AN: ~~Gojyo~~ and ~~Hakkai~~ indicate POV/narrator changes.

Disclaimer: since I forgot it in the prologe: Saiyuki boys do not belong to me…(though I wish they did…especially Hakkai…^_^ ) Don't sue. I don't have enough money to pay you, I'm just a broke college student.

And now for Chapter 1:

Two days later:

~~Gojyo~~

Hakkai's been acting really strange for the past two days- hell, he didn't even say anything when I got back to the room that first night in town- and I can't help but wonder if I'm the only one who notices. He's been quiet-granted, he's always quiet-but it's a different kind of quiet. Usually he's smiling, occasionally laughing as I beat the saru's head in, and every now and then making some sarcastic comment.

But this time…he's hardly said a word, and what weirds me out most of all is that Sanzo seems to know what's up.

Sure, the two have their bonds, same basic personality, but…this is weird.

I tried to talk to him last night, but Sanzo stopped me, telling me that 'whatever it is I have to say to him, he won't talk to me anyway'. What the fuck is that supposed to mean??

Hold on, thoughts. Something's poking me.

"Ne, you're awful quiet, Gojyo," says the saru.

"Yeah? And you're awful noisy, bakasaru," I quip back.

"Ero kappa-" he starts.

I slam my fist on his head. "Just shyaddap, saru."

He just blinks at me, appearing to be confused.

"You have been unusually quiet today, Gojyo," Hakkai says from the front seat as he glances at me in the mirror.

Damn that smile of his. He's smiling, but he's acting like something's up. I just don't get him! You'd think after three years-

"Just tired, is all," I reply, grabbing a beer from the cooler.

"Why? It's not like you actually did anything while we were in that town," the saru dares to speak again.

"Ne, Sanzo. Lemme borrow your gun a sec, so I can shut this saru up for good," I reply with a grin.

Sanzo just whaps us with that damned fan of his.

Hakkai laughs-is it just me, or does it sound different?- and the saru finally shuts the hell up.

~~Hakkai~~

I know I'm acting strangely…ever since that night, I can't get Sanzo's words out of my mind. I've hardly slept since then, though I'm the only one who knows that…or so I assume. For all I know Goku and Sanzo both have seen the changes in my behavior lately. I shouldn't let it get to me. It never has before. Perhaps it's just because someone finally called my bluff that I'm letting it bother me. Or perhaps it's because it was Goku who noticed it.

But now it seems that the change in my behavior is affecting the others. Well, Gojyo, at least.

"Ne, Sanzo. Lemme borrow your gun a sec, so I can shut this saru up for good," Gojyo replies, a wild grin upon his face.

Sanzo says nothing, but hits them both solidly with his fan.

I chuckle, like I always do, at the turn of events, and yet, I'm only doing it because I know they expect me to. It hurts. It hurts the same way my smile hurts.

Silence falls over the pair in the back seat, and I know Sanzo is merely being Sanzo, leaving me to my thoughts.

…if he knew how often you lie to him…

I suppress a sigh as those words surface yet again. Just how often do I lie to him? To them? Often…I suppose, if Sanzo would go so far as to point it out to me. Perhaps all the time…no, not always. There are moments in which my expressions are real…but thinking about it, I suppose they are rather few and quite far between…

"Hakkai! Look out!" Gojyo's voice breaks into my thoughts, and just in time. I slam on the brakes, stopping the jeep with a jerk.

In front of us is a cliff, dropping down quite a ways. Breathing hard, I put Hakuryuu into reverse and back us away, then stop to regain my wits. I can feel their eyes on me and I keep the smile off my lips, for now.

Sanzo is the first to break the now tense silence between the four of us. "You're in no condition to drive," he states, barely more than a whisper.

"Shit, Hakkai! Where'd you go, man?!" Gojyo yells, his fury obvious. "You've been actin weird all day, and now all of a sudden you can't keep your wits about you and you almost drive us off a cliff! Are you sure you're alright?"

I close my eyes, knowing he, and Sanzo, are right. I'm in no condition for driving. "I'm just a bit tired," I tell him, knowing it's yet another lie. That, and the painful smile I'm wearing once again.

Sanzo sighs. "I'll drive. But you two-" he glares at Gojyo and Goku "-had better behave."

"No, I'll be alright-"

"Bullshit, Hakkai. Let the man drive," says Gojyo, his tone too firm to argue with.

I sigh, for once giving in, and get out, switching places with Sanzo. "Sumimasen, minna," I whisper as Sanzo puts us on the road once again.

~~Gojyo~~

Alright, something's definitely eating at him… He only actually lets someone else drive when he knows damn well he's in no condition to do it himself, and that's only happened once that I remember…

I think back to that desert battle, where Kougaiji had attacked us, with Sanzo being poisoned. The way Hakkai was driving us back to that villiage, he and I both knew he shouldn't be driving. And he actually let me drive, knowing that despite my injuries, I was more up to it than he was. He didn't like the idea, and I can't really say I blame him. I hate it when someone tries to make me realize that I can't do something that should be easy to me.

Fuck. I just don't know what to make of all this. I glance toward him, and I'm shocked to see his face with what appears to be a frown crossing his lips. I can tell he's deep in thought, and that he feels terrible about what happened.

I look over at the saru. He's fallen asleep, which I guess is the best way for him to keep himself out of trouble.

I open my beer and take a drink. Something's gotten into Hakkai, and it's getting to me, whatever the hell it is. Looking over at him again, I notice his head is lowered, and I can see the eye behind his monocle is closed. He seems to be asleep. Good, maybe some sleep will do him good.

"Ne, Sanzo."

"You'd better not have anything stupid to say."

"What's with Hakkai lately?" I ask, taking another drink. "He seems like he's always lost in thought, and the last two nights I've noticed him tossing and turning in his sleep. He never does that, except sometimes on the few rainy nights where he actually sleeps at all."

"Hn."

"You know, don't you?"

"Possibly."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" I ask, raising my voice a little in anger.

"Keep your voice down. He's actually sleeping."

"I gathered that," I say, my voice quieter. "So what's gotten into him?"

"…"

I sigh. "You won't tell me, will you," I say, not a question, but a statement.

"It's not my place."

"Even though I get the feeling you're the one that put him into such deep thought."

"It wasn't me."

"Then who was it? Don't tell me the bakasaru actually said something with meaning."

"It wasn't him either."

"Then who the fuck was it?"

Hakkai stirred in the front seat, but remained asleep.

"If I had to say it was anyone…"

I wait for him to continue, knowing he'll tell me if he feels like it, and I'll yell if he doesn't.

"…it would have to be you."
ME?? What the fuck? I certainly haven't said anything…have I?

"Me? I never said anything…"

"You didn't have to."

"So what the fuck are you telling me? That I'm the cause of whatever's getting to Hakkai, but no one said a goddamn thing to get him thinking? That it just randomly happened?"

"I never said anything about what was said."

I finished my beer in one large gulp. "You're not making sense, monk."

"I'm not supposed to, to you, kappa."

"Oi." With a sigh, I return to my thoughts, trying to make sense of what Sanzo had told me. I didn't say anything to Hakkai to make him like this, yet I'm the source of his being so distracted by his thoughts. Someone had to have said something to get the train rolling, you know, give it the first push, but where it went from there…apparently I was the fuel for it getting anywhere at all. After all, even if you push a rock, it'll only go so far without something there to keep it going. Fuck. All this thinking is making my head hurt.

I lean back and close my eyes, letting the noontime sun warm my face.

.

.

"Ne Sanzo…harahetta…" Goku whines loudly, waking me from my sleep.

Sleep? I don't remember falling asleep… Oh well. I look up at the front seat and see that Hakkai is awake again, that goddamn fake smile upon his face, as usual. I hate that fucking smile of his.

"Urusai, bakasaru," Sanzo grumbles from the driver's seat. Huh. It would seem that driving makes Sanzo irritable.

"Would you like me to drive?" Hakkai asks politely.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Somewhat. Feeling more rested, at the least," he assures the monk.

"How far until the next town?" I speak up.

Hakkai checks the map. "Should only be another hour or so."

"We'll stop for lunch there, then."

"Hear that, saru? You gotta wait an hour," I tease, poking him with the toe of my shoe. "Think you'll die of starvation first?"

"No," Goku replies, an angry expression upon his face. "I gotta live long enough to bug the hell out of you, ero kappa," he finishes with a grin as he shoves my foot away.

"Bakasaru!"

"URUSAI!" Sanzo yells, taking his eyes from the path long enough to whap us with that paper fan of his.

"Itai…" whines the saru.

"Heh."

My eyes are drawn to Hakkai once more. It's good to see him acting a little more like himself, but it seems like his smile is every bit as fake as it was earlier today. I hate it when he fakes!! So what is it that's on your mind, Hakkai? And why can't you tell me?

~~Hakkai~~

I am indeed feeling better after the chance to sleep. After waking, I had put my painful smile back into its place.

I can feel Gojyo's eyes on me, but I pretend not to notice. Forgive me, my friend, for worrying you. I'll have to be more careful in the future, so as not to worry you.

I look forward to arriving in town. Even my own stomach is agreeing with Goku's. And I would like a chance to have a few moments alone to think to myself, but I can tell by the expression upon Sanzo's usually stern face that he will not give me those few moments.

The hour passes slowly, but we finally enter the town. Hakuryuu transforms back to his dragon state, and Goku runs ahead, eagerly looking for the nearest restaurant.

"Hold on, saru! You're not the only one that's hungry, you know!" Gojyo yells as he runs to catch up with our youngest companion, leaving Sanzo and I behind.

"Hakkai."

"Yes?"

"What was with you this morning?"

I sigh, knowing exactly where this conversation would lead. Knowing there was no reason for me to lie to the one who had pointed out that I do more than enough of that already. "I truly was tired, Sanzo. I haven't slept well the past nights."

"Since the first night in that last town," he confirms. "Did what I said really get to you that much?"

"Aa. I must admit, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

"Just don't be stupid about it," he says, placing his hand upon my shoulder.

I nod. "I'll be more careful."

With that, he heads toward the direction of the others.

Hakuryuu lands upon my shoulder and I follow, re-placing the smile that is starting to seem to be more harm than good.