The Sacred Night, Chapter 10
I was alone. Misao had left after the conversation we'd had after I fed on her, and she would be sleeping soundly by this time. She had put all sorts of images in my head of my shishou looking down at me, glaring, and turning wordlessly away. That was the only thing I could believe he would do, except maybe make a sarcastic remark, if he saw what I had become. She was right; I did care what he thought of me, and whatever he thought could not possibly be worse than the truth.
Actually, he probably thought I had run away because I thought his training was too hard or he was too strict. He was a strict and tough teacher, but that was not the reason I'd gone. When I'd first been changed, I didn't realize it at first. I woke up outside when it was dark and I was hungry. I had killed my first victim before I truly realized what I was. I had gone back home to my shishou, since I hoped he would have some useful advice, but when I'd gotten there, I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I had killed someone, which he had long prepared me to do, but for entirely different reasons. I had since learned the killing is always wrong, regardless of the reason, but did not necessarily believe that at the time. I had killed that woman out of pure desire, pure hunger, not to protect someone. My shishou could never approve of that, nor should he. I slunk away in the night only hours after I'd gotten home.
I'd run away from him because I was too ashamed to tell him the truth. I didn't think there was any going back by this point, since it had been so many years and he may have even forgotten all about me, which I almost hoped he had. It made me sad to think about that, but even worse to think about him remembering my leaving. He must have known something was wrong with me, because I could barely look at him the whole time I was home.
Come to think of it, his house was still the only home I had, unless the Aoiya counted. I had never settled down anywhere else except when I was married to Tomoe, and that house was not actually mine, but hers. I had only been at the Aoiya a few days, but I wasn't sure Misao would ever let me leave, except to find my shishou, of course.
If I could go back to him and know it would be just like before, I would have done it. I definitely couldn't do that, since nothing could ever be the same as it was when I was alive. I could try to make it the same and not tell him the truth, just pretend I was still human, but he would still know something was wrong. He could read ki so precisely it was scary, and he would know my increased strength and speed were not the results of my own discipline and practice during my absence. Besides all that, he deserved to know. I couldn't lie to the man- he had never lied to me. He did deserve to know. I had never thought before that it would be unfair to my shishou to let him believe whatever lie he probably believed, but I thought of it now. I was lying to him by letting him believe a lie without trying to correct him. He didn't deserve to be lied to, least of all by me. I had to go.
The next night, after Misao left, I began to prepare to leave. She had tried a little more to convince me to go, but I had been noncommittal about it. I didn't want her to try to follow me, but also it was just personal. She didn't need to know. I didn't really have to prepare a whole lot, since I could be standing in front of him in a moment, but I had grown used to walking and kind of liked it. I couldn't become a salamander as I had before, because I felt I should have my sword with me, though I hopefully wouldn't be using it. I would become a less recognizable humanoid shape.
My topknot contained only black hair, I was six inches taller than normal, and my eyes were a flat tree bark color. As I looked in the mirror, I easily recognized myself. I couldn't bear to remove the one identifying mark that would betray me every time, if only for a few moments. It was a reminder of a dark time in my existence, but also of the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I wore my own old, patched clothes, not the new gi I had been given for doing chores. It would identify me to the residents of the Aoiya if any happened to be awake, but it would also feel strange and new in such an old place as my destination. I opened the door as quietly as I was able, and clung to the shadows while I crept out of the house. If anybody saw me, it wouldn't be that big a deal, because they would simply think I was a thief and chase me out, which was exactly where I wanted to go, but I wanted to avoid frightening them.
I arrived outside and struck out unfailingly in the direction of the highest mountain in the area surrounding Kyoto, at the highest livable point of which I would find my shishou. He would be at home- the only reason I had ever known him to venture out was to buy sake, and he should have a good supply at this time of year if he hadn't changed his habits drastically since I'd last seen him. The only way I'd even met the man was that he was on his way into a surrounding town to buy sake when he came upon a group of bandits attacking a slave auction, and had saved me from being killed in the exchange.
I ran up and away from the city, getting closer and closer to the mountain dwelling all the time, and morphing back into my natural form. I only had a few hours until I had to be back in my room, and while my shishou might not want to have a lengthy discussion about my mad existence, I tried to leave time for one anyway. I arrived soon to see the small house looking the same as always, and was assaulted with memories. I saw the place I had learned everything I knew how to do with the weapon I held and the place my shishou had crafted pottery sometimes. I saw the place I had lain when sick and the place I had slept deeply every night for four years, too tired even to remember dreams from training so hard all day.
I eventually reached the place where he slept- I had never been privileged to see this room before, but I didn't dwell on the dispelled mystery. I sat in the dark and waited, not sure whether to wake him up. He was an early riser, so if I waited, I could speak to him a bit before I had to leave, but not very long. I was afraid I'd lose my nerve, so I decided on a compromise. I wouldn't be so obvious and shake him awake, but instead would make some other sound that would do it. I left the room and moved through the house, eventually finding a suitable item to drop. It wouldn't take a terribly loud noise to arouse his suspicion, but I picked an especially loud one just for good measure. Before the clatter had time to echo, a giant hulk of a man was in the doorway to the room that happened to contain me. He glared down exactly as he had in my thoughts.
"Sou desu, Baka Deshi," he said slowly. My gaze dropped with no thought.
"Konnichi wa, shishou," I bowed very, very deeply.
"Have you decided you want to continue your training?"
"If I had, would you allow me to do so?"
"Of course not," he pronounced casually.
"I accept that you won't take me back as your apprentice, but I have a confession to make to you before you send me away," I told the ground.
"I'll hear it," he nodded and waited for me to speak.
"Fifteen years ago, I disappeared briefly, returned for a single day, and left again, never returning until now. During the first disappearance, I was somehow rendered unconscious. Even I don't know how that happened. When I awoke, I craved blood, and before I realized why, I had murdered my first victim. I am a... vampire, shishou," I explained.
"Of course you are. I've known that ever since that day you came back. Have you forgotten who taught you to read ki?"
"Iye, shishou. I thought perhaps my ki was too weak then," I answered.
"You'd have to be completely dead for me not to recognize what you were. Is that all?"
"H-Hai. I'll remove myself from your sight," I bowed again.
"Stay where you are, deshi," he ordered and I didn't defy him. I stood in front of him and waited for him to speak. "Follow me,"
I followed him through and out of the house, into the dark, sparse forest on the mountain. I had no idea where he was taking me, and though he had called me 'baka deshi,' I was by no means stupid enough to ask. We went far away from the house and down the mountain somewhat. Eventually, I could sense another vampire's presence, and a strong one at that. We approached him or her, and before long, I was face to face with a vampire whose ki looked suspiciously familiar. The only place I could recall seeing anything like it was in the mirror.
"Katsura," my shishou greeted.
"Seijurou," the stranger replied. My shishou pushed me forward, and I stumbled into the center of the moon-bathed clearing. The stranger's head snapped up and he froze for a moment on seeing me. I was beginning to get an idea of how I was connected to this vampire, but he clearly realized it on sight.
"Where did you find him, Seijurou?"
"In my house, just a few moments ago," my shishou answered. The stranger stared at me another moment, then spoke.
"Come here, Boy," I narrowed my eyes.
"My name is Himura, and I don't take orders from you," I replied without moving.
He seemed displeased, but didn't press the issue. He stood and came to me instead. He walked silently around me, and then addressed me again. "You know what you are, I trust?"
"Hai," I replied curtly.
"You know what I am?"
"Hai,"
"Who I am?"
"I have a guess,"
"What's that, Himura?"
"You're the vampire who changed me into what I am," I stated confidently.
"Hai. In our terms, I'm your father," I turned on him at that.
"You are not my father,"
"Not your human father,"
"I have only one father. He is dead,"
"You disown me?"
"Have you done anything to warrant it?"
"I changed you,"
"Why?" This was a question I had asked myself often, but had never been able to answer.
"I found you far from your home, unconscious and bleeding on the ground. I knew you would make a strong vampire, so I chose you. You are much more powerful now, after a mere fifteen years as you are, than you would have been as a human if you trained every day of your life. You can reach a higher potential this way. You're immortal,"
"Arigatou gozaimasu for your good intentions, Katsura-san, but I don't fully appreciate your gift,"
"You are one of those, then. You're one of those rare vampires that find it sinful to prey on humans. Humans are your natural prey, Himura-san. Your preying on a human is no worse than a human preying on fish," he explained.
"I don't agree. Humans are entirely different from fish," I still had not moved from my standing position in the middle of the clearing.
"Believe as you wish, but my gift to you has been wasted if you refuse to feed properly,"
"Gomen nasai, Katsura-san, I cannot agree with you. I did for four years, and those years are the darkest time I have ever seen. I met a human who taught me otherwise,"
"You let a human convince you not to feed?"
"Not directly. I learned it from her death. Humans are valuable, not to be killed off for our satisfaction. They are sacred,"
"You felt bad after you preyed on her? What made her so special?"
"She was a willing bleeder," I answered. "I knew her a year and she died willingly," I explained.
"Ah, so you had feelings for a human. That will kill a vampire faster than anything,"
"It was eleven years ago and here I stand,"
"Hmph. You wouldn't be standing here if not for some unplanned luck, would you?"
I thought about Misao. I supposed that situation was unplanned luck if being a vampire longer counted as luck. That wasn't true- she would have been a blessing even if I had never fed on her.
"Iye,"
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PraiseDivineMercy: i do love the shape shifting, and you will see it every so often throughout the story. Yes, he does clean... he can't fight is nature, lol. I love the mind control, but i don't put it in much. I never thought of misao as the sitting still/meditating type... and he is only feeding on her because she will not exactly take no for an answer... plus, she's convinced she can figure out how to do it safely.
Houndingwolf: thank you! Kaoru will come eventually, i promise. I see you're a fan of her... do you dislike tomoe? A lot of k/k fans dislike tomoe, but i love both. However, clearly, tomoe won't be actually appearing in this fic, though she's mentioned from time to time.
TYDYE girl: well, i suppose if you go by that definition, yes. He can't get a woman pregnant, but when vampires change others into vampires, they consider those people their children, as you can see in this chapter. I suppose your question about hiko is also answered...
Laurika: glad you like it. One reader said she was squeamish about blood, but i didn't think it was THAT bad. Vampires and blood kind of go together, ne?
Maeve Riannon: yes, sitting still has never been her strong suit... i thought that would be something he would see as very nice but she would hate. Okina doesn't make many appearances for a bit, but when he does, you'll see he suspected something. I adore hiko... he can ruin a pleasant moment so marvelously.
Yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds: glad he's IC, that's important to me. Yes, vampires' wounds heal very quickly, unlike ours, which take days. Have you ever seen X-men? It's kind of like wolverine's healing ability.