Couple's Therapy
Pointless tales of pairing off
-------------------- NonStandard Issue Disclaimer:
Ranma 1/2 is not mine to do with as I please. It belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and some other people whose names I don't recall. Please don't sue me!
All characters in this story are fictional. Any resemblance to real people, living, dead, or wrastling crocks, is entirely coincidental. No, really.
Few kittens were harmed during the writing of this chapter. --------------------
CASE 9: Various, OR Wars of the Heart
Part Two: Doctor Strangeaxe
(or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Kasumi)
--------------------
"Doc, she's starting to wake up!"
Akane stirred into wakefulness to find herself in a bed in the nurse's office.
"Well," Dr Tofu asked as he looked over to her, "how are you feeling Akane?"
Ranma sat by her bedside, holding her hand. He had a look of genuine fear in his eyes.
Akane slowly sat up, feeling a slight wave of dizziness as she did, and glanced down at her hand, at his hand holding hers protectively, as though he was afraid she'd vanish if he let go. Then she looked up to Ranma.
"My arm still hurts," she told Tofu, not really paying any attention to the doctor.
"It'll probably keep hurting for a couple of days," Tofu said. "Any shortness of breath?"
She looked into Ranma's eyes. "A little," she said softly.
"I have a feeling that will be a problem for some time," Tofu said with a slight smile. He was obviously pleased to see these two getting along so well. "Well, the good news is that you are out of danger, but I'm going to have to insist that you take things easy for a few days so your system has a chance to get rid of the rest of the toxin."
Akane finally looked away from Ranma. "What happened, Doctor?"
Doctor Tofu walked over to the table and picked up a sealed jar, which he showed to Akane and Ranma.
"This is a rare Japanese offshoot of the American Black Widow spider," Tofu explained, referring to the creature contained in the jar, "the Latrodectus Mactans Japanis Contrivicus."
There was a weird crackling sound out in the hallway as someone who was listening in made a snide comment and was struck by lighting for it, but nobody in the room paid it any heed.
"Somehow," Tofu continued, "this nasty little spider found its way into your locker."
"Somehow indeed," Nabiki said as she came in, coughing a little smoke on the way. Sasuke followed close behind her, but then he had been her semi- faithful follower since the engagement. "It must have blown in with all those black rose petals, right?"
The implication of that was obvious. Kodachi must have put the spider in her locker specifically so she would get bitten by it. Akane felt Ranma's grip tighten ever so slightly, but he said nothing.
"Ranma Saotome," Sasuke said as way of establishing a dramatic tenor, "I come bearing a message from mistress Kodachi! She desires your attendance on the roof of the school as soon as possible."
"He'll do no such thing!" Akane snapped. This was unbelievable. To think that she would expect him to come running after...
"Okay," Ranma said.
"Ranma!" Akane exclaimed, fixing her fiance with an incredulous stare.
She shuddered when she saw his eyes. The look in Ranma's eyes was... well, quite frankly it scared her.
He gave her hand a squeeze before letting go. "I'll be right back," he said as he left the room.
"Ranma, wait!" Akane called, but Ranma didn't stop.
"That is not a happy guy," Nabiki pointed out.
"You think so?" Sasuke asked. That idea had apparently not crossed his mind. "I wonder if delivering mistress Kodachi's message was a bad idea..."
"Oh, don't worry about it," Nabiki said. "Why don't you get Akane and me something to drink?"
"Yes, mistress Nabiki!" Sasuke bounded away.
"What..." Akane said hesitantly, "What's Ranma going to do?"
"How would I know?" Nabiki replied. "You know, he was worried sick about you. When he first heard what had happened he was sure you had died. When he got here, he wouldn't leave your side for anything."
"Ranma was that worried about me?" Akane asked in wonder. "How long was I out?"
"A few hours," Nabiki said. Her tone got a little more grave. "Kodachi's crossed a line here, Akane. Whatever happens now, she brought it upon herself."
*****
Damn her, damn that witch!
Some part of Ranma's mind kept telling him that Akane was fine as he went up the stairs leading to the roof, that he needed to calm down, but he pushed it aside.
It was too soon, too soon after he had seen that girl die...
This was unforgivable.
He kicked open the door to the roof. Kodachi was waiting for him, leaning against the rail around the roof's edge.
"Ranma, darling," she said smugly. "I was so horrified to hear what happened to Akane..."
Too fast for her to react, Ranma had covered the distance between them and wrapped a hand around her neck. He began to constrict his grip as he pushed her halfway over the rail.
"If you ever come near Akane again," he said, his voice full of hate, "if you do anything to Akane, if I even think you did something, if she so much as gets a cold, I'll kill you."
The only reply Kodachi could muster was a choked gurgle as she struggled for oxygen.
For the briefest of moments Ranma seriously considered pushing her the rest of the way over, or continuing to close his grip until he felt her neck break. Instead, he let go of her neck and let her drop to the roof. With his message delivered in no uncertain terms, he walked away.
*****
Akane didn't know what it meant when Ranma came back with such a cheerful look on his face. She didn't dare ask what had happened between him and Kodachi, terrified at what his answer might be. The pure hate for Kodachi she had seen in his eyes...
"So," Nabiki said casually, "is Kodachi still breathing?"
Ranma's expression got a little more guarded. "We just talked, that's all. I told her that she couldn't be doin this stuff no more."
"I doubt she'll listen," Nabiki said, "No matter how..." she paused as though searching for the proper word, "...convincing you were."
Ranma shrugged. "I'll worry about that later," he said, then he looked over to Akane. "How are you feeling," he asked.
Akane was still trying to figure out how she felt about this. On the one hand, she was alarmed by the... predatory anger? that Ranma had shown regarding Kodachi. On the other hand the thought that he was so worried about her was making her feel a little lightheaded.
"I'm fine," she said finally. "I'm sorry I worried you so much."
"Me, worried?" Ranma replied, trying his best to sidestep any such thought. "You've eaten your own cooking, right? It's got to be at least twice as toxic as any ole spider venom. If you can survive that..."
Both concern and affection were quickly replaced in Akane's mind by anger. "I can't believe you!" she shouted as she threw a pillow at him. Ranma quickly retreated from the room as Akane grabbed the jar containing the Japanese black widow and took aim.
"Umm... please don't throw the poisonous spider," Tofu requested gently.
Akane set the jar back down, but she was still fuming. Would it kill him to be just a little nice once in a while?
"He really was worried about you, Akane," Tofu said.
Akane sighed, thinking back to when she woke up with him holding her hand protectively. "I know. I just wish he wasn't so frustrating all the time."
"It's all that pride of his at work," Nabiki pointed out. "He doesn't want to show weakness, especially not to you."
Akane thought about that for a moment. Ranma HAD stayed by her bedside the whole time she was unconscious. No matter how he acted now, he was worried about her. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that that was how he always was.
Maybe she shouldn't take his words so seriously...
"Why don't you head home Akane," Dr. Tofu suggested. "School's been over for a while now."
Akane nodded and slowly got out of bed. When no wave of dizziness struck her, she figured she would be fine. "Thank you for staying, Doctor," she said. "I'm sure you have other things you want to be doing."
"It... it was no problem, Akane," Tofu said, a strange tremor briefly appearing in his voice. "Now remember what I told you. Take it easy for a few days."
"I will." She walked out of the office. Odly enough, she wasn't surprised to see Ranma waiting for her.
She wasn't exactly displeased by it, either.
"It was a joke, you know," he said.
"I know, Ranma," Akane replied. Inexplicably, she found herself caught by a sudden feeling of daring. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I am sorry I worried you," she added when she pulled away and looked into his eyes.
"That's... that's okay," Ranma said softly, almost as though he were in a daze.
She felt him take her hand as they started walking. "I won't ever let anything happen to you," he said.
Akane marveled at how easy it was. This is the same feeling she had been seeking before when they made love. This was the contentment, the peace. Was this really what she had been missing all this time? Was this the secret?
Just stop worrying and love him?
"I know that too."
*****
Doctor Tofu smiled to himself after Akane left. "It looks like they are finally starting to sort things out," he said. He'd always had something of a fatherly (or older brotherly) affection for Akane, and he'd hoped that things would work out between her and Ranma. They both deserved all the happiness they could get.
"A thousand yen says they start fighting again before they get home," Nabiki said.
Tofu chuckled. "I know better than to gamble against you, Nabiki," he said. More to the point, he knew Akane too well. Getting angry was part of her nature. No amount of romantic euphoria was going to change that.
Actually, very little had really changed at all. He'd been watching Ranma and Akane's relationship grow and develop from the beginning, and he knew that even before that whole mess with the kontoraibansu powder they were as devoted to each other as any couple could be. The only difference now was that things were now somewhat out in the open.
(that and they had discovered the physical aspects of human relationships)
It wasn't quite wedding bells yet, and that was a good thing. He hadn't told Akane this (mostly because he'd been spending a great deal of time fleeing for his... erm... virtue, but also because he knew Akane would take it wrong) but Ranma had probably done the right thing ducking out on their wedding (though he could have handled it better). They were both far too young to have any idea what married life really meant. They were too far away from the adult world to be playing adult games.
But then the same could be said about Nabiki, or could it?
"And how is everything with you, Nabiki?" he asked. "I hear you've recently gotten engaged."
"Yes," she said, "he's quite a catch."
"I'm sure," Tofu said understandingly. He didn't know Nabiki's fiance that well, but he knew enough about him to know that when she called him a catch she probably wasn't referring to his personality. Somehow he'd always imagined Nabiki would end up like this. Oh well, whatever makes a person happy.
"Well doctor," Nabiki said, "I must be going."
"I need to get going too," Tofu said, grabbing the jar containing the spider. "I'll walk with you."
They left the nurse's office together, and Tofu's first warning of the danger he was now in was the tranquilizer dart that embedded itself in the doorjamb behind him.
"And there it is," an Australian said into the camera carried by his cameraman, "the elusive Axe of the East Wind. Let's see if we can bring him down without too much effort."
Next to the Australian, Kasumi worked the bolt on her tranq rifle.
Now instantly in panic mode (Kasumi wants to.. to... to...) Tofu looked to the other side of the hall, searching for an escape rout.
"No way out this time," Happosai said as he, Chingensai, and Lukkosai closed in from that direction. "Just give up and take the blessed gift you've been offered."
Kasumi took aim and fired.
Entirely on instinct, Tofu batted aside the tranq dart, knocking it into the neck of the cameraman. He then charged the Australian, flashing past him in an instant.
"Krikey!" the Australian uttered, having been paralyzed by a flurry of blows to his pressure points.
Tofu didn't wait to see the results of his work. He just kept running.
*****
Kasumi worked the bolt on her rifle again and launched another dart at the fleeing doctor. Unfortunately she missed yet again.
Nabiki, meanwhile, tried to figure out what the hell had just happened.
Okay, she'd known that something was going on between Kasumi and Doctor Tofu. Kasumi had told her that she was having trouble sleeping and that Doctor Tofu was going to help her. But this?
"Oh dear," Kasumi said in her normal unflappable tone, "it seems that he has gotten away again."
Her knuckles were white as she gripped the rifle in her hands.
Nabiki started to wonder how much of that cheerfulness was feigned.
"I suppose we will just have to keep after him," Kasumi said. She and the remaining members of her hunting party started off in pursuit.
Nabiki watched them go, running the events she had just witnessed through her mind.
Sasuke returned carrying two cans of soda.
"Mistress Nabiki," he called, "I have the drinks you requested." He stopped to stare surprised at the paralyzed Aussie and the unconscious cameraman. "What on earth happened here?"
"I think this might be my older sister's way of telling everyone that she needs a break from being the homemaker," Nabiki said. "The drinks are yours Sasuke, now you run along. I have some things to think about."
"Yes, mistress Nabiki!" Sasuke said, surprised and pleased to be the subject of such generosity. "Thank you!"
He departed in a flash through an air duct, and Nabiki decided it was time to leave, scheming and planning as she left the Aussie and his cameraman to sort themselves out.
Things were getting a little complex, and Nabiki had a feeling that she had a lot of work ahead of her.
*****
The hunting party searched the halls of Furinkan high for another ten minutes before deciding that they had lost Tofu yet again.
"I suppose I should go home and start dinner for everybody," Kasumi said. Though her voice was pretty much the same as always, there was, just below the surface, something else. Was it... frustration? "I guess we will have to put this off for now."
Happosai nodded in agreement. But then, he had his own reasons for that. What would be said here shortly was not for her ears.
"Me and the boys will be staying out here for a while," he told her. "Don't worry about us. We'll pick up something on the way home."
Kasumi nodded her understanding. "All right then," she said. Then she departed.
Once she was well away, Happosai nodded to Chingensai. The bearded member of the trinity of absolute evil almost casually walked over to the window and slid it open. He then hopped up to the edge, reached over, and pulled Tofu into the hall.
Happosai smiled a smile of satisfaction. He'd been sure that Tofu couldn't have gone far.
"You didn't think you could hide forever," Lukkosai said, "did you?"
Tofu looked around fearfully. "Where's Kasumi."
"She went home," Happosai said. "I think we need to have a long talk."
"A long talk," Tofu repeated. He calmed down considerably once it was apparent that Kasumi wasn't around. "You're not going to convince me to... to..."
"My boy," Happosai said, "I would never dream of trying to force you to do something you don't want to do."
"But what about the tranquilizer rifle and the Australian?" Tofu asked.
"The rifle was Kasumi's idea," Happosai said. "As for the Australian, he owed me a favor, since I introduced him to his wife. Anyhow, to the business at hand..."
Tofu waited while Happosai gathered his thoughts. Then the ancient master of the Anything Goes School started speaking.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" he demanded. "A beautiful girl who you've been obsessed with for years says she wants to use you as her dirty little scratching post and you run away! What is going on in that skull of yours!"
Tofu didn't respond. There just wasn't any way for him to be able to discuss this particular topic in anything resembling a coherent manner.
"That hot little number is raring to go," Chingensai said. "I just don't see what the problem is."
"But this isn't how I wanted it..." Tofu said quietly.
Happosai rolled his eyes in frustration. "Oh don't pull that sad little hopeless romantic crap with me," he said. "You and Akane both need to learn to take what you can get. So what if things between you and Kasumi didn't go all hearts and flowers? Are you going to blow your chance now just because you didn't get your fairy tale romance?"
"Your missing the point," Tofu said, his voice a bit more resolute. "She... she doesn't want ME. She just wants me to... to..."
"AND WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT THAT!" Lukkosai snapped angrily. "ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING!"
"This isn't right I tell you!" Tofu shouted back.
Chingensai tried to calm Lukkosai down while Happosai concentrated on Tofu.
"My friend," he said, "think long and hard about this. You love Kasumi, right?"
Tofu hesitated, but eventually he nodded.
"You don't want her to suffer, do you?"
Another nod.
"There is nothing more terrible in this world than sleep deprivation!" Happosai declared. Yes, this was definitely the way to go. "Right now that poor girl is suffering more than you can imagine. It is your duty as a doctor to do whatever you have to, as often as you have to, in as many positions as you have to, for the good of your patient! My god man! Think about your Hypocritic oath! This isn't about a man taking advantage of a pure maiden, this is about your duty as a man of medicine!"
"My duty as a... man of medicine?" Tofu repeated thoughtfully. "But, that isn't..."
"That's right," Happosai said, "a man of medicine. This is what you've trained for all those years!"
"But... but..." Tofu sputtered.
"Never mind the meaningless moral implications!" Happosai continued as Chingensai pulled out an instrument and started playing the National Anthem. "The very future of Japan is built on young men and women doing WHATEVER must be done in the name of a good night's sleep!"
"The very future of Japan," Tofu said in wonder. You could tell that he was starting to warm to this line of thought.
"So get in there and do your duty, for your oath, for Hippocrates, indeed for the good of your nation!"
"My duty," Tofu repeated. One could almost see the spine developing in him. "For my nation..."
"For the glory of Japan, man," Lukkosai prodded, "for the glory of Japan!"
"By god you're right!" Tofu declared excitedly. "For the good of the nation, for the children! My god man, for the children!"
"We can't forget the children!" Happosai agreed.
"For everyone...!" Tofu cried.
"And because you aren't going to get any any other way!" Lukkosai added.
"Yeah... erm... And because the nation depends on it!" Tofu declared, "I will follow through! I will surge ahead! I will hunker down, press onward, I will be a man! I will be Kasumi's man!"
"Then lets go!" Happosai cried. He and Tofu marched off to their destiny.
"It's like I always say," Chingensai said as he watched the pair depart and lit up his pipe, "Everyone's a pervert, it's just that some of us need a half-assed excuse."
*****
"There's no way around it," Nabiki said. "Kasumi's loosing it."
The residents of the Tendo house (sans Kasumi and Happosai) were gathered for a meeting. Ranma and Akane were making a big effort of not talking to each other, having gotten into another fight before they even got home. Soun was trying to wave off concerns that his eldest daughter was starting to go batty.
Nodoka was still grieving for her dear departed husband.
"Nabiki, you're exaggerating," Soun said. "Kasumi has always been solid and stable."
"I know what I saw," Nabiki said. "What part of stable is running around a high school with a tranquilizer rifle and a gang of perverts?"
"Well..." Soun thought long and hard about that. "I suppose that's just one of those things..."
"Kasumi has been so good to all of us all these years," Akane pointed out. She'd seen much the same thing as Nabiki, and when she wasn't caught up in her rather stormy relationship with Ranma, she was just as concerned. "Maybe we could help her out more. I could help her cook..."
"I thought you said you wanted to help," Ranma said. Akane harumphed.
The front door slid open, and Kasumi announced her return. She entered the main room, leaving her tranquilizer rifle leaning against the wall.
"My my," she said sweetly, "what is everybody doing in here looking so serious?"
Nobody spoke for a moment, unwilling to really say that they were talking about her apparent breakdown.
Nodoka was the one who finally spoke up.
"Kasumi," she said. "I wonder if I might ask you something."
"How can I be of help, Mrs. Saotome?" Kasumi asked as she sat down at the table.
"I was wondering if you would mind if I started taking care of the housekeeping from here on," Nodoka said. "You have all been so good to me, my son, and my dear departed husband..."
Ranma looked like he had something to say about that last part, but an elbow in the gut from Akane kept him quiet.
"...I have begun to think of all of you as family," Nodoka continued, "and I want to do something to be helpful for you all. Would you allow me this honor?"
Kasumi said nothing for a moment, a blank look on her face. Everyone else was briefly surprised at Nodoka's request, but they quickly started wondering why it hadn't happened sooner.
Nobody knew what would happen next. Being the homemaker had been the sum total of Kasumi's existence for over a decade, and she was, quite frankly, a complex individual. It was entirely possible that she considered the household (and the care thereof) as her sacred domain, and she might react poorly to any efforts to take that domain from her.
On the other hand, she might react with the same politeness to which she reacted to everything. She might just be as saccharine as she seemed.
Either way, this would likely be hard for her.
Or not...
"I'M OUT CLEAN!" Kasumi shot to her feet, ripping her apron off with one fluid motion, then twirling it around above her head triumphantly before tossing it aside. "NO MORE VACUUMING! NO MORE COOKING! NO MORE LAUNDRY! I CAN FINALY HAVE A GODDAMN LIFE NOW!"
Suffice it to say, everyone (except possibly Nabiki) was stunned by Kasumi's outburst.
Kasumi suddenly realized what she was doing and sat back down, blushing ever so slightly. "Oh my, I'm sorry."
Silence reigned for a long moment. Nobody was sure exactly how they were supposed to respond.
Fortunately Happosai bounded happily into the room.
"Oh Kasumi," he said, "you've got someone here to see you."
*****
Calm, Tofu told himself as he nervously waited outside the Tendo house. Casual. You're a doctor here to treat a patient, that's all. This is purely professional, no ulterior motives, really.
Kasumi stepped through the door.
"Why hello Dr Tofu," she said. "It is so nice to see you."
"You... you... you too Ka... Kasumi..." Tofu stuttered.
"What can I do for you?" Kasumi asked.
"Well... it... it's ab... about your... troub... trouble... sleeping," Tofu managed. "I'd... that is... I'd be... willing to... help... help you treat... treat it, if... if you are still... inter... interested."
For a moment Kasumi said nothing, giving Tofu little more than a blank stare.
"Oh dear," she finally said. "That won't be necessary Doctor."
Tofu was struck dumb.
"You see, Mrs. Saotome has graciously offered to take over the housekeeping duties," Kasumi explained, "This means that I can sleep in from now on. I do appreciate your offer to help, however." She smiled brightly. "I'm afraid that it will be time to start dinner soon. You are welcomed to join us if you would like."
Still in a daze, Tofu shook his head slightly.
Kasumi went back into the house. Happosai in the meanwhile popped up next to Tofu.
"That could have gone better," he said, puffing on his pipe.
Tofu finally found his voice. "You're... fucking... KIDDING ME!"
"Kasumi's certainly a tough one to figure out," Happosai said. "I don't know if she's lost in her own little world or if she's playing us all for suckers."
"Does she really think I'm done?" Tofu suddenly said, his voice low, menacing, different. "She's wrong. I haven't begun. She won't shut me out this easy."
"You hear me Kasumi!?" he cried at the door to the house. "THIS ISN'T OVER!"
*****
TO BE CONTINUED!
Pointless tales of pairing off
-------------------- NonStandard Issue Disclaimer:
Ranma 1/2 is not mine to do with as I please. It belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and some other people whose names I don't recall. Please don't sue me!
All characters in this story are fictional. Any resemblance to real people, living, dead, or wrastling crocks, is entirely coincidental. No, really.
Few kittens were harmed during the writing of this chapter. --------------------
CASE 9: Various, OR Wars of the Heart
Part Two: Doctor Strangeaxe
(or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Kasumi)
--------------------
"Doc, she's starting to wake up!"
Akane stirred into wakefulness to find herself in a bed in the nurse's office.
"Well," Dr Tofu asked as he looked over to her, "how are you feeling Akane?"
Ranma sat by her bedside, holding her hand. He had a look of genuine fear in his eyes.
Akane slowly sat up, feeling a slight wave of dizziness as she did, and glanced down at her hand, at his hand holding hers protectively, as though he was afraid she'd vanish if he let go. Then she looked up to Ranma.
"My arm still hurts," she told Tofu, not really paying any attention to the doctor.
"It'll probably keep hurting for a couple of days," Tofu said. "Any shortness of breath?"
She looked into Ranma's eyes. "A little," she said softly.
"I have a feeling that will be a problem for some time," Tofu said with a slight smile. He was obviously pleased to see these two getting along so well. "Well, the good news is that you are out of danger, but I'm going to have to insist that you take things easy for a few days so your system has a chance to get rid of the rest of the toxin."
Akane finally looked away from Ranma. "What happened, Doctor?"
Doctor Tofu walked over to the table and picked up a sealed jar, which he showed to Akane and Ranma.
"This is a rare Japanese offshoot of the American Black Widow spider," Tofu explained, referring to the creature contained in the jar, "the Latrodectus Mactans Japanis Contrivicus."
There was a weird crackling sound out in the hallway as someone who was listening in made a snide comment and was struck by lighting for it, but nobody in the room paid it any heed.
"Somehow," Tofu continued, "this nasty little spider found its way into your locker."
"Somehow indeed," Nabiki said as she came in, coughing a little smoke on the way. Sasuke followed close behind her, but then he had been her semi- faithful follower since the engagement. "It must have blown in with all those black rose petals, right?"
The implication of that was obvious. Kodachi must have put the spider in her locker specifically so she would get bitten by it. Akane felt Ranma's grip tighten ever so slightly, but he said nothing.
"Ranma Saotome," Sasuke said as way of establishing a dramatic tenor, "I come bearing a message from mistress Kodachi! She desires your attendance on the roof of the school as soon as possible."
"He'll do no such thing!" Akane snapped. This was unbelievable. To think that she would expect him to come running after...
"Okay," Ranma said.
"Ranma!" Akane exclaimed, fixing her fiance with an incredulous stare.
She shuddered when she saw his eyes. The look in Ranma's eyes was... well, quite frankly it scared her.
He gave her hand a squeeze before letting go. "I'll be right back," he said as he left the room.
"Ranma, wait!" Akane called, but Ranma didn't stop.
"That is not a happy guy," Nabiki pointed out.
"You think so?" Sasuke asked. That idea had apparently not crossed his mind. "I wonder if delivering mistress Kodachi's message was a bad idea..."
"Oh, don't worry about it," Nabiki said. "Why don't you get Akane and me something to drink?"
"Yes, mistress Nabiki!" Sasuke bounded away.
"What..." Akane said hesitantly, "What's Ranma going to do?"
"How would I know?" Nabiki replied. "You know, he was worried sick about you. When he first heard what had happened he was sure you had died. When he got here, he wouldn't leave your side for anything."
"Ranma was that worried about me?" Akane asked in wonder. "How long was I out?"
"A few hours," Nabiki said. Her tone got a little more grave. "Kodachi's crossed a line here, Akane. Whatever happens now, she brought it upon herself."
*****
Damn her, damn that witch!
Some part of Ranma's mind kept telling him that Akane was fine as he went up the stairs leading to the roof, that he needed to calm down, but he pushed it aside.
It was too soon, too soon after he had seen that girl die...
This was unforgivable.
He kicked open the door to the roof. Kodachi was waiting for him, leaning against the rail around the roof's edge.
"Ranma, darling," she said smugly. "I was so horrified to hear what happened to Akane..."
Too fast for her to react, Ranma had covered the distance between them and wrapped a hand around her neck. He began to constrict his grip as he pushed her halfway over the rail.
"If you ever come near Akane again," he said, his voice full of hate, "if you do anything to Akane, if I even think you did something, if she so much as gets a cold, I'll kill you."
The only reply Kodachi could muster was a choked gurgle as she struggled for oxygen.
For the briefest of moments Ranma seriously considered pushing her the rest of the way over, or continuing to close his grip until he felt her neck break. Instead, he let go of her neck and let her drop to the roof. With his message delivered in no uncertain terms, he walked away.
*****
Akane didn't know what it meant when Ranma came back with such a cheerful look on his face. She didn't dare ask what had happened between him and Kodachi, terrified at what his answer might be. The pure hate for Kodachi she had seen in his eyes...
"So," Nabiki said casually, "is Kodachi still breathing?"
Ranma's expression got a little more guarded. "We just talked, that's all. I told her that she couldn't be doin this stuff no more."
"I doubt she'll listen," Nabiki said, "No matter how..." she paused as though searching for the proper word, "...convincing you were."
Ranma shrugged. "I'll worry about that later," he said, then he looked over to Akane. "How are you feeling," he asked.
Akane was still trying to figure out how she felt about this. On the one hand, she was alarmed by the... predatory anger? that Ranma had shown regarding Kodachi. On the other hand the thought that he was so worried about her was making her feel a little lightheaded.
"I'm fine," she said finally. "I'm sorry I worried you so much."
"Me, worried?" Ranma replied, trying his best to sidestep any such thought. "You've eaten your own cooking, right? It's got to be at least twice as toxic as any ole spider venom. If you can survive that..."
Both concern and affection were quickly replaced in Akane's mind by anger. "I can't believe you!" she shouted as she threw a pillow at him. Ranma quickly retreated from the room as Akane grabbed the jar containing the Japanese black widow and took aim.
"Umm... please don't throw the poisonous spider," Tofu requested gently.
Akane set the jar back down, but she was still fuming. Would it kill him to be just a little nice once in a while?
"He really was worried about you, Akane," Tofu said.
Akane sighed, thinking back to when she woke up with him holding her hand protectively. "I know. I just wish he wasn't so frustrating all the time."
"It's all that pride of his at work," Nabiki pointed out. "He doesn't want to show weakness, especially not to you."
Akane thought about that for a moment. Ranma HAD stayed by her bedside the whole time she was unconscious. No matter how he acted now, he was worried about her. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that that was how he always was.
Maybe she shouldn't take his words so seriously...
"Why don't you head home Akane," Dr. Tofu suggested. "School's been over for a while now."
Akane nodded and slowly got out of bed. When no wave of dizziness struck her, she figured she would be fine. "Thank you for staying, Doctor," she said. "I'm sure you have other things you want to be doing."
"It... it was no problem, Akane," Tofu said, a strange tremor briefly appearing in his voice. "Now remember what I told you. Take it easy for a few days."
"I will." She walked out of the office. Odly enough, she wasn't surprised to see Ranma waiting for her.
She wasn't exactly displeased by it, either.
"It was a joke, you know," he said.
"I know, Ranma," Akane replied. Inexplicably, she found herself caught by a sudden feeling of daring. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I am sorry I worried you," she added when she pulled away and looked into his eyes.
"That's... that's okay," Ranma said softly, almost as though he were in a daze.
She felt him take her hand as they started walking. "I won't ever let anything happen to you," he said.
Akane marveled at how easy it was. This is the same feeling she had been seeking before when they made love. This was the contentment, the peace. Was this really what she had been missing all this time? Was this the secret?
Just stop worrying and love him?
"I know that too."
*****
Doctor Tofu smiled to himself after Akane left. "It looks like they are finally starting to sort things out," he said. He'd always had something of a fatherly (or older brotherly) affection for Akane, and he'd hoped that things would work out between her and Ranma. They both deserved all the happiness they could get.
"A thousand yen says they start fighting again before they get home," Nabiki said.
Tofu chuckled. "I know better than to gamble against you, Nabiki," he said. More to the point, he knew Akane too well. Getting angry was part of her nature. No amount of romantic euphoria was going to change that.
Actually, very little had really changed at all. He'd been watching Ranma and Akane's relationship grow and develop from the beginning, and he knew that even before that whole mess with the kontoraibansu powder they were as devoted to each other as any couple could be. The only difference now was that things were now somewhat out in the open.
(that and they had discovered the physical aspects of human relationships)
It wasn't quite wedding bells yet, and that was a good thing. He hadn't told Akane this (mostly because he'd been spending a great deal of time fleeing for his... erm... virtue, but also because he knew Akane would take it wrong) but Ranma had probably done the right thing ducking out on their wedding (though he could have handled it better). They were both far too young to have any idea what married life really meant. They were too far away from the adult world to be playing adult games.
But then the same could be said about Nabiki, or could it?
"And how is everything with you, Nabiki?" he asked. "I hear you've recently gotten engaged."
"Yes," she said, "he's quite a catch."
"I'm sure," Tofu said understandingly. He didn't know Nabiki's fiance that well, but he knew enough about him to know that when she called him a catch she probably wasn't referring to his personality. Somehow he'd always imagined Nabiki would end up like this. Oh well, whatever makes a person happy.
"Well doctor," Nabiki said, "I must be going."
"I need to get going too," Tofu said, grabbing the jar containing the spider. "I'll walk with you."
They left the nurse's office together, and Tofu's first warning of the danger he was now in was the tranquilizer dart that embedded itself in the doorjamb behind him.
"And there it is," an Australian said into the camera carried by his cameraman, "the elusive Axe of the East Wind. Let's see if we can bring him down without too much effort."
Next to the Australian, Kasumi worked the bolt on her tranq rifle.
Now instantly in panic mode (Kasumi wants to.. to... to...) Tofu looked to the other side of the hall, searching for an escape rout.
"No way out this time," Happosai said as he, Chingensai, and Lukkosai closed in from that direction. "Just give up and take the blessed gift you've been offered."
Kasumi took aim and fired.
Entirely on instinct, Tofu batted aside the tranq dart, knocking it into the neck of the cameraman. He then charged the Australian, flashing past him in an instant.
"Krikey!" the Australian uttered, having been paralyzed by a flurry of blows to his pressure points.
Tofu didn't wait to see the results of his work. He just kept running.
*****
Kasumi worked the bolt on her rifle again and launched another dart at the fleeing doctor. Unfortunately she missed yet again.
Nabiki, meanwhile, tried to figure out what the hell had just happened.
Okay, she'd known that something was going on between Kasumi and Doctor Tofu. Kasumi had told her that she was having trouble sleeping and that Doctor Tofu was going to help her. But this?
"Oh dear," Kasumi said in her normal unflappable tone, "it seems that he has gotten away again."
Her knuckles were white as she gripped the rifle in her hands.
Nabiki started to wonder how much of that cheerfulness was feigned.
"I suppose we will just have to keep after him," Kasumi said. She and the remaining members of her hunting party started off in pursuit.
Nabiki watched them go, running the events she had just witnessed through her mind.
Sasuke returned carrying two cans of soda.
"Mistress Nabiki," he called, "I have the drinks you requested." He stopped to stare surprised at the paralyzed Aussie and the unconscious cameraman. "What on earth happened here?"
"I think this might be my older sister's way of telling everyone that she needs a break from being the homemaker," Nabiki said. "The drinks are yours Sasuke, now you run along. I have some things to think about."
"Yes, mistress Nabiki!" Sasuke said, surprised and pleased to be the subject of such generosity. "Thank you!"
He departed in a flash through an air duct, and Nabiki decided it was time to leave, scheming and planning as she left the Aussie and his cameraman to sort themselves out.
Things were getting a little complex, and Nabiki had a feeling that she had a lot of work ahead of her.
*****
The hunting party searched the halls of Furinkan high for another ten minutes before deciding that they had lost Tofu yet again.
"I suppose I should go home and start dinner for everybody," Kasumi said. Though her voice was pretty much the same as always, there was, just below the surface, something else. Was it... frustration? "I guess we will have to put this off for now."
Happosai nodded in agreement. But then, he had his own reasons for that. What would be said here shortly was not for her ears.
"Me and the boys will be staying out here for a while," he told her. "Don't worry about us. We'll pick up something on the way home."
Kasumi nodded her understanding. "All right then," she said. Then she departed.
Once she was well away, Happosai nodded to Chingensai. The bearded member of the trinity of absolute evil almost casually walked over to the window and slid it open. He then hopped up to the edge, reached over, and pulled Tofu into the hall.
Happosai smiled a smile of satisfaction. He'd been sure that Tofu couldn't have gone far.
"You didn't think you could hide forever," Lukkosai said, "did you?"
Tofu looked around fearfully. "Where's Kasumi."
"She went home," Happosai said. "I think we need to have a long talk."
"A long talk," Tofu repeated. He calmed down considerably once it was apparent that Kasumi wasn't around. "You're not going to convince me to... to..."
"My boy," Happosai said, "I would never dream of trying to force you to do something you don't want to do."
"But what about the tranquilizer rifle and the Australian?" Tofu asked.
"The rifle was Kasumi's idea," Happosai said. "As for the Australian, he owed me a favor, since I introduced him to his wife. Anyhow, to the business at hand..."
Tofu waited while Happosai gathered his thoughts. Then the ancient master of the Anything Goes School started speaking.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" he demanded. "A beautiful girl who you've been obsessed with for years says she wants to use you as her dirty little scratching post and you run away! What is going on in that skull of yours!"
Tofu didn't respond. There just wasn't any way for him to be able to discuss this particular topic in anything resembling a coherent manner.
"That hot little number is raring to go," Chingensai said. "I just don't see what the problem is."
"But this isn't how I wanted it..." Tofu said quietly.
Happosai rolled his eyes in frustration. "Oh don't pull that sad little hopeless romantic crap with me," he said. "You and Akane both need to learn to take what you can get. So what if things between you and Kasumi didn't go all hearts and flowers? Are you going to blow your chance now just because you didn't get your fairy tale romance?"
"Your missing the point," Tofu said, his voice a bit more resolute. "She... she doesn't want ME. She just wants me to... to..."
"AND WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT THAT!" Lukkosai snapped angrily. "ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING!"
"This isn't right I tell you!" Tofu shouted back.
Chingensai tried to calm Lukkosai down while Happosai concentrated on Tofu.
"My friend," he said, "think long and hard about this. You love Kasumi, right?"
Tofu hesitated, but eventually he nodded.
"You don't want her to suffer, do you?"
Another nod.
"There is nothing more terrible in this world than sleep deprivation!" Happosai declared. Yes, this was definitely the way to go. "Right now that poor girl is suffering more than you can imagine. It is your duty as a doctor to do whatever you have to, as often as you have to, in as many positions as you have to, for the good of your patient! My god man! Think about your Hypocritic oath! This isn't about a man taking advantage of a pure maiden, this is about your duty as a man of medicine!"
"My duty as a... man of medicine?" Tofu repeated thoughtfully. "But, that isn't..."
"That's right," Happosai said, "a man of medicine. This is what you've trained for all those years!"
"But... but..." Tofu sputtered.
"Never mind the meaningless moral implications!" Happosai continued as Chingensai pulled out an instrument and started playing the National Anthem. "The very future of Japan is built on young men and women doing WHATEVER must be done in the name of a good night's sleep!"
"The very future of Japan," Tofu said in wonder. You could tell that he was starting to warm to this line of thought.
"So get in there and do your duty, for your oath, for Hippocrates, indeed for the good of your nation!"
"My duty," Tofu repeated. One could almost see the spine developing in him. "For my nation..."
"For the glory of Japan, man," Lukkosai prodded, "for the glory of Japan!"
"By god you're right!" Tofu declared excitedly. "For the good of the nation, for the children! My god man, for the children!"
"We can't forget the children!" Happosai agreed.
"For everyone...!" Tofu cried.
"And because you aren't going to get any any other way!" Lukkosai added.
"Yeah... erm... And because the nation depends on it!" Tofu declared, "I will follow through! I will surge ahead! I will hunker down, press onward, I will be a man! I will be Kasumi's man!"
"Then lets go!" Happosai cried. He and Tofu marched off to their destiny.
"It's like I always say," Chingensai said as he watched the pair depart and lit up his pipe, "Everyone's a pervert, it's just that some of us need a half-assed excuse."
*****
"There's no way around it," Nabiki said. "Kasumi's loosing it."
The residents of the Tendo house (sans Kasumi and Happosai) were gathered for a meeting. Ranma and Akane were making a big effort of not talking to each other, having gotten into another fight before they even got home. Soun was trying to wave off concerns that his eldest daughter was starting to go batty.
Nodoka was still grieving for her dear departed husband.
"Nabiki, you're exaggerating," Soun said. "Kasumi has always been solid and stable."
"I know what I saw," Nabiki said. "What part of stable is running around a high school with a tranquilizer rifle and a gang of perverts?"
"Well..." Soun thought long and hard about that. "I suppose that's just one of those things..."
"Kasumi has been so good to all of us all these years," Akane pointed out. She'd seen much the same thing as Nabiki, and when she wasn't caught up in her rather stormy relationship with Ranma, she was just as concerned. "Maybe we could help her out more. I could help her cook..."
"I thought you said you wanted to help," Ranma said. Akane harumphed.
The front door slid open, and Kasumi announced her return. She entered the main room, leaving her tranquilizer rifle leaning against the wall.
"My my," she said sweetly, "what is everybody doing in here looking so serious?"
Nobody spoke for a moment, unwilling to really say that they were talking about her apparent breakdown.
Nodoka was the one who finally spoke up.
"Kasumi," she said. "I wonder if I might ask you something."
"How can I be of help, Mrs. Saotome?" Kasumi asked as she sat down at the table.
"I was wondering if you would mind if I started taking care of the housekeeping from here on," Nodoka said. "You have all been so good to me, my son, and my dear departed husband..."
Ranma looked like he had something to say about that last part, but an elbow in the gut from Akane kept him quiet.
"...I have begun to think of all of you as family," Nodoka continued, "and I want to do something to be helpful for you all. Would you allow me this honor?"
Kasumi said nothing for a moment, a blank look on her face. Everyone else was briefly surprised at Nodoka's request, but they quickly started wondering why it hadn't happened sooner.
Nobody knew what would happen next. Being the homemaker had been the sum total of Kasumi's existence for over a decade, and she was, quite frankly, a complex individual. It was entirely possible that she considered the household (and the care thereof) as her sacred domain, and she might react poorly to any efforts to take that domain from her.
On the other hand, she might react with the same politeness to which she reacted to everything. She might just be as saccharine as she seemed.
Either way, this would likely be hard for her.
Or not...
"I'M OUT CLEAN!" Kasumi shot to her feet, ripping her apron off with one fluid motion, then twirling it around above her head triumphantly before tossing it aside. "NO MORE VACUUMING! NO MORE COOKING! NO MORE LAUNDRY! I CAN FINALY HAVE A GODDAMN LIFE NOW!"
Suffice it to say, everyone (except possibly Nabiki) was stunned by Kasumi's outburst.
Kasumi suddenly realized what she was doing and sat back down, blushing ever so slightly. "Oh my, I'm sorry."
Silence reigned for a long moment. Nobody was sure exactly how they were supposed to respond.
Fortunately Happosai bounded happily into the room.
"Oh Kasumi," he said, "you've got someone here to see you."
*****
Calm, Tofu told himself as he nervously waited outside the Tendo house. Casual. You're a doctor here to treat a patient, that's all. This is purely professional, no ulterior motives, really.
Kasumi stepped through the door.
"Why hello Dr Tofu," she said. "It is so nice to see you."
"You... you... you too Ka... Kasumi..." Tofu stuttered.
"What can I do for you?" Kasumi asked.
"Well... it... it's ab... about your... troub... trouble... sleeping," Tofu managed. "I'd... that is... I'd be... willing to... help... help you treat... treat it, if... if you are still... inter... interested."
For a moment Kasumi said nothing, giving Tofu little more than a blank stare.
"Oh dear," she finally said. "That won't be necessary Doctor."
Tofu was struck dumb.
"You see, Mrs. Saotome has graciously offered to take over the housekeeping duties," Kasumi explained, "This means that I can sleep in from now on. I do appreciate your offer to help, however." She smiled brightly. "I'm afraid that it will be time to start dinner soon. You are welcomed to join us if you would like."
Still in a daze, Tofu shook his head slightly.
Kasumi went back into the house. Happosai in the meanwhile popped up next to Tofu.
"That could have gone better," he said, puffing on his pipe.
Tofu finally found his voice. "You're... fucking... KIDDING ME!"
"Kasumi's certainly a tough one to figure out," Happosai said. "I don't know if she's lost in her own little world or if she's playing us all for suckers."
"Does she really think I'm done?" Tofu suddenly said, his voice low, menacing, different. "She's wrong. I haven't begun. She won't shut me out this easy."
"You hear me Kasumi!?" he cried at the door to the house. "THIS ISN'T OVER!"
*****
TO BE CONTINUED!