I own the rights to none of the characters in this story, even the characters that I created. If Disney wants to film this story and show it every year at Christmas, they have my permission.
To keeponwritin: Thanks for the heads up on Miranda's nickname. I considered claiming that they're older and Miranda has mellowed a little on the issue, but I don't really believe that. Consequently, I've edited that in Chapter 1. Actually, Gordo uses it twice, but only once to Miranda herself, so I've left the first example intact. I've also corrected a minor grammatical error, but those are the only changes, so there's no need to go back and reread.
To KT the Shimmer Skank: Thanks for the kind words, and the willingness to withhold judgement on any LG relationship. To the extent that "LG" is shorthand for "Lizzie loves Gordo," let me put your mind at ease: There's no romance in this story, LG or otherwise. That's not to say there won't be romantic interludes between the two, because I think their friendship has a heavily romantic subtext, but any "romantic attraction" that the reader finds here is something that they're reading into the story; it's not there. I can't promise that there'll be no cliches, because I haven't come close to reading all the Lizzie fanfics here, so I don't know what qualifies as a cliche. Likewise, I can't promise that I'll deliver on something that's never been done before, but I am pretty confident that what I have in mind for Lizzie and Gordo and Miranda--and their relationships--hasn't been done often enough to become a cliche. This chapter will bring up what you may think is a cliche, but as we alert you in the story summary, everything is not as it appears to be. Wouldn't be much of a mystery, otherwise, now would it?
Knight in Shining Armor
Chapter 2
They say that life is like a box of chocolates. I guess what they're trying to say is that life is full of surprises.
Well, pardon me, but I don't like surprises. There's no such thing as a "nice surprise." That's an oxymoron.
So when Miranda warned me that Lizzie was different, I took it she was trying to save me from an evil surprise.
"Different?" I repeated. Why does she warn me about that? I mean, all sorts of crazy thoughts rush through my head. Tattooed? Bald? Pregnant?? "Different, how? Third-arm-growing-from-her-back, different? What does that mean?"
"Noooo," Miranda groaned. "She's been acting real...unlizzielike, like Pod Person Lizzie."
"Can you give me more to go on, here?" I prodded.
"Well, she...she never laughs, anymore. And she hardly even smiles, much. And I can't even remember the last time she tried to get Kevin to notice her."
I wasn't going to lose any sleep over that last one. Kevin Cartman had been Lizzie's latest crush, number five in a line of crushes going back to the seventh grade. Both Lizzie and Miranda had long ago gotten over Ethan Craft, ever since the "Adventure of the Smiling Dachshund," as we called it. But that's another story, one better told by Miranda. Actually, Ethan turned out to be one of the good guys, once you got to know him. Not very deep, if you know what I mean, but he's okay. I guess it just took getting out from Kate's claws. Once Kate started...
Well, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Something about what Miranda had just told me struck a chord inside, one of those eerie deja vu feelings that squirmed out of your grasp just before you could close your fist around it. I pushed it away.
"Maybe she misses me," I suggested.
"Ma-a-aybe," Miranda replied reluctantly. I shrugged. I didn't really expect a ringing confirmation. "She's also been...sort of spending some time...with Kate."
I chuckled. "You know, we've talked about this. I've told you that that cheap ass cordless phone you use garbles words, and made it sound like you said Lizzie's--"
"Spending time with Kate," Miranda interrupted me, and it was the first time in our conversation that she had spoken firmly, with no hesitation.
"Oh."
This was bad. I mean, Lizzie and Kate didn't mix. They were like matter and anti-matter. If Matter Lizzie touches Anti-Matter Kate, worlds collide, universes explode. Lizzie and Kate Sanders had hung out together in grade school. Then we got to junior high. Kate had become a cheerleader and decided that, in order to climb the social ladder, she had to leave Lizzie behind. Everyone says that Kate changed a lot when we started junior high, but sometimes I think Lizzie changed just as much.
I should explain that. It's kind of tough, so bear with me. In grade school, Lizzie was just as popular as Kate. They both moved in the same circles. Nowadays, she'll tell you that she wasn't that popular back then, but she misremembers. But they were popular in a good way, because they were friendly to everyone. Kate changed; that was easy to see. As always, with Lizzie, you had to look a little deeper. When Kate dropped Lizzie, I think it affected her more than she liked to admit. I think Lizzie decided (although I don't think she ever realized it herself) that being friends with everyone led you to think that you had more friends than you really did. So she concentrated on being friends with the people that she knew she could trust, and that was pretty much Miranda and me. At least, that's my theory. So at the same time that Kate was climbing that social ladder, Lizzie was stepping a couple of rungs in the other direction.
Damn. I knew I wouldn't be able to explain it. Well, I gave it a shot.
So anyway, when we were in junior high, Kate became the all-everything queen. She was what they used to call in my mother's time--no, scratch that; in my grandmother's time--an "early bloomer," so Kate got all the attention of all the so-called cute guys. Then came high school and, you guessed it: she changed again. High school boys were "so blase," according to Kate, so she skipped them altogether. By Thanksgiving of our sophomore year, she was dating college guys exclusively (snubbing Ethan Craft like he was a slug), and by Valentine's Day, if you weren't a frat boy, you were wasting her time, just "sucking up oxygen."
Kate moved in a fast crowd.
And now, Miranda was telling me that Lizzie had changed, was hanging around Kate.
"Miranda?" I asked. "Is Lizzie.... Are you okay?"
"Sure!" Miranda replied, brighter than she had a right to be. "I...I was, um...it's cool that she's.... Look, Gordo, it's not the Kate stuff, it's that whatever she's doing, she's not happy. She goes to bed early, she sleeps late, she hardly says anything on the phone. Twice this month, when I went over to her house, she had been crying, and she wouldn't tell me why, and that hurt my feelings some, I guess, but then I thought, well maybe it's none of my business, maybe this is between her and Kate, but me? I'm okay."
No, you're not, I thought. Miranda's best friend number two leaves town for the summer, and best friend number one hooks up with the Evil Bitch Princess From Hell, and she's worried about Lizzie. That is so Miranda.
"Sounds like Lizzie needs an intervention," I said.
Miranda chuckled. "I miss you, Gordo. I miss our conference calls."
"We'll be conferencing every night," I assured her. "You're gonna need your own phone number."
"Well, just be prepared, Gordo. You can't talk to Lizzie on the phone, without it sounding like she's struggling not to cry."
And that weird deja vu returned so violently, it felt like I'd been slammed on the forehead.
"Plus, I think I'm coming down with something," she added, with a sniffle to prove her point.
Lizzie hadn't been sick. She had been crying. My God, I thought. Had this been going on since early June? And I missed it? All the cards, the letters that were very most typical Lizzie McGuire? And I had always been so proud of myself, as a student of human nature. I had been a fool. Of course, I look back on it now and realize that Miranda had the benefit of actual contact with Lizzie, whereas there had been no other phone calls between Lizzie and me. In retrospect, I suspect that was intentional on her part. But I didn't have retrospect, back then. I only knew that, as her friend, I should have known something was wrong, and I had failed. Failed myself, and Lizzie, and Miranda.
"Gordo?" Miranda's voice brought me back from my fog.
"Miranda, when I get back, we'll find out the deal. I promise."
I got home a week later, on Thursday evening. And after dinner, I didn't go to Miranda's. I didn't go to Lizzie's. I didn't call either one of them. I didn't unpack, even though tomorrow was the first day of school. I was in my parents' study from seven-thirty that night until two-thirty Friday morning, reading everything in their psychology texts that I could find on the subject of depression.
I was determined to be ready for tomorrow. Captain Gordo to the rescue!
I thought I understood, you see. When you're a teen, you think you know all the answers. The truth is, you don't even know the questions.
You'll see what I mean.