Title: Again

Chapter Six: A wounded heart you gave… my soul you took away

Author: Jaycee

*All necessary formalities are in the first chapter.

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Josie woke up from her one hour of sleep that morning. Her eyes hurt from lack of sleep as she squinted against the glaring sunlight. "Ugh!" she said out loud as she stumbled into the bathroom to fix herself.

On her way to the closet, she checked the time and found out that there's only forty-five minutes before she's due at the office. "Ugh!" She exclaimed again. She stared at her bed and she remembered how Sam's body felt on top of her… his lips on hers… she sank down to the bed and raised her fingers to her lips. She could swear that she can still feel his lips against hers.

"I got to get a grip here!" she told herself and she stood up to get dressed. She opened her closet and grabbed the first long skirt and button up shirt and absentmindedly put it on. Every now and then, she would raise a hand to her lips to assure her that last night really happened.

She furiously brushed her hair and secured it in a ponytail. She didn't bother putting on makeup and then grabbed her bag and went out of her room. Georgia left a message saying that she already went to school and that she'll see her this afternoon. "She is just too sweet." She whispered as she placed the note inside her bag.

"No time for coffee!" She decided as she went out of the house and into her car. Before starting the ignition, she again raised a hand to her lips… remembering Sam's kisses… She closed her eyes and shook her head to erase the image and started to drive.

'How can I do stay away from him… knowing now that he really is the one that I was meant to kiss for the rest of my life?' she asked herself, knowing that she has to be strong, or else a child's life might be destroyed… and she couldn't have that.

* * * Sam ran a hand through his hair, smiling as he remembered the night before. He knew that maybe that was the last time that he's ever going to be with Josie in that way… so he wanted to savor each and every memory… her lips… her hair… her eyes… her soft skin… everything about her drives him weak with desire.

He sank into a couch in their living room and waited for Rosie to come out of her room. He has insisted that she can now dress up all by herself and pushed him out of the room. He chuckled and sighed as the two most important women in his life entered his thoughts. Rosalind and Josie.

How he wished that Josie were Rosalind's mother. She would have showered the little girl with so much love and affection that she truly deserves. "Sam! What are you smiling about?" He heard Lara say in a suspicious voice. He looked at her and shook his head. "Nothing. It's nothing." He replied as he stood up and got himself a cup of coffee.

"Ookay. You look a bit crazy over there." She said as she opened the business section of the Chicago Tribune. She insisted that they get that newspaper and not the Sun Times due to obvious reasons. That made Sam buy his own copy of the Sun Times every morning on his way to work because he found out from his friends that Josie now writes a column.

"Daddy! I'm ready!" Rosie yelled from her room and ran towards him. Sam wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight. "Let me see if you can really dress up all by yourself." He said as he kindly pushed her away to look at her clothes. "Shirt buttoned… skirt on straight… shoes tied… hmm…" "Daddy? Is it okay?" Rosie asked worriedly as she bit her lip.

Sam smiled. "It's more than okay sweetie! You did great! I'm so proud of you." He exclaimed as he kissed her on the forehead and hugged her. "Look mommy! I dressed up all by myself!" Lara looked up from her newspaper and rolled her eyes. "Whoop de doo!" she jeered as she went back to her reading. Sam shook his head and carried his daughter to his arms.

"Come on princess. I'll bring you to school." "Okay daddy." She said sadly. As Sam was about to open the door, Lara called out to him, "Sam… aren't you forgetting something?" "What am I forgetting?" He asked, confused. "My kiss? You forgot to kiss me." She reminded him. S

am sighed and lowered Rosie to the floor and walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek. "What am I your mother? Kiss me… like this." She grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips. Sam returned the kiss… knowing that he has to. He pulled away abruptly and took his hanky from his pocket and wiped away the lipstick that he knows is on his lips.

He hated kissing Lara… she tasted so artificial… everything about her is covered with non-natural products… her hair is filled with hair spray… she reeked of over priced perfume… when they have sex in the past, he has to keep himself from gagging whenever he tasted her skin, which was plastered with the latest non-aging crème.

That was one of the reasons why he stopped having sex with her. The top reason was that he was obviously in love with someone else. "Bye Sam. Bye Rosie!" she said as she returned to her newspaper. "Bye mommy!" Rosie called out, waving as she opened the door. Sam rolled his eyes and walked out after his daughter. Lara and Josie are so different from each other.

Josie tasted great… everything about her is real… she never hid behind cosmetic products and she smells amazingly good… which makes him want her even more. He raised a hand to his lips… outlining them as the elevator went down… he can still feel her lips… kissing him with so much passion that drove him nearly to the precipice of his sanity… In his ears… he heard her breathy moans… making him shiver… on his body… he felt her hands… his scalp still tingling from her touch. How he wanted to touch her again… even just for a little while…

"Daddy?" He looked down and saw Rosie smiling at him. "Yes princess?" "We're here." She said pointing to the open doors. "Oh yeah." He chuckled as he carried her into his arms. The reason was right there in front of him… the reason why he couldn't let anything happen with Josie… his daughter… he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he ever lose her.

* * * At lunchtime, Josie stared at her computer screen, waiting for an idea to pop into her head for her column. She rubbed her face as her mind continued to draw blank. "Damn!" she cursed as she turned the computer off and rested her head on her hands, on the table. "Is something wrong?"

Josie looked up and saw Anita standing at the door, a concerned look on her face. "Nothing… nothing…" Josie said as she raised her hand to her lips again for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. "Josie… come on… you can tell me anything." Anita said as she sat on the couch. "Anita… please… just don't mind me." Josie pleaded and stood up to look at the window.

"Nothing is wrong huh?" Josie faced her and nodded. "Not a thing." "Then why are your shoes different from one another?" Anita asked. "What? How different?" Josie looked down and blushed. On her feet were one black pump and one brown pump. She bit her lip and smiled at Anita. "Don't mind that… I got dressed in the um…"

"Dark?" Anita finished for her. "Yeah… in the dark… I forgot to turn on the lights and…" "Well… I can obviously see that… I mean look at the way your blouse is buttoned." Josie looked down and turned crimson. She turned away from Anita and buttoned her white shirt right. "Good thing you picked the right colors though… black and white. Very good." Anita alleged. "Yeah." Josie whispered.

"What is wrong Jos? Something is definitely wrong." Josie nodded and sat down beside her friend. "There is Anita… something is unquestionably wrong." "What is it then?" "It's Sam…" "What? What did he do now? Did he take advantage of you last night?" Anita said in a loud voice. "Anita! No… am would never ever do something like that." "Then what happened?"

"We kissed… a dozen times in fact…" Josie said, her eyes glazing over as she remembered the night before. "Really? How… was it?" "It was… great… fabulous… wonderful… heavenly… everything I imagined it would be." Anita placed a hand on her friend's arm. "But Josie… you know that Sam is…" Josie sighed and she felt a sob coming as she raised her fingers to her lips once again. 

"I know… but Anita… his kisses… those we're the ones that I've been waiting for the rest of my life… remember what I said about what you feel when you've been really kissed by a guy?" Anita nodded and in unison they recited what Josie said to her a million times before she got to Gus.

"Everything around you becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for on moment, you get this amazing gift, and you wanna laugh, and you wanna cry…  coz you feel so lucky that you've found it and so scared that it'll go away all at the same time." They finished and sighed.

"That gets to me every time." Anita whispered. "And I found all that in Gus." Josie smiled and a tear escaped her eyelid. Anita reached over and brushed it away softly. "Oh honey… what are you going to do?" "I love him Anita… I still do… I don't think I've ever stopped loving him. Even though he hurt me deeply… I guess deep inside… I just didn't acknowledge it."

"He did more than just hurt you Jos. He broke your heart… you were so different after he left… and now… your just starting to heal… but here you are telling me that you still love him. How about you? Haven't you ever thought on what's going to occur when you let this love happen?" "I love him Anita… deep in my heart and deep in my soul… I know that he's the one I'm meant to be with… for the rest of my life."

Josie ran a hand through her hair. "Josie… you know the consequences… if you have an affair with him… you might ruin his child's life. You're going to be an instrument in breaking up a family. Honey… you don't want that to happen." Anita reminded her. Josie's face fell. "I know… dear Lord… I know… and I told him last night that I can't be his mistress… that I can't be anyone's mistress."

"Good call! Now… stop those tears and let Sam go. I know you love him… but… please… save yourself… I'm telling you. This is all for the best." Anita assured her. Josie nodded and leaned over to her friend for a hug. Anita has always been right before… but right now… Josie wasn't so sure.

* * * All throughout the week, Sam has tried in vain to contact Josie. But all he ever got at her home was her answering machine. And it wasn't as if he hated listening to her sweet, lovely voice every time, but he has hoped that for once, she would answer the phone.

On Wednesday evening, before he left his office, he tried calling her one last time. He couldn't do that at home, since Lara might find out. After three rings, a breathless Josie answered the phone. "Hello?" she said, and Sam almost fell on his knees when he heard her lovely voice.

Good thing he was sitting down. "Josie? Josie! I'm so glad that you answered." He said excitedly. "Sam?" She asked hesitantly. "What are you doing, calling me like this?" "Josie… I know that I'm not supposed to be doing this, but I can't get you out of my mind… like what has been happening to me in the three years that we've been apart." "Sam… please… we've talked about this." She answered.

"Please Jos… I have to see you again. Please." He heard her sigh. "Okay." "Okay?" He asked, hardly believing that she said yes. "Yeah. Um… tonight? How about tonight?" she asked tentatively. "Tonight's great Josie! Where?" "We can't be seen right?" she asked, and Sam recognized a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

She sighed again. "I'm sorry about that, Sam. That wasn't fair of me." He smiled sadly. "It's okay. So where do you want to meet?" "Where to meet…" Josie said. "I know! That seafood place, by the freeway. Nobody we know will ever see us there." She exclaimed. Sam nodded. "You mean, beside the beach? 'Uncle Kurt's Seafood Palace'?" "That's the one!"

"Sounds great. I'll meet you there in about an hour?" He asked. "Yeah. I'll be there. See you in an hour." She said. Just before she hanged up, Sam whispered, "Thank you Josie." "Your welcome. Bye Sam."

And with that, she hanged up. Sam checked his watch, and he realized that he still has thirty minutes before he actually has to make his way to the beach. So he just sat there on his chair, and checked some papers. 'Thank God she agreed to meet with me.' He thought happily.

* * * "Bye Georgia! I'll be back in about a two hours okay?" Josie called out as she opened her car door. "Bye Josie!" Georgia replied. "Take care of her Sandra! And thanks for coming in such a short notice!" "I owe you Josie, remember? I'll see you later!" Sandra, the baby-sitter called out as she waved. "Bye guys!" Josie said as she got into the car.

She waited until the two girls were inside the house before she started the ignition. "What am I doing? What am I doing?" Josie asked herself as she started driving towards the beach. "He's a married man… I can't see him. He'll lose his daughter if anyone finds out about this."

But deep inside, she felt excited. She's never done anything like this before. It's like she's an outlaw… meeting up with someone in a secret rendezvous. She checked her reflection in the mirror. She has changed outfits for at least a dozen times when she finally chose to wear a yellow sundress paired with a white cardigan. On her feet where yellow flip-flop sandals.

"Why does it even matter how I look like? I'm not going there to impress him… I'm going there to talk to him." She told herself firmly. Her palms were so sweaty that it kept on sliding off the steering wheel. "Argh! I've got to get a grip here!"

A few minutes later, she parked her car in front of the restaurant and she saw Sam pacing around frantically. "Okay, I can do this. I can do this!" She pepped herself up as she stepped out of the car. She steadied herself as she walked towards Sam. "Josie!" He exclaimed and she can see how his face obviously lit up when he saw her. She felt her heart melting as she walked closer to him.

"Hey." She greeted him. "So… do you want to eat Josie?" He asked. "Actually, I don't want to eat right now." She said. "Let's just talk." He said. "Yeah. That sounds great." She answered. "How about a walk?" He suggested. She nodded. They started to walk side by side. Sam then walked before her, jumping off a rock. He held out a hand.

Josie looked at his hand, contemplating whether to take it or not. "Come on Jos. I'm not going to bite." He said gently. Josie giggled nervously and took his hand. She was prepared for the jolt of electricity that's going to take place but the moment she took his hand she almost gasped out loud at the way his hand feels against hers. She smiled at him and made her way gently down the rock.

As soon as she was on level ground again, she quickly released his hand. "Thanks." She whispered. As they walked on the sand, she stopped to take off her shoes and carried it by her left hand. "Jos… are you ready to talk now?" He asked. "Yeah. But this time, let's really talk, okay?" she asked. Sam smiled. "Okay."

* * * Sam led her to a small rock in at the side of the beach and gestured for Josie to sit down. She nodded and sat down. "So where are you working now?" Josie asked. "I now work at North Glen North. As an English teacher." He answered. "You really love teaching huh?"

"Yeah I do. It's in my blood." "I'm not surprised. You're a great teacher." She complimented, and Sam blushed at that. "You still work in Sun Times right?" He asked. "How did you know?" She asked. "My friends told me. So I get to read your column every day. It's really great. I've always said that you are a writer." Josie blushed. "Thanks for saying it."

"You are a great writer Josie. I'm not just saying that to humor you." He said earnestly. "I know." She answered simply. Sam stared at her in the corner of his eye, wondering how to start talking about what happened that incredible night. "I'm sorry about that night..." He started.

"Please. Let's not about that." She pleaded. "We have to Josie. What happened that night was…" "Was a mistake. It was nothing but a mistake." She finished. Sam felt his heart fall at what she said. "I'm sorry if that's how you feel. But I can't help myself Josie… I love you so much and I have dreamed of kissing you so many times and what happened that night, for me was so beautiful. Everything that I have dreamed of and more." Josie stood up abruptly.

"Sam, please. That night shouldn't have happened." Sam stood up too, and turned her around. She closed her eyes and tried to shake his hands off. He refused and gripped her tighter. "Josie look at me." She shook her head. "Please. I'm begging you." He said as he placed a hand on her chin.

Josie slowly opened her eyes and met his. He saw unshed tears on her eyes. She blinked and they fell one by one. He brushed her tears away, gently and he felt her shiver under his touch. "Josie, I love you so much. And I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you." He said truthfully.

She squirmed away from his grip and turned away from him. "I loved you so much Sam. Each year that passed without you beside me was pure torture. In every face I see, I see you. In every voice I hear, I hear you. I tried to forget you, I really did, but it proved to be a task that's so hard to do. And now that I'm just starting to heal, here you are, back in my life. I just want you to leave me alone and let me live my life again." Josie said and then her shoulders began to shake, a clear indication that she has started crying.

Before he knew what he was doing, he swept her in his arms, and this time, she didn't push him away. They just stayed that way for a long time, as he rocked her side to side, kissing the top of her head, while shushing her sobs. "I'm so sorry Josie." He whispered.

She suddenly broke away. "No! I don't want to love you anymore Sam! I don't want to get hurt again! You've hurt me so much before, and I just know that if I allow myself to fall for you again, I'll just feel the pain again and again." She declared as she started to walk away from him, her shoes on hand. "Josie please!" He ran after her and grabbed her arm.

"Leave me alone. Please." She said as she tried to lose his grip. "No. I won't leave you alone. Tell me that you don't love me anymore, then I'll leave you alone." He said, looking into her eyes. She stared at him. "Tell me!" He ordered. "I don't love you anymore." She whispered, looking down at her feet.

"Say it into my face Josie! Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me anymore." She looked up, her eyes locking with his. "I…" she started. "Yes?" "I don't… love…" Sam felt his heart pounding as he waited for Josie to say the words. She suddenly turned around and walked away. He almost laughed out loud as he realized what her actions meant.

"See? You can't say it! You still love me Josie!" He called out as he ran after her. She stopped walking and turned around slowly. They we're just a few inches apart as Sam whispered, "You still love me, don't you Josie?" She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. All he wanted to do right then was to kiss her.

But before he can make his move, she threw her shoes down to the sand and grabbed his face, bringing his lips down to hers and kissed him hungrily. The sudden movement surprised him that he didn't respond first. As the shock wore off, he responded with equal ardor that he didn't know was in him. She moaned as he ran his fingers through her hair and he shivered at the breathy sound. As abrupt as the kiss began, it quickly ended.

"Sam… we can't… I can't… we shouldn't be doing this…" Josie stepped back, her eyes glassy. Sam stared at her, his mind still reeling over the mind-blowing kiss that they just shared. They've kissed before, but this one… this one Josie was the one who initiated this. She wiped her mouth and Sam can see how the kiss deeply affected her.

"Josie… I…" She held out a hand to stop him from speaking. And then she bent down and grabbed her shoes. "Good bye Sam." She whispered and walked away. Sam stared at her until she disappeared from his sight. He sat on a rock, reflected on what has just happened. Now he knows that she's still in love with him… and he doesn't know if that realization is good or bad. Because right now, his yearning for Josie Geller is getting stronger… and it's bound to spell disaster for him.