~~Hakkai~~

            As we head out from the small town, with Sanzo allowing me to drive once more, I make a resolution to myself.  The thoughts which have been provoking me these past two days will not disorient me completely.  When I have the time, and the opportunity to reflect on them without being a hazard to the others, then and only then will I do so.

            With that resolution firmly in my mind, we are well on our way to the next town.

            "Ne, Sanzo," begins Goku from the back seat.  "Harahetta…"

            Gojyo saves Sanzo the trouble of whacking him.  "Urusai, bakasaru.  You ate just an hour ago!  And that was no small meal for any of us!"

            I laugh a little at their antics, and I notice Sanzo eyeing me with a raised eyebrow.  "That was quite a meal, if I do say so," I added.  "Besides, there won't be another town for a day and a half."

            "Which means no hogging the food Hakkai bought in town, saru!" Gojyo commented, kicking Goku's hand from the bag in the trunk.

            "Ero kappa!"

            *Whap!*

            I smile, keeping my focus on the road ahead.

~~Gojyo~~

            Well, Hakkai certainly seems better.  I guess that sleep and then the food did him some good, but still…he was almost unusually quiet during lunch.  *sigh*  I can't help but worry about him.  He's hardly talked to me at all in the past two days, and Sanzo seems to be being really protective of him…I wonder if something more is going on there…Haha! Yeah, right, Gojyo!  You stupid kappa….

            "Ow, bakasaru!  Get your monkey feet off me!"

            "Then make room, ero kappa!"

            "You didn't need that much room before we got to that town, midget!"

            "Maybe I grew, akai [1] gokiburi [2]!"

            And now I'm staring down the barrel of Sanzo's gun.  Gee, how many times have I seen that sight?

            "Shut up.  Both of you," he tells us, with an odd amount of calmness in his voice.

 #####AN: since I hate it when ppl translate things at the end, and I have to scroll up and down and up and down…I'm going to translate a bit here.

            [1] akai – red

            [2] gokiburi – cockroach

            And now, on with the story! ######

            I shut up.  He's freaky when he's that calm about it…  It gives me the willies just thinkin' about it.  The saru apparently is freaked every bit as much as me, and we find some kind of compromise without speaking, so as not to risk having our heads blown off.

            Hakkai just chuckles softly.

            Yeah, he seems more like normal…except that he's still being almost too quiet.  I shrug it off…maybe he's just in a quiet mood or something……and has been for the past two days…  *sigh*  Who am I kidding?  Something's definitely up with this guy, and it's pissing me off that I'm the only one who seems to give a fuck.  Either that or I'm the only one who notices…the saru probably wouldn't know a change in anyone but Sanzo, and even then I doubt he'd notice subtle ones.  He'd practically have to get hit over the head before he'd notice.  I know Sanzo knows something's up with him, based on our earlier conversation.  He knows it, he just doesn't seem to give a damn.  And that's what pisses me off.

            I pull a cigarette and my lighter out of my pocket, deciding I need a smoke.  I take the first long drag and hold it in as long as I can before releasing it into the passing air.

            The monkey lets out a little snore.  Great.  Now I can't even argue with him to pass the time, which leaves me with my thoughts.

            A few hours later we're setting up camp in a clearing inside a small patch of forest. 

            "Sanzo, harahetta…" the saru whines, his stomach confirming his statement.

            "The sooner the tent is set up, the sooner you eat, bakasaru," is Sanzo's reply.

            "Yeah, so get to helping Hakkai, bakasaru," I add, taking a drag off a fresh cigarette.

            "Why don't you help him yourself, ero kappa?"

            "Cuz I'm going for firewood," I reply, and with that, I head into the forest.

            "Don't go too deep, Gojyo," Hakkai calls after me.  "Just in case…"

            I nod.  He doesn't need to finish.  Just in case there's an attack.

~~Hakkai~~

            Goku does help me set up the tent, and we finish just a few minutes before Gojyo returns with a hefty armload of wood.

            "Alright, let's get this party started," the redhead says as he tosses the wood to the ground.  "I'm pretty hungry myself."

            With an irritated "Che," Sanzo lights the fire as I retrieve some food from the sack which was set inside the tent.

            I start the cooking, the painful smile still on my lips, never wavering.  From behind me, I can sense Gojyo eyeing the amount of food.

            "Think that'll be enough for the bottomless pit saru?" he asks, sitting down beside me.

            "Probably not," I say, keeping my attention on the cooking.  "But we have to make what we have last.  It'll be about another day until we get to the next town, and according to the map, it's not a very large one."

            "So how far is the next big one where we can really restock?" the half-breed asks me.

            "About three days from here, two, from the small town," I reply.

            He sighs.

            I hear Goku whine at learning he'll have to eat light for a few days, followed nearly immedately by the whap! of Sanzo's paper fan across the young one's head. 

            I laugh litely.  "Ma, ma, it'll be alright, Goku.  The next large town is probably the biggest we've been to yet, so we'll have plenty of opportunity to stock up on food," I tell him gently.

            The youngest compainion seems comforted by this and proceeds to wait patiently for me to finish with the cooking.

            We sit around the fire silently, Gojyo and Sanzo taking the time to have a smoke, and within a few minutes, I'm handing them their portion of dinner for the night.

            Goku eyes it, appearing to be disappointed.  "There's no way this'll be enough," he half-whines.  But he looks up at me with a smile.  "It sure does look good though," he grins as he begins to eat.

            I smile and take my time with mine, feeding a few bites to Hakuryuu, making sure that he too is fed.

            Goku is, of course, the first to finish, followed closely by Gojyo.  I can't help but think how alike they can be at times.  My gaze settles on the redhead and Sanzo's words float back to my mind.  …if he knew how often you lie to him…

            Does he know?  Of the three of my companions, he knows me better than the others, but does he know me well enough to see through the mask?  I glance at Goku…  It was he who brought it to Sanzo's attention…does that mean that Sanzo honestly hadn't seen through it until then?  And if someone who knows as little about me as Goku can see that my expression and the emotion in my eyes don't match, what of someone as close to me as Gojyo?

            Gojyo…I don't want to hurt you…you're too important to me.  That's why I hide the sometimes terrible thoughts that cross through my mind from you.  Even though you're the only one who can truly cheer me up on those rainy nights, I still can't tell you everything…

            I laugh softly to myself, thinking how ironic it is that the very person I owe my life to, the only person who really knows me, is the one I keep most from.  But I do it to protect him…to protect him from the terror I once was, and for all I know may someday be once again.

            Once Sanzo and I are finished, I gather the dishes.  "I saw a stream not far from here, so I'm going to wash the dishes.  I won't be long," I tell them cheerfully.

            Please, no one follow me…leave me to my thoughts…

~~Gojyo~~

             Oh no you don't.  You're not going alone, Hakkai.

            "Wait up, I'll help," I volunteer, running after him into the woods.

            It isn't long before I catch up with him, but he seems like he's in a hurry to leave me behind.

            "Hey…Hakkai…wait up," I call after him again.  This time, he slows his pace for me.

            I wonder if I should confront him…now that we're away from the ears of the others.  I guess it couldn't hurt.

            "You alright, Hakkai?" I ask him.  "You've been even quieter than usual since we left that town two nights ago."

            "I'm fine," he assures me with one of his oh-so-fake smiles.

            I raise an eyebrow at him.  "Yeah?  You seem…like you've had something on your mind," I prod.

            He laughs lightly.  "If that's the case, I'm not the only one," he replies with a smile as we reach the stream.

            I kneel down beside him and help him wash the dishes.  "Well, yeah, I know I've been quieter than usual myself, but I've been worried about you.  I tried to go up to you before we left that town, and that corrupt monk got in my way and told me that you wouldn't talk to me about whatever it is."

            "Because there isn't anything to talk about, Gojyo," he told me.

            "Sanzo seems to disagree…"  I'm getting bolder, and I'm getting ready to confront him, to tell him about the conversation Sanzo and I had while he slept.

            "Oh?"
            "Yeah…he-"

            "Gojyo!  Hakkai!" Goku's voice rings through the forest, panic hanging on his tone.

            "Youkai…" we say together, heading back toward the campsite.

            Youkai it is, and a bunch of 'em at that.  I bring out my shakujo and let it rip, slicing through two of 'em as Hakkai lets loose two chi blasts, knocking down another two.  Goku takes out two with his Nyoibo and Sanzo lets loose two bullets, hitting one rather large demon square in the chest.

            Hakkai rushes over to Sanzo, throwing up a shield around them.  I wonder why, briefly, and as I turn to slice down another, I can see Sanzo reloading out of the corner of my eye.  Smart move, Hakkai.

            A few minutes and another round of bullets later, Hakkai lets loose a final blast of chi to take out the last standing youkai.

            "So what the hell were they after this time?" I ask, letting shakujo go.

            "The sutra," Sanzo replies curtly.

            "Shoulda known," I mutter, examining my left arm.  A few minor scratches, but no big deal.

            Hakkai nods.  "The attacks have been more sporadic, though.  Less organized…"

            "But higher numbers," Sanzo adds. 

"How many times to we have to tell them, more is not always better?" I add with a smirk.  "Hey, saru.  You alright?"

"Yeah," Goku pants.  "Just some little scratches.  No big deal."

"Sanzo?" Hakkai asks, worry in his voice.  We learned some time ago that unless doctor Hakkai is really persistent, the first sign of Sanzo being hurt will either be blood on his robes or him collapsing.

"I'm fine," replies the monk.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Yes, I'm sure," Sanzo replies, his tone slightly irritated.

~~Hakkai~~

            "Sanzo, let me look you over, just in case," I tell him.  Stubborn monk.

            I keep arguing with him, giving him my no-nonsense tone until he gives in.  Though I don't show it, I'm grateful for this attack…it saved me from the conversation with Gojyo.  I'm not sure that I want to know what it was Sanzo told Gojyo while I slept. 

            I look Sanzo over, checking for anything that might be serious.  He gained a few minor scratches, but true to his word, he is otherwise fine.

            Goku yawns loudly.  "Well, now that that's over, I'm tired."

            A small yawn escapes my own mouth.  "Yes, I believe we all are," I add with my usual expression.  "We should get to sleep; You'll be wanting to set out early, I assume?" I ask, looking over at Sanzo.

            He nods.  "So no antics, saru, kappa," he adds menacingly.

            The four of us crawl into the tent and settle into our sleeping bags.  Goku is asleep almost immediately, followed closely by Sanzo.  I lay with my back to the redhead, hoping to feign sleep long enough to avoid what I know he'll try to do – resume that conversation.

            "Hakkai?" he whispers after he's sure the others are asleep.

            I say nothing and close my eyes.

            "You awake, Hakkai?"

            Again, I remain silent.  Please, Gojyo.  Just go to sleep.  I'd rather not talk about it at the moment.

            He sighs.  "Another day, I guess." 

            I hear him rustle as he repositions himself, and it's only a few moments before he too is asleep.  Though I'd like to remain awake and think, I know I need my sleep as well, especially if I intend to do the driving tomorrow.  I sigh lightly and wait for sleep to claim me.