Nakago was pissed. Another Mary-Sue had come to Konan and that could
only mean one thing: her best friend was going to enter the book, become
Priestess of Seiryu, and torment him for the remainder of the fic.
At this particular moment, Ashley randomly showed up. Don't know how.
'Damn.' Nakago thought, rolling his eyes at the sight of the twit in front of him.
'Hot damn!' Ashley thought, licking her lips at the sight of the hot guy in front of her.
Nakago sighed. Might as well get this over with. "Oh! Look, it is the Priestess of Seiryu! Now we can finally take over Konan and destroy the followers of Suzaku. Oh joy! Oh rapture....oh hell." The last part was added when Ashley attached herself to Nakago and wouldn't let go.
As he pried her off he vaguely wondered if there was an opening in a fandom that had a few less Mary-Sues running around.
Meanwhile, somewhere else....
Chiriko twitched. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Not only was he short and girly looking, now he had to put up with Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny.
Maybe the Seiryu seishi needed a genius....
No...bad Chiriko! Must stay loyal to Suzaku!
Did the Seiryu seishi have this problem?
No! Can't think like that!
But Nakago was so hot....
Where the hell had that come from?
"Chiriko-chan! Look! There's Konan!" Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny shrieked. "I can't wait to see Tasuki again....to hold him in my arms and proclaim my undying love and devotion. Our love will be spread across the stars and all will look at us as guardians of true love and...Chiriko-chan?
Sometime later some guards brought a small, pink haired child genius before Nakago. Said genius immediately explained his circumstances and asked for sanctuary.
"Suzaku seishi, normally I would order you to suffer extreme torture, followed up with death. However, due to our shared misery at the moment, I propose a treaty."
"Explain."
"Put bluntly, we have the same problem."
Ashley chose this particular time to burst in the room. "Hi Nakago! Guess what, I finally found something to justify my inexplicable hatred for Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny: My daddy wouldn't buy me a pony!" She burst into tears.
"Wow. She's even more annoying than ours."
"Right. So, you help us get rid of ours, and I'll help you get rid of yours."
Chiriko nodded. "'Kay. Is Soi sauce around?"
Nakago glared and cleared his throat. "Yes. With the exceptions of Miboshi and Ashitare, all of Seiryu's disciples are alive."
"What happened to them?"
"Miboshi decided that the whole 'inhabit others' bodies' thing wasn't working out and joined a therapy group for the undead. And Ashitare....have you ever heard of Wolverine from X-men?"
Chiriko blinked. "Okay...um, could I please see Tomo and Soi then?"
"Sure."
Somewhere else....
"Oh Tasuki! I love you so much!"
"I love you more Mary-sue!"
"No, I love you more!"
Hotohori coughed and checked his watch. "Not to put and end to the joys of true love or anything, but we shouldn't start looking for the other seishi? 'Cause, y'know, we have to save the country and all that."
Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny stopped snogging Tasuki. "Oh no! I forgot, I met Chiriko-chan on my way here and somehow we got separated and I'm sure it was the Seiryu seishi!"
Chichiri arched an eyebrow. "Why do you think it was the Seiryu Seishi?"
"Um...isn't it always?"
So, the Suzaku seishi started on their heroic journey to rescue Chiriko. On the way, Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny was horribly injured.
"I have a paper cut! I'll never survive. It's better if you just go on without me..."
Before Hotohori could agree, Tasuki cradled his wounded lover in his arms and made tracks for the nearest village in the hopes of finding a healer.
Mitsukake sighed. "Do you really want me to do this? I mean, this is the third Mary-Sue this month. Shouldn't I be healing that horrendous wound on the emperor's arm that was inflicted by rabid cougars and has been left untreated for three days instead?"
"Nah. That paper cut looks fatal."
Back with Nakago and Chiriko....
"Tomo! Soi! The evil one proclaims herself Nakago's true love!"
As the two enamored seishi descended upon the helpless Mary-sue with the intent of ripping her to shreds, Nakago glanced at Chiriko. "You really are a genius."
"Told you so."
"Ever thought about going into politics?"
"It's been my dream ever since Bush was elected."
"Y'know kid, you and I are going to get along just fine."
Having disposed of the Mary-Sue's annoying friend the two seishi discussed how to get rid of Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny.
"I think we're going to need help." Nakago decided. So he used his ultra- cool powers and the two went dimension hopping. They returned an hour later with Brad Crawford, Sesshoumaru, Mr. Spock, Sauron, and Jesus.
Before we go any further with this I should point out that the Bible has just as many Mary-Sue stories as any other category, and those are a lot more offensive. MARY, not Mary-Sue, was the mother of Christ. Also, putting yourself in a story where you are saved by Jesus himself and go on to become his most faithful follower and the only who doesn't betray him is really whack.
Now that I've gotten that out of my system...
Back to the story....
With their powers combined, these seven became....the Sue Squad! Yeah!
Back with Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny, things were getting worse. She was having trouble um...um...with something. I don't know what, she was just having trouble.
So she decided to profess her love for Tasuki some more. This didn't go over well with Nuriko, so s/he decided to go Chiriko-hunting. After a few days of random wandering s/he showed up at the Sue Squad's headquarters (located in Missouri) and rang the doorbell.
Jesus answered. "Hi."
Nuriko blinked. "Hi. Is Chiriko here?"
"Yeah, c'mon in."
"Thanks. Name's Nuriko."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Jesus."
Nuriko glanced at him. "Yeah, sure."
"No, really. I am."
"Riiiight. Hey, if you're from the Middle East, and I'm from Ancient China, how can we speak the same language?"
Let's just ignore that little plot point and skip to where Nuriko met the rest of the Sue Squad.
He was dubbed 'Secretary' and promptly made a list of Sesshoumaru's hair care products.
Meanwhile....
Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny was filled with angst. She had become a goddess and was using her unlimited powers for good but Tasuki felt that he, a mere mortal, was unfit to love such a wondrous creature and had ended the relationship with tears in his eyes.
Since this is not in the least bit interesting we'll take it back to the Sue Squad.
"Human, if you dare touch my tail again, I'll feed your entrails to Jaken."
"That would not be logical. As we all suffer from Evil, it would make sense if we refrained from destroying each other it would far more productive."
"Shut up, Hanyou."
"I can see this won't work..."
"How interesting. An omnipotent human."
"No, I'm psychic. He's omnipotent."
"Oh yeah."
Nakago rubbed his temples and wished for advil. This wasn't working out quite the way he had planned.
Author's notes: OKAY, if I don't get at least 5,000,000 reviews 4 my chpter I'm not gonna rite another one, k? This will be the last chapter of my famous fic ever if I don't get reviews! You don't want that do you? REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
Author's notes: Wow. I'm so going to hell. Funny thing about this chapter is that while I was writing it I kept on making typos, more than usual. I guess writing a Mary-Sue does kill your brain cells. I'm not joking about the Bible fics, I've actually seen those storylines. Nothing is sacred.
At this particular moment, Ashley randomly showed up. Don't know how.
'Damn.' Nakago thought, rolling his eyes at the sight of the twit in front of him.
'Hot damn!' Ashley thought, licking her lips at the sight of the hot guy in front of her.
Nakago sighed. Might as well get this over with. "Oh! Look, it is the Priestess of Seiryu! Now we can finally take over Konan and destroy the followers of Suzaku. Oh joy! Oh rapture....oh hell." The last part was added when Ashley attached herself to Nakago and wouldn't let go.
As he pried her off he vaguely wondered if there was an opening in a fandom that had a few less Mary-Sues running around.
Meanwhile, somewhere else....
Chiriko twitched. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Not only was he short and girly looking, now he had to put up with Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny.
Maybe the Seiryu seishi needed a genius....
No...bad Chiriko! Must stay loyal to Suzaku!
Did the Seiryu seishi have this problem?
No! Can't think like that!
But Nakago was so hot....
Where the hell had that come from?
"Chiriko-chan! Look! There's Konan!" Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny shrieked. "I can't wait to see Tasuki again....to hold him in my arms and proclaim my undying love and devotion. Our love will be spread across the stars and all will look at us as guardians of true love and...Chiriko-chan?
Sometime later some guards brought a small, pink haired child genius before Nakago. Said genius immediately explained his circumstances and asked for sanctuary.
"Suzaku seishi, normally I would order you to suffer extreme torture, followed up with death. However, due to our shared misery at the moment, I propose a treaty."
"Explain."
"Put bluntly, we have the same problem."
Ashley chose this particular time to burst in the room. "Hi Nakago! Guess what, I finally found something to justify my inexplicable hatred for Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny: My daddy wouldn't buy me a pony!" She burst into tears.
"Wow. She's even more annoying than ours."
"Right. So, you help us get rid of ours, and I'll help you get rid of yours."
Chiriko nodded. "'Kay. Is Soi sauce around?"
Nakago glared and cleared his throat. "Yes. With the exceptions of Miboshi and Ashitare, all of Seiryu's disciples are alive."
"What happened to them?"
"Miboshi decided that the whole 'inhabit others' bodies' thing wasn't working out and joined a therapy group for the undead. And Ashitare....have you ever heard of Wolverine from X-men?"
Chiriko blinked. "Okay...um, could I please see Tomo and Soi then?"
"Sure."
Somewhere else....
"Oh Tasuki! I love you so much!"
"I love you more Mary-sue!"
"No, I love you more!"
Hotohori coughed and checked his watch. "Not to put and end to the joys of true love or anything, but we shouldn't start looking for the other seishi? 'Cause, y'know, we have to save the country and all that."
Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny stopped snogging Tasuki. "Oh no! I forgot, I met Chiriko-chan on my way here and somehow we got separated and I'm sure it was the Seiryu seishi!"
Chichiri arched an eyebrow. "Why do you think it was the Seiryu Seishi?"
"Um...isn't it always?"
So, the Suzaku seishi started on their heroic journey to rescue Chiriko. On the way, Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny was horribly injured.
"I have a paper cut! I'll never survive. It's better if you just go on without me..."
Before Hotohori could agree, Tasuki cradled his wounded lover in his arms and made tracks for the nearest village in the hopes of finding a healer.
Mitsukake sighed. "Do you really want me to do this? I mean, this is the third Mary-Sue this month. Shouldn't I be healing that horrendous wound on the emperor's arm that was inflicted by rabid cougars and has been left untreated for three days instead?"
"Nah. That paper cut looks fatal."
Back with Nakago and Chiriko....
"Tomo! Soi! The evil one proclaims herself Nakago's true love!"
As the two enamored seishi descended upon the helpless Mary-sue with the intent of ripping her to shreds, Nakago glanced at Chiriko. "You really are a genius."
"Told you so."
"Ever thought about going into politics?"
"It's been my dream ever since Bush was elected."
"Y'know kid, you and I are going to get along just fine."
Having disposed of the Mary-Sue's annoying friend the two seishi discussed how to get rid of Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny.
"I think we're going to need help." Nakago decided. So he used his ultra- cool powers and the two went dimension hopping. They returned an hour later with Brad Crawford, Sesshoumaru, Mr. Spock, Sauron, and Jesus.
Before we go any further with this I should point out that the Bible has just as many Mary-Sue stories as any other category, and those are a lot more offensive. MARY, not Mary-Sue, was the mother of Christ. Also, putting yourself in a story where you are saved by Jesus himself and go on to become his most faithful follower and the only who doesn't betray him is really whack.
Now that I've gotten that out of my system...
Back to the story....
With their powers combined, these seven became....the Sue Squad! Yeah!
Back with Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny, things were getting worse. She was having trouble um...um...with something. I don't know what, she was just having trouble.
So she decided to profess her love for Tasuki some more. This didn't go over well with Nuriko, so s/he decided to go Chiriko-hunting. After a few days of random wandering s/he showed up at the Sue Squad's headquarters (located in Missouri) and rang the doorbell.
Jesus answered. "Hi."
Nuriko blinked. "Hi. Is Chiriko here?"
"Yeah, c'mon in."
"Thanks. Name's Nuriko."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Jesus."
Nuriko glanced at him. "Yeah, sure."
"No, really. I am."
"Riiiight. Hey, if you're from the Middle East, and I'm from Ancient China, how can we speak the same language?"
Let's just ignore that little plot point and skip to where Nuriko met the rest of the Sue Squad.
He was dubbed 'Secretary' and promptly made a list of Sesshoumaru's hair care products.
Meanwhile....
Yume/Hikari/Eternity/Destiny was filled with angst. She had become a goddess and was using her unlimited powers for good but Tasuki felt that he, a mere mortal, was unfit to love such a wondrous creature and had ended the relationship with tears in his eyes.
Since this is not in the least bit interesting we'll take it back to the Sue Squad.
"Human, if you dare touch my tail again, I'll feed your entrails to Jaken."
"That would not be logical. As we all suffer from Evil, it would make sense if we refrained from destroying each other it would far more productive."
"Shut up, Hanyou."
"I can see this won't work..."
"How interesting. An omnipotent human."
"No, I'm psychic. He's omnipotent."
"Oh yeah."
Nakago rubbed his temples and wished for advil. This wasn't working out quite the way he had planned.
Author's notes: OKAY, if I don't get at least 5,000,000 reviews 4 my chpter I'm not gonna rite another one, k? This will be the last chapter of my famous fic ever if I don't get reviews! You don't want that do you? REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
Author's notes: Wow. I'm so going to hell. Funny thing about this chapter is that while I was writing it I kept on making typos, more than usual. I guess writing a Mary-Sue does kill your brain cells. I'm not joking about the Bible fics, I've actually seen those storylines. Nothing is sacred.