its incredible medicinal properties, and certainly not that it's what's keeping them alive every time one of these 'blood tides' occurs."

Hammond shook his head. "That's truly remarkable, Doctor. You mean that simply partaking of this...wine once a week has kept the Samposian people from falling victim to this illness?"

"Not only this one, sir. The Samposians have a very limited understanding of sickness in general. They're amazingly healthy. My guess is that the wine acts in a manner similar to a prophylactic antibiotic or a vaccination. It..." She trailed off and her eyes widened. Could that be it?

"Doctor? Are you all right?"

Hammond's concern snapped her attention back to the eight pairs of curious eyes fastened on her face. "Of course. I apologize, General. It's just that...I think I might know why Daniel and Lieutenant Donovan were the only two who became ill." She turned to O'Neill. "Colonel, how old was Donovan? Twenty-eight or twenty-nine?"

O'Neill's brow furrowed, but he didn't question her. "Yeah, something like that."

Fraiser chewed her lip. "And Daniel spent most of his early childhood out of the country, traveling to digs with his parents."

"Until they died, yeah. He was eight. What's your point, Doc?"

"I'm just speculating at this point, but... During the early stages, this disease presented very similar to smallpox."

"Of course!" Sam leaned forward. "If the organism is similar in nature, a vaccination against the smallpox virus could afford protection against this disease."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down." O'Neill signaled "time out" with his hands. "The General may be on board but you two just lost me and I'm pretty sure Teal'c can't buy a clue either."

"I cannot."

"It's very likely that neither Daniel nor Sean were vaccinated against smallpox, sir," Fraiser explained. "Daniel because he lived abroad and Sean because vaccinations against smallpox were discontinued in 1972."

"So...Bruster and Atkins were protected against this bug, but Daniel and Donovan weren't."

"In theory--yes."

"It certainly sounds plausible," Hammond agreed. "Am I to understand the Samposians have cooperated in providing sufficient quantities of this wine for Dr. Jackson's treatment?"

"They were reluctant at first, sir," Sam said. "The wine has become sacred to them."

"But you were able to persuade them?"

She nodded. "Thanks to the trust established by the diplomatic team."

"By Daniel, you mean," Jack interjected. "As soon as they heard we wanted it for him, they couldn't cough up the stuff fast enough."

Hammond smiled. "How is our boy?"

Fraiser smiled. "Much better, General. But--" She lifted a hand when everyone broke into grins. "He's got a substantial recovery period ahead of him. He's still running a low-grade fever and his lungs are quite congested. Added to his extreme weakness, it makes him a good candidate for a secondary infection. He needs rest, and plenty of it." She looked around the table. "Once he starts feeling a bit better, he's going to be difficult to keep down."

Hammond's smile was a mere twitch of his lips. "Sounds like you'll have your hands full, Colonel."

"Not a problem, General." O'Neill gestured to Sam and Teal'c. "We'll tag team him."

"You do that." Hammond pressed his palms to the table. "That's all, people. I'd appreciate your final reports as soon as possible. A lot of people are very interested in the final outcome of this mission. Dismissed."

"Colonel O'Neill."

Jack watched with some amusement as Fraiser pumped her little legs to catch up with him. "Doctor."

"I assume you're going to visit Daniel."

"You're a mind reader."

"I'd like to speak with you first. Come to my office."

Frowning, Jack followed her. He lounged just inside the doorway as she took a seat. "At the risk of sounding cliched...What's up, Doc?"

"The last few times you visited, Daniel has been asleep. I want to prepare you a bit before you try talking with him."

"Prepare me?" Jack's pulse sped up. "For what? What's wrong?"

"Relax, Colonel. I didn't mean to worry you. I just think there are a couple things you should know about Daniel's current condition."

"Like?"

"For one, I've decided to leave him in the isolation room, even though contagion is obviously no longer a concern."

"And that would be because--why?"

"For privacy, mainly." When Jack just looked at her, she continued. "He's having some difficulty dealing with Lieutenant Donovan's death. I'd even go so far as to say he's depressed. He'd gotten to know Donovan pretty well, considered him a friend. He doesn't understand why the people close to him die but he keeps coming back."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "He *told* you that?"

Fraiser ducked her head. "Yes, well...that's the other thing you need to know. The Samposian wine, combined with the rest of his meds, has altered Daniel's brain chemistry."

"English, Doc."

"It's having a narcotic affect."

Jack stiffened. "Narcotic? Like the sarcophagus?"

"No, no. Nothing like that! More like a mild level of intoxication."

Jack relaxed, smirking. "Doc, it's not like I've never seen Daniel shitfaced. Hell, we both tied one on the night after Sha're died."

Fraiser waved a hand impatiently. "This is different, sir. I'm not talking about a few slurred words and maudlin ramblings. He's wide open--completely unguarded. He's liable to say things--verbalize intimate thoughts and feelings--that he'd never admit to under normal circumstances." She stared at Jack, her gaze sharp. "He's defenseless. Do you understand?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do." Jack met her eyes without flinching. "He's safe with me, Doc. You gotta know that."

Fraiser studied his face for a long moment, then smiled. "I do."

Jack frowned. "This will wear off once he stops drinking that wine, right?"

"I'm sure of it. Until then, I've assigned Sanderson and Lucas as his nurses. I know I can trust them to be discreet."

"Okay. Then I'm gonna..." He tipped his head toward the infirmary.

"Go ahead. Just don't be surprised by anything he says--or if he dozes off mid-sentence."

"That'll be a switch. Usually *I'm* the one who falls asleep while Daniel's talking."

*************************

Jack stood with his hand on the door for a long moment before pushing it open and stepping into the room. Daniel's eyes were closed and an open book lay on his chest. Sanderson, who had been adjusting one of the monitors, gave him a reassuring smile.

"How'd he get that?" Jack asked sotto voce as he pointed to the book.

"He asked for it. Major Carter dropped it by this morning."

"Fraiser's gonna give her hell. He's supposed to be resting."

Sanderson's smile stretched into a grin. "Dr. Fraiser okayed it. She said giving him the book was easier than arguing with him about it, and he'd never stay awake long enough to read it anyway."

"That's...downright devious. Sweet."

"He'll probably wake up soon. He's been out for nearly two hours."

"Thanks, Sanderson. I know you and Lucas have pulled double duty taking care of him. It's appreciated."

She looked over at Daniel, and her eyes went soft. "I like Dr. Jackson. And right now, well, he needs to be around people he can trust, who won't take advantage of him."

"Yeah, Fraiser told me he's been a bit...uninhibited."

"He's sweet...and very vulnerable. It's been our pleasure to help." She chuckled, her cheeks dimpling. "Though I have to admit, Sheila got a bit rattled when he told her she had a nice ass."

Jack snorted. "He always has had a way with women."

"I'll be in with his meds in about an hour. If you need me, I'll be right next door."

Jack wandered over to Daniel's bed, conducting a sit rep. All the monitors were...monitoring, steady beeps and readouts that communicated reassuring stability. The feeding tube was gone, the oxygen mask replaced by a nasal cannula, and his respiration, though still a bit labored, had vastly improved. He still looked like hell, but Jack supposed that would take a while to fix.

He carefully worked the book out of Daniel's hands. His friend sucked in a sharp breath and curled his fingers. Jack set the book aside and watched as Daniel opened glazed eyes. He stared blankly at Jack for a long moment before his lips curved.

"Jack?"

"Daniel."

"You're here."

"In the flesh. How are you feeling?"

"My head really hurts and it's hard to breathe but I don't tell Janet because then she wouldn't let me have my book."

O-kay. Obviously Fraiser wasn't exaggerating. "Maybe if you spoke up she'd give you something to stop your head from hurting. Did ya think of that?"

Daniel made a face. "I don't want anything. Every time I open my damn mouth someone's trying to pour medicine down my throat. And the worst is that shit the Samposians call wine." He shuddered. "Tastes like piss, if you ask me."

Jack ruthlessly suppressed a grin. Daniel did *not* swear. He hadn't even realized words like "shit" and "piss" existed in his friend's vocabulary. "Yeah, well, it may taste bad, but it saved your life."

Daniel dropped his head onto the pillow and flung one arm over his eyes. "Lucky me."

Jack hooked the chair with his foot, drawing it close so he could sit down. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

He was taking advantage, and he knew it. Daniel didn't share his pain--he held it close. Shuffled from foster home to foster home, he'd developed a self-reliance that both strengthened and isolated him. His normal M.O. when hurting was to withdraw, holing up in his office or at home until he could stuff the pain down far enough to function. Having Daniel actually admit what was bothering him was too good an opportunity to pass up.

Daniel peered at him from under his arm. "It's not a bad thing. I'm glad I survived. Again. I just wish Sean had been as lucky."

"Donovan fought hard, Daniel. But he had a handicap. Fraiser did everything she could."

"I know. Janet explained about his asthma." Daniel rolled onto his side and propped himself up on an elbow. "What I don't understand is why me? I mean, how many close calls have I had, Jack? Not to mention the times I've actually *died*. Why do I keep getting second chances when good people like Sean, like Kawalsky, like Sha're..." His voice broke and he gritted his teeth. "...don't?"

//You asked for this, Jack.// He massaged the rock hard muscles at the back of his neck. "I don't know, Daniel. If I had the answer to that question, I'd have a book on the best seller list and be chatting it up with Oprah. The fact is, Donovan was a soldier. And a soldier knows there's no guarantee he'll see the sun rise from one day to the next. It goes with the territory."

"That's a very nice platitude, Jack, but it doesn't answer my question. Why am *I* still here? Why has God, or whatever cosmic force that's in charge up there, decided I'm not expendable?"

"Maybe you're special."

Daniel's face twisted in fury. "That's bullshit! I'm no more important than anyone else around here. Less!"

Jack's jaw dropped. "How do you figure?"

Daniel rolled his eyes. "I'm not a warrior like you, Sam, Teal'c--hell, like most of the SGC. I'm not a whiz in astrophysics or computers, or quantum mechanics--"

"You're our front man, Daniel. There's no one better at first contact, at making nice with the locals."

"Since when does that matter a rat's ass anymore? I mean, really, Jack? When was the last time my skills as an archeologist were required?"

"How about, oh, I don't know--THE SAMPOSIANS?" Jack knew he was getting progressively louder but he couldn't contain his incredulity. Was this really what Daniel believed he was worth?

Daniel flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling, his voice low. "I didn't learn anything about their customs, their history, their culture. If I had, maybe I'd have figured out about this...this 'Blood Tide,' and Sean wouldn't be dead right now. All I did was secure a source of naquada so we can build bigger and better weapons. I'm supposed to be real proud of that, huh?"

"You got under their skin, Daniel. Just like you did me, and everyone else who's ever met you." Jack leaned in close, forcing Daniel to look at him. "Did you know that pissy wine you've been drinking is sacred to them? It connects them to their god and saves their souls from damnation. Thompkins' words, not mine," he qualified when Daniel gaped at him.

"The point is, they don't let outsiders near the stuff. It would be blasphemy. But they gave it to us, Daniel. As much as we needed. For *you*."

Daniel swallowed hard. "What?"

"You connected with them. They watched you, listened to you, and decided the rest of us must be okay. More than okay. They trusted us, because they trusted you. You have a gift, Daniel, for cutting through the bullshit and seeing what matters. We may not always appreciate it..." Jack winced. "We might even tell you to shut up. But we need it. We need *you*."

"Sean was a good kid, Jack. He'd just gotten married--he had his whole life ahead of him. It's not fair."

"You're right; it sucks. And I guess I can understand you feeling a little survivor's guilt, but--"

"It's more than that." Daniel dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and smothered a yawn. "There's a part of me that's glad it was Sean. How sick is that?"

Startled, Jack fumbled for a response. "We've all got a strong instinct for self-preservation. It's human nature."

"You don't get it. I'm not glad it wasn't me. I'm glad it wasn't *you*." Daniel looked away. "I keep thinking that if I'd been with SG-1 instead of SG-5 on this mission, it could have been Sam who died. Or Teal'c...or you."

"Never would've happened. Carter and I have both been vaccinated and Teal'c has junior."

"That's not the point! The point is that I'd rather Sean died than any one of you."

Jack shook his head. The things Daniel could find to beat himself up about. "Got a newsflash for you, Daniel. We'd all rather it was Sean than you. You, Carter, Teal'c and I are family. A dysfunctional one, maybe, but a family."

Daniel's eyes glistened. "I know what happens to family, Jack. I've lost two of them. I think maybe it's me, that I'm some kind of living curse that destroys the people I care about. After Sha're died, I swore--I *swore*--I wasn't going to let myself get that close to anyone ever again. I pulled back from you, and you all seemed okay with that. I thought you'd give me a hard time, try to figure out what was wrong, but you and Sam and Teal'c--you didn't even notice or care. There was me and there was SG-1 and it hurt but it was safe. It was so much safer that way. And when Oma offered me the chance to ascend, I thought, 'That's it! That's the answer. I can make a difference, help people, but from a distance. Without the risk. Without the hurt.'" He closed his eyes. "But it didn't work that way."

Jack rubbed his forehead, masking the fact that he was really concealing stinging eyes. This was why Daniel had been so willing to go with Oma? All this time, and he'd never understood. Never would have understood if not for an alien germ and some pissy-tasting wine.

"Daniel." He looked up and saw that his friend was fading fast, exhausted by his emotional outburst. He curled his fingers around Daniel's wrist and squeezed, bringing him back from the edge of sleep.

"I'm not sure why things with the team...things between us got so screwed up. Well, I guess I have a pretty good idea, but I'm not going to open that can of worms right now. What matters, what you have to understand, is that you are an essential part of SG-1. We're not the same team without you. You bring out the best in us."

God, he was the one getting maudlin now, but after Daniel just spilled his guts all over the floor, it was the least he could do. Jack cleared his tight throat. "I know how much it hurts to lose a family, Danny. You're not the only one who's tried to keep his distance. But after a year of living without your friendship, I gotta tell ya, I'd rather take the risk than the coward's way out. I'll be damned if I'm going to deny myself something that I value, that makes me happy, for fear of losing it."

Daniel's sleepy eyes widened. "Jack, you're talking about feelings. Are you okay?"

For cryin' out... "I'm just peachy, Daniel. You?"

"Well, 's still hard…hard to breath, but...my...head...is..."

Well, what do ya know? Fraiser was right. Jack watched Daniel sleep for a moment, then stood. He adjusted the rumpled sheet and patted Daniel's shoulder. "We're not finished with this, my friend. Not by a long shot."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and headed for Carter's lab. He could collect Teal'c on the way. Time for a little strategizing.

*************************

"Whatever you're doing, Colonel, it's working. He's looking much better." Fraiser accepted a beer from Jack, her gaze fixed on Daniel.

Jack looked across the room at his friend. Daniel was ensconced on the couch, sandwiched between Carter and Teal'c, listening to Cassie's highly entertaining account of the latest school dance. Hammond sat to one side, a bemused expression on his face.

"Can't take much credit, Doc. Just fed him, made sure he took all his meds--oh, and disabled his laptop."

Fraiser grinned. "Good thinking."

"He still sleeps a lot but he hardly ever coughs and the rash is gone." Jack watched as Carter nudged Daniel with her shoulder and they laughed quietly together. "Not bad, considering."

"Not bad at all. If he keeps up this rate of recovery, I should be able to clear him for desk work next week and full duty the week after that."

"Sweet."

Jack followed Fraiser into the living room. Cassie was now gushing to Carter about her latest love interest while Daniel tried to explain the concept of dating to Teal'c. Jack nodded at Hammond, and the General cleared his throat. His soft drawl cut through the sudden silence.

"If you all wouldn't mind giving me your attention for a moment, there's something I'd like to share with Dr. Jackson that I think you'll find of interest." He paused to smile at Daniel. "I think we all forget that we're here today because of you. By first unlocking the 'gate, and then discovering the Abydos cartouche, you literally opened the universe to us and made the SGC possible. To be honest, I don't think our government has ever properly thanked you for that."

Daniel flushed. "General, I--"

"I'm not finished, son. You've served this country faithfully and well over the past eight years. Thanks to your tenacity and determination, we avoided a Goa'uld invasion that would have destroyed the lives of every man, woman and child on this planet. Your integrity and compassion have prevented us from making some terrible mistakes. And your honor and loyalty have gained us some valuable allies."

Hammond let his gaze wander over each person present. "It's a sad fact of human nature that we often don't appreciate what we have until we lose it. I guess it's high time we made sure you understand just how crucial you are to this program, and to each one of us.

"I want you to know that I've placed a letter of commendation, signed by the President himself, in your file. It won't change the fact that the pursuit of weapons and defense technology has become our primary goal. It doesn't allow you to vindicate yourself before your colleagues in the archeological community. But my hope is that it will communicate, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you have made a difference." Hammond walked over and extended his hand to Daniel, who stood on unsteady legs. "Congratulations, son."

Daniel accepted the handshake to the sound of applause, his face blank with shock. "I...I don't know what to... Thank you, sir."

Smiling to himself, Jack withdrew to the kitchen as Daniel was surrounded by well-wishing friends. More than ten minutes passed before Daniel joined him, face still flushed and eyes dazed. He dropped into a chair at the kitchen table but remained silent.

Jack pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator and set it in front of him, then took a seat across the table.

"Thanks." Daniel unscrewed the top and took a long drink before fixing Jack with an intense stare.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

"I'm not sure." Daniel took another drink, then turned the bottle between his palms. "You told them. This past week...I was wondering why Teal'c kept showing up to play hounds and jackels, and why Sam's been so...touchy feely."

"Touchy-feely?" Despite the uncertainty in Daniel's voice, Jack couldn't help being amused. "That's a *bad* thing?"

"I never said... No! No, it's not a bad thing. I just..." He buried his face in his hands. "I was stoned, Jack. I never would have spilled my guts like that if I'd been in my right mind. I've been having a hard enough time dealing with the idea that I said those things to you. How could you share them with anyone else? I thought I could trust you."

"Hang on a minute. First of all, you can trust me. And second, I didn't tell anyone anything." When Daniel dropped his hands to stare accusingly at him, Jack amended, "Okay, that's not entirely true. Maybe I did tell Carter and Teal'c that you were feeling miserable over Donovan's death. And I may have mentioned to the General that you've never gotten any formal recognition for opening the 'gate. But that's all I did, Daniel. C'mon, you know me better than that!"

"I thought I did." Daniel scrutinized his Jack's face as if it were an artifact. "That's all you said? Really?"

"Yes, Daniel, that's really all I said. Geez, you're questioning my integrity, here. You know, it's not my fault Carter gets all protective of you or that the General decided to take the bull by the horns and get you a commendation. You just have that effect on people."

Daniel smiled weakly. "I guess that's all right, then."

"That's family, Daniel And while we're on the subject, I expect you to cut the 'distancing yourself' crap. Otherwise I will be forced to sic Carter and her touchy-feely ways on you. Big time."

The weak smile transformed to a grin. "I've been warned."

"Damn straight."

The touchy-feely party in question chose that moment to peer through the kitchen door. "Ah, sir? Isn't it about time for dessert? Teal'c's getting restless."

Jack smirked at Daniel, who smothered a grin. "Oh, *Teal'c's* getting restless, is he, Major? Because he's, you know, got such a sweet tooth. Gets real cranky if he's deprived for too long."

Carter's face remained deadpan. "I have noticed that, yes, sir."

"Hear that, Daniel? Guess we'd better break out that chocolate fudge cake we bought for *Teal'c*."

Carter winked at Daniel. "Excellent idea, Colonel. I'll just, um, hold him off until it's served."

"You do that, Carter." Jack stood and motioned to Daniel. "You can help me by dishing up the ice cream."

He nodded and grabbed the ice cream from the freezer as Jack began slicing pieces of cake. When Daniel made no move to start scooping, Jack nudged his shoulder. "Daniel? Sometime today would be good."

Daniel ducked his head. "I know. I just wanted to say… Thanks, Jack. For sticking by me, taking care of me through all this. Even when I was really out of it, I knew you were there. It, um…it helped."

"You're welcome." Jack slapped the ice cream scoop into Daniel's hand. "Now start scooping, will ya? You know how scary Carter gets when she's denied her chocolate fix."

"I heard that, sir," Carter called from the living room.

Jack sighed. "Family, Daniel. Gotta love 'em."

Daniel smiled. "Yeah. I do."