The Other Point of View: Chapter 2
Back in the infirmary, Sam cursed at being caught kissing O'Neill by the one person who mattered. What the hell was the Colonel going to think? There could never be anything between her and this O'Neill; they didn't even belong in the same reality, could never pursue anything further. Her Jack, on the other hand... It was ridiculous to even think it. Nothing could happen between them either, even if her Jack thought about her like that. He obviously didn't; his total lack of reaction to finding her in the kiss confirmed that once and for all. What did she expect, a jealous rage?
"Crap!"
O'Neill, despite his own tumultuous feelings, was vaguely amused by it. He didn't think he should tell her that though.
"I'm sorry Sam. I... we should never have done that. It was dumb. You aren't her and I'm not him."
"Not him? What do you mean?"
"Don't be so obtuse, Sam. You know damned well what I mean."
Of course she did. It was probably stupid to deny it to this O'Neill. Deep inside, she had very much wanted it to be her Jack who was kissing her. How could she deny it? She had felt good being held in O'Neill's arms; the kiss had burned into her soul. It seemed a long time since she had been kissed. She tried to think when it had been. Was it Narim of the Tollan? She had never truly had those sorts of feelings for him but had got caught up in his feelings for her. She'd come close with Martouf, but her own feelings were confused with those of Jolinar who she had carried within her. When it came down to it, her Jack was the man she wanted. And this O'Neill? He missed his own dead Sam very much and had merely sought solace in the arms of her double. He felt nothing for her.
O'Neill himself knew that was true too. No doubt he could learn to love this Sam given time but, right now, she was nowhere near close to the real thing. The two Sam's might appear similar, but they were different, and his wife was dead. The temporary release from that pain offered through the arms and lips of this Sam dissipated quickly. Once more he felt totally alone and bereft.
"I'm sorry, Sam, I used you. It was stupid and unfair. God alone knows what your Jack is thinking right now." Sam laughed bitterly at those words.
"I guess I was using you too. But, my Jack? He isn't my Jack. He doesn't give a damn about me except as his team mate, his second."
"You believe that?" Seeing the sad look in her eyes, he realised that she did. "You think things are so different in this reality? Emotions, I mean? The only difference is that in this reality you are both in the military. He's your CO and it's against the regs. You think there's nothing there for you under that hard exterior of his? Personally, I don't believe it. He's me, despite the differences."
He could see that Sam didn't really believe him and moved towards her again, taking her in his arms and comforting her this time. After a while, Sam disentangled herself and stepped away from him.
"You're right, you're not him. You're only confusing me; making a bad situation worse." She swiftly turned away and left him there, alone again.
O'Neill's heart was breaking. He'd screwed up, so damned typical of him. He was always lost when it came to expressing his emotions. His Sam knew that but she had loved him nevertheless. She had known how he felt even though he was often unable to express it. He missed her more than ever and, despite the tough outer shell, was crying inside. Looking at his watch he realised it was time to face the music. Shit! Put on that brave face you do so well, O'Neill, he told himself.
*****************
Everyone at the meeting felt a little awkward. O'Neill glared at Teal'c, hatred plain in his eyes. He also felt uncomfortable about the Jack and Carter of this reality and what they might be thinking. Jack could hardly bear to look at O'Neill, or Sam; he was trying so hard to bury those feelings again. They kept rising to the surface, unbidden and uncontrolled. Teal'c knew how O'Neill must be feeling about him; his counterpart had helped destroy his planet, had killed his wife. Daniel found it weird that this version of O'Neill didn't even know him; there was nothing there between them. It made him slightly uneasy in his presence. Hammond couldn't believe his luck; two Jack O'Neills. One was more than a handful.
Daniel was talking. "Think about it. Billions of people enslaved. I just can't help but feel, in the grand scheme of things, we owe them. Besides, the only way to really help O'Neill is to stop the Goa'uld in his reality and...save whatever's left."
"How do you suggest we do that Dr Jackson? The resources of their entire world couldn't defend against the Goa'uld." Although he wanted to do something Hammond was pragmatic and he wouldn't risk his own people without a good plan.
"What about the resources of our world?" Daniel responded.
"What do we have that they don't?" Sam asked.
Daniel replied, "Our fate. We made contact with the Asgard."
"So?" asked Jack, wondering what difference that could make.
"So, if we could somehow make contact with the Asgard in his reality, maybe their Asgard will be willing to help them."
"Defend their world against the Goa'uld?" This time it was Hammond who questioned Daniel's suggestion.
"Yes."
"And just how do you propose we raise the Asgard... in their reality?" Jack asked, knowing Daniel must have something in mind.
"Ok, we still have the dialling program that took you to the Asgard home planet, right?" Daniel looked at Jack, who shrugged helplessly. He couldn't remember any of the stuff that had been dumped into his brain from that particular occasion.
Sam caught onto Daniel's thoughts, "Which we could download to a removable hard drive. But that still won't do it. Remember, in order to dial the Asgard home world they had to provide us with a generator that transferred extra energy to the Gate's capacitors. I haven't been able to get it working again. Apparently it was designed to work only once."
"Assuming MajorCarter can figure it out, once in the other reality it would be difficult to get someone to the Stargate without the Goa'uld detecting and stopping them, would it not?" Teal'c asked, quizzically.
"That's where I come in?" O'Neill asked. They seemed to be planning this whole thing without him. Surely, he was the one that had to make it happen; this was his world they were talking about saving. "Who goes through the gate? Me? Sam? If it's Sam, I'll get her to the Stargate. What, you think I'm going to let her go alone? She's my..." he tailed off uncomfortably, about to say 'wife' then realising what he was saying.
Jack shifted in his chair. Had O'Neill been going to say 'wife'? He glared briefly at O'Neill and then looked at Carter for the first time trying to gauge her reaction. She looked as comfortable with all this as he felt.
"You'll also need someone to hook up the generator. And download the dialling program." Jack said, the plan starting to come together in his mind. This might work.
"Perhaps it ought to be me that goes through the gate?" Suggested Daniel. The rest of you seem better suited to other things." The room nodded assent at this idea. Daniel was the ace communicator. If he couldn't persuade them to help no one could.
"You will also require my assistance." Added Teal'c, and O'Neill looked at him with loathing.
"We can handle this." He said roughly, but Daniel intervened on his friend's behalf.
"No, Teal'c has a point. You said yourself that Teal'c led the assault on the mountain in your reality. Now, couldn't we use something like that to our advantage?"
Jack laughed and smiled at Daniel, thinking he was learning fast. "Quite the military mind, Daniel Jackson."
Carter, however, brought them down to earth with a bump. "No, Sir, I'm sorry. Teal'c can't go any more than you can...entropic cascade failure. If you go, there will still be two of you in one reality and the same will be true with Teal'c."
It hadn't occurred to Jack that he might not be able to go on this mission. He should be there; they needed him. Frankly, he needed to be there. What might happen if he weren't?
"O'Neill did not become sick during his first 48 hours. If our mission is not complete within that time it is most likely that we will be dead." Teal'c said in a typically truthful, albeit negative, way. It was so Teal'c to get to the heart of the matter like that.
Jack grimaced, "Good point." Then he turned to Hammond, "are you ok with all this, Sir?
"If you feel confident you can pull this off, I have no objection. However, upon your return I want that quantum mirror destroyed." Hammond replied.
"Ok," Said Daniel, "well this is all well and good, but none of us are going anywhere unless we get that Asgard generator working again."
"Ok. Carter, download the program to the re-moveable... whatever it is, and meet us in the lab." He indicated O'Neill.
Before he left the room, Hammond pulled Jack and O'Neill over to one side.
"Jack. You aren't going to like this but I can't let you go on this one."
"Sir..." Jack tried to marshal his arguments.
"No arguments Jack. Major Carter is right, and we have no idea what effect it will have on you if you go to that reality."
"You're letting Teal'c go, right?" Hammond nodded, "But he said it. It took at least 48 hours before that... cascade thing kicked in on...on...." He waved his hand in O'Neill's direction.
"But you two have already been together in this reality for longer than that. There is only one of Teal'c in this reality. I'm sorry son. Plan the details with them, by all means, but plan that you won't be there. O'Neill's in charge on this mission." He nodded towards Jack's double. "If you need an extra person we'll send someone from another team."
Jack winced and both O'Neills said simultaneously, "yes, Sir."
Hammond was right. He didn't like it but had no choice. This probably wasn't a good time to ignore orders. It might be different if they were trying to save their own reality, but he had to resign himself to the inevitable; the other O'Neill and Carter were leading on this one. No, he didn't like it one little bit. His brain hurt with all this alternative reality stuff.
"Sir? Do you think it's possible there's an alternate version of myself out there that actually understands what the hell is going on?" Hammond just chuckled, indulgently.
Once outside O'Neill said, "Um, I think we might need to talk."
Jack looked at him dubiously, "What about?"
"I think you know what about."
Jack winced again but said, "now is not the time." O'Neill just smiled faintly and replied,
"Okay, I'll catch ya later."
It was one conversation that Jack just didn't want to have. However, he nodded assent while thinking that there was surely some way to avoid it.
*********************
Eventually, Sam figured it out. Initially she felt highly uncomfortable, both O'Neills watching her, unable to help. She had sent them packing and, left to her own devises, had thought of the answer. All she needed was the ratio of the decay rate of naquada relative to the energy output. Eureka!
All she had to do now was work out how to calculate it. Oh boy! Thank God she'd recently done all that work on the naquada reactor with Merrin, otherwise she would never calculate it. It had to be soon. O'Neill was getting worse as the effects as a cascade trauma raged through his body increasingly powerful and more frequently.
**********************
Daniel was on his way into the infirmary to pick up his latest batch of anti-histamines. He could see the duplicate O'Neill lying on one of the beds so decided it was about time to make his acquaintance. Although they had been in the same briefing together, they had never really met since O'Neill had arrived. He wondered whether now was a good time but forged ahead anyway. When is a good time for anything? One can put off anything given the right excuse.
"Hi, you OK? Did you have another one of those attacks?" O'Neill nodded, sitting up with his legs over the side of the bed.
"So... you're Daniel Jackson." He said.
"Yeah."
"And we're what? Friends in this reality, right?" O'Neill's gestures were identical to Jack's. Daniel thought it a little strange.
"Yeah."
"Uh, huh. Why? Excuse me for being blunt but you don't exactly seem my type."
"You have to have lived it." Daniel smiled slightly and O'Neill chuckled.
"I'm sorry... about Sam... in your reality." Daniel said sympathetically. O'Neill nodded an acknowledgement, a sorrowful look marring his features briefly. "It must be a little strange, with our Sam, I mean." Daniel plunged on, as so often, regardless; his Jack would probably just tell him to can it, or worse.
"I wouldn't say that." Daniel arched his eyebrows.
"I'm sure that I would be pretty freaked out if my wife died and then I met her double in another reality a few days later." Daniel said, tactful as ever. O'Neill said nothing in response, so Daniel continued, "our Sam is pretty special to us. I would hate anyone to hurt her. Or Jack."
O'Neill wondered how Daniel had found out about the kiss; it was obvious that he was warning him off Sam, for the sake of both her, and the Jack of this reality. He knew himself well enough to realise that the Jack of this reality didn't tell. Sam must have mentioned it.
"I don't know what you mean." He did not want to get drawn into this conversation.
"Don't play dumb. Or are you just doing the Jack O'Neill avoidance thing?" O'Neill smiled at that.
"Now I begin to see why he might like you, Daniel Jackson." He replied, avoiding the subject again.
"Of course, there was also that whole saving his life thing that I did."
O'Neill laughed. "Yep. That'll win you friends, every time." He paused, then continued, "Look, I'm not gonna do anything to rock your little world, ok, Daniel?"
"I think you might have already."
"That was never my intention. It just... happened, alright? It's not gonna happen again." Daniel stepped forward and smiled brightly at O'Neill.
"Ok." He accepted O'Neill's word, then "nice to meet you. I'm Daniel Jackson." He held out his hand towards O'Neill, who smiled in an amused sort of way and shook it.
"It's a pleasure Daniel Jackson. I'm Jack O'Neill."
**********************
Jack had hastily made his way to his office to hide himself away and think. It was a good while later that O'Neill cornered him there. He sat at the opposite side of the desk.
"Jack," said O'Neill "that kiss, it was a mistake, for both of us."
Jack closed his eyes and sighed loudly. "I don't wanna talk about this." Childishly, he put his fingers in his ears and started humming to himself.
"Then just listen, you stupid, stubborn son of a bitch!" O'Neill shouted through the noise. When Jack looked up at him, removing the fingers and grimacing, he continued, "You afraid I'm gonna take her away from you? You know that's not possible. For crying out loud, we can't even live in the same reality! Tell me something, Jack, who knows you better than I do? You think I have no idea how you're feeling right now?"
Jack shrugged helplessly. "She's not your wife." It was almost uttered under his breath.
"Well, she's certainly not yours." O'Neill said sarcastically, then he suddenly looked sad, "No, she's not my wife. My wife's dead, and this Sam could never replace her" He looked down at his hands, taking a deep breath to calm himself.
Jack heart felt a surge of sympathy for this man in front of him. He had lost it all. Lost his world, and the woman that he loved. He imagined himself in that same position and thought maybe he understood a little how hard it must have been for the man to be faced with the duplicate of his dead wife. He had sought solace from that duplicate, and who could blame him? He realised that it wasn't O'Neill he was pissed with, it was Carter - for wanting this other version of him, but not him.
"You can't expect her to know how you feel if you don't show her Jack." Said O'Neill, "you're crazy not to do something about the way you feel about her. She's worth it, believe you me."
"What the hell do you know about it?" Jack' voice was raised, suddenly angry, but O'Neill just shrugged.
"Everything Jack. Who better than me?"
"You're not me."
"No, I'm not, and you aren't me. You think Sam doesn't know the difference?"
"It was you she was kissing!" Jack almost spat that back at O'Neill who calmly replied,
"But she wanted it to be you."
"That's ridiculous." Jack looked frustrated. He knew that Carter didn't feel that way about him. This wasn't O'Neill's reality, it was his. It was for him to know what was real here and what wasn't, not his counterpart.
"If you say so." replied O'Neill. He couldn't force this Jack to see it. "Look, Sam and I, in my reality, we were... great. The best. But this isn't my reality, or my Sam, however much I might wish it was. She's your Sam."
"She's not mine." For the first time, his face clearly showed that he wished it was otherwise. He kept thinking that this whole conversation was ludicrous. He was talking to himself, for crying out loud. But this wasn't him. Goddammit, it was so confusing.
"Then make her yours. Life's too short. Be happy, for crying out loud." Jack almost laughed to hear that expression from his double's lips. Instead, he said disconsolately,
"Maybe I don't deserve to be happy." O'Neill just stared straight into his eyes and replied,
"That's what I used to think."
He got up from his seat opposite Jack and swiftly left the room. Leave the guy to think about it, let him stew. It wasn't really his natural inclination to be a matchmaker anyway.
Jack sat at his desk with his head in his hands. Damn! His whole world was turning upside down. Those emotions he was so proud of keeping buried were taking over. He fought them, hard. In anger and frustration he picked up the glass paperweight on his desk and threw it against the opposite wall. It shattered into pieces. I know how it feels, he thought.
************************
Sam was pleased with herself for working it all out. Their plan could now become a reality, although they thought it wise to take an extra hand. Lt. Jeffries from SG-3 was drafted. At least he wasn't a total jarhead, despite the fact that he was a Marine. They dressed Teal'c up like Apophis' First Prime in O'Neill's reality. It gave O'Neill the creeps but he accepted it was probably the right thing to do.
Having fiddled around a little with the quantum mirror's remote control device, they thought they had found the right reality at last. It was time. Jack was there to see them off, and wait their return. He wanted to wish them luck. He nodded towards O'Neill, and then shook his hand, genuinely hoping that he made it despite his mixed feelings. Then he wished each team member, and Jeffries, luck individually. He left Sam until last and drew her slightly apart from the others, grasping her arm and looking into her eyes.
"Good luck Carter. Come home alive, ok? Bring them all home alive. I'll be waiting here, in case you need anything. Ok?" As she looked back into his eyes, she saw his look of concern, thinking it nothing more than a commander's concern for his team. She knew the Colonel wasn't happy that he was scrubbed from this mission. She, however, was relieved. One O'Neill was more than enough.
"Yes, Sir."
She nodded acknowledgement, grasping his arm in return and squeezing it briefly. She wasn't sure why but it seemed Jack needed that reassurance. He smiled a response and let her go.
Sam turned to the others and they all touched the mirror at once. Then they were gone. Jack watched until they turned off the mirror, and settled down to wait. Letting them go was one of the hardest things he had ever done. He hated being so helpless; that he was stuck here worrying about them while their lives were in danger. Nevertheless he would wait. He vowed not to move from the spot until their return. Pray to God that they all came back alive.
End Chapter 2
Continued in Chapter 3
Back in the infirmary, Sam cursed at being caught kissing O'Neill by the one person who mattered. What the hell was the Colonel going to think? There could never be anything between her and this O'Neill; they didn't even belong in the same reality, could never pursue anything further. Her Jack, on the other hand... It was ridiculous to even think it. Nothing could happen between them either, even if her Jack thought about her like that. He obviously didn't; his total lack of reaction to finding her in the kiss confirmed that once and for all. What did she expect, a jealous rage?
"Crap!"
O'Neill, despite his own tumultuous feelings, was vaguely amused by it. He didn't think he should tell her that though.
"I'm sorry Sam. I... we should never have done that. It was dumb. You aren't her and I'm not him."
"Not him? What do you mean?"
"Don't be so obtuse, Sam. You know damned well what I mean."
Of course she did. It was probably stupid to deny it to this O'Neill. Deep inside, she had very much wanted it to be her Jack who was kissing her. How could she deny it? She had felt good being held in O'Neill's arms; the kiss had burned into her soul. It seemed a long time since she had been kissed. She tried to think when it had been. Was it Narim of the Tollan? She had never truly had those sorts of feelings for him but had got caught up in his feelings for her. She'd come close with Martouf, but her own feelings were confused with those of Jolinar who she had carried within her. When it came down to it, her Jack was the man she wanted. And this O'Neill? He missed his own dead Sam very much and had merely sought solace in the arms of her double. He felt nothing for her.
O'Neill himself knew that was true too. No doubt he could learn to love this Sam given time but, right now, she was nowhere near close to the real thing. The two Sam's might appear similar, but they were different, and his wife was dead. The temporary release from that pain offered through the arms and lips of this Sam dissipated quickly. Once more he felt totally alone and bereft.
"I'm sorry, Sam, I used you. It was stupid and unfair. God alone knows what your Jack is thinking right now." Sam laughed bitterly at those words.
"I guess I was using you too. But, my Jack? He isn't my Jack. He doesn't give a damn about me except as his team mate, his second."
"You believe that?" Seeing the sad look in her eyes, he realised that she did. "You think things are so different in this reality? Emotions, I mean? The only difference is that in this reality you are both in the military. He's your CO and it's against the regs. You think there's nothing there for you under that hard exterior of his? Personally, I don't believe it. He's me, despite the differences."
He could see that Sam didn't really believe him and moved towards her again, taking her in his arms and comforting her this time. After a while, Sam disentangled herself and stepped away from him.
"You're right, you're not him. You're only confusing me; making a bad situation worse." She swiftly turned away and left him there, alone again.
O'Neill's heart was breaking. He'd screwed up, so damned typical of him. He was always lost when it came to expressing his emotions. His Sam knew that but she had loved him nevertheless. She had known how he felt even though he was often unable to express it. He missed her more than ever and, despite the tough outer shell, was crying inside. Looking at his watch he realised it was time to face the music. Shit! Put on that brave face you do so well, O'Neill, he told himself.
*****************
Everyone at the meeting felt a little awkward. O'Neill glared at Teal'c, hatred plain in his eyes. He also felt uncomfortable about the Jack and Carter of this reality and what they might be thinking. Jack could hardly bear to look at O'Neill, or Sam; he was trying so hard to bury those feelings again. They kept rising to the surface, unbidden and uncontrolled. Teal'c knew how O'Neill must be feeling about him; his counterpart had helped destroy his planet, had killed his wife. Daniel found it weird that this version of O'Neill didn't even know him; there was nothing there between them. It made him slightly uneasy in his presence. Hammond couldn't believe his luck; two Jack O'Neills. One was more than a handful.
Daniel was talking. "Think about it. Billions of people enslaved. I just can't help but feel, in the grand scheme of things, we owe them. Besides, the only way to really help O'Neill is to stop the Goa'uld in his reality and...save whatever's left."
"How do you suggest we do that Dr Jackson? The resources of their entire world couldn't defend against the Goa'uld." Although he wanted to do something Hammond was pragmatic and he wouldn't risk his own people without a good plan.
"What about the resources of our world?" Daniel responded.
"What do we have that they don't?" Sam asked.
Daniel replied, "Our fate. We made contact with the Asgard."
"So?" asked Jack, wondering what difference that could make.
"So, if we could somehow make contact with the Asgard in his reality, maybe their Asgard will be willing to help them."
"Defend their world against the Goa'uld?" This time it was Hammond who questioned Daniel's suggestion.
"Yes."
"And just how do you propose we raise the Asgard... in their reality?" Jack asked, knowing Daniel must have something in mind.
"Ok, we still have the dialling program that took you to the Asgard home planet, right?" Daniel looked at Jack, who shrugged helplessly. He couldn't remember any of the stuff that had been dumped into his brain from that particular occasion.
Sam caught onto Daniel's thoughts, "Which we could download to a removable hard drive. But that still won't do it. Remember, in order to dial the Asgard home world they had to provide us with a generator that transferred extra energy to the Gate's capacitors. I haven't been able to get it working again. Apparently it was designed to work only once."
"Assuming MajorCarter can figure it out, once in the other reality it would be difficult to get someone to the Stargate without the Goa'uld detecting and stopping them, would it not?" Teal'c asked, quizzically.
"That's where I come in?" O'Neill asked. They seemed to be planning this whole thing without him. Surely, he was the one that had to make it happen; this was his world they were talking about saving. "Who goes through the gate? Me? Sam? If it's Sam, I'll get her to the Stargate. What, you think I'm going to let her go alone? She's my..." he tailed off uncomfortably, about to say 'wife' then realising what he was saying.
Jack shifted in his chair. Had O'Neill been going to say 'wife'? He glared briefly at O'Neill and then looked at Carter for the first time trying to gauge her reaction. She looked as comfortable with all this as he felt.
"You'll also need someone to hook up the generator. And download the dialling program." Jack said, the plan starting to come together in his mind. This might work.
"Perhaps it ought to be me that goes through the gate?" Suggested Daniel. The rest of you seem better suited to other things." The room nodded assent at this idea. Daniel was the ace communicator. If he couldn't persuade them to help no one could.
"You will also require my assistance." Added Teal'c, and O'Neill looked at him with loathing.
"We can handle this." He said roughly, but Daniel intervened on his friend's behalf.
"No, Teal'c has a point. You said yourself that Teal'c led the assault on the mountain in your reality. Now, couldn't we use something like that to our advantage?"
Jack laughed and smiled at Daniel, thinking he was learning fast. "Quite the military mind, Daniel Jackson."
Carter, however, brought them down to earth with a bump. "No, Sir, I'm sorry. Teal'c can't go any more than you can...entropic cascade failure. If you go, there will still be two of you in one reality and the same will be true with Teal'c."
It hadn't occurred to Jack that he might not be able to go on this mission. He should be there; they needed him. Frankly, he needed to be there. What might happen if he weren't?
"O'Neill did not become sick during his first 48 hours. If our mission is not complete within that time it is most likely that we will be dead." Teal'c said in a typically truthful, albeit negative, way. It was so Teal'c to get to the heart of the matter like that.
Jack grimaced, "Good point." Then he turned to Hammond, "are you ok with all this, Sir?
"If you feel confident you can pull this off, I have no objection. However, upon your return I want that quantum mirror destroyed." Hammond replied.
"Ok," Said Daniel, "well this is all well and good, but none of us are going anywhere unless we get that Asgard generator working again."
"Ok. Carter, download the program to the re-moveable... whatever it is, and meet us in the lab." He indicated O'Neill.
Before he left the room, Hammond pulled Jack and O'Neill over to one side.
"Jack. You aren't going to like this but I can't let you go on this one."
"Sir..." Jack tried to marshal his arguments.
"No arguments Jack. Major Carter is right, and we have no idea what effect it will have on you if you go to that reality."
"You're letting Teal'c go, right?" Hammond nodded, "But he said it. It took at least 48 hours before that... cascade thing kicked in on...on...." He waved his hand in O'Neill's direction.
"But you two have already been together in this reality for longer than that. There is only one of Teal'c in this reality. I'm sorry son. Plan the details with them, by all means, but plan that you won't be there. O'Neill's in charge on this mission." He nodded towards Jack's double. "If you need an extra person we'll send someone from another team."
Jack winced and both O'Neills said simultaneously, "yes, Sir."
Hammond was right. He didn't like it but had no choice. This probably wasn't a good time to ignore orders. It might be different if they were trying to save their own reality, but he had to resign himself to the inevitable; the other O'Neill and Carter were leading on this one. No, he didn't like it one little bit. His brain hurt with all this alternative reality stuff.
"Sir? Do you think it's possible there's an alternate version of myself out there that actually understands what the hell is going on?" Hammond just chuckled, indulgently.
Once outside O'Neill said, "Um, I think we might need to talk."
Jack looked at him dubiously, "What about?"
"I think you know what about."
Jack winced again but said, "now is not the time." O'Neill just smiled faintly and replied,
"Okay, I'll catch ya later."
It was one conversation that Jack just didn't want to have. However, he nodded assent while thinking that there was surely some way to avoid it.
*********************
Eventually, Sam figured it out. Initially she felt highly uncomfortable, both O'Neills watching her, unable to help. She had sent them packing and, left to her own devises, had thought of the answer. All she needed was the ratio of the decay rate of naquada relative to the energy output. Eureka!
All she had to do now was work out how to calculate it. Oh boy! Thank God she'd recently done all that work on the naquada reactor with Merrin, otherwise she would never calculate it. It had to be soon. O'Neill was getting worse as the effects as a cascade trauma raged through his body increasingly powerful and more frequently.
**********************
Daniel was on his way into the infirmary to pick up his latest batch of anti-histamines. He could see the duplicate O'Neill lying on one of the beds so decided it was about time to make his acquaintance. Although they had been in the same briefing together, they had never really met since O'Neill had arrived. He wondered whether now was a good time but forged ahead anyway. When is a good time for anything? One can put off anything given the right excuse.
"Hi, you OK? Did you have another one of those attacks?" O'Neill nodded, sitting up with his legs over the side of the bed.
"So... you're Daniel Jackson." He said.
"Yeah."
"And we're what? Friends in this reality, right?" O'Neill's gestures were identical to Jack's. Daniel thought it a little strange.
"Yeah."
"Uh, huh. Why? Excuse me for being blunt but you don't exactly seem my type."
"You have to have lived it." Daniel smiled slightly and O'Neill chuckled.
"I'm sorry... about Sam... in your reality." Daniel said sympathetically. O'Neill nodded an acknowledgement, a sorrowful look marring his features briefly. "It must be a little strange, with our Sam, I mean." Daniel plunged on, as so often, regardless; his Jack would probably just tell him to can it, or worse.
"I wouldn't say that." Daniel arched his eyebrows.
"I'm sure that I would be pretty freaked out if my wife died and then I met her double in another reality a few days later." Daniel said, tactful as ever. O'Neill said nothing in response, so Daniel continued, "our Sam is pretty special to us. I would hate anyone to hurt her. Or Jack."
O'Neill wondered how Daniel had found out about the kiss; it was obvious that he was warning him off Sam, for the sake of both her, and the Jack of this reality. He knew himself well enough to realise that the Jack of this reality didn't tell. Sam must have mentioned it.
"I don't know what you mean." He did not want to get drawn into this conversation.
"Don't play dumb. Or are you just doing the Jack O'Neill avoidance thing?" O'Neill smiled at that.
"Now I begin to see why he might like you, Daniel Jackson." He replied, avoiding the subject again.
"Of course, there was also that whole saving his life thing that I did."
O'Neill laughed. "Yep. That'll win you friends, every time." He paused, then continued, "Look, I'm not gonna do anything to rock your little world, ok, Daniel?"
"I think you might have already."
"That was never my intention. It just... happened, alright? It's not gonna happen again." Daniel stepped forward and smiled brightly at O'Neill.
"Ok." He accepted O'Neill's word, then "nice to meet you. I'm Daniel Jackson." He held out his hand towards O'Neill, who smiled in an amused sort of way and shook it.
"It's a pleasure Daniel Jackson. I'm Jack O'Neill."
**********************
Jack had hastily made his way to his office to hide himself away and think. It was a good while later that O'Neill cornered him there. He sat at the opposite side of the desk.
"Jack," said O'Neill "that kiss, it was a mistake, for both of us."
Jack closed his eyes and sighed loudly. "I don't wanna talk about this." Childishly, he put his fingers in his ears and started humming to himself.
"Then just listen, you stupid, stubborn son of a bitch!" O'Neill shouted through the noise. When Jack looked up at him, removing the fingers and grimacing, he continued, "You afraid I'm gonna take her away from you? You know that's not possible. For crying out loud, we can't even live in the same reality! Tell me something, Jack, who knows you better than I do? You think I have no idea how you're feeling right now?"
Jack shrugged helplessly. "She's not your wife." It was almost uttered under his breath.
"Well, she's certainly not yours." O'Neill said sarcastically, then he suddenly looked sad, "No, she's not my wife. My wife's dead, and this Sam could never replace her" He looked down at his hands, taking a deep breath to calm himself.
Jack heart felt a surge of sympathy for this man in front of him. He had lost it all. Lost his world, and the woman that he loved. He imagined himself in that same position and thought maybe he understood a little how hard it must have been for the man to be faced with the duplicate of his dead wife. He had sought solace from that duplicate, and who could blame him? He realised that it wasn't O'Neill he was pissed with, it was Carter - for wanting this other version of him, but not him.
"You can't expect her to know how you feel if you don't show her Jack." Said O'Neill, "you're crazy not to do something about the way you feel about her. She's worth it, believe you me."
"What the hell do you know about it?" Jack' voice was raised, suddenly angry, but O'Neill just shrugged.
"Everything Jack. Who better than me?"
"You're not me."
"No, I'm not, and you aren't me. You think Sam doesn't know the difference?"
"It was you she was kissing!" Jack almost spat that back at O'Neill who calmly replied,
"But she wanted it to be you."
"That's ridiculous." Jack looked frustrated. He knew that Carter didn't feel that way about him. This wasn't O'Neill's reality, it was his. It was for him to know what was real here and what wasn't, not his counterpart.
"If you say so." replied O'Neill. He couldn't force this Jack to see it. "Look, Sam and I, in my reality, we were... great. The best. But this isn't my reality, or my Sam, however much I might wish it was. She's your Sam."
"She's not mine." For the first time, his face clearly showed that he wished it was otherwise. He kept thinking that this whole conversation was ludicrous. He was talking to himself, for crying out loud. But this wasn't him. Goddammit, it was so confusing.
"Then make her yours. Life's too short. Be happy, for crying out loud." Jack almost laughed to hear that expression from his double's lips. Instead, he said disconsolately,
"Maybe I don't deserve to be happy." O'Neill just stared straight into his eyes and replied,
"That's what I used to think."
He got up from his seat opposite Jack and swiftly left the room. Leave the guy to think about it, let him stew. It wasn't really his natural inclination to be a matchmaker anyway.
Jack sat at his desk with his head in his hands. Damn! His whole world was turning upside down. Those emotions he was so proud of keeping buried were taking over. He fought them, hard. In anger and frustration he picked up the glass paperweight on his desk and threw it against the opposite wall. It shattered into pieces. I know how it feels, he thought.
************************
Sam was pleased with herself for working it all out. Their plan could now become a reality, although they thought it wise to take an extra hand. Lt. Jeffries from SG-3 was drafted. At least he wasn't a total jarhead, despite the fact that he was a Marine. They dressed Teal'c up like Apophis' First Prime in O'Neill's reality. It gave O'Neill the creeps but he accepted it was probably the right thing to do.
Having fiddled around a little with the quantum mirror's remote control device, they thought they had found the right reality at last. It was time. Jack was there to see them off, and wait their return. He wanted to wish them luck. He nodded towards O'Neill, and then shook his hand, genuinely hoping that he made it despite his mixed feelings. Then he wished each team member, and Jeffries, luck individually. He left Sam until last and drew her slightly apart from the others, grasping her arm and looking into her eyes.
"Good luck Carter. Come home alive, ok? Bring them all home alive. I'll be waiting here, in case you need anything. Ok?" As she looked back into his eyes, she saw his look of concern, thinking it nothing more than a commander's concern for his team. She knew the Colonel wasn't happy that he was scrubbed from this mission. She, however, was relieved. One O'Neill was more than enough.
"Yes, Sir."
She nodded acknowledgement, grasping his arm in return and squeezing it briefly. She wasn't sure why but it seemed Jack needed that reassurance. He smiled a response and let her go.
Sam turned to the others and they all touched the mirror at once. Then they were gone. Jack watched until they turned off the mirror, and settled down to wait. Letting them go was one of the hardest things he had ever done. He hated being so helpless; that he was stuck here worrying about them while their lives were in danger. Nevertheless he would wait. He vowed not to move from the spot until their return. Pray to God that they all came back alive.
End Chapter 2
Continued in Chapter 3