SF: OK people. The chapter after this one is the last one. I promise! Then we cam move on to bigger and better things! And if you're reviews not here, please don't be offended. The disk I keep the reviews on was recently washed in the washing machine (yeah, it was one of my greatest moments) and it got ruined. I promise to respond to each and every single last one come the next chapter. Thanks for waiting!

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Is Happiness All It's Cracked Up to Be?

'Huh?'

Was Sesshoumaru's unintelligible answer as Kagome continued to check his face. 'What is she talking about?' "What are you talking about?" he asked, then growled when Kagome flat out ignored him.

"Don't you know what's wrong with you?" she said as she ultimately acknowledged him. "How long have you been like this?"

"Been like what?" Sesshoumaru snarled, then attempted to remove her hands. "What are you doing? It is not as if you care?"

"Of course I care!" Kagome shot back, her hands flying to her waist as she scowled at him. "Some of us may be heartless bastards, but I'm not! I just happen to care about you, you asshole!"

"You still care," Sesshoumaru began, deciding to ignore her insult as her hands once again returned to his face. "About me?"

"No, about the other guy that looks like you."

"But why?"

Kagome sighed, her breath dancing on the tip of his nose before answering. "Because I still love you, I guess. Now don't get the wrong idea!" Kagome said quickly, watching as the black threads that clouded the whites of Sesshoumaru's eyes retreated to his irises. "I said I love you, but you're still an ass! You're hurt, and I'm a miko, so we're supposed to be concerned about those kinds of-" She gasped when his lips pressed against hers in an unsure kiss, the action more starting than the feeling. It was over before she realized, Sesshoumaru staring at her as she sat dazed and confused.

"My apologies Kagome," Sesshoumaru said quietly. "I did not mean to offend." Dark, jet black eyes widened as Kagome fisted her hands in the thickness of his hair, jerked him forward and returned the kiss. Her hands held him still, one fisted at the back of his neck with the other clamped tightly at his chin.

"Kagome," Sesshoumaru called around her mouth, then stopped and attempted to gently push her away at her sob. She bit his lower lip then, startling him enough to forget his thoughts of removing her before licking the offended piece of flesh in apology. He kept his control in tight reign despite the moans trapped deep within his throat.

"Kagome, stop," he whispered as he tried again to pull her back. "Kagome, I'm talking to -"

Kagome sniffed suddenly, though she didn't seem aware of such a sound as she traced his upper lip with her tongue. She used his attempts to talk to her to move past his lips to his mouth, immediately wrapping her tongue around his and drawing it into her mouth. Sesshoumaru's eyes slid closed slowly, his tight control slipping with each pass of her lips and every sweep of her tongue inside his waiting mouth.

"Kagome, you don't want to do this," he reminded her as she shoved his trench coat off his shoulders. "You hate me, remember?"

He frowned when she continued to ignore him, choosing instead to travel from his mouth to his earlobe with faint butterfly kisses. She bit his earlobe gently, making a slight sound of approval at his jump before using her tongue to trace the shell of his ear.

"You don't want this," Sesshoumaru repeated in a daze, his hand cradling the back of Kagome's head as the other settled at her waist. "You hate me. You said so yourself. You'll regret-"

"Do be quiet Sesshoumaru," Kagome growled in his ear, unknowingly making it harder for Sesshoumaru to control his urge to finish what she started. "You are ruining the mood."

"But you-"

"Don't want this," she said as she unbuttoned the first of many buttons on his shirt front. "You've said this."

"And it's true," he reminded her. He stiffened when she shoved his shirt aside, his breath coming out in shaky pants as she teased one of his nipples with her tongue. "Kagome, please," he growled. "You are making this difficult." He finally hooked his hands underneath her arms and jerked up, successfully jerking her from his chest and to his face. What he saw gave him pause, the momentary laps enough for Kagome to settle back in his lap and kiss him again.

"Kagome, you don't want to do this," he argued again as he wiped a clawed hand across her tearstained face. "Look at you. You are forcing yourself."

He placed his hands on the side of her face and pulled back, his eyes stern and patient as she whimpered. "You do not have to do-"

"You said you were sorry," Kagome whispered shakily. "I've hated you for so long, but I believe you. I…want to believe you. Show me you can be different. Please."

"I-"

She slipped from his hands, ducking them as they attempted to reclaim her as she kissed him again. "Show me," she urged. "You owe me at least that."

"Are you sure?" Sesshoumaru asked as she kissed the corners of his mouth. She nodded her consent, then reached between them and began to unbuckle his pants. "Not here," he growled.

"Then where?"

"You're room. Where is it?" he asked, his hand circling around her wrist when she attempted to reach inside his trousers.

"That way," she gestured behind him, then squeaked in surprised when Sesshoumaru stood up and moved toward the door.

Sesshoumaru awoke slowly, golden eyes narrowed to the world around him. 'Why is everything upside down?' he wondered groggily as he glanced around Kagome's bedroom. Everything, from the shelf underneath the door to the mammoth orange cat swatting at his tail was reversed.

'Wait a moment…'

Sesshoumaru turned back to the cat, watching as it pawed at his tail like a toy. 'How disgraceful,' he sighed. 'A taiyoukai, reduced to a mere amusement. To a neko no less.' The cat turned to him at his sigh, then gave up on Sesshoumaru's tail and padded his way to Sesshoumaru's upturned face.

"Meow" it greeted, blowing his fishy breath in Sesshoumaru's face. Sesshoumaru quickly turned his head to the side with a frown marring his features.

"Meow" it yowled again, this time a bit louder. Sesshoumaru shook his head, then closed his eyes and grimaced again. "I will not," Sesshoumaru growled. The cat meowed again, this time rubbing its side against Sesshoumaru's forehead.

"I said no."

"Meow," it yowled louder, then proceeded to rub his furry cheek against Sesshoumaru's forehead.

"Fine," Sesshoumaru growled as he began to sit up. He paused as the blood rushed from his head, finally realizing that he was still on Kagome's bed. 'Oh yes. I remember now,' he thought, a smile warming his face as Kagome snuggled closer to him in her sleep. He gently nudged her to the side, moving her head from his chest to the bed below. He slid off the other side gracefully, retrieved his pants from the floor and put them back on before silently walking out of the room with the orange nuisance following close behind.

Sesshoumaru moved through the living room to the kitchen effortlessly despite the cat at his feet winding through his legs. He stopped at the kitchen threshold, glancing from one side of the room to the other until asking.

"Now where is it?"

The cat walked forward, nudged a cabinet, then plopped down in front of a set of navy blue bowls beside it. Sesshoumaru kneeled down and reached inside, his head turned to the side as he fished around the insides of the cabinet. He finally pulled out a blue can of cat food, then closed the cabinet and sat with his back against it before opening the can and depositing the contents inside the nearest bowl. "There," he said with a huff. "Are you happy now?"

"Meow "

Sesshoumaru shook his head and winced as the coolness of the cabinet's surface finally caught his attention. 'It would figure that she would own a cat,' Sesshoumaru thought as said feline munched away happily. 'And an annoying, loud one at that. She would love something like you. But…' He stopped, suddenly thoughtful as he rubbed his chin between his left thumb and index finger. 'She also said she loved me. Would she have slept with me if she did not mean it? After all, what better revenge than to do to me what I did to her. Could she do something like that?' He shook his head clear and reached an unconscious hand to scratch between the feline's ears before standing up and returning to the bedroom.

Sesshoumaru paused at the threshold, taking a moment to watch as the early morning sun streamed from the open window over the bed. The sunlight played merrily upon Kagome's sleeping figure, her bare shoulders barely visible from beneath her nest of black hair. He smiled at the slight frown on her features before walking across the floor and coming to lie at her side.

'It is…almost unreal,' he thought to himself as he pulled Kagome closer to him. He placed her head on his bare chest and resituated the covers around them, then turned to look at the ever-brightening sky. 'That I would be here, like this, with her again. It is true what they say, you really do have no idea of what you have until it leaves you. I do not understand why she has accepted me so quickly…OK maybe it wasn't that quickly, and not without my share of bruises. But she still accepted me.' His arms tightened around her, as if to prevent the escape of a wonderful dream as he kissed the top of her head.

"You may not forgive me yet, but I promise," he whispered into her hair. "That no matter what, I will spend the rest of my life making things right with you."

"Forgiveness…"

Sesshoumaru felt the tickle of warm breath before he heard the whispered words, his brow furrowing slightly before looking down on her. He realized soon that she was still asleep, and had breathed the word in the midst of slumber. Sesshoumaru gave an inaudible sigh of relief, then moved them both toward the top of the bed. He propped himself against the headboard, left Kagome to one of the pillows and folded his arms around her waist to keep her close before her earlier outburst resurfaced in his mind.

'Broken? What on earth could she mean?' he wondered as Kagome shifted beside him. 'Surly she doesn't mean me. She must have been mistaken. It is true that I have felt a tad weak, but broken? It is not possible. Just a little under the weather…though I do feel better now.' He remembered an incident long ago, something that reminded him of Kagome's accusation.

'It was only a few days after Mother died,' Sesshoumaru mused to himself. 'Father seemed to sink into himself. He never laughed, never spoke unless it was necessary. He seemed to age before me, to become an old man in a matter of months. But that changed when he met Inuyasha's mother. The light suddenly reappeared in his eyes, but that couldn't be what happened to me. I would have noticed such a change, wouldn't I-'

"All this confusion writhing in the air is disturbing my sleep," Kagome grumbled as she blinked into awareness. "And after this morning, I'm the only one allowed to be confused."

She rolled on her back to face him, pulling up the sheet to cover up her chest and twiddling her fingers against it as she stared at him. "I see you're better."

"I do not believe I was ever ill," Sesshoumaru answered truthfully. "But I will take your word on it."

"Good, because I should know. I can see it."

"Kagome, why did we do this?" Sesshoumaru asked. Kagome turned away from him, watching the city sky a moment before answering him.

"Because I wanted to," she whispered softly. "Because, no matter how much of a jerk you are, I'll never be able to forgive myself if you died when I could have done something to stop it."

"So this was a mercy screw?" Sesshoumaru growled angrily. "I did not know you had it in you. I do not need your-"

"Pity, I know," Kagome finished with a wave of her hand. "And believe me, you don't have it. I just wanted to, and…" She took a deep breath, held it, and released it before saying. "And I still love you.

"That changes nothing however," Kagome informed him while Sesshoumaru hugged her from behind. "I may still love you, but that doesn't mean I forgive you. You were a jerk, and I have yet to hear you say that."

"I was a jerk," Sesshoumaru said as he kissed her temple.

"And?"

"And a louse."

"And?"

Sesshoumaru snorted against her shoulder, but said "And an ass. You have my apologies, my Kagome. Is there anything I can do or say to make it up to you."

"Pretty words will get you no where," Kagome replied, then bit her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Well, now that you've asked, there is something I want you to tell me."

"Anything," Sesshoumaru growled as he kissed the bite mark on her left shoulder.

"That," Kagome squeaked before lightly bonking him on the head. "What is that? Is that a mate mark? If it is, then why did you do it in front of Naraku?

"What mark? This one?" Sesshoumaru poked said mark and received another whop on the head in response. "This is not a mate mark."

"Then what is it?"

"This is just a bite mark. Youkai used to use bite marks to mark their mates, but that practice ceased when certain taiyoukai began to drink the blood of miko in their services."

"You mean, like drink them dry?" Kagome asked with a gulp. Sesshoumaru shook his head. "No my silly miko," he answered affectionately. "They would take sips from them, as one would a fine wine. Miko blood is considered a delicacy among youkai, and to find one that will let you drink from here without question is a rare find. Normally you have to cage them up and force them to stay alive."

"Well that's gruesome," Kagome groaned, then sighed. "But it does explain why you drank my blood in front of Naraku-"

"And this morning as well," Sesshoumaru added, watching as Kagome blushed in remembrance.

"I guess your right," she agreed before patting his hand. "This is the way we should have woken up months ago."

"I agree. I should have done things differently. I am hoping to have a chance to change that, if you'll allow."

Kagome chuckled dryly, then shook her head. "I don't think I'll live that long."

"But you could," Sesshoumaru told her, then waited until she turned to him to explain. "I want you to, but you would have to want it to. I-"

"What is it Sesshoumaru?" Kagome asked, already fed up with the suspense. "Tell me."

"I thought this as ludicrous when it first came to me, but now I know that it is what I want. You would make a perfect mate, Kagome."

Kagome stared at him a moment, her confusion blazing in her eyes and scent before finally understanding. "You want me to be your mate?" she asked incredulously as she pointed to herself. Sesshoumaru nodded. "It is your decision, but yes."

"I don't know…"

"I understand your hesitation," Sesshoumaru told her as she looked away. "And I do not blame you for it. I would not place blame on you if you refuse."

"But….I don't want to refuse," Kagome finally told him. "I don't trust you, but I do love you, and I believe you when you say you're sorry. I just…I…yes," she said with a nod. "I want to, but-"

"It changes nothing," Sesshoumaru finished for her. "I thought as much. But you would be my mate?"

"Yes."

"Have my pups?"

"Do you care that they will be hanyou?" Kagome asked. "I know how much you and Inuyasha fight."

"I fight with Inuyasha because he is daft, though I wonder now if it is all an act. And if our pups are hanyou, then I would have it no other way."

"Then yes."

"Will you love me?"

Kagome turned back to him, stormy blue eyes locking with burnished golden before asking. "Will you love me?"

Her answer was Sesshoumaru's hug, the taiyoukai tugging her closer to him and resting his head on her shoulder. "For as long as I breathe, my dear little miko."

"Kagome," Kagome scolded as she returned the hug. "My name is Kagome, remember?" She felt him smile against her shoulder, then felt something warm trickle down her shoulder.

"Of course. Kagome. I promise."

"Then yes. I will do all that you ask me."

Sesshoumaru gave her a gentle squeeze, then released her and gently rolled her onto her back. "Are you sure?" he asked as Kagome touched her shoulder.

"Yes."

He nodded his understanding, then looked away as Kagome brought her hand to her face. Whatever it was that fell down her shoulder wasn't blood, but something clear, liquid and slightly-

Sesshoumaru turned back to her, his mouth slightly bloody as he held up his hand to her. Whatever I say, you have to listen to, alright?"

"Alright," Kagome agreed softly.

"I hearby decree, before the gods," Sesshoumaru whispered as he opened his hand. "That she who lies beneath me is my chose mate. My match, my equal, my beloved, everything I own she now owns, and everything I am she now becomes. I would deny her nothing, and would die before hurting her…again," he whispered, the guilt he still felt drowning in his voice. "I give her a piece of me so that all who see her will know her intended, know she is claimed, and know she is mine as I am hers. Are you ready Kagome?"

Kagome inhaled a shaky breath, then nodded. "I am." Sesshoumaru reached inside his hand and retrieved a small fang, one that Kagome will guess would be missing from somewhere inside his mouth. "Does it hurt?" Kagome asked as he placed the tip of it over her heart.

"It does, but it is a small matter compared to…"

"Compared to?" Kagome asked, then she winced when the tip of the tooth pricked her skin.

Sesshoumaru looked up from his work, his gaze intent and endearing as he said "Compared to the joy I feel now. Are you sure?"

"I am."

She had not a word to say much more before Sesshoumaru fisted his hand and pounded the tooth through her sternum and into her heart. Kagome's back bowed under the force, then flopped back as the tooth settled inside the destined organ. Kagome grimaced in pain, her hands flying to her heart as she twisted and writhed.

Sesshoumaru looked down on this helplessly, entirely clueless as to what transpired as Kagome's body began to glow a bright green. 'What's going on?' he asked himself as he held Kagome's thrashing body closer to him. 'She shouldn't be in this much pain. The magic should have made it so. Why is she-' It occurred to him suddenly, remembering the one other instance where youkai blood resided inside her body.

'It nearly killed her then, but what will it do now? What have I done!"

----

Kagome: ARGGGGGGGGGGG:runs up to SF, with half a dozen readers, with a telephone cord: I'm going to kill her!

SF: (jumps into the rafters) OK, OK, I admit. The ending of this chapter was really messed up. But they're back together!

Sango: Only for her to die at the end! That's sick SF!

SF: Who said anything about her dying? Are you guys forgetting that I'm the author and I make the rules? Shame on you! I know I've been away, but where is your faith?

Silver Fox:from his textbook: With their patience, which fled for the hills a week ago.

SF: Thank you Captain Obvious. I didn't mean to stay away for so long, only to come back with six of seven pages of work. I promise you that wasn't the plan, but my writer's block lifted at 12:25 this morning. What more do you want from me?

Miroku: What I would like to know is what was wrong with Sesshoumaru?

SF: I'm so glad you asked. (jumps down beside Miroku and props her elbow on his shoulder) I'm going to tell you what the Shikon told Kagome in the chapter before this one. Contrary to popular belief, youkai do have emotions. The only difference between youkai emotions and human emotions is the intensity. Youkai feel so much more than humans do because of how intense their emotions are. Feelings like love, hate, jealousy and fear would kill a human should the feelings ever be transferred from one species to another. That's why youkai consider them a weakness, because they could blind them easier than a human's feelings would. However, feelings like heartbreak, sorrow, and rage can't be contained so easily.

Sango: Then that's the reason for the youkai bloodlusts, right?

SF: Right. But the other feelings, like heartbreak and sorrow, are so powerful that they as well cannot be contained. Remember what Sesshoumaru said about his father after his mother passed away? (Inu-cast nods) That's what Sesshoumaru went through. Youkai wear their hearts on their sleeves, literally.

Miroku:finally understanding: I see. So when they're suffering from the feelings you just described-

Kagome: The light dies from their eyes, and they age. Wow SF. That took thought.

SF: (grins) I know!

Inu-chan/ Sesshou: What a load of bull.

SF: (rolls eyes) Well, that's one thing they agree on. Anyway, I don't have a recommendation (again) but I will have at least two when I come back! I promis-Eeeee!

Zap!

Kagome:she and Sango shaking their heads at Miroku, who's splayed out on the floor: You did it again, didn't youj?

Miroku: (cough) I could not help myself.

Sango: Right.