I did not see Sano for several days, and when I asked Megumi, she had not, either. I looked for him at his house, and always found it in its hauntingly empty and relatively uncluttered state. I could never sense him, no matter where I went in the vicinity of Tokyo. There was not much sense in looking elsewhere, because he probably only did it because he wanted to be alone. There was no keeping a vampire that wanted to be alone- they'd be in Serbia before you could say 'stay.'
I thought he may have gone to someplace of significance from the past to reminisce, but I couldn't know all of those places to look. He needed to think by himself awhile, so I left off looking. He would come when he was ready to talk to Megumi, and possibly want to talk to me as well. I was sure he would accept her eventually, but was still worried about it in the meantime. I was becoming worried about Megumi, as well.
"Was he there, Ken-san?" She asked once again as we met in my living room in the early morning.
"No, Megumi-dono, he was not," I answered dismally. She was getting more enthusiastic about letting me feed on her than she had once been. She was getting very bitter in Sanosuke's absence, but clearly telling herself she was not.
"I didn't think. That big, dumb bird-head is too stubborn to admit he was hasty,"
"Sano will come around, Megumi-dono, that he will,"
"I don't care," she breezed, sweeping across to the couch and waiting for me. The subject was apparently closed, so I thought it would be wise to heed her words, whether or not they were true. I followed her and took up the subject that filled the time in which I fed on her.
I woke up in the dimming dusk as always, and was again alone. I did not look for the last vestiges of sunlight, eagerly racing against my physical being to see the forbidden light. I did not settle back into my futon and cling to sleep. I sat up and looked for my beloved. I had never awakened with her by my side before. This should not seem out of the ordinary, but this sunset should be different because the last sunrise had been different from all others. She had said my name, crooned it as a soothing song to savor, and I had replied with hers in equal relish. We had broken the barrier, become one body, and fallen into unconsciousness together as the sun arose over the city of Kyoto.
This nightfall was not as it should be, as was foreshadowed by the dawn. I dressed more quickly than I ever had and walked with a silly urgency, telling myself she was simply eating her breakfast or some such human activity, that it was perfectly natural that she should wake up before I did, but she was not eating her breakfast. She was not bathing, or sweeping the floor. I hurried through the house, seeking her ever more urgently, until I found her in an empty room, sitting in the floor. She was looking at herself in the mirror, staring at the very trait from which I couldn't take my eyes.
"Tomoe-chan, I… I'm sorry," I began when I could form coherent sentences. I went to her, and she took her hand from her hair and shook her head slowly.
"No, Ken-chan, I knew… I knew this would happen," she answered cryptically. Why would she have let me do this to her?
"Then why did you let me…"
"Because of last night, because I feel… different,"
"Are you sick?" She chose this most inappropriate moment to smile for me. It was the second in the time I'd known her.
"No. You made me feel good. It was worth this," she held up the offending white band in her black hair.
"No, it wasn't. I could have made you feel good without doing that… I took too much… perhaps it can be reversed… I could change you…"
"No,"
I looked down again. Perhaps she didn't really feel what I'd hoped. I was still a… thing, which she could never conceive of becoming. I understood, of course, and could not blame her for feeling that way, but it hurt.
"That's not why, Ken-chan," she continued, bending down to catch my downcast eyes and bring them back up. "You are a most desirable creature, but I do not want to live forever. I do not want to stay as I am for hundreds of years to come; I want to grow old and die and be reborn,"
"But you will die very soon if I do not,"
"I know. I would like to enjoy my last few days with you as it has been,"
"You will last much longer than a few days; if I don't feed on you, you will live several years,"
"I want you to continue as you have been,"
"No,"
"But-"
"I won't hurt you any more than I already have!"
We argued, but I was adamant. No matter how she insisted, I refused to feed on her knowing how much it had been hurting her. I thought I had been successful, but when I opened my eyes the next nightfall, I tasted blood in my mouth. I was not injured, so it wasn't mine- besides, I would have tasted the difference. When she came to me, I saw a red line on her wrist and knew what she had done.
"She fed you against your will, then?"
"Well, yes," I answered hesitantly. "I should have stopped her,"
"How could you have? You were asleep,"
"I could have left,"
She had no answer to that. I had shirked my duty, and there was no defending my decision. I had known I could leave, and there was no way she could have found me if I so chose. I could have fixed it, could have gained her years, but I was selfish. I stayed because I loved her, but I should have left because I loved her.
"She'd never have found me if I went far enough,"
"Another vampire could have told her where you were. She found you easily enough the first time,"
"No. I was the Battousai, remember, Megumi-dono. They would have known not to interfere," she looked down. "It was my fault. I killed her,"
"She still chose it herself. She wouldn't have wanted you to leave,"
"I should have, though. If I had, she would have lived several years more,"
"And probably killed herself anyway," Megumi shot back. I had not expected such an emotional response from her.
"Megumi-dono, I do not think we should talk about this anymore, that I do not,"
"Not until you admit that it wasn't totally your fault! Not everything is, you know!"
"Listen to me," I leaned toward her to emphasize my point. "She was a saint. She gave a sacrifice that should not have been required of her, and it was my fault that she was able to do it. That is the truth," I finished and left without further comment. I stalked out of the living room and went immediately to Kaoru's and my bedroom, where Kaoru was waiting.
"What's the matter?" She asked, bothered by my terse silence. I knew she had always hated when I didn't tell her what was bothering me, and had learned that it was a surefire way to fail in my goal of not worrying her.
"I just… had some unpleasant memories, that I did, Kaoru-dono,"
"Oh? Come here then, and I'll give you a better one,"
We passed a pleasant day asleep together. When I awoke, she was not next to me, as she usually was not, but I did not fear. I arose and dressed without hurry and exited the room to find her eating with Megumi again. They were both quiet, and this time I wisely chose not to rupture it. They finished soon and Megumi left, still working with other bound humans and vampires to cure the virus that had swept Tokyo earlier in the year.
"We're alone," Kaoru informed me as she advanced toward me, but she didn't sound like I expected her to sound when making that particular statement. I knew that that meant we were going to have a talk, and probably one I didn't want to have. "Did you talk to Takani-san like I asked you to?"
"Yes, Kaoru-dono, I did," I finished, hoping futilely that that was all.
"What did she say?" Kaoru sat next to me, waiting for me to say that Megumi had agreed and everything was all right, but I could not say that.
"She said she wouldn't change, that she did," I replied, my throat incredibly dry. Why did I only clam up like this around women? I could face fire and a vampire with no ken-ki, but not my own wife.
"She said what? How could she say that? She can't just keep… ARRGGHHHH!"
"Kaoru-dono, please calm down! I will try to get her to stop, that I will!"
"No, you won't. I'm giving that vixen a piece of my mind!" She left the couch as quickly as she'd settled on it and slammed the door behind her as she left the house. I was alone, but not for long. The vampire I least expected to see solidified in my vision and walked to sit precisely where Kaoru had been.
"I wanted to wait until the Fox and Missy left, cause I kinda need to talk to you,"
"All right, Sano. Have you thought about Megumi-dono?"
"That's about all I been thinkin' about. I been thinkin' about those 91,300 people, and I been thinkin' about the ones I did in, too. I didn't do the math, so I don't know how many, but I remember 'em. I been thinkin' about you, and me, and Aoshi, and the Fox, and I figure it's just as bad no matter how many. The only difference is she didn't see the people she killed, and she was forced. You know me, Kenshin," I nodded, "I like a good fight. It's fun, and sometimes it's useful, but I haven't killed anybody in awhile now. I never liked that, and I know you didn't, either. I figure she didn't, either, and she's got a lotta people tellin' her she's bad, but there's nothing anybody can do about it now. Aoshi told me she tried to kill herself, and I'm glad she didn't. That way I got to meet her, plus she can be a doctor and save people's lives now to repair the damage a little, maybe. And I don't know any of those people who took her opium- heck, maybe none of 'em even died,"
"That would be a good thing to tell Megumi-dono, that it would," I replied, glad Sano was in a mature state of mind on his return, and not still angry.
"I know. I'm gonna find her and tell her right now," he finished before he disappeared from my sight.
I was alone once again in the house, this time not anxious for Megumi's welfare in the face of my wife's wrath, but glad for her. I was also glad for Sano, perhaps more so, but I knew Megumi would have few problems with my wife after this. All of her flirting energy would certainly be spent elsewhere than on me, and I could soon go back to feeding on my wife. Most of the problems of recent times were fading, and only the transparent and elusive shadow would remain on our lives: we were only half a family.
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did i use 'terse' correctly? anybody who knows exactly what it means, tell me…
hey! this fic is almost finished! i think maybe just one more chapter and an epilogue are left!
Forbidden Dream: what do you mean, you were late? This is the same time I always check, and it was there…
Lady Battousai: yeah, especially when it involves kaoru… she's funny no matter who she's mad at!
Kenshin's My Man: I don't recall being offended… I'm honored to be addressed with '-sama,' but it's really not necessary. Glad you like the good day thing- it didn't make sense for vamps to say good night, so I thought it would be kinda cute to change it. What's this :3 ?
ILoveLegolas: well, as I said, I'm not a big Orlando bloom fan, but I see enough of him tacked up on my sister's walls. She's really into good charlotte right now, though, and getting obsessed with a guitar player… but yes, I do love men with long hair if they are the type that can pull it off, and believe me, kenshin is. Aoshi is interesting, really, not just a rock… but the same could be said of battousai, ne?
Yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds: glad you graduated! Congrats! I still have this year and one more. Yes, kenji will be appearing soon, because the fic is ending soon. He'll be in the epilogue, and I'm not saying how.
Invader Zimo: yes, you will have to wait and see! Vamps can't have children because they are undead creatures, and the only way to get more is to change humans into them. They are a whole different category from 'living things,' and that's about the only explanation I can give. I'm the author and I made it that way. Some authors say they can have kids. I have used the good day thing before, but no one commented on it until this chapter… I guess I drew attention to it. Sano and megumi will end up together, yes. Yahiko is kinda cute, I think. (not, cute cute, but you know, cute). He sometimes seems like the most mature person around when everybody else is arguing and kenshin's just saying oro… but really kenshin would have to be more mature, of course. He acts twice his age.