Fantasy
Yami no Kelly Noel
December 21, 2003
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~
A/n:
(Completely out of nowhere, the set is suddenly changed to Dickens 'A Christmas Carol' set.)
Malik: Oh come on! I mean, really…this idea has been done and done and done…
Yami no Bakura: And it just refuses to die!
Yami no Yugi: Be silent! You have no Christmas spirit! And at least we aren't in that virtual world anymore.
Yugi: At least 'til after Christmas.
YnKN: That's right you slackers. It's against my better judgment, but my Hikari has persuaded me into have a Christmas chapter.
Shadi: 'cuse me flashback guy coming through! *plugs in big screen TV and shoves a tape into VCR*
(flashback)
YnKN: You wouldn't dare!
Kelly: I would, I could, and I will if no Holiday break is in this story! *holding YnKN's Seto Plushie in a threatening manner*
YnKN: Alright! Alright! Just put the Seto plushie down nice and slow and you'll get a dumb Christmas chapter!
(end flashback)
Malik: So I'm suffering because you didn't want to lose a SETO PLUSHIE?!
YnKN: *snuggles Seto plushie* Yup! Now deal with it.
Malik: Grr…
YnBakura: I have no idea what you're complaining about. I'm the one stuck starring in this thing…
YnKN: From this point on Yami no Bakura will be known as Yami Bakura, Yami no Yugi as Yami, Bakura as Ryou, Yami no Malik as Marik and I think that's about all the name changes… Oh and the yami's are separated from the Hikari's.
Kelly: YAY! *runs over and glomps Ryou*
Ryou: -_-;
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~
( The scene is at an obviously fake cardboard bar, with a sign that says: Bakura and Marik)
(Yugi: Old Marik was dead. Dead as a doornail. No one could be deader than him. There was absolutely nothing quite as dead as old Marik. Not even the Kame Game shop's pet turtle mascot, which had been out on the porch since last July. No, nothing else possessed a dead quality that was-)
Marik: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
(You shut up! I'm obligated to talk!)
Marik: Why you little- *tackles Yugi*
(Agh my spleen! *passes out*)
Marik: I call narrator!
YnKN: You can't! Your supposed to be Bakura' dead partner!
Marik: Screw that! Let Malik be the dead bastard.
Malik: But see, I lack one important quality to be Bakura's dead partner.
Marik: What's that?
Malik: I'M NOT DEAD!
Marik: Oh and I am?
Malik: Well, on Japanese television you are.
Marik: FINE! *storms off set*
YnKN: So this leaves us with one problem. We no longer have a narrator.
Kelly: Oh oh! Pick me pick me! I read a Dickens' Christmas Carol! PLEASE!
YnKN: - -; Alright fine…
(Kelly: YAY! Um… and now we uh… what happens next?)
YnKN: You told me you read this!
(Kelly: Well, sure I read it, but I don't remember any of it!)
YnKN: Forget it! I'll be narrator!
Kelly: Aw…
(YnKN: Silence! Now with that happy beginning we take you to Bakura's and Marik's Bank-)
Yami Bakura: *adjusting his spectacles* It's a bar!
( *throws script up in the air* Fine! Whatever! Why not mutilate the story further?! Bakura's BAAAAAAAR…)
Kelly: *tending to Yugi in her nurse outfit* I think she's lost it.
Yugi: Did she ever really have it to begin with?
Ryou: *dressed in a playboy bunny girl outfit and frantically flipping through Dickens' a Christmas Carol* Um…I thought it was supposed to be a bank. And why am I always in girl's clothing?
Yami Bakura: Why the heck would I want a bank? Especially when I can have a strip club! It's a good thing that that Marik guy finally kicked the bucket. Now I don't have to split any of the money! And project Ring hasn't hunted us down yet so until then you will wear whatever I tell you to!
Ryou: *sigh* Riiight.
Yami Bakura: Now strip!
Ryou: Um , I was thinking-
Yami Bakura: That's not in your contract.
Ryou: Sometimes I can't help it. It sneaks up on you. Like fungi... Anyway, since tomorrow is Christmas…
(Suddenly, an enormous squad of tiny police cars pull up, lights flashing and sirens going. Scapegoat in police suits pour out of the cars and line up, glaring at Bakura.)
Blue Scapegoat: How dare you mention Christmas?!
Ryou: *shaken* What?
Red Scapegoat: Have you forgotten all the other holidays? We're going to get nasty reviews from members of other religions! We don't want them to be offended! Either state all the holidays…OR NONE AT ALL!
Ryou: *stammers*
Pink Scapegoat: People will FLAME YOU! Do you know what this does to publicity? Start over! And despite popular belief I'm not a girl!
( The squad of cars drive out.)
Ryou: Um… Since it is…Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukah, Winter Solstice…*goes on*
( An hour passes. )
Ryou: -and Kelly's feast celebration of plotting Hillary Duff's execution all in this general month, I was wondering if I could have the day off tomorrow?
Yami Bakura: *passed out on the floor* Zzzz… *snores*
Ryou: Wow. He fell asleep! Better escape before he comes to! *runs out*
(He'll be back…)
Ryou: *runs back in* Forgot my coat… ^^; *runs back out*
(A few hours later, Yami Bakura is still passed out on the floor, dead to the world, immobile, unable to speak or otherwise communicate, lying as a tapir on the floor, as out as a-)
Audience: GET ON WITH IT!
( Right. Yami Bakura is still lying asleep on the floor, the lazy bum, and two charity workers arrive, with impeccably poor timing, at the doorstop.)
Kelly: *pounding on the door* OPEN UP, YOU RYOU ENSLAVING COMMUNIST SCUM!
Malik: *rolling his eyes* Can you feel the Christmas spirit?
Yami Bakura: *awakes with a snort* Who's there? I swear I have no illegal drugs in this bar! And whatever I did, I didn't do it!
Kelly: We are here to steal your filthy, drug-infested money, to give it to poor people who will most likely spend it on booze and other drugs, thereby continuing the vicious, moth-eaten cycle that is our society! And save Ryou from women's clothing, I'm with project ring you know!
Malik: She means that we're taking donations to help the homeless. And she's not with project ring.
Kelly: Sure… Allow the Ryou torture to go on!
Yami Bakura: They should ban you people.
Malik: They should also ban Yugi's hairstyle, but we don't see that happening, do we?
Yami Bakura: I wouldn't ad-lib too much if I were you.
Malik: I'll try to keep that in mind. Now, about these donations…
Yami Bakura: Everyone who likes Christmas should be impaled with mistletoe and be boiled in their own pudding. Furthermore, they should be hacked apart, ripped limb from limb, squashed into a kind of quivering, bloody jelly, and then force-fed to a Santa Claus doll.
Kelly: *looks at Malik* They boil pudding?
Malik: - -; *knocks Kelly out with his clipboard*
Kelly: X_x *crumples to the ground*
Malik: Sorry about that sir. *throws Kelly over his shoulder*
Yami Bakura: I was tempted to do it myself.
Malik: So we'll put you down for a fruitcake, then?
Yami Bakura: Sure. *slams the door*
( Yami Bakura has just sat down to count his many articles of lingerie…)
Yami Bakura: MONEY! I'm counting my money!
( *cough* Right. His money. How could I have mistaken that as Anzu's Hello Kitty Panties?)
Yami Bakura: *blink* I feel incredibly sickened…
(-when another knock on the door interrupts him. )
Yami Bakura: *opens the door* What do you want?
Mokuba: I'm gonna sing you a few carols, while looking disgustingly cute. ^_____________^
Yami Bakura: Do you *want* a wreath slammed over your head?
Mokuba: …No sir.
Yami Bakura: Then I suggest you leave. *slams the door*
Mokuba: At least he didn't call me Moky! *skips off to sing carols and look disgustingly cute for someone else*
Malik: *blink* So what do I do with Kelly?
(If its as bad as Noah's, Mokuba's singing would probably bring her back to consciousness.)
Malik: *chases after Mokuba* Mokuba come back!
~
(After that, Scrooge fell to drinking half his alcohol supply, until he felt nice and warm and fuzzy. Then he decided to walk home.)
Yami Bakura: *singing* How dry I am…how dry I am…Oh no one knows…how dry I am… ^_^
(Then, he slammed straight into the door of his house)
Yami Bakura: &@#$!
(*snickers* And after rubbing his stinging face, began to turn the doorknob)
Yami Bakura: *grumbling* What a stupid day this was. It's worse than when someone decided to put the Kami Game Shop's pet mascot turtle on top of my cocktail machine…
(Suddenly, the doorknocker transforms into Marik's head, and he glares at Yami Bakura.)
Yami Bakura: *gasps* It's old…old…um…I forgot. What's his name?
Marik: You bastard. My name is only all over our bank!
Yami Bakura: It's a bar now. ^_^
Marik: Have you no morals?
Yami Bakura: Mor-what?
Marik: Shut up! I'm gonna say your name all dramatic-like! Alright! Scroooooooge…*disappears*
Yami Bakura: That was weird. And since when is my name Scrooge?
(We keep switching back and forth now get into your freaking house.)
Yami Bakura: Who died and made you narrator?
(Well Yugi's dealing with a bruised spleen and Malik knocked Kelly out.)
Yami Bakura: Well at least something good came out of this.
(And with those words of astounding redundancy, Scrooge made his way into his house.)
~
(Yami Bakura is sitting on an enormous, stuffed, paisley chair. He smokes a bubble pipe and is wearing a fluffy white bathrobe, blue and white vertically stripped pajamas, and pink bunny slippers.)
Yami Bakura: Darn it, I'm sober again. And just when I was used to seeing little pink elephants.
Pink elephant: What are you talking about, we're always here.
Yami Bakura: Shut up! Shut up and die! *shoots the elephant and glares around the room* Anyone *else* want to venture an opinion?
( All the pink elephants shake their heads.)
Yami Bakura: Excellent. *replaces bubble pipe in his mouth*
( The clock strikes twelve with an eerie echoing sound.)
Yami Bakura: Ah, the Eerie Echoing Clock. Must be time to go to bed.
( The ghost of Marik slides through the room, draped in chains made out of iron beer bottles)
Yami Malik: Scrooooge…
Yami Bakura: Oh for the love of… not again! I didn't even get drunk this time! It's not fair… just not fair! And why do you insist on calling me Scrooge? You don't even say it right!
Yami Malik: Shut up and listen. It is I, the ghost of your partner Marik. I wear these chains as punishment for all the drinking I did in my past life. If you continue your way of grumpiness and alcoholism, you will have to wear even more chains than me when you die.
Yami Bakura: Are they full bottles?
Yami Malik: No. And, even worse than that, you'll have TEA'S friendship speeches repeated endlessly in your head.
Yami Bakura: Dear lord, NO! At least Anzu doesn't do the rants, but TEA? What can I do to prevent this?
Yami Malik: Well, I'm gonna send you three spirits to help you on your way…because I can think of no better alternative. Although it should be obvious that you should change your ways and not need any more advice.
Yami Bakura: Spirits you say? Like wine?
Yami Malik: You're a moron. Just for that, I'm going to get the three most annoying spirits I know. See you in Hell, Scrooge. *leaves*
Yami Bakura: He seemed nice. *goes off to bed like nothing happened*
~
( Yami Bakura is lying in his bed, hugging a plushie of Bakura? Looks like Kelly got into the prop box again…)
Kelly: *suffering through amnesia* They boil pudding?
Malik: - -; *smacks her with his clipboard again*
Kelly: X_x *crumples to the ground again*
Malik: *throws her over his shoulder* Please continue. *walks off set*
(*shakes head* Right… Anyway, The alarm clock next to his bed opens, revealing a chibi Noah banging a chibi Seto over the head.)
Yami Bakura: Man, I have got some insomnia problems. When are those spirits going to get here, anyway? And why did I set my alarm for 1:00 am?
( A bright little figure flies into the room, dressed in a sparkly white robe and sandals)
Yami: I am the ghost of Christmas pa-
Yami Bakura: *laughing too hard to listen*
Yami: Shut up! Listen to me or you'll be stuck listening to friendship speeches all your afterlife! *growls at his costume* Right, anyway. I am the ghost of Christmas past. C'mere, I'm gonna show you how screwed up your past life was.
Yami Bakura: Kelly didn't happen to fashion that marvelous ensemble for you by chance?
Yami: Shut up or I'll drop you.
Yami Bakura: I know Marik's dead, but when did you die in the series?
Yami: About 3,000 years before TV was invented dumb ass.
Yami Bakura: Ah yes… so then how come I'm not a spirit?
Yami: Am I the narrator? NO! *lands outside a window in the schoolhouse* Alright, look in the window and be miserable.
(Inside, Pegasus is taking a shower. He turns and notice Yami Bakura is looking at him, screams like a girl, and slams shut the shower curtain.)
Yami Bakura: *looks ill* Well, I'm miserable all right.
Yami: Oops…wrong window. *takes the window off the wall, revealing a plain flat wall beneath it, rummages in a sack, and pulls out a different window, which he fits on the wall* there, that should be right.
Yami Bakura: *looks in* Hey! That's me!
( Inside, a young Yami Bakura is looking with wide eyes at everyone dancing. Mai comes over to him and holds up a sprig of mistletoe.)
Mai: Oh Scrooge… sweetums! I'm under the Mistletoe!
Young Yami Bakura: *looks at the Mistletoe, then nonchalantly sets fire to it*
(Outside the window, Yami Bakura chuckles.)
Yami Bakura: Ah, those were the days.
Yami: *is muttering into his hand and sighing* There really may be no hope for you.
Yami Bakura: What, you expected me to get all mushy and cute? Not in this Christmas special, buddy.
Yami: But that's what I'm here for! I'm supposed to show the audience your soft, innocent past self so that they can wonder about what could have been! More to the point, *you're* supposed to wonder about what could've been!
Yami Bakura: I suppose I could have bought a bigger bar…
Yami: That's it! I'm leaving. Good luck to the next spirit! *leaves*
( The background fades and then sharpens, leaving Yami Bakura standing next to his bed.)
Yami Bakura: *looks around* Hmmm. Must've been a dream. *climbs into his bed and is about to go to sleep, when he hears a loud thump outside his bed curtains* What the…
( Outside his bed curtains, Mai is wearing oversized dark green robes, a hollified crown and is being followed around by a hoard of mini Jounouchi chibis that just ran into the wall)
Jounouchi Chibi's: @____@
Mai: *looks over* Hello Scrooge, sweetums… *grits teeth* I'm the Spirit of Christmas Present. *smiles manically as she edges towards the sharp objects*
Yami Bakura: Oh my god…
Mai: Too late for that flame boy! I'm gonna so kill you for that little stunt you pulled at that Christmas party!
Yami Bakura: I didn't mean to burn your hand off it just kinda happened. At least something nice came out of it!
Mai: GRRR! Jounouchi chibis attack!
Jounouchi Chibis: DIE!!! *grab at Yami Bakura's legs and glomp him mercilessly*
Yami Bakura: - -; It's people like you that made me turn to liquor.
Mai: *shrug* Like I care?
Yami Bakura: *sarcastic* So now that you've unleashed your "wrath" - *feels teeth sink into his leg* OW! The mutts bit me! I'd better not get rabies or you'll be working in my bar along with Ryou trying to pay off the lawsuit!
Jounouchi Chibis: *scatter* ^_____^
Mai: ^_^ I feel better now. Come Jounouchi chibis we have business to attend to.
Yami Bakura: Nice seeing you again. Really…
Mai: You're the business you drunken bastard. Come on we're gonna go see what's going on tonight.
Yami Bakura: So you're like a glorified peeping tom?
Jounouchi Chibis: *file into Mai's car*
Mai: Social Butterfly! *shoves Yami Bakura into her car*
Yami Bakura: Since when does this time period have automobiles?
Mai: Since I said it does, now shut up and put your seat belt on.
Yami Bakura: I don't need no dumb seat belt.
Mai: *shrug* Whatever. *goes from 0-90 in a second flat* JOY RIDE!
Yami Bakura: O___________O *thrown backwards into the seat*
~
( Mai stops outside Ryou's House, which is a very dilapidated-looking, obviously fake, cardboard house. Yami Bakura crashes through the front windshield and next to the window.)
Yami Bakura: Ouch… Hey, who's dump is this?
Mai: *Ignores the fact that Yami Bakura should be suffering through much more pain as he just crashed through her car's windshield* Alas…it is the house of your stripper, Ryou. Never thought I'd say those words…
Yami Bakura: Ryou? That bum…he's not supposed to leave work without my permission. He must have run off after I fell asleep. Well, it's double duty for him… and the bunny suit.
Mai: - -; *filling her nails* Just look in the house you dolt.
(Inside the house, a table is set for five. Shizuka is cooking something in a large pot, and there are many little female versions of Shizuka/Ryou running around. Creepy, isn't it?)
Kelly: *woke up again* Malik what's with all the mini Shizuka/Ryou girls? And is Shizuka boiling pudding?
Malik: *doesn't want her to go into a Ryou frenzy* What minis? *smacks her with clipboard*
Kelly: X__x *crumples to the ground*
(Malik stop doing that, she has enough brain damage already.)
Malik: *Sigh* FINE… *throws Kelly over his shoulder and drags her off*
(Where was I? Oh right. Ryou walks through the door.)
Ryou: I'm home!
Shizuka: Welcome home dear! Look, the children are glad to see you!
( Indeed, the Shizuka/Ryou look-alikes are now swarming over to greet him.)
Yami Bakura: It took him that long to get home? What happened, did he get run over by a car?
Chibi #1: Papa, why do you have tire marks on your shirt?
Ryou: Oh, no particular reason, dear…
Yami Bakura: *rolls eyes* Of course.
Mai: *blinks* I think I may have accidentally been the cause of that…
Yami Bakura: You're a danger to society, you know that?
Mai: *shoves his head against the glass window* Well, I'm dead now so I'm not the one who needs to worry about his future! Now pay attention.
Yami Bakura: Harpy…
Mai: *grits teeth* I heard that…
Chibi #2: Papa, mommy bought a whole parrot for Christmas dinner!
Ryou: Wow, dear! We only had a canary last year!
Shizuka: Yes, well, we have Mr. Scrooge to thank for all of this. Thanks to that raise he gave you! *forced smile* He's such a NICE man.
Yami Bakura: *raises eyebrow* I never gave him a raise…
Ryou: Yes, that's right…the raiiise…*looks around shiftily*
Chibi #1: Papa's scaring me, Momma.
Shizuka: Don't worry, he gets like this sometimes. *whacks Bakura over the head*
Ryou: Ow! *looks around confused* Where am I again?
Shizuka: And there you go.
Ryou: *snaps out of it* Ah, and where is Tiny Tim?
Shizuka: Poor boy. He's so dreadfully ill. But even though he's so sick, it didn't stop him from challenging random school bullies on the street to Duel Monster's games.
Ryou: *sniff* My brave, brave son.
Yugi: *comes out, leaning on a crutch* Papa's home! *falls over*
(What the hell did Kelly do to him?! I thought he was just suffering through a bruised spleen?!)
Ryou: This is Kelly we're talking about. The same girl who caused my ears to bleed and wrapped my face up in linen cloths so I almost suffocated. God only knows what she did to him.
(Good point… She'll do anything to get into that nurse suit… ANYWAY back to the mutilated story at hand.)
Yami Bakura: Is he *sure* that's his son? It looks like the woman was having an affair with someone…
Mai: Do you want my puppies to bite you again?
Jounouchi Chibis: *fighting over cookies in the back seat of Mai's car* Grrr…
Yami Bakura: - -; I miss Yami…
Ryou: Hello, my dear Tiny Tim. How are you feeling today?
Yugi: Oh, just peachy…
Mai: If this family doesn't get more money and fast, I can see and empty seat where Tiny Tim once…sat.
Yami Bakura: Oh, you mean he'll stand instead?
Mai: NO! He'll be DEAD! DEAD! DEAD YOU DOLT! ERG! *grabs a cigarette from her robe* My god…
Yami Bakura: *unfazed* How depressing. Anything happy and cheerful you want to show me?
Mai: *sucks in the fumes* Do we really want another showering Pegasus riff?
Yami Bakura: Dear lord, no.
Mai: Then I'm pretty much done. *takes another puff*
Yami Bakura: Smoking's bad for you, you know.
Mai: Like I'm going to take advice from an alcoholic… see ya.
( Mai, the Jounouchi Chibi's, and her car disappears in a puff of smoke, which grows to a very large puff, and eventually takes up the entire town.)
Yami Bakura: See? *cough* I told her smoking was hazardous to her health. *looks around* And she forgot to take me home too. How am I going to find my way home in this mess?
Shrouded Figure: You aren't going home right now, Scrooge. You're coming with me…
Yami Bakura: Who are you? And why are you talking? You aren't supposed to talk!
Shrouded Figure: …*raises its hand and points*
Yami Bakura: Oh, so *now* you remember the rules.
Shrouded Figure: *gives Yami Bakura the finger, then goes on with it's silent pointing*
Yami Bakura: Somehow I get the idea that you want me to go down there, where you're pointing. Is there a real good bar there that I don't know about? I could use a margarita.
Shrouded Figure: *points*
Yami Bakura: Aw, screw it. *goes off* Hmmm...gravestones. Let's see. 'Here lies dear old Fred. A great big rock fell on his head.'
Shrouded Figure: *pulls out a map and inspects it, then points in a different direction*
Yami Bakura: 'Here lies the body of Old John Mound. Lost at sea and never found.'
Shrouded Figure: *stomps its foot*
(*Hands the Shrouded Figure a specially made Rishid map* Magic crayons make all the difference.)
Shrouded Figure: *nods then grabs Yami Bakura and drags him to a different tombstone, shoving his head an inch from the inscription*
Yami Bakura: Hmmm…Here lies Tiny Tim. Well, that's not…Tiny Tim? The little weird-haired boy I saw at Bakura's place? He's dead?
Shrouded Figure: *nods*
Yami Bakura: *sarcastic* Oh… darn… *blink* He didn't by chance put me in his will as the new heir to the Sennen puzzle did he?
Shrouded Figure: - -; *drags Yami Bakura to another gravestone, far at the end of the graveyard*
Yami Bakura: And whose lonely grave is this? *looks closer* It's mine?
( The shrouded figure pulls off its hood, revealing Tea underneath it.)
Tea: Yes, Scrooge…now you must listen to me forever!
Yami Bakura: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
( Yami Bakura backs up, then falls in the empty grave. He falls and falls and falls and falls and falls…*hits herself and jump-starts* and lands in his bed. Falling dreams suck, don't they?)
Yami Bakura: *gasping* That was absolutely horrible! Tea… *shudder*
Tea: *pops into his curtains* Hi Yami Bakura!
Yami Bakura: AGH!
(Double dreams suck, don't they?)
Yami Bakura: *gasping* I just had a horrible dream! Now I must change my ways, even though technically, I still believe it was a dream, though on the off-chance that it was real, I'll change my ways! I really don't want to listen to friendship speeches for eternity!
( He jumps off the bed and dresses quickly, then rushes out the door. On the way he gives Mokuba some money, donates more money to Kelly's and Malik's charity…)
Kelly: I made you pudding, you Communist Bastard, Mr. Scrooge! ^-^
Malik: Can I please?
(Yeah fine.)
Malik: *smacks Kelly over the head with clipboard*
Kelly: Darn it… X_x *crumples to the ground*
Malik: *throws Kelly over his shoulder* Oddly satisfying… *walks off set*
( … And Yami Bakura rushes in the store to buy stuff for Ryou's family. He then goes to Ryou's House, which looks just as fake and dilapidated, and knocks the door.)
Ryou: I don't want any statues of Hillary Duff being decapitated!
Yami Bakura: *makes his voice really stern* It's me!
( A loud crashing sound is heard from inside , along with screams of 'Hide the china!')
Ryou: *opens the door* Um…hello Mr. Scrooge sir. I know you didn't technically allow me to be off work today, but if you-
Yami Bakura: SILENCE!
Ryou: *meekly* Yes-sir.
Yami Bakura: I have had quite enough of you and your slacking! Therefore…I have no choice but to… SPANK YOU!
Ryou: What?!
Yami Bakura: Oops…I meant, I have no choice but to give you a raise! And make you my official partner!
Ryou: Do you really mean it, sir, or are you suffering from another hangover?
Yami Bakura: *about to say no, but thinks of Tea* Yes. I really, REALLY mean it. And my hangover is no concern of yours.
Ryou: Oh, joy!
Yugi: *runs up, and then trips and falls on the floor* God bless us, every one…
( The scene closes out with a bunch of fake snow, which the Scapegoat police and Chibi Jounouchi's are shaking out of a jug while perched on the roof of Ryou's house, which is still really fake and really cardboard.)
YnKN: … I have no idea why I wrote this and your regularly scheduled chapter of Fantasy will be back next week.
Kelly: *about to open her mouth*
Malik: *smacks her with clipboard*
Kelly *crumples to the ground* X_x
YnKN: Hee hee hee… I now see the joy in running gags…
Yami no Kelly Noel
December 21, 2003
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~
A/n:
(Completely out of nowhere, the set is suddenly changed to Dickens 'A Christmas Carol' set.)
Malik: Oh come on! I mean, really…this idea has been done and done and done…
Yami no Bakura: And it just refuses to die!
Yami no Yugi: Be silent! You have no Christmas spirit! And at least we aren't in that virtual world anymore.
Yugi: At least 'til after Christmas.
YnKN: That's right you slackers. It's against my better judgment, but my Hikari has persuaded me into have a Christmas chapter.
Shadi: 'cuse me flashback guy coming through! *plugs in big screen TV and shoves a tape into VCR*
(flashback)
YnKN: You wouldn't dare!
Kelly: I would, I could, and I will if no Holiday break is in this story! *holding YnKN's Seto Plushie in a threatening manner*
YnKN: Alright! Alright! Just put the Seto plushie down nice and slow and you'll get a dumb Christmas chapter!
(end flashback)
Malik: So I'm suffering because you didn't want to lose a SETO PLUSHIE?!
YnKN: *snuggles Seto plushie* Yup! Now deal with it.
Malik: Grr…
YnBakura: I have no idea what you're complaining about. I'm the one stuck starring in this thing…
YnKN: From this point on Yami no Bakura will be known as Yami Bakura, Yami no Yugi as Yami, Bakura as Ryou, Yami no Malik as Marik and I think that's about all the name changes… Oh and the yami's are separated from the Hikari's.
Kelly: YAY! *runs over and glomps Ryou*
Ryou: -_-;
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~
( The scene is at an obviously fake cardboard bar, with a sign that says: Bakura and Marik)
(Yugi: Old Marik was dead. Dead as a doornail. No one could be deader than him. There was absolutely nothing quite as dead as old Marik. Not even the Kame Game shop's pet turtle mascot, which had been out on the porch since last July. No, nothing else possessed a dead quality that was-)
Marik: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
(You shut up! I'm obligated to talk!)
Marik: Why you little- *tackles Yugi*
(Agh my spleen! *passes out*)
Marik: I call narrator!
YnKN: You can't! Your supposed to be Bakura' dead partner!
Marik: Screw that! Let Malik be the dead bastard.
Malik: But see, I lack one important quality to be Bakura's dead partner.
Marik: What's that?
Malik: I'M NOT DEAD!
Marik: Oh and I am?
Malik: Well, on Japanese television you are.
Marik: FINE! *storms off set*
YnKN: So this leaves us with one problem. We no longer have a narrator.
Kelly: Oh oh! Pick me pick me! I read a Dickens' Christmas Carol! PLEASE!
YnKN: - -; Alright fine…
(Kelly: YAY! Um… and now we uh… what happens next?)
YnKN: You told me you read this!
(Kelly: Well, sure I read it, but I don't remember any of it!)
YnKN: Forget it! I'll be narrator!
Kelly: Aw…
(YnKN: Silence! Now with that happy beginning we take you to Bakura's and Marik's Bank-)
Yami Bakura: *adjusting his spectacles* It's a bar!
( *throws script up in the air* Fine! Whatever! Why not mutilate the story further?! Bakura's BAAAAAAAR…)
Kelly: *tending to Yugi in her nurse outfit* I think she's lost it.
Yugi: Did she ever really have it to begin with?
Ryou: *dressed in a playboy bunny girl outfit and frantically flipping through Dickens' a Christmas Carol* Um…I thought it was supposed to be a bank. And why am I always in girl's clothing?
Yami Bakura: Why the heck would I want a bank? Especially when I can have a strip club! It's a good thing that that Marik guy finally kicked the bucket. Now I don't have to split any of the money! And project Ring hasn't hunted us down yet so until then you will wear whatever I tell you to!
Ryou: *sigh* Riiight.
Yami Bakura: Now strip!
Ryou: Um , I was thinking-
Yami Bakura: That's not in your contract.
Ryou: Sometimes I can't help it. It sneaks up on you. Like fungi... Anyway, since tomorrow is Christmas…
(Suddenly, an enormous squad of tiny police cars pull up, lights flashing and sirens going. Scapegoat in police suits pour out of the cars and line up, glaring at Bakura.)
Blue Scapegoat: How dare you mention Christmas?!
Ryou: *shaken* What?
Red Scapegoat: Have you forgotten all the other holidays? We're going to get nasty reviews from members of other religions! We don't want them to be offended! Either state all the holidays…OR NONE AT ALL!
Ryou: *stammers*
Pink Scapegoat: People will FLAME YOU! Do you know what this does to publicity? Start over! And despite popular belief I'm not a girl!
( The squad of cars drive out.)
Ryou: Um… Since it is…Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukah, Winter Solstice…*goes on*
( An hour passes. )
Ryou: -and Kelly's feast celebration of plotting Hillary Duff's execution all in this general month, I was wondering if I could have the day off tomorrow?
Yami Bakura: *passed out on the floor* Zzzz… *snores*
Ryou: Wow. He fell asleep! Better escape before he comes to! *runs out*
(He'll be back…)
Ryou: *runs back in* Forgot my coat… ^^; *runs back out*
(A few hours later, Yami Bakura is still passed out on the floor, dead to the world, immobile, unable to speak or otherwise communicate, lying as a tapir on the floor, as out as a-)
Audience: GET ON WITH IT!
( Right. Yami Bakura is still lying asleep on the floor, the lazy bum, and two charity workers arrive, with impeccably poor timing, at the doorstop.)
Kelly: *pounding on the door* OPEN UP, YOU RYOU ENSLAVING COMMUNIST SCUM!
Malik: *rolling his eyes* Can you feel the Christmas spirit?
Yami Bakura: *awakes with a snort* Who's there? I swear I have no illegal drugs in this bar! And whatever I did, I didn't do it!
Kelly: We are here to steal your filthy, drug-infested money, to give it to poor people who will most likely spend it on booze and other drugs, thereby continuing the vicious, moth-eaten cycle that is our society! And save Ryou from women's clothing, I'm with project ring you know!
Malik: She means that we're taking donations to help the homeless. And she's not with project ring.
Kelly: Sure… Allow the Ryou torture to go on!
Yami Bakura: They should ban you people.
Malik: They should also ban Yugi's hairstyle, but we don't see that happening, do we?
Yami Bakura: I wouldn't ad-lib too much if I were you.
Malik: I'll try to keep that in mind. Now, about these donations…
Yami Bakura: Everyone who likes Christmas should be impaled with mistletoe and be boiled in their own pudding. Furthermore, they should be hacked apart, ripped limb from limb, squashed into a kind of quivering, bloody jelly, and then force-fed to a Santa Claus doll.
Kelly: *looks at Malik* They boil pudding?
Malik: - -; *knocks Kelly out with his clipboard*
Kelly: X_x *crumples to the ground*
Malik: Sorry about that sir. *throws Kelly over his shoulder*
Yami Bakura: I was tempted to do it myself.
Malik: So we'll put you down for a fruitcake, then?
Yami Bakura: Sure. *slams the door*
( Yami Bakura has just sat down to count his many articles of lingerie…)
Yami Bakura: MONEY! I'm counting my money!
( *cough* Right. His money. How could I have mistaken that as Anzu's Hello Kitty Panties?)
Yami Bakura: *blink* I feel incredibly sickened…
(-when another knock on the door interrupts him. )
Yami Bakura: *opens the door* What do you want?
Mokuba: I'm gonna sing you a few carols, while looking disgustingly cute. ^_____________^
Yami Bakura: Do you *want* a wreath slammed over your head?
Mokuba: …No sir.
Yami Bakura: Then I suggest you leave. *slams the door*
Mokuba: At least he didn't call me Moky! *skips off to sing carols and look disgustingly cute for someone else*
Malik: *blink* So what do I do with Kelly?
(If its as bad as Noah's, Mokuba's singing would probably bring her back to consciousness.)
Malik: *chases after Mokuba* Mokuba come back!
~
(After that, Scrooge fell to drinking half his alcohol supply, until he felt nice and warm and fuzzy. Then he decided to walk home.)
Yami Bakura: *singing* How dry I am…how dry I am…Oh no one knows…how dry I am… ^_^
(Then, he slammed straight into the door of his house)
Yami Bakura: &@#$!
(*snickers* And after rubbing his stinging face, began to turn the doorknob)
Yami Bakura: *grumbling* What a stupid day this was. It's worse than when someone decided to put the Kami Game Shop's pet mascot turtle on top of my cocktail machine…
(Suddenly, the doorknocker transforms into Marik's head, and he glares at Yami Bakura.)
Yami Bakura: *gasps* It's old…old…um…I forgot. What's his name?
Marik: You bastard. My name is only all over our bank!
Yami Bakura: It's a bar now. ^_^
Marik: Have you no morals?
Yami Bakura: Mor-what?
Marik: Shut up! I'm gonna say your name all dramatic-like! Alright! Scroooooooge…*disappears*
Yami Bakura: That was weird. And since when is my name Scrooge?
(We keep switching back and forth now get into your freaking house.)
Yami Bakura: Who died and made you narrator?
(Well Yugi's dealing with a bruised spleen and Malik knocked Kelly out.)
Yami Bakura: Well at least something good came out of this.
(And with those words of astounding redundancy, Scrooge made his way into his house.)
~
(Yami Bakura is sitting on an enormous, stuffed, paisley chair. He smokes a bubble pipe and is wearing a fluffy white bathrobe, blue and white vertically stripped pajamas, and pink bunny slippers.)
Yami Bakura: Darn it, I'm sober again. And just when I was used to seeing little pink elephants.
Pink elephant: What are you talking about, we're always here.
Yami Bakura: Shut up! Shut up and die! *shoots the elephant and glares around the room* Anyone *else* want to venture an opinion?
( All the pink elephants shake their heads.)
Yami Bakura: Excellent. *replaces bubble pipe in his mouth*
( The clock strikes twelve with an eerie echoing sound.)
Yami Bakura: Ah, the Eerie Echoing Clock. Must be time to go to bed.
( The ghost of Marik slides through the room, draped in chains made out of iron beer bottles)
Yami Malik: Scrooooge…
Yami Bakura: Oh for the love of… not again! I didn't even get drunk this time! It's not fair… just not fair! And why do you insist on calling me Scrooge? You don't even say it right!
Yami Malik: Shut up and listen. It is I, the ghost of your partner Marik. I wear these chains as punishment for all the drinking I did in my past life. If you continue your way of grumpiness and alcoholism, you will have to wear even more chains than me when you die.
Yami Bakura: Are they full bottles?
Yami Malik: No. And, even worse than that, you'll have TEA'S friendship speeches repeated endlessly in your head.
Yami Bakura: Dear lord, NO! At least Anzu doesn't do the rants, but TEA? What can I do to prevent this?
Yami Malik: Well, I'm gonna send you three spirits to help you on your way…because I can think of no better alternative. Although it should be obvious that you should change your ways and not need any more advice.
Yami Bakura: Spirits you say? Like wine?
Yami Malik: You're a moron. Just for that, I'm going to get the three most annoying spirits I know. See you in Hell, Scrooge. *leaves*
Yami Bakura: He seemed nice. *goes off to bed like nothing happened*
~
( Yami Bakura is lying in his bed, hugging a plushie of Bakura? Looks like Kelly got into the prop box again…)
Kelly: *suffering through amnesia* They boil pudding?
Malik: - -; *smacks her with his clipboard again*
Kelly: X_x *crumples to the ground again*
Malik: *throws her over his shoulder* Please continue. *walks off set*
(*shakes head* Right… Anyway, The alarm clock next to his bed opens, revealing a chibi Noah banging a chibi Seto over the head.)
Yami Bakura: Man, I have got some insomnia problems. When are those spirits going to get here, anyway? And why did I set my alarm for 1:00 am?
( A bright little figure flies into the room, dressed in a sparkly white robe and sandals)
Yami: I am the ghost of Christmas pa-
Yami Bakura: *laughing too hard to listen*
Yami: Shut up! Listen to me or you'll be stuck listening to friendship speeches all your afterlife! *growls at his costume* Right, anyway. I am the ghost of Christmas past. C'mere, I'm gonna show you how screwed up your past life was.
Yami Bakura: Kelly didn't happen to fashion that marvelous ensemble for you by chance?
Yami: Shut up or I'll drop you.
Yami Bakura: I know Marik's dead, but when did you die in the series?
Yami: About 3,000 years before TV was invented dumb ass.
Yami Bakura: Ah yes… so then how come I'm not a spirit?
Yami: Am I the narrator? NO! *lands outside a window in the schoolhouse* Alright, look in the window and be miserable.
(Inside, Pegasus is taking a shower. He turns and notice Yami Bakura is looking at him, screams like a girl, and slams shut the shower curtain.)
Yami Bakura: *looks ill* Well, I'm miserable all right.
Yami: Oops…wrong window. *takes the window off the wall, revealing a plain flat wall beneath it, rummages in a sack, and pulls out a different window, which he fits on the wall* there, that should be right.
Yami Bakura: *looks in* Hey! That's me!
( Inside, a young Yami Bakura is looking with wide eyes at everyone dancing. Mai comes over to him and holds up a sprig of mistletoe.)
Mai: Oh Scrooge… sweetums! I'm under the Mistletoe!
Young Yami Bakura: *looks at the Mistletoe, then nonchalantly sets fire to it*
(Outside the window, Yami Bakura chuckles.)
Yami Bakura: Ah, those were the days.
Yami: *is muttering into his hand and sighing* There really may be no hope for you.
Yami Bakura: What, you expected me to get all mushy and cute? Not in this Christmas special, buddy.
Yami: But that's what I'm here for! I'm supposed to show the audience your soft, innocent past self so that they can wonder about what could have been! More to the point, *you're* supposed to wonder about what could've been!
Yami Bakura: I suppose I could have bought a bigger bar…
Yami: That's it! I'm leaving. Good luck to the next spirit! *leaves*
( The background fades and then sharpens, leaving Yami Bakura standing next to his bed.)
Yami Bakura: *looks around* Hmmm. Must've been a dream. *climbs into his bed and is about to go to sleep, when he hears a loud thump outside his bed curtains* What the…
( Outside his bed curtains, Mai is wearing oversized dark green robes, a hollified crown and is being followed around by a hoard of mini Jounouchi chibis that just ran into the wall)
Jounouchi Chibi's: @____@
Mai: *looks over* Hello Scrooge, sweetums… *grits teeth* I'm the Spirit of Christmas Present. *smiles manically as she edges towards the sharp objects*
Yami Bakura: Oh my god…
Mai: Too late for that flame boy! I'm gonna so kill you for that little stunt you pulled at that Christmas party!
Yami Bakura: I didn't mean to burn your hand off it just kinda happened. At least something nice came out of it!
Mai: GRRR! Jounouchi chibis attack!
Jounouchi Chibis: DIE!!! *grab at Yami Bakura's legs and glomp him mercilessly*
Yami Bakura: - -; It's people like you that made me turn to liquor.
Mai: *shrug* Like I care?
Yami Bakura: *sarcastic* So now that you've unleashed your "wrath" - *feels teeth sink into his leg* OW! The mutts bit me! I'd better not get rabies or you'll be working in my bar along with Ryou trying to pay off the lawsuit!
Jounouchi Chibis: *scatter* ^_____^
Mai: ^_^ I feel better now. Come Jounouchi chibis we have business to attend to.
Yami Bakura: Nice seeing you again. Really…
Mai: You're the business you drunken bastard. Come on we're gonna go see what's going on tonight.
Yami Bakura: So you're like a glorified peeping tom?
Jounouchi Chibis: *file into Mai's car*
Mai: Social Butterfly! *shoves Yami Bakura into her car*
Yami Bakura: Since when does this time period have automobiles?
Mai: Since I said it does, now shut up and put your seat belt on.
Yami Bakura: I don't need no dumb seat belt.
Mai: *shrug* Whatever. *goes from 0-90 in a second flat* JOY RIDE!
Yami Bakura: O___________O *thrown backwards into the seat*
~
( Mai stops outside Ryou's House, which is a very dilapidated-looking, obviously fake, cardboard house. Yami Bakura crashes through the front windshield and next to the window.)
Yami Bakura: Ouch… Hey, who's dump is this?
Mai: *Ignores the fact that Yami Bakura should be suffering through much more pain as he just crashed through her car's windshield* Alas…it is the house of your stripper, Ryou. Never thought I'd say those words…
Yami Bakura: Ryou? That bum…he's not supposed to leave work without my permission. He must have run off after I fell asleep. Well, it's double duty for him… and the bunny suit.
Mai: - -; *filling her nails* Just look in the house you dolt.
(Inside the house, a table is set for five. Shizuka is cooking something in a large pot, and there are many little female versions of Shizuka/Ryou running around. Creepy, isn't it?)
Kelly: *woke up again* Malik what's with all the mini Shizuka/Ryou girls? And is Shizuka boiling pudding?
Malik: *doesn't want her to go into a Ryou frenzy* What minis? *smacks her with clipboard*
Kelly: X__x *crumples to the ground*
(Malik stop doing that, she has enough brain damage already.)
Malik: *Sigh* FINE… *throws Kelly over his shoulder and drags her off*
(Where was I? Oh right. Ryou walks through the door.)
Ryou: I'm home!
Shizuka: Welcome home dear! Look, the children are glad to see you!
( Indeed, the Shizuka/Ryou look-alikes are now swarming over to greet him.)
Yami Bakura: It took him that long to get home? What happened, did he get run over by a car?
Chibi #1: Papa, why do you have tire marks on your shirt?
Ryou: Oh, no particular reason, dear…
Yami Bakura: *rolls eyes* Of course.
Mai: *blinks* I think I may have accidentally been the cause of that…
Yami Bakura: You're a danger to society, you know that?
Mai: *shoves his head against the glass window* Well, I'm dead now so I'm not the one who needs to worry about his future! Now pay attention.
Yami Bakura: Harpy…
Mai: *grits teeth* I heard that…
Chibi #2: Papa, mommy bought a whole parrot for Christmas dinner!
Ryou: Wow, dear! We only had a canary last year!
Shizuka: Yes, well, we have Mr. Scrooge to thank for all of this. Thanks to that raise he gave you! *forced smile* He's such a NICE man.
Yami Bakura: *raises eyebrow* I never gave him a raise…
Ryou: Yes, that's right…the raiiise…*looks around shiftily*
Chibi #1: Papa's scaring me, Momma.
Shizuka: Don't worry, he gets like this sometimes. *whacks Bakura over the head*
Ryou: Ow! *looks around confused* Where am I again?
Shizuka: And there you go.
Ryou: *snaps out of it* Ah, and where is Tiny Tim?
Shizuka: Poor boy. He's so dreadfully ill. But even though he's so sick, it didn't stop him from challenging random school bullies on the street to Duel Monster's games.
Ryou: *sniff* My brave, brave son.
Yugi: *comes out, leaning on a crutch* Papa's home! *falls over*
(What the hell did Kelly do to him?! I thought he was just suffering through a bruised spleen?!)
Ryou: This is Kelly we're talking about. The same girl who caused my ears to bleed and wrapped my face up in linen cloths so I almost suffocated. God only knows what she did to him.
(Good point… She'll do anything to get into that nurse suit… ANYWAY back to the mutilated story at hand.)
Yami Bakura: Is he *sure* that's his son? It looks like the woman was having an affair with someone…
Mai: Do you want my puppies to bite you again?
Jounouchi Chibis: *fighting over cookies in the back seat of Mai's car* Grrr…
Yami Bakura: - -; I miss Yami…
Ryou: Hello, my dear Tiny Tim. How are you feeling today?
Yugi: Oh, just peachy…
Mai: If this family doesn't get more money and fast, I can see and empty seat where Tiny Tim once…sat.
Yami Bakura: Oh, you mean he'll stand instead?
Mai: NO! He'll be DEAD! DEAD! DEAD YOU DOLT! ERG! *grabs a cigarette from her robe* My god…
Yami Bakura: *unfazed* How depressing. Anything happy and cheerful you want to show me?
Mai: *sucks in the fumes* Do we really want another showering Pegasus riff?
Yami Bakura: Dear lord, no.
Mai: Then I'm pretty much done. *takes another puff*
Yami Bakura: Smoking's bad for you, you know.
Mai: Like I'm going to take advice from an alcoholic… see ya.
( Mai, the Jounouchi Chibi's, and her car disappears in a puff of smoke, which grows to a very large puff, and eventually takes up the entire town.)
Yami Bakura: See? *cough* I told her smoking was hazardous to her health. *looks around* And she forgot to take me home too. How am I going to find my way home in this mess?
Shrouded Figure: You aren't going home right now, Scrooge. You're coming with me…
Yami Bakura: Who are you? And why are you talking? You aren't supposed to talk!
Shrouded Figure: …*raises its hand and points*
Yami Bakura: Oh, so *now* you remember the rules.
Shrouded Figure: *gives Yami Bakura the finger, then goes on with it's silent pointing*
Yami Bakura: Somehow I get the idea that you want me to go down there, where you're pointing. Is there a real good bar there that I don't know about? I could use a margarita.
Shrouded Figure: *points*
Yami Bakura: Aw, screw it. *goes off* Hmmm...gravestones. Let's see. 'Here lies dear old Fred. A great big rock fell on his head.'
Shrouded Figure: *pulls out a map and inspects it, then points in a different direction*
Yami Bakura: 'Here lies the body of Old John Mound. Lost at sea and never found.'
Shrouded Figure: *stomps its foot*
(*Hands the Shrouded Figure a specially made Rishid map* Magic crayons make all the difference.)
Shrouded Figure: *nods then grabs Yami Bakura and drags him to a different tombstone, shoving his head an inch from the inscription*
Yami Bakura: Hmmm…Here lies Tiny Tim. Well, that's not…Tiny Tim? The little weird-haired boy I saw at Bakura's place? He's dead?
Shrouded Figure: *nods*
Yami Bakura: *sarcastic* Oh… darn… *blink* He didn't by chance put me in his will as the new heir to the Sennen puzzle did he?
Shrouded Figure: - -; *drags Yami Bakura to another gravestone, far at the end of the graveyard*
Yami Bakura: And whose lonely grave is this? *looks closer* It's mine?
( The shrouded figure pulls off its hood, revealing Tea underneath it.)
Tea: Yes, Scrooge…now you must listen to me forever!
Yami Bakura: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
( Yami Bakura backs up, then falls in the empty grave. He falls and falls and falls and falls and falls…*hits herself and jump-starts* and lands in his bed. Falling dreams suck, don't they?)
Yami Bakura: *gasping* That was absolutely horrible! Tea… *shudder*
Tea: *pops into his curtains* Hi Yami Bakura!
Yami Bakura: AGH!
(Double dreams suck, don't they?)
Yami Bakura: *gasping* I just had a horrible dream! Now I must change my ways, even though technically, I still believe it was a dream, though on the off-chance that it was real, I'll change my ways! I really don't want to listen to friendship speeches for eternity!
( He jumps off the bed and dresses quickly, then rushes out the door. On the way he gives Mokuba some money, donates more money to Kelly's and Malik's charity…)
Kelly: I made you pudding, you Communist Bastard, Mr. Scrooge! ^-^
Malik: Can I please?
(Yeah fine.)
Malik: *smacks Kelly over the head with clipboard*
Kelly: Darn it… X_x *crumples to the ground*
Malik: *throws Kelly over his shoulder* Oddly satisfying… *walks off set*
( … And Yami Bakura rushes in the store to buy stuff for Ryou's family. He then goes to Ryou's House, which looks just as fake and dilapidated, and knocks the door.)
Ryou: I don't want any statues of Hillary Duff being decapitated!
Yami Bakura: *makes his voice really stern* It's me!
( A loud crashing sound is heard from inside , along with screams of 'Hide the china!')
Ryou: *opens the door* Um…hello Mr. Scrooge sir. I know you didn't technically allow me to be off work today, but if you-
Yami Bakura: SILENCE!
Ryou: *meekly* Yes-sir.
Yami Bakura: I have had quite enough of you and your slacking! Therefore…I have no choice but to… SPANK YOU!
Ryou: What?!
Yami Bakura: Oops…I meant, I have no choice but to give you a raise! And make you my official partner!
Ryou: Do you really mean it, sir, or are you suffering from another hangover?
Yami Bakura: *about to say no, but thinks of Tea* Yes. I really, REALLY mean it. And my hangover is no concern of yours.
Ryou: Oh, joy!
Yugi: *runs up, and then trips and falls on the floor* God bless us, every one…
( The scene closes out with a bunch of fake snow, which the Scapegoat police and Chibi Jounouchi's are shaking out of a jug while perched on the roof of Ryou's house, which is still really fake and really cardboard.)
YnKN: … I have no idea why I wrote this and your regularly scheduled chapter of Fantasy will be back next week.
Kelly: *about to open her mouth*
Malik: *smacks her with clipboard*
Kelly *crumples to the ground* X_x
YnKN: Hee hee hee… I now see the joy in running gags…