I was standing in front of the house of a samurai. I wasn't entirely sure why I was there, but I was sure that I would either die or be forced into hiding if it was the wrong choice. I didn't know what I was thinking- the woman who'd invited me there was probably either not there or trying to lure me into a den of hunters. I had already made my presence known, but it was not too late to leave. They would never be able to find me; that wouldn't be a problem. They would beat the servant girl I had seen, though, believing she was lying.
Before I managed to convince myself to leave and forget the servant, the door opened and the woman I had seen earlier stood there, contrary to every expectation. I asked myself once more what exactly I was doing there, and the only answer I found was that I had been invited. She accepted me into her home, knowing exactly what I was.
"Vampire-san," she bowed, and I, having almost forgotten the custom, bowed back awkwardly. Her manners were flawless, and if I hadn't been a vampire, I would have thought her unreadable. She was not easy to read, in any case. I sensed mild disgust, but she was clearly determined to go through with whatever she had started, so I let her.
We walked through her home in perfect silence, she leading me to a place she had prepared. There were cushions on the floor, which could be easily adjusted, though I doubted that would be necessary. She went to it first, motioning me to follow after she was settled. I sat next to her and she stiffly leaned toward me to expose her neck. I became more confused and my brain shouted the risks at me, since she was clearly not enjoying this, as could be expected of any sane human who wasn't acquainted with this sort of thing, but she had initiated it nonetheless. It seemed more and more like a trap, but somehow I could not suspect her. If she was angry at my kind and setting a trap, she hid it well, for she did not seem to have any emotion except revulsion.
No, she told herself. I had not really been listening to her thoughts, but heard because I was already in her mind to exert the familiar mind control that is part of the feeding process. Perhaps she'd meant to say it out loud, but didn't.
Are you telling me to stop? I asked, stalling the actual stopping. I did not have to stop, and certainly hadn't stopped when other victims had begged me to do so, but I knew that for her, I would.
No, Vampire-san. Continue, but do not tell me lies.
So it was that. She was one of a breed of humans who counted it a point of honor to resist vampiric mind control until the last, proving her bravery. In other victims, I could understand better, since for them it was death, but there was no death to face for this woman. There would not be unless I chose, and while I didn't know why, I knew that I would not choose death for her as I had for others. I acquiesced and ceased the mind control, but continued feeding for a short time. I stopped short of the amount I would normally have taken, but was not left feeling empty. I straightened and examined her for signs that she was injured. Something seemed different about her, but I could not put my finger on it. She was not gray headed and shriveled, like the other victims I had cast aside, but she looked… older, wiser, more cynical, more like… me.
"Did you not know that premature aging was a side effect of being fed upon?" Megumi asked as I finished this night's installment of the story.
"I only noticed the change at extreme cases, Megumi-dono, because I had never fed without killing, that I hadn't," I explained, looking her in the eye. There was a time when I could not have said that while looking into the listener's face, but at this point, I spoke with conviction. I was not averse to telling the truth, since there was a chance it would help others understand what grave mistakes I had made, and possibly prevent anyone from repeating them. Instead, she looked down for a moment.
"Ken-san, you don't realize the truth, do you?"
"I don't understand,"
"You are so ashamed, even to the point of self-loathing, but you don't realize you've already done all you can do. You are a good man now, Ken-san, and you mustn't continue making yourself suffer for something that cannot be changed now,"
I listened and remained quiet for a moment. I had been told that very thing before, but had never believed it, and this time was no different. "You could say the same to yourself, Megumi-dono," I answered. I would not follow this advice, since when she gave it, she could not have known the enormity of my offenses, but it would be good advice for her. She still had not let go of her past and her guilt, though she could be happy if she would. I could never do that.
"No," she smiled knowingly, as if failing miserably at explaining a faraway adult principle to a child. "I have not changed as you have. In many ways, I am still the person who manufactured pleasurable poison in Takeda-sama's cellar," she replied languidly. She probably had not realized she'd lapsed into her old way of referring to her oppressor. I could see that she was reliving some melancholy memory as I myself had often done in the stillness of dusk before Kaoru came in to see if I was awake, and had hidden it as best I could, unlike Megumi, who now bore the expression unhidden before me.
I certainly wasn't the man I had been, but that was only due to another person. Even then, I had not been a bloodthirsty killing machine, as some believed, who hunted for the pleasure of it as much as the nourishment. I had only done what I believed I needed to do, but what a gravely mistaken belief it was. Some painted me as a legendary hunter, but what they didn't know, perhaps, was that I had only been so because power and naiveté do not make a good combination.
I suppose many new vampires go through similar stages, unless their parents teach them otherwise from the beginning, but they were not as powerful as I was. I had been able to overpower almost any human when I was alive, and now I could overpower every vampire I'd met. I had used that force, believing I was not doing anything wrong, but I had not understood how the world worked. I had learned the hard way to respect life, and even the ghost of life in other vampires. My own did not merit it after the process of learning that lesson.
Megumi was the first to come out of our mutual lapse into reverie, and she seemed to shake it off. She looked at me, alert again, seeming to have a question. She looked anxious for me to do or say something, but I didn't understand what she wanted me to say.
"Don't you realize it, Ken-san?" She asked, plainly searching for a sign that I understood, but I didn't. "We're alike,"
"I hope we are not alike, Megumi-dono. I can't know everything you have gone through, but I know that I would not wish my experiences on anyone, that I wouldn't,"
"It's not a matter of hoping I haven't done bad things, Ken-san. I have. You seem to have difficulty believing it, but not everyone is a saint besides you. We have all done things we regret, and we all think we are the worst at times. You're going to go insane if you keep yourself isolated in there," she pointed to her own cranium, not attempting to touch me. "You are not alone,"
Sometimes I wished I weren't alone. Sometimes I wished someone else could understand and I could unburden my mind, but that would be a selfish wish. For that to happen, someone else would have to do as I had, and thousands of others would have to suffer and die. No, it was certainly better to stay to myself.
"No, Megumi-dono, I am not alone. I have Kaoru-dono,"
"That's not the kind of alone I meant. You need more than just her,"
"I love Kaoru-dono very much, Megumi-dono. You have not known us long, so there is no way for you to know how much she has helped me, but be assured that I will never need more than just her," I explained, and it struck me as I finished how hypocritical that sounded when I'd just fed on someone besides Kaoru.
She looked downcast for a moment, but looked up again and said, "Do what you want, but if you ever do want to talk about it, you know where to find me,"
She left then. I had the distinct impression she was annoyed with me, and I supposed I could understand why, but I couldn't stop her. I could not pull her into my shame, as much as she might wish it. Others before had wanted to enter as well, believing they could then somehow pull me out of my "shell," but I understood the concept much more personally than they did. I knew their efforts would be futile, and didn't want to allow them to see things that would bring them sorrow to no benefit.
Only one person was truly allowed into my world: Sano. I had never enumerated everything to Kaoru to the extent that I had to him- he always seemed to find out anyway, and he was hardier than she was. He had seen deaths, murders, torture, and evil almost to the extent I had, and I could never wish for Kaoru to experience that. I had no secrets from her. I had told her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, but she couldn't understand to his depth. I saw myself mirrored in him. Kaoru, though, was of a higher order of perfect things that should never be soiled with our ilk.
One other person had been fully admitted into my madness, and had, in truth, been the one to protect me from it, not the other way around. She understood it better than I did. She had known both happiness and sorrow, both love and hate. I had had only the narrowest experiences with half of what it is to be alive. I knew I was not alive, but that thought seemed absurd in her presence. I could forget, for a moment, that I was a vampire.
I had never understood what I did when I murdered my victims, because to understand death, one must understand life. She made me understand what I was and what life was. I longed for her, a different kind of longing than I felt for Kaoru. Both beautiful in their own rights, both amazing women, they were the cornerstones of my existence. They were light and dark, two sides of one coin- "the bright, blessed day, the dark, sacred night."
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a little short, but I happened to think that last line was just SO perfect. Btw, i didn't come up with it- it came from the song "What A Wonderful World." It's a beautiful song, really, but i have no idea who sings it. Yes, that is where i got both my name and the story's title.
Cattibrie393: i agree. blow-by-blow fights get boring after awhile.
Forbidden Dream: lol… well, i myself wasn't looking forward to violent insurrection, but i'm glad only the misc. poetry will be deactivated. I myself have only recently become interested in megumi. just you try to tell me you wouldn't flirt with Kenshin if you were her. i rather like the vampires' psychic powers as well, that way it's not all violence and destruction. Sano? Dull? excuse me, are we talking about the same ex-paid fighter who joined the revolution at 10 years old? he could not be farther from dull, especially when he's terrified of getting his picture taken. Thank you for saying I'm a good poet! i love poetry.
Invader Zimo: oh, ok. well, anyway, you shouldn't hesitate to get an account (why again don't you have one?). no, Sano does not know, but i'm thinking he's gonna find out soon, and it's not going to be pretty. yes, Kenshin does find some way to condemn himself with every topic… it's the most frustrating yet endearing things about him… like he's some sort of puppy you want to take care of and make happy. no, megumi's guards were vamps.