The Other Point of View: Chapter 4
At the AU SGC:
O'Neill and Sam silently comforted each other with their embrace for quite some time. Eventually they both brought themselves back to reality and Sam started to tell O'Neill some of the things that might help him find and help his wife.
She explained the best she could about the Tok'ra, her father, the relationship with the hosts. He looked disgusted until she mentioned that they had the technology to separate a Goa'uld from its host, and his interest peaked. She wrote down the co-ordinates of the last planet they knew about where Tok'ra were located. O'Neill's breath caught in his throat.
"I guess there is going to be one hell of a lot to do before any more missions are authorised. Earth is half destroyed our infrastructure and leaders mostly gone. It's going to be chaos and anarchy and we will to have to bring some order to that. I doubt I'll be seeing my wife any time soon."
"I wish there was something I could do." She responded, feeling inadequate as she could not help this man she had come to admire and feel close to in such a short space of time.
They rounded up the rest of the team, going to the storeroom and finally finding the right reality at the other end. Their Colonel looked anxious waiting on the other side and signalled for them to come home.
"You could stay. Help us." O'Neill said hopefully to Sam. He could no longer disentangle the feelings he had for his own wife and this woman before him.
"I can't stay here any more than you could stay in our reality. I will get cascade trauma, sooner rather than later as your Sam is still alive." O'Neill nodded mutely. "Jack. I can never be a substitute for her. You know that." He nodded again.
"Then kiss me before you go. Hold me." It was her turn to nod mutely. She indicated for the others to leave, and they said their farewells to O'Neill. They could see their own Jack's impatience to find out what had happened, and whether his team was alright.
O'Neill took hold of Sam and kissed her for the second time. It simultaneously felt both good and wrong to her. A peculiar feeling. She wondered how it would feel to kiss the Jack of her own reality in this way and shook the thought away.
As he pulled back he said, "I'll find her... one day. I'll save her."
Sam sadly thought about Daniel and his situation. They still had not found the Amunet of their reality; still had not saved her as he wished. It would probably be a long time before O'Neill could even hope to start looking for his wife. His assessment of the situation was right. There were more important things to do than gate travel; the world still needed saving. They had said nothing of Daniel's dilemma to O'Neill. What was the point? It was no help and might only make him feel worse.
"Good luck Jack." She whispered, and leaned to kiss his cheek. "I'll think about you."
As she backed away he saluted with a ghost of a smile and a glint in his eyes, which made Sam shiver with desire. Holy Hannah! She thought at she looked at him for the final time, and then she walked to the mirror, touching it and returning to her own reality without a second glance. She didn't dare look back.
Once the mirror reflected only him again and O'Neill was left alone once more, he shed a tear for the loss of both Sams.
********************
The Real SGC:
Jack swallowed hard as he watched through the glass. O'Neill was taking hold of Carter and kissing her again. The bastard! As he watched he thought how tight they seemed. They looked pretty good together too. His stomach flipped violently.
When Carter came through to his side she looked flushed and he wondered whether it was passion or embarrassment. He thought he heard her say 'Please, turn it off' under her breath and knew she was referring to the mirror; that she couldn't bring herself to look at the other O'Neill again. What had happened between them while together in that other reality? He wished he'd been there.
"You and my double got on well I see." Said Jack sarcastically, trying to conceal the sharp sting he felt at her words and the expression on her face. Sam thought she detected a hint of jealousy then dismissed it as her imagination. The Colonel was just in a grumpy mood.
"Not what you think, Sir."
"And what exactly do I think Carter?"
"I don't really know, Colonel. I... I... I'd better get to the infirmary for my post mission check-up." She said. Flustered, she avoided.
"Yes, Carter." The Colonel's voice was slightly cold, making her shudder. "Debriefing at 16:00."
"Sir." Feeling extremely uncomfortable, she left the room as quickly as possible.
Jack had wanted to ask if she was okay, and what had happened on the mission, but the clinch and kiss he'd witnessed had sent his mind back into turmoil. Goddammit! He cursed under his breath.
His team had been given a clean bill of health and sat in their usual places in the briefing room. When Carter gave her report, Jack quickly realised that the mission certainly hadn't been a cake walk. Some not very nice things had happened. He paled when she reported, almost tonelessly, that her double had been alive and become Amunet.
Remaining outwardly impassive, the good soldier that he was, Jack was thinking about the other O'Neill. What a rotten reality his poor alternative self had, helping clear up the mess, keeping order in the midst of chaos, and all the while helpless to save his own wife. Sam must be fairly shaken up by it all. He wondered how she felt knowing that her duplicate was a Goa'uld, pretty weird he imagined. He tried to put himself in the place of O'Neill and didn't like what he saw.
Jack's mind turned once more to what he'd seen in the infirmary, and though the mirror. How did she feel about the other O'Neill? How did she feel about him? In Daniel's alternate reality O'Neill and Doctor Samantha Carter had been engaged and in this one they had been married. What was this telling him, that they were meant be together? If so, there was a minor obstacle called AFI 36-2909. It clearly stated what constituted a professional and unprofessional relationship. In this reality she was Major Samantha Carter of the US Air Force, and he was her CO. That anything unprofessional happen between them was a strict no-no. It wasn't as if he could deny knowledge. He was an old pro and they all got reminded about it on an annual basis.
O'Neill had said she was worth it. Jack suspected that he might be right but wasn't sure what to do about it. Probably nothing. He couldn't humiliate himself by admitting to what were almost certainly unrequited feelings. For starters she could have him up for harassment. That didn't bother him so much as what rejection could do to future relations in his team. The big risk was that it could spell the end to SG-1. If he was honest he knew at heart that, for him, the principal gamble was what a rebuff would do to his ego. He wasn't big on self esteem lately.
When the report had finished he knew for sure she had left some things out. Teal'c and Daniel did not add anything that she might have wanted to hide. He was curious about what she had missed out and why? For whose benefit?
What Sam had missed out was most of what her alternative self had done with O'Neill. She was embarrassed by it as if it was her fault. Illogical, she knew, but who was she, Mr Spock? Teal'c and Daniel said nothing, which was a relief; although she had expected that they would back up her omission. She couldn't see that it was of vital importance to the report. It wasn't as if it was going to help them save the universe. She wondered what the Colonel would make of it.
After the debriefing she avoided the rest of the team by going straight home. Jack asked both Teal'c and Daniel if there was more to the mission than she had said but they deftly evaded the question, leaving him even more curious. He was surprised that she had left the base so quickly and resolved to talk to her in the morning.
***************
Jack caught up with her having breakfast next morning. Daniel and Teal'c were nowhere to be seen. They exchanged pleasantries and sat eating in silence, until Jack broke it.
"So, Carter, are you going to tell me what you missed out of the debriefing?"
"Sir?"
"10 out of 10 for the Little Miss Innocence look, Carter, but you aren't foolin' your old CO here."
Perhaps he should have left the word 'old' word out of that sentence he thought, belatedly. So not a good thing to be pointing that out to her. As if she didn't already know that. What the hell did it matter anyway? There was nothing between them; only the team and a little friendship. He was trying hard to turn himself away from non regulation thoughts, but failing. What had happened to his self control?
"I'd rather not think about it when I'm eating Sir."
He was silent and watched her finish breakfast. When she was done, and excused herself, he picked up his coffee and followed.
"Ok Major, your lab or my office." Sam knew he wasn't going to let her get away with her silence.
"My lab, Sir?" He nodded acquiescence. At least she would be on home turf.
********************
"She was touching my genitals, is that what you are trying to say, Carter?"
"Actually, they were his genitals, Sir." Her face was reddening.
"What's his is mine, Carter." As soon as he said it he realised what he had said and went a little pink himself. The Sam of that reality had been O'Neill's, this one was not his. Carter didn't seem to notice and he breathed more easily. She was probably still hung up on referring to his genitals.
Exquisite torture! Jack thought, knowing it was dumb and foolish. He would have been mortified at such a thing, and no doubt his counterpart had been too. He couldn't think of much that was more hurtful and humiliating than what had happened to his double on the other side. This had been his own wife; offering death on the one hand and seduction on the other. Pain and pleasure. Jeez, the freakin' snake heads are sick bastards!
"You are somehow blaming yourself for this Carter. I'm still trying to work out why?"
"She was me, Sir."
"No. She was Amunet. She wasn't you." He was surprised to see Sam's eyes glisten with unshed tears.
"Carter, you can't let this get to you. Tell me... is there anything else?"
"It was a lot more than just a touch. I...she got him... a little... aroused I think. She was taunting him. Telling him she would make him beg for her and do her bidding." The red of her face was deepening; she so did not want to be telling her CO all of this. Jack was thinking 'poor schmuck'. "Then she slapped him around the face, cut it open with her hand device, and then hit him hard in his... his..." O'Neill nodded to indicate he knew exactly where she meant. Carter was grossly self-conscious, he could see that, and visibly upset. "Then she zapped him with her hand device. He was pretty beat up. I think she was about to kill me when the Asgard came. Good timing." She laughed hollowly.
"I'm sorry." Jack said simply. "Sorry I had to make you tell me that."
He felt ashamed of himself for making her do it, but he had needed to know. He wondered what had happened after that, imagining Sam rushing to comfort O'Neill. Jack didn't know how close he was to the truth and wasn't sure he really wanted to know.
"Poor Jack was so... demeaned... upset by it."
"You called him Jack?"
He felt that pull at his heart. This was stupid. He was jealous that Carter could be more informal with his other self? He berated himself for being so illogical, but it didn't work. What the hell was happening to him?
"Yes sir. Sorry. I've fallen into bad habits."
"You could call me Jack." He saw the look of surprise in her eyes. "Well, you know, when we're not soldiering."
A quirky smile lit his face and Sam giggled. When she returned the smile his heart melted all over his ribcage. He was pleased that he had made her laugh but, Goddammit, he was losing control. Again, his mental rebuke did not help him. The appearance of the other O'Neill had forced his suppressed feelings for Sam to the surface; he had been a volcano, waiting to explode, and now he wanted to stem the tide of molten rock that seemed to be heading his way, ready to consume him. Oh boy!
"Yes sir. But I shouldn't." She replied.
Although Jack felt a brief surge of disappointment he knew she was right. Once they trod on that path, who knew where it might lead?
"No." He agreed.
Sam thought she detected disappointment, but shrugged it off. No way! She missed the intimacy that she had established with the other O'Neill over the previous few days. Trying to distance him from her while on the mission had not worked. He hadn't been her CO and that made it different. That he had been married to her counterpart may also have had something to do with it. Now she was finding it hard to adjust to the more formal relationship she had with this O'Neill.
"Hey, it's been snowing since you've been away." Jack changed the subject to something safe. The weather, go figure!
"Yeah? It wasn't in the other reality."
"How about we get the guys and go up top for a snowball fight. Teal'c should be introduced to an age old Tauri tradition, don't you think?" He was grinning wickedly, thinking this might warm all of their hearts. His excuse to himself was team building, or re-building. He pondered how much of all this Daniel and Teal'c had witnessed. They too must be feeling sickened by it. They all needed to let off steam. A snowball fight would be perfect. He loved snowball fights.
"That could be fun Sir."
"You sure I can pull you away from your doohickeys." He smirked at her and she responded with another heart melting smile. Crap! Thought O'Neill.
So the four of them went to the top of the mountain and found a deserted place where the SFs couldn't see and report them for having gone nuts. It took a while for Teal'c to get into it, but once he did he was a demon. Their noses were red with the cold, and their eyes were bright. Sam was laughing hysterically at having just got O'Neill for the 10th time, whereas he had only got her 6. So he was after his 2IC with a vengeance. Daniel gave up the fight temporarily, sitting on a boulder out of breath.
"Daniel," O'Neill said, "You're a wimp, you know that? Can't even put up with a few snowballs? Allergic to snow are we?" He tittered.
While he was distracted Sam and Teal'c took advantage and both went for him.
"Hey! That's not fair you guys. You're ganging up on me."
"Then I will withdraw and make way for a superior foe, O'Neill." Said Teal'c, bowing to Carter and sitting next to Daniel.
"You're gonna leave me to her tender mercies? So not fair."
Even from this distance Jack could see an evil glint in Carter's eyes. She was forming the biggest snowball ever and hit O'Neill squarely on the chest with it.
"Bulls-eye, Carter!" He shouted. "I'm so gonna get you for that!"
She hastily hid amongst the trees calling, "If you can find me Colonel!"
Having run a fair way from where the others were sitting, she stopped and started amassing a small armoury of snowballs. She was enjoying herself; hadn't had so much fun in a long time. That just proved to her that her life was normally pretty tedious and lacking in fun. What life? She asked herself. Go get a life Sam.
O'Neill had an advantage. He was a sneaky son of a bitch who had special ops training. He managed to locate and work his way around behind Carter with a stealth that took her totally by surprise. The next thing she knew she had been grabbed and a snowball jammed down the back of her neck.
"Gotchya, Carter!" Jack was gleeful.
"Aw! Colonel, that's cold! Ugh! And wet!" protested Sam, turning to push the one in her hand right into his face. His eyes gleamed, and he laughed, backing away.
"Come and get me, Major."
As she pursued him, she tripped on a tree root and went crashing down into the snow.
"Ow!" Jack turned at her cry, running over to her.
"Are you ok, Carter?" He asked, crouching down to her.
"Yes Sir." He stood, holding out his hand towards her.
"Up you go then, Major."
He pulled too hard as he helped her and she fell into him, so he grabbed her arms to balance her again. Then he paused, looking into her eyes for a few moments. He felt such a longing to pull her closer into an embrace. Abruptly he let her go. His laughter had disappeared, his face serious.
"Um, I think we should go find the others." He said, uncomfortable with his feelings.
"What's wrong Sir?" Sam asked earnestly.
"Wrong? Nothing's wrong."
"Colonel? Have I done something to annoy you?" She was crestfallen.
He sighed. Is that how it looked to her? Reaching a hand towards her face, he traced his finger lightly over her cheekbone, making her shiver. A slight noise escaped her lips and, as he remembered himself and removed his hand again, she spoke.
"Oh! I... I didn't... know." She had turned red with embarrassment yet again. Both were shaken by the obvious revelation; she that he felt it; he that he'd shown it.
"Well, now you do." His voice was quiet, shaking, and he stepped away from her, shuffling his feet like a schoolboy. "I didn't mean... I didn't... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I've embarrassed you."
"No!" she cried, than laughing awkwardly, "yes."
He still stood there, looking at her, not sure how to react now he had expressed something of his feelings for her. He hadn't meant to, it had just happened. It was only a small thing, but it was enough, and he was now the self-conscious one.
Sam's heart was racing. What the heck had just happened? She was trying to process it, rationalise it, never having expected any such thing. She's had no idea that he harboured secret feelings about her and was stunned, and flattered. It wasn't until the other O'Neill had arrived that she had started to consciously formulate how she felt her CO. Had he acted as a catalyst to both of them?
Jack was still trying to gauge her reaction. At least she hadn't laughed in his face and told him that he had got to be kidding. His heart thumped heavily, just as hers did. However, he took her silence and shocked expression to mean the same thing and broke eye contact, looking down at his feet.
"Um, I'd better go back and gather up the boys." He tried to be jocular but thought his voice sounded hollow. Ashamed, he started to walk away.
"No!" Sam cried again. She was missing a chance here. Did she have the courage to grasp the nettle? She felt shaky, her nerves trying to defeat her, but pulled herself together. "Jack?" She called, and he stopped, turning back to face her again. That had caught his attention.
"Sam?"
He replied like for like. His heart had skipped a beat when he heard his name on her lips and he held his breath as she approached him. He looked vulnerable. She had seen the look before and had wanted to reach her hand to his face and caress it softly in response. Sam acted on instinct, not thought, and reached up her hand to smooth his cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into her touch. She grasped his hand, lightly caressing the back of it with her thumb. Jack exhaled and took a deep breath.
"I don't mind, if that's what you're thinking." She whispered.
"Oh?" He moved closer to her then put his hands on her shoulders, leaning down slightly to kiss her forehead. "Good... that's good... I think."
She could tell he was nervous and this surprised her. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her towards him, as he had been longing to do all day.
"Sam?" He whispered, "if this is because you felt something for the other O'Neill..."
He wanted to say he couldn't bear that, but didn't have the guts. He had never thought himself as someone lacking in guts before now and it made him realise how deep his feelings for Sam really were. He held his breath, waiting for a response. Sam was considering how to answer him, taken aback by his lack of self confidence. He could be a little too cocky sometimes but he was far from that right now. She pulled back and looked into his eyes.
"No Jack. Don't think that. It was him that made me realise how I feel about you."
She felt him let out the breath that he had been holding. His lips brushed hers, experimentally, and she opened her mouth slightly and closed her eyes, anticipating the kiss. Grinning inwardly, he plunged on, holding the back of her head with his hand. It was the real O'Neill doing this, she thought, not his double. It felt great, better than the other O'Neill, but was getting intense and she was unsure where it was going to lead. He was her CO! The thought jolted her.
"Jack! I... we..." Abruptly she pulled away from him. "What do we do?"
"I don't know." He shrugged, his confusion clearly showing in his eyes. "What do you want to do?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe we need to think about it?" he asked.
"Maybe." She replied, not really wanting to think about it. If she thought about it she might let her head overrule her heart and she wasn't sure she wanted to do that.
They needed to relieve the tension. She ran to her pile of snowballs, picking one up and throwing it squarely in his face.
"Sam!" he cried, laughing, and reached down to pick up some snow of his own. "You know what I like about you?" He asked, fighting back.
"No Jack." She hit him once more, this time on the chest.
"Me neither." He managed to say though his chuckling.
"Oh, very droll, Sir." She replied, hitting him yet again.
Jack kept missing her as she dodged his ammunition. He chose to ignore her use of the word 'sir', not wanting to face the implication. It might have been a slip of the tongue. He hoped so. Carter had a habit of over thinking things. If she over thought this situation he'd be losing more than just a snowball fight. Distracted, he felt one of her snowballs hit him on the back. How had she got around him so quickly? He was definitely losing this game.
"You're really hard on a man's ego, Carter."
She giggled, making a decision. "Take me to dinner, and I'll fix that."
The End
At the AU SGC:
O'Neill and Sam silently comforted each other with their embrace for quite some time. Eventually they both brought themselves back to reality and Sam started to tell O'Neill some of the things that might help him find and help his wife.
She explained the best she could about the Tok'ra, her father, the relationship with the hosts. He looked disgusted until she mentioned that they had the technology to separate a Goa'uld from its host, and his interest peaked. She wrote down the co-ordinates of the last planet they knew about where Tok'ra were located. O'Neill's breath caught in his throat.
"I guess there is going to be one hell of a lot to do before any more missions are authorised. Earth is half destroyed our infrastructure and leaders mostly gone. It's going to be chaos and anarchy and we will to have to bring some order to that. I doubt I'll be seeing my wife any time soon."
"I wish there was something I could do." She responded, feeling inadequate as she could not help this man she had come to admire and feel close to in such a short space of time.
They rounded up the rest of the team, going to the storeroom and finally finding the right reality at the other end. Their Colonel looked anxious waiting on the other side and signalled for them to come home.
"You could stay. Help us." O'Neill said hopefully to Sam. He could no longer disentangle the feelings he had for his own wife and this woman before him.
"I can't stay here any more than you could stay in our reality. I will get cascade trauma, sooner rather than later as your Sam is still alive." O'Neill nodded mutely. "Jack. I can never be a substitute for her. You know that." He nodded again.
"Then kiss me before you go. Hold me." It was her turn to nod mutely. She indicated for the others to leave, and they said their farewells to O'Neill. They could see their own Jack's impatience to find out what had happened, and whether his team was alright.
O'Neill took hold of Sam and kissed her for the second time. It simultaneously felt both good and wrong to her. A peculiar feeling. She wondered how it would feel to kiss the Jack of her own reality in this way and shook the thought away.
As he pulled back he said, "I'll find her... one day. I'll save her."
Sam sadly thought about Daniel and his situation. They still had not found the Amunet of their reality; still had not saved her as he wished. It would probably be a long time before O'Neill could even hope to start looking for his wife. His assessment of the situation was right. There were more important things to do than gate travel; the world still needed saving. They had said nothing of Daniel's dilemma to O'Neill. What was the point? It was no help and might only make him feel worse.
"Good luck Jack." She whispered, and leaned to kiss his cheek. "I'll think about you."
As she backed away he saluted with a ghost of a smile and a glint in his eyes, which made Sam shiver with desire. Holy Hannah! She thought at she looked at him for the final time, and then she walked to the mirror, touching it and returning to her own reality without a second glance. She didn't dare look back.
Once the mirror reflected only him again and O'Neill was left alone once more, he shed a tear for the loss of both Sams.
********************
The Real SGC:
Jack swallowed hard as he watched through the glass. O'Neill was taking hold of Carter and kissing her again. The bastard! As he watched he thought how tight they seemed. They looked pretty good together too. His stomach flipped violently.
When Carter came through to his side she looked flushed and he wondered whether it was passion or embarrassment. He thought he heard her say 'Please, turn it off' under her breath and knew she was referring to the mirror; that she couldn't bring herself to look at the other O'Neill again. What had happened between them while together in that other reality? He wished he'd been there.
"You and my double got on well I see." Said Jack sarcastically, trying to conceal the sharp sting he felt at her words and the expression on her face. Sam thought she detected a hint of jealousy then dismissed it as her imagination. The Colonel was just in a grumpy mood.
"Not what you think, Sir."
"And what exactly do I think Carter?"
"I don't really know, Colonel. I... I... I'd better get to the infirmary for my post mission check-up." She said. Flustered, she avoided.
"Yes, Carter." The Colonel's voice was slightly cold, making her shudder. "Debriefing at 16:00."
"Sir." Feeling extremely uncomfortable, she left the room as quickly as possible.
Jack had wanted to ask if she was okay, and what had happened on the mission, but the clinch and kiss he'd witnessed had sent his mind back into turmoil. Goddammit! He cursed under his breath.
His team had been given a clean bill of health and sat in their usual places in the briefing room. When Carter gave her report, Jack quickly realised that the mission certainly hadn't been a cake walk. Some not very nice things had happened. He paled when she reported, almost tonelessly, that her double had been alive and become Amunet.
Remaining outwardly impassive, the good soldier that he was, Jack was thinking about the other O'Neill. What a rotten reality his poor alternative self had, helping clear up the mess, keeping order in the midst of chaos, and all the while helpless to save his own wife. Sam must be fairly shaken up by it all. He wondered how she felt knowing that her duplicate was a Goa'uld, pretty weird he imagined. He tried to put himself in the place of O'Neill and didn't like what he saw.
Jack's mind turned once more to what he'd seen in the infirmary, and though the mirror. How did she feel about the other O'Neill? How did she feel about him? In Daniel's alternate reality O'Neill and Doctor Samantha Carter had been engaged and in this one they had been married. What was this telling him, that they were meant be together? If so, there was a minor obstacle called AFI 36-2909. It clearly stated what constituted a professional and unprofessional relationship. In this reality she was Major Samantha Carter of the US Air Force, and he was her CO. That anything unprofessional happen between them was a strict no-no. It wasn't as if he could deny knowledge. He was an old pro and they all got reminded about it on an annual basis.
O'Neill had said she was worth it. Jack suspected that he might be right but wasn't sure what to do about it. Probably nothing. He couldn't humiliate himself by admitting to what were almost certainly unrequited feelings. For starters she could have him up for harassment. That didn't bother him so much as what rejection could do to future relations in his team. The big risk was that it could spell the end to SG-1. If he was honest he knew at heart that, for him, the principal gamble was what a rebuff would do to his ego. He wasn't big on self esteem lately.
When the report had finished he knew for sure she had left some things out. Teal'c and Daniel did not add anything that she might have wanted to hide. He was curious about what she had missed out and why? For whose benefit?
What Sam had missed out was most of what her alternative self had done with O'Neill. She was embarrassed by it as if it was her fault. Illogical, she knew, but who was she, Mr Spock? Teal'c and Daniel said nothing, which was a relief; although she had expected that they would back up her omission. She couldn't see that it was of vital importance to the report. It wasn't as if it was going to help them save the universe. She wondered what the Colonel would make of it.
After the debriefing she avoided the rest of the team by going straight home. Jack asked both Teal'c and Daniel if there was more to the mission than she had said but they deftly evaded the question, leaving him even more curious. He was surprised that she had left the base so quickly and resolved to talk to her in the morning.
***************
Jack caught up with her having breakfast next morning. Daniel and Teal'c were nowhere to be seen. They exchanged pleasantries and sat eating in silence, until Jack broke it.
"So, Carter, are you going to tell me what you missed out of the debriefing?"
"Sir?"
"10 out of 10 for the Little Miss Innocence look, Carter, but you aren't foolin' your old CO here."
Perhaps he should have left the word 'old' word out of that sentence he thought, belatedly. So not a good thing to be pointing that out to her. As if she didn't already know that. What the hell did it matter anyway? There was nothing between them; only the team and a little friendship. He was trying hard to turn himself away from non regulation thoughts, but failing. What had happened to his self control?
"I'd rather not think about it when I'm eating Sir."
He was silent and watched her finish breakfast. When she was done, and excused herself, he picked up his coffee and followed.
"Ok Major, your lab or my office." Sam knew he wasn't going to let her get away with her silence.
"My lab, Sir?" He nodded acquiescence. At least she would be on home turf.
********************
"She was touching my genitals, is that what you are trying to say, Carter?"
"Actually, they were his genitals, Sir." Her face was reddening.
"What's his is mine, Carter." As soon as he said it he realised what he had said and went a little pink himself. The Sam of that reality had been O'Neill's, this one was not his. Carter didn't seem to notice and he breathed more easily. She was probably still hung up on referring to his genitals.
Exquisite torture! Jack thought, knowing it was dumb and foolish. He would have been mortified at such a thing, and no doubt his counterpart had been too. He couldn't think of much that was more hurtful and humiliating than what had happened to his double on the other side. This had been his own wife; offering death on the one hand and seduction on the other. Pain and pleasure. Jeez, the freakin' snake heads are sick bastards!
"You are somehow blaming yourself for this Carter. I'm still trying to work out why?"
"She was me, Sir."
"No. She was Amunet. She wasn't you." He was surprised to see Sam's eyes glisten with unshed tears.
"Carter, you can't let this get to you. Tell me... is there anything else?"
"It was a lot more than just a touch. I...she got him... a little... aroused I think. She was taunting him. Telling him she would make him beg for her and do her bidding." The red of her face was deepening; she so did not want to be telling her CO all of this. Jack was thinking 'poor schmuck'. "Then she slapped him around the face, cut it open with her hand device, and then hit him hard in his... his..." O'Neill nodded to indicate he knew exactly where she meant. Carter was grossly self-conscious, he could see that, and visibly upset. "Then she zapped him with her hand device. He was pretty beat up. I think she was about to kill me when the Asgard came. Good timing." She laughed hollowly.
"I'm sorry." Jack said simply. "Sorry I had to make you tell me that."
He felt ashamed of himself for making her do it, but he had needed to know. He wondered what had happened after that, imagining Sam rushing to comfort O'Neill. Jack didn't know how close he was to the truth and wasn't sure he really wanted to know.
"Poor Jack was so... demeaned... upset by it."
"You called him Jack?"
He felt that pull at his heart. This was stupid. He was jealous that Carter could be more informal with his other self? He berated himself for being so illogical, but it didn't work. What the hell was happening to him?
"Yes sir. Sorry. I've fallen into bad habits."
"You could call me Jack." He saw the look of surprise in her eyes. "Well, you know, when we're not soldiering."
A quirky smile lit his face and Sam giggled. When she returned the smile his heart melted all over his ribcage. He was pleased that he had made her laugh but, Goddammit, he was losing control. Again, his mental rebuke did not help him. The appearance of the other O'Neill had forced his suppressed feelings for Sam to the surface; he had been a volcano, waiting to explode, and now he wanted to stem the tide of molten rock that seemed to be heading his way, ready to consume him. Oh boy!
"Yes sir. But I shouldn't." She replied.
Although Jack felt a brief surge of disappointment he knew she was right. Once they trod on that path, who knew where it might lead?
"No." He agreed.
Sam thought she detected disappointment, but shrugged it off. No way! She missed the intimacy that she had established with the other O'Neill over the previous few days. Trying to distance him from her while on the mission had not worked. He hadn't been her CO and that made it different. That he had been married to her counterpart may also have had something to do with it. Now she was finding it hard to adjust to the more formal relationship she had with this O'Neill.
"Hey, it's been snowing since you've been away." Jack changed the subject to something safe. The weather, go figure!
"Yeah? It wasn't in the other reality."
"How about we get the guys and go up top for a snowball fight. Teal'c should be introduced to an age old Tauri tradition, don't you think?" He was grinning wickedly, thinking this might warm all of their hearts. His excuse to himself was team building, or re-building. He pondered how much of all this Daniel and Teal'c had witnessed. They too must be feeling sickened by it. They all needed to let off steam. A snowball fight would be perfect. He loved snowball fights.
"That could be fun Sir."
"You sure I can pull you away from your doohickeys." He smirked at her and she responded with another heart melting smile. Crap! Thought O'Neill.
So the four of them went to the top of the mountain and found a deserted place where the SFs couldn't see and report them for having gone nuts. It took a while for Teal'c to get into it, but once he did he was a demon. Their noses were red with the cold, and their eyes were bright. Sam was laughing hysterically at having just got O'Neill for the 10th time, whereas he had only got her 6. So he was after his 2IC with a vengeance. Daniel gave up the fight temporarily, sitting on a boulder out of breath.
"Daniel," O'Neill said, "You're a wimp, you know that? Can't even put up with a few snowballs? Allergic to snow are we?" He tittered.
While he was distracted Sam and Teal'c took advantage and both went for him.
"Hey! That's not fair you guys. You're ganging up on me."
"Then I will withdraw and make way for a superior foe, O'Neill." Said Teal'c, bowing to Carter and sitting next to Daniel.
"You're gonna leave me to her tender mercies? So not fair."
Even from this distance Jack could see an evil glint in Carter's eyes. She was forming the biggest snowball ever and hit O'Neill squarely on the chest with it.
"Bulls-eye, Carter!" He shouted. "I'm so gonna get you for that!"
She hastily hid amongst the trees calling, "If you can find me Colonel!"
Having run a fair way from where the others were sitting, she stopped and started amassing a small armoury of snowballs. She was enjoying herself; hadn't had so much fun in a long time. That just proved to her that her life was normally pretty tedious and lacking in fun. What life? She asked herself. Go get a life Sam.
O'Neill had an advantage. He was a sneaky son of a bitch who had special ops training. He managed to locate and work his way around behind Carter with a stealth that took her totally by surprise. The next thing she knew she had been grabbed and a snowball jammed down the back of her neck.
"Gotchya, Carter!" Jack was gleeful.
"Aw! Colonel, that's cold! Ugh! And wet!" protested Sam, turning to push the one in her hand right into his face. His eyes gleamed, and he laughed, backing away.
"Come and get me, Major."
As she pursued him, she tripped on a tree root and went crashing down into the snow.
"Ow!" Jack turned at her cry, running over to her.
"Are you ok, Carter?" He asked, crouching down to her.
"Yes Sir." He stood, holding out his hand towards her.
"Up you go then, Major."
He pulled too hard as he helped her and she fell into him, so he grabbed her arms to balance her again. Then he paused, looking into her eyes for a few moments. He felt such a longing to pull her closer into an embrace. Abruptly he let her go. His laughter had disappeared, his face serious.
"Um, I think we should go find the others." He said, uncomfortable with his feelings.
"What's wrong Sir?" Sam asked earnestly.
"Wrong? Nothing's wrong."
"Colonel? Have I done something to annoy you?" She was crestfallen.
He sighed. Is that how it looked to her? Reaching a hand towards her face, he traced his finger lightly over her cheekbone, making her shiver. A slight noise escaped her lips and, as he remembered himself and removed his hand again, she spoke.
"Oh! I... I didn't... know." She had turned red with embarrassment yet again. Both were shaken by the obvious revelation; she that he felt it; he that he'd shown it.
"Well, now you do." His voice was quiet, shaking, and he stepped away from her, shuffling his feet like a schoolboy. "I didn't mean... I didn't... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I've embarrassed you."
"No!" she cried, than laughing awkwardly, "yes."
He still stood there, looking at her, not sure how to react now he had expressed something of his feelings for her. He hadn't meant to, it had just happened. It was only a small thing, but it was enough, and he was now the self-conscious one.
Sam's heart was racing. What the heck had just happened? She was trying to process it, rationalise it, never having expected any such thing. She's had no idea that he harboured secret feelings about her and was stunned, and flattered. It wasn't until the other O'Neill had arrived that she had started to consciously formulate how she felt her CO. Had he acted as a catalyst to both of them?
Jack was still trying to gauge her reaction. At least she hadn't laughed in his face and told him that he had got to be kidding. His heart thumped heavily, just as hers did. However, he took her silence and shocked expression to mean the same thing and broke eye contact, looking down at his feet.
"Um, I'd better go back and gather up the boys." He tried to be jocular but thought his voice sounded hollow. Ashamed, he started to walk away.
"No!" Sam cried again. She was missing a chance here. Did she have the courage to grasp the nettle? She felt shaky, her nerves trying to defeat her, but pulled herself together. "Jack?" She called, and he stopped, turning back to face her again. That had caught his attention.
"Sam?"
He replied like for like. His heart had skipped a beat when he heard his name on her lips and he held his breath as she approached him. He looked vulnerable. She had seen the look before and had wanted to reach her hand to his face and caress it softly in response. Sam acted on instinct, not thought, and reached up her hand to smooth his cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into her touch. She grasped his hand, lightly caressing the back of it with her thumb. Jack exhaled and took a deep breath.
"I don't mind, if that's what you're thinking." She whispered.
"Oh?" He moved closer to her then put his hands on her shoulders, leaning down slightly to kiss her forehead. "Good... that's good... I think."
She could tell he was nervous and this surprised her. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her towards him, as he had been longing to do all day.
"Sam?" He whispered, "if this is because you felt something for the other O'Neill..."
He wanted to say he couldn't bear that, but didn't have the guts. He had never thought himself as someone lacking in guts before now and it made him realise how deep his feelings for Sam really were. He held his breath, waiting for a response. Sam was considering how to answer him, taken aback by his lack of self confidence. He could be a little too cocky sometimes but he was far from that right now. She pulled back and looked into his eyes.
"No Jack. Don't think that. It was him that made me realise how I feel about you."
She felt him let out the breath that he had been holding. His lips brushed hers, experimentally, and she opened her mouth slightly and closed her eyes, anticipating the kiss. Grinning inwardly, he plunged on, holding the back of her head with his hand. It was the real O'Neill doing this, she thought, not his double. It felt great, better than the other O'Neill, but was getting intense and she was unsure where it was going to lead. He was her CO! The thought jolted her.
"Jack! I... we..." Abruptly she pulled away from him. "What do we do?"
"I don't know." He shrugged, his confusion clearly showing in his eyes. "What do you want to do?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe we need to think about it?" he asked.
"Maybe." She replied, not really wanting to think about it. If she thought about it she might let her head overrule her heart and she wasn't sure she wanted to do that.
They needed to relieve the tension. She ran to her pile of snowballs, picking one up and throwing it squarely in his face.
"Sam!" he cried, laughing, and reached down to pick up some snow of his own. "You know what I like about you?" He asked, fighting back.
"No Jack." She hit him once more, this time on the chest.
"Me neither." He managed to say though his chuckling.
"Oh, very droll, Sir." She replied, hitting him yet again.
Jack kept missing her as she dodged his ammunition. He chose to ignore her use of the word 'sir', not wanting to face the implication. It might have been a slip of the tongue. He hoped so. Carter had a habit of over thinking things. If she over thought this situation he'd be losing more than just a snowball fight. Distracted, he felt one of her snowballs hit him on the back. How had she got around him so quickly? He was definitely losing this game.
"You're really hard on a man's ego, Carter."
She giggled, making a decision. "Take me to dinner, and I'll fix that."
The End