Couple's Therapy
Pointless tales of pairing off
Disclaimer:
All non original concepts are not mine to do with as I please. They belongs to their respective owners, so please don't sue me!
--------------------
SPECIAL CASES: Cologne and... wait for it, OR Little Death Before Dishonor
Part One: Regret
--------------------
Akane's world had come to an end, or at least that's what it felt like as she ran.
Everything had fallen into place. Why Ranma refused to talk about what happened while he was away had become painfully, agonizingly clear.
Shampoo was pregnant.
How could he? How dare he!
She felt her heart ache as she remembered the warmth they had shared only yesterday. She thought about how happy she had been, how bright their future had seemed...
And now it was all falling apart. He'd... he'd betrayed her...
That was the only conclusion she could come to. After all, why else would he refuse to tell her what he had been doing?
What would she do?
What could she do?
Was this the end?
"Akane?"
Akane stopped running and turned to see who had spoken to her, half a dozen conflicting emotions running through her mind. She knew that voice all too well.
"What wrong Akane?" Shampoo asked. She was with someone Akane didn't recognize, an old woman.
For an instant Akane wanted desperately to kill Shampoo. Just let loose all her anger and hurt in one massive blast of energy and wipe Shampoo from the face of existence.
But only for an instant. It... it wouldn't change anything. The betrayal couldn't be erased. She turned away, unable to bare the sight of the amazon.
"I heard about the baby," she said softly, bitterly. "I hope you and Ranma are very happy."
Akane couldn't see it, but Shampoo was stunned. "Akane, you think...?"
Akane didn't reply.
Shampoo sighed. "WHAT YOU, STUPID!?" she suddenly exploded.
The shear volume of Shampoo's angry exclamation was enough to make Akane look back.
"YOU THINK I GET THIS BABY FROM RANMA!?" Shampoo screamed. "STUPID STUPID STUPID...!"
"Now now, child," the old woman soothed (or tried to), "you shouldn't be getting so excited. It isn't good for the baby."
Shampoo did her best to calm down. "This is stupid girl Ranma choose over me," she said bitterly. "Too stupid to see truth if right in front of face!"
Still Akane didn't reply. It didn't matter if Shampoo tried to deny it. Akane knew... she KNEW that they had met. Who else could be the father of Shampoo's baby?
"Stupid girl want know what happened when Shampoo see Ranma?" Shampoo wanted to know.
"I'm not interested in your lies, Shampoo," Akane said bitterly. "I know you're carrying Ranma's..."
"SHAMPOO CARRYING MOUSSE'S CHILD, STUPID!" Shampoo shouted.
Akane suddenly realized there were tears in Shampoo's eyes. Shampoo was... was close to bawling.
Was she telling the truth?
"Shampoo tell you what happened," the amazon said.
*****
A trip to the past, to a long neglected cliffhanger.
"Nihao Ranma," Shampoo said. They had met entirely by accident in a quaint village inn in an equally quaint village in the depths of Japan's wilderness.
(on the edge of the Higo forest where forgetful janitors, giant platypi, and eight headed girl eating alcoholic dragons live, but that was beside the point)
"I don't have time for this," Ranma said. He looked like he hadn't slept for some time. He paid no heed to her and walked over to the pay phone at one end of the bar.
Shampoo was surprised to see Kuno come down the stairs next.
"Infant... err... Saotome," he said. "We have not time to dally. Make haste man, lives far more important than your own depend on our efforts."
"Just a second, okay?" Ranma said, "I just gotta take care of something."
He fed the pay phone an assortment of coins and started dialing.
"Hello," he said into the receiver once he got a connection. "It's Ranma. Listen, old man, I don't have a lot of time, so I need you to deliver a message to Akane... I mean to everyone. I'm sorry... for everything. Tell them I'm coming back. Not right away, I have something I have to take care of and I don't know how long it will take, but I am coming back. I just needed to... to think. You got that old freak? Good. Tell Akane... tell her I think I'm ready to..." a pause as he thought for a moment. "No, forget that part. That's all. Don't you forget old man."
He hung up and turned to Kuno. "Okay, let's go."
That was it, he was just leaving. He had barely acknowledged her presence at all!
Shampoo knew her mission here was done. She'd come out here to bring Ranma back to Akane (or at least that was what she had told herself), and if that phone call was any indication, he was going to go back to her. What he said, what he had almost said...
She was done here. She should just leave, right?
"She never forgive you," she said. It was like someone else had taken over, like it wasn't really her saying it, but it was. "She never forgive for leaving at altar. Ranma better off staying away."
It was a lie, all a lie. If Ranma returned to her, Akane would forgive him without question.
What was she doing, saying these lies? What was she thinking?
Ranma looked at her, and in those utterly exhausted eyes of his, she saw... pity.
"Go home, Shampoo," he said.
"She never take you back," Shampoo said almost in a whisper.
Ranma walked past her. "That doesn't matter," he said. "I'll stay with her no matter what."
*****
Akane was crying, but she didn't know why anymore.
"Shampoo did lots stupid things," Shampoo said after she finished recounting the event. "One was Mousse. That where baby come from. Ranma no know how to betray you."
Was she crying tears of joy, depression, or guilt? Akane just didn't know. "I'm such a fool."
"Shampoo tell you that already," Shampoo said.
"But why?" Akane wanted to know, "why did Cologne tell me..."
Shampoo scowled. "Great Grandmother tell you this?" she asked.
Akane nodded. Shampoo uttered something in her native tongue that Akane didn't think was all that complementary.
"Ranma in trouble," Shampoo said. "Great Grandmother trying to get out of fix using Ranma. We got go help him, which way are they?"
Akane thought for a moment, then realized she had no idea which way she was running when she had fled Ranma. She'd just been running.
"I don't know," she said sheepishly. "Somewhere on school grounds I guess."
Shampoo let loose a string of Chinese curses. "We go look," she said. "Must find Ranma before too late."
*****
"Get offa me!" Ranma shouted, throwing Cologne off of him.
Cologne smiled mischievously. "Oh relax Ranma, It's just a formality. You won't remember it much longer."
With a flick of her wrists, Cologne produced a bottle of shampoo and a comb.
"Prepare yourself, Ranma," she said.
Xi Fa Xiang Gao Shiatsu! She was going to try to erase his memories!
"You still haven't told me why you're doing this!" Ranma snapped.
"Given the options I have," Cologne said, "I have no choice!" Then she attacked.
Fighting the old ghoul was tough on the best of days, but her rediscovered youth seemed to only make things worse. She was just so fast... Ranma could barely keep up with her as he warded off blow after blow.
(Ranma didn't know it, but it wasn't just youth that was making Cologne so fast, it was also a dose of shear desperation. If she lost this fight...)
Strike, block, block, strike, block, dodge, dodge, block... He couldn't keep up with her forever (it didn't help that he was still a mess from before). She was wearing him down. Wearing him down fast!
He leapt away, hoping to put some distance between them.
But Cologne kept after him.
Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of her closing in behind him, and almost on reflex he snapped a spinning kick at her.
The kick passed clean through her without contacting anything. An illusion!
She was behind him! Another kick, another illusion.
To the left! Same result.
His senses warned of danger, too late! She was on him!
Darkness.
*****
"What is this all about?" Akane asked as they ran, searching for Ranma.
"Amazon tribal laws say any warrior defeated by outsider man must marry outsider," Shampoo said.
"I know that," Akane said.
"Law is to ensure many strong childrens," Shampoo continued, "so is not applied when old people who no can have children lose, most of time. Since tribal elders learn of new magic mushroom that can make young again, they apply law to all womens. Great grandmother included."
The implications were clear. "You mean she has to marry Ranma?!" Akane exclaimed in shock.
"No has to," Shampoo said. "Ranma never clearly beat Great-Grandmother, but is lesser of two evils. She take Ranma as husband to get out of taking other choice."
"Who's the other choice?" Akane asked. She thought for a moment, thinking back to every fight she had seen Cologne in. Suddenly it hit her. "You don't mean..."
Shampoo didn't answer. "Great-Grandmother is trying to eliminate competition. That why she say Shampoo get baby from Ranma."
So that was it. Cologne had been trying to drive her away from Ranma. Akane felt a tear run down her cheek. How could she have been so stupid to fall for it? It had just been so easy for her to think Ranma was cheating...
"There Ukyo," Shampoo said, pointing.
She was right. Ukyo stood a few yards away, looking down at the unconscious Ryoga and Kuno.
"Where's Ranma?" Akane called as they closed the distance.
Ukyo looked up, not looking particularly pleased to see Akane or Shampoo. "He's gone," she said. "Shampoo's great grandmother knocked him out with... some kind of attack, then she ran off with him flung over her shoulder."
Something just snapped inside Akane. She fell to her knees, sobbing. She was a fool! He was gone and she didn't... she didn't get the chance to... to tell him how sorry she was...
"Akane," Ukyo said, "I'm sorry about what happened. What Ranma did hurts me too..."
Shampoo glared at the okonomiyaki chef. "Ranma do nothing," she said.
Ukyo looked surprised at Shampoo's statement. "He... he didn't?" she stumbled. "Well... that... that's wonderful. Isn't it Akane?"
Akane got back to her feet. Her eyes burned and her face was wet with tears. "I have to find him," she said. "I have to find Ranma."
This was all her fault, she decided. If she had just trusted Ranma in the first place, she would have been there and she could have done something to keep Cologne from taking him...
(her guilt didn't allow for the idea that even if she had been there, she wouldn't have been a match for the amazon matriarch and probably couldn't have stopped her anyway)
"Shampoo come with you," Shampoo said.
"Me too," Ukyo added. "So'll Ryoga."
"As shall I," Kuno said as he opened his eyes and sat up. "Saotome and I still have our battle to resolve. I shall not allow him to duck out on a duel between men."
"I shall accompany you as well," the old woman that had been with Shampoo earlier said. Everyone was quite surprised to see her just sort of pop in the middle of them.
"This tribal elder," Shampoo said. "Very important person in tribe second only to great-grandmother."
The elder bowed respectfully. "Hello," she said to everyone. "Shampoo, I suggest bringing one other along with us. If we are to succeed, we will need him."
Shampoo winced. "Shampoo think you probably right."
*****
"Where has your lover gone, most beautiful of women?"
"Which way did your lover turn, that we may look for him with you?"
(Song of Songs 6:1)
*****
TO BE CONTINUED!
Author's Notes:
1) hmm... kinda short this time around. Still, it's a natural stopping point, so I don't feel too bad.
2) wow, four distinct clues to the future in one chapter, that's got to be a record or something (no I'm not going to tell you where they are, but I will say that most of them are pretty obscure).
3) I admit it, I enjoy making Akane suffer.
Pointless tales of pairing off
Disclaimer:
All non original concepts are not mine to do with as I please. They belongs to their respective owners, so please don't sue me!
--------------------
SPECIAL CASES: Cologne and... wait for it, OR Little Death Before Dishonor
Part One: Regret
--------------------
Akane's world had come to an end, or at least that's what it felt like as she ran.
Everything had fallen into place. Why Ranma refused to talk about what happened while he was away had become painfully, agonizingly clear.
Shampoo was pregnant.
How could he? How dare he!
She felt her heart ache as she remembered the warmth they had shared only yesterday. She thought about how happy she had been, how bright their future had seemed...
And now it was all falling apart. He'd... he'd betrayed her...
That was the only conclusion she could come to. After all, why else would he refuse to tell her what he had been doing?
What would she do?
What could she do?
Was this the end?
"Akane?"
Akane stopped running and turned to see who had spoken to her, half a dozen conflicting emotions running through her mind. She knew that voice all too well.
"What wrong Akane?" Shampoo asked. She was with someone Akane didn't recognize, an old woman.
For an instant Akane wanted desperately to kill Shampoo. Just let loose all her anger and hurt in one massive blast of energy and wipe Shampoo from the face of existence.
But only for an instant. It... it wouldn't change anything. The betrayal couldn't be erased. She turned away, unable to bare the sight of the amazon.
"I heard about the baby," she said softly, bitterly. "I hope you and Ranma are very happy."
Akane couldn't see it, but Shampoo was stunned. "Akane, you think...?"
Akane didn't reply.
Shampoo sighed. "WHAT YOU, STUPID!?" she suddenly exploded.
The shear volume of Shampoo's angry exclamation was enough to make Akane look back.
"YOU THINK I GET THIS BABY FROM RANMA!?" Shampoo screamed. "STUPID STUPID STUPID...!"
"Now now, child," the old woman soothed (or tried to), "you shouldn't be getting so excited. It isn't good for the baby."
Shampoo did her best to calm down. "This is stupid girl Ranma choose over me," she said bitterly. "Too stupid to see truth if right in front of face!"
Still Akane didn't reply. It didn't matter if Shampoo tried to deny it. Akane knew... she KNEW that they had met. Who else could be the father of Shampoo's baby?
"Stupid girl want know what happened when Shampoo see Ranma?" Shampoo wanted to know.
"I'm not interested in your lies, Shampoo," Akane said bitterly. "I know you're carrying Ranma's..."
"SHAMPOO CARRYING MOUSSE'S CHILD, STUPID!" Shampoo shouted.
Akane suddenly realized there were tears in Shampoo's eyes. Shampoo was... was close to bawling.
Was she telling the truth?
"Shampoo tell you what happened," the amazon said.
*****
A trip to the past, to a long neglected cliffhanger.
"Nihao Ranma," Shampoo said. They had met entirely by accident in a quaint village inn in an equally quaint village in the depths of Japan's wilderness.
(on the edge of the Higo forest where forgetful janitors, giant platypi, and eight headed girl eating alcoholic dragons live, but that was beside the point)
"I don't have time for this," Ranma said. He looked like he hadn't slept for some time. He paid no heed to her and walked over to the pay phone at one end of the bar.
Shampoo was surprised to see Kuno come down the stairs next.
"Infant... err... Saotome," he said. "We have not time to dally. Make haste man, lives far more important than your own depend on our efforts."
"Just a second, okay?" Ranma said, "I just gotta take care of something."
He fed the pay phone an assortment of coins and started dialing.
"Hello," he said into the receiver once he got a connection. "It's Ranma. Listen, old man, I don't have a lot of time, so I need you to deliver a message to Akane... I mean to everyone. I'm sorry... for everything. Tell them I'm coming back. Not right away, I have something I have to take care of and I don't know how long it will take, but I am coming back. I just needed to... to think. You got that old freak? Good. Tell Akane... tell her I think I'm ready to..." a pause as he thought for a moment. "No, forget that part. That's all. Don't you forget old man."
He hung up and turned to Kuno. "Okay, let's go."
That was it, he was just leaving. He had barely acknowledged her presence at all!
Shampoo knew her mission here was done. She'd come out here to bring Ranma back to Akane (or at least that was what she had told herself), and if that phone call was any indication, he was going to go back to her. What he said, what he had almost said...
She was done here. She should just leave, right?
"She never forgive you," she said. It was like someone else had taken over, like it wasn't really her saying it, but it was. "She never forgive for leaving at altar. Ranma better off staying away."
It was a lie, all a lie. If Ranma returned to her, Akane would forgive him without question.
What was she doing, saying these lies? What was she thinking?
Ranma looked at her, and in those utterly exhausted eyes of his, she saw... pity.
"Go home, Shampoo," he said.
"She never take you back," Shampoo said almost in a whisper.
Ranma walked past her. "That doesn't matter," he said. "I'll stay with her no matter what."
*****
Akane was crying, but she didn't know why anymore.
"Shampoo did lots stupid things," Shampoo said after she finished recounting the event. "One was Mousse. That where baby come from. Ranma no know how to betray you."
Was she crying tears of joy, depression, or guilt? Akane just didn't know. "I'm such a fool."
"Shampoo tell you that already," Shampoo said.
"But why?" Akane wanted to know, "why did Cologne tell me..."
Shampoo scowled. "Great Grandmother tell you this?" she asked.
Akane nodded. Shampoo uttered something in her native tongue that Akane didn't think was all that complementary.
"Ranma in trouble," Shampoo said. "Great Grandmother trying to get out of fix using Ranma. We got go help him, which way are they?"
Akane thought for a moment, then realized she had no idea which way she was running when she had fled Ranma. She'd just been running.
"I don't know," she said sheepishly. "Somewhere on school grounds I guess."
Shampoo let loose a string of Chinese curses. "We go look," she said. "Must find Ranma before too late."
*****
"Get offa me!" Ranma shouted, throwing Cologne off of him.
Cologne smiled mischievously. "Oh relax Ranma, It's just a formality. You won't remember it much longer."
With a flick of her wrists, Cologne produced a bottle of shampoo and a comb.
"Prepare yourself, Ranma," she said.
Xi Fa Xiang Gao Shiatsu! She was going to try to erase his memories!
"You still haven't told me why you're doing this!" Ranma snapped.
"Given the options I have," Cologne said, "I have no choice!" Then she attacked.
Fighting the old ghoul was tough on the best of days, but her rediscovered youth seemed to only make things worse. She was just so fast... Ranma could barely keep up with her as he warded off blow after blow.
(Ranma didn't know it, but it wasn't just youth that was making Cologne so fast, it was also a dose of shear desperation. If she lost this fight...)
Strike, block, block, strike, block, dodge, dodge, block... He couldn't keep up with her forever (it didn't help that he was still a mess from before). She was wearing him down. Wearing him down fast!
He leapt away, hoping to put some distance between them.
But Cologne kept after him.
Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of her closing in behind him, and almost on reflex he snapped a spinning kick at her.
The kick passed clean through her without contacting anything. An illusion!
She was behind him! Another kick, another illusion.
To the left! Same result.
His senses warned of danger, too late! She was on him!
Darkness.
*****
"What is this all about?" Akane asked as they ran, searching for Ranma.
"Amazon tribal laws say any warrior defeated by outsider man must marry outsider," Shampoo said.
"I know that," Akane said.
"Law is to ensure many strong childrens," Shampoo continued, "so is not applied when old people who no can have children lose, most of time. Since tribal elders learn of new magic mushroom that can make young again, they apply law to all womens. Great grandmother included."
The implications were clear. "You mean she has to marry Ranma?!" Akane exclaimed in shock.
"No has to," Shampoo said. "Ranma never clearly beat Great-Grandmother, but is lesser of two evils. She take Ranma as husband to get out of taking other choice."
"Who's the other choice?" Akane asked. She thought for a moment, thinking back to every fight she had seen Cologne in. Suddenly it hit her. "You don't mean..."
Shampoo didn't answer. "Great-Grandmother is trying to eliminate competition. That why she say Shampoo get baby from Ranma."
So that was it. Cologne had been trying to drive her away from Ranma. Akane felt a tear run down her cheek. How could she have been so stupid to fall for it? It had just been so easy for her to think Ranma was cheating...
"There Ukyo," Shampoo said, pointing.
She was right. Ukyo stood a few yards away, looking down at the unconscious Ryoga and Kuno.
"Where's Ranma?" Akane called as they closed the distance.
Ukyo looked up, not looking particularly pleased to see Akane or Shampoo. "He's gone," she said. "Shampoo's great grandmother knocked him out with... some kind of attack, then she ran off with him flung over her shoulder."
Something just snapped inside Akane. She fell to her knees, sobbing. She was a fool! He was gone and she didn't... she didn't get the chance to... to tell him how sorry she was...
"Akane," Ukyo said, "I'm sorry about what happened. What Ranma did hurts me too..."
Shampoo glared at the okonomiyaki chef. "Ranma do nothing," she said.
Ukyo looked surprised at Shampoo's statement. "He... he didn't?" she stumbled. "Well... that... that's wonderful. Isn't it Akane?"
Akane got back to her feet. Her eyes burned and her face was wet with tears. "I have to find him," she said. "I have to find Ranma."
This was all her fault, she decided. If she had just trusted Ranma in the first place, she would have been there and she could have done something to keep Cologne from taking him...
(her guilt didn't allow for the idea that even if she had been there, she wouldn't have been a match for the amazon matriarch and probably couldn't have stopped her anyway)
"Shampoo come with you," Shampoo said.
"Me too," Ukyo added. "So'll Ryoga."
"As shall I," Kuno said as he opened his eyes and sat up. "Saotome and I still have our battle to resolve. I shall not allow him to duck out on a duel between men."
"I shall accompany you as well," the old woman that had been with Shampoo earlier said. Everyone was quite surprised to see her just sort of pop in the middle of them.
"This tribal elder," Shampoo said. "Very important person in tribe second only to great-grandmother."
The elder bowed respectfully. "Hello," she said to everyone. "Shampoo, I suggest bringing one other along with us. If we are to succeed, we will need him."
Shampoo winced. "Shampoo think you probably right."
*****
"Where has your lover gone, most beautiful of women?"
"Which way did your lover turn, that we may look for him with you?"
(Song of Songs 6:1)
*****
TO BE CONTINUED!
Author's Notes:
1) hmm... kinda short this time around. Still, it's a natural stopping point, so I don't feel too bad.
2) wow, four distinct clues to the future in one chapter, that's got to be a record or something (no I'm not going to tell you where they are, but I will say that most of them are pretty obscure).
3) I admit it, I enjoy making Akane suffer.