As I See It

by Xyverz

ON HIATUS, INCOMPLETE. First Person. For three years I've trained mentally, physically and magically. I've learned to lie, cheat, deceive and kill. What path does my life take when the past comes back to haunt me?

4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, that's JK Rowling's creation.

NOTE: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! :) Responses to the current reviews are at the end.

Well, here's chapter 4. Hope y'all enjoy it. It's a bit longer than than the previous chapters, but I think it's just as good... Or at least I hope y'all think so. ;)

As I See It - Chapter 4

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I knew there was going to be a problem as soon as we winked out of the loft. I could feel it as soon as we started to appear at the house. Something about Draco wasn't agreeing with my wards. The only reason he wasn't bounced back to the loft was because of my strong grip. I wasn't letting go that easily.

But when we appeared I was not ready for what I saw. Draco was glowing blue.

A tracking spell.

Goddammit!

Within a half-second of appearing at home, we were back in the closet at the loft. All these years of being a free individual and I end up back in the fucking closet. It just figures, and with Malfoy, no less. What rotten luck.

Draco collapsed on the floor, moaning. I'm not surprised. He's just experienced a combined punishment equal to the Cruciatus and the blood-boiling curse. Even though it was for less than a second, it will take him several minutes to recover. He was lucky. I set the wards to kill. Another two seconds and he would have been dead.

Knowing that time was of the essence, I hit the release toggle on the self-destruct. This gives me an additional 30 seconds to cancel the EMP. The panel fell away, revealing both a handprint reader plate and a keypad. I put my left hand on the reader and quickly start entering in the 68-character code. Heaven forbid anybody should get their hands on it, it's just a simple Fibonacci pattern, but I've spent a while committing it to memory just for things such as this. Granted, it still takes me about 30 seconds to enter it in. If I make a mistake, the EMP will do some ugly damage to all my toys here.

With less than 15 seconds to go my authorization code was accepted and I followed up with the chorded confirmation code. After all, you can only get so far with ten digits and two symbols. At two seconds to EMP, the 'Armed' LEDs go out and the system is disabled. I let out a slow sigh.

Draco appears to be recovering faster than I'd like. A swift kick to the head ensures that he'll stay under for a bit longer. It should give me enough time to take care of my unwanted guests and question the survivor. Or survivors. I feel my training kick in as my body goes into hyper-alert mode. I am at my most dangerous right now; calm, collected, and on guard. If they don't fire at me, they won't die.

I swiftly make my way to the living area and release the locking charms. Not a moment later, the three would-be assassins came tumbling through and stumbled to a stop. They obviously weren't expecting me to be unaffected by their sudden appearance. That was all the time I needed.

A quick punch to the face drops the guy with the Uzi to the ground unconscious. A leg sweep and the lock picker lands on his ass. Grunt number three starts to train his pistols on me. A quick step in and another well directed hit to the face levels him. Yep, he's out for the count. Mister Lock-Pick just stares at me. Apparently, they weren't expecting somebody trained.

I close the front door with a slight wave of my hand. I silently cast stupefy on the hired guns and turn my gaze on the frightened third wheel. He's starting to shake visibly. I feel the corners of my mouth curl into a slight smile as I reach down to pick him up. Then the smell of ammonia hits me. I arch my eyebrow.

"Pissing yourself ain't gonna help you, bucko," I comment. He just whimpers.

"No need to be afraid. You didn't have a gun. Answer my questions and I'll let you go. Your friends here aren't going to be so lucky. Depending on your answers, they might still retain all their body parts when your boss sees them again." I direct the shaking man to one of my chairs.

"Sit."

He does.

"Who sent you?"

He just whimpers and mumbles incoherently. This won't do. No, this won't do at all. I give him a brisk slap across the face and ask again, "No mumbling. Who sent you?"

"I-I-I don't know," he whimpers.

"You're lying and I'll give you one more chance before I have to resort to more," I pause here and let a sneer through. His eyes widen as I continue, "enjoyable... methods."

"N-n-no! NO! P-P-Please! I'll talk, I'll talk!" he sobs. Sighing heavily, he continues, "I don't know his name. They call him the Dark Man. I've never seen him. Nobody knows who he is but that he scares the piss out of anybody he talks to. They never see his face, just the black hooded coat-thing he wears."

Intriguing. "You don't see his face? Does he wear a mask?" I ask.

"I don't know. I've never seen him. One of them would know," he answers, pointing at the two unconscious grunts. I make a note to question one of them when I'm done with this loser.

"Why are you here?"

His shaking increases as he responds, "I-I-I was brought along to open the door. I don't know anything else! Really, I don't!"

"I hate it when you lie," I tell him. His eyes widen in fear as he starts to glance feverishly between the door, the unconscious thugs on the floor and me. He knows I could kill him with my bare hands.

I'm considering it, really. Today has turned to shit much faster than I'd like.

I reach into my jacket and pull out my potion kit, picking out the Veritaserum with practiced ease. "Now we'll try it my way," I tell him. "Open up. This is tasteless and totally harmless."

He shakes his head in fear. I sigh. A twitch of the wrist and he is under Imperius. I force him to open his mouth. Three drops should be enough. I let him sit under Imperius for a few minutes while I wait for the Veritaserum to take effect. Seeing his eyes glaze over, I release him from the curse.

Just when I thought he couldn't get any more fearful, the scent of human excrement hits my nose.

"Christ man!" I exclaim, "Can't you maintain your goddamn bodily functions for a few minutes while I question you? I have no intention of harming you."

He relaxes a moment before answering, "I can't help it and I'm scared. I've never been this scared in my life."

Of course. I've asked him a question and the potion has forced him to answer. I sigh again, feeling the tension start to drain away from my shoulders. I relax further, keeping my eyes on the unconscious grunts. I can't let my guard down. Veritaserum alone wouldn't get me all the answers if the subject were too nervous to be coherent. It's time to explain what is happening to him.

"The stuff I just put in your mouth is a truth serum of sorts. I was able to control you through magic. No, don't ask. Magic is real and I'm a Wizard and no, you won't remember any of this because I'll erase your memories when I'm done with you."

He starts to shake a bit more visibly. I guess I'll have to continue just like this.

"Whatever. If you can't relax, I'll just have to proceed. As I'm sure you're aware, the truth potion - yes, it IS a potion and STOP FUCKING WHIMPERING. You're annoying me. The truth potion has taken effect and you will be compelled to answer my questions truthfully. Whom are you working for?"

He appears to relax a bit as the potion finalizes its hold on him. "I'm working for him," he says pointing to the thug previously with Uzi. "They're working for the Dark Man."

"That's better. You're relaxing. Why are you here?"

"I was hired to pick the locks. I'm one of the best burglars in the area. They never told me what would happen after I picked the locks."

Okay, so he really doesn't know anything. A few other questions nag at me though.

"Do you know who I am?"

"No."

"Good," I respond as I reach into my kit and pull out a vial of the Veritaserum antidote. "This is the antidote. Open up and stick out your tongue."

This time he does exactly as I ask. Good boy, quick learner.

"This antidote should be effective in a few moments, but before I let you go there's one more thing I need to do." He whimpers at me again. "Oh no, it's nothing painful. Obliviate!"

His eyes glaze over as the memory charm does its work. I help him up and guide him to the door. "You can't remember what you were looking for and you certainly haven't found it here. I'd suggest you head out of town for a few days. Try Chicago. Yes, I definitely think you'll find your next job in Chicago. In fact, your decision to stop robbing and picking locks is a good one. Going legit is a VERY honorable thing to do."

He shakes my hand and thanks me, smiling. I watch as he boards the elevator before I turn my attention to the two thugs sprawled out on my living area floor.

Hmm. How to go about this? The idea hits me, and with a thought and a wave, I cast a binding charm on the both of them. It wouldn't do for me to get stabbed or shot after I ennervate them.

I roll the first thug over. Yup, he was awake. I can see the anger in his eyes. I pry open his mouth and drop three drops of the Veritaserum onto his tongue. I repeat the same with thug two. A very subtle flick and swish of my hand and they lift up from the floor and land not too softly in the armchairs. I can see in their faces that the potion is taking effect.

Turning to the first thug I ask, "Who are you working for?"

He frowns at me as he answers, "I work for the Dark Man."

"Why were you sent here?"

"To help you re-evaluate your decision to decline his latest offer. You really pissed him off."

The recognition hits me, followed by my promise to kill anybody the Boss sent my way. Unfortunately, my conscience has decided it wants to intervene. Dammit! It looks like these guys may get to live for a bit longer.

"Ah, thugs for the bossman. Well, I'd promised that I'd kill anybody he sent after me, but you're in luck. Today I have a conscience. It's on sale, even! Two for the price of one!" I smile at the thug. He's looking at me as if I've grown a second head. Hell, for all intents and purposes I have.

"Who is this Dark Man? Have you met him? What does he look like?"

His face starts to contort as the potion tries to answer all three questions at once, "I don't know, he's just the Dark Man. Yes I've met him. He wears a funny dark robe-thing and a white mask. His features are completely hidden, I couldn't even tell you the color of his eyes."

Shit. A death eater, had Malfoy been followed?

"Do you know my name?"

"You are Harry Potter."

All my work over the last three years since I arrived in the United States has just officially pissed itself down the goddamned drain. I can feel my anger rising within me. Time to get rid of the thugs. With a harsh jerk of my hand I shout, "OBLIVIATE!" Both men blink several times. The spell has taken effect.

I pick up the Uzi, remove the clip and clear the chamber. This will make a perfect portkey. I'm not about to let these fucks walk out of this building. I cast Imperius on the both of them and have them hold the weapon.

"Portus!" The portkey activates and the two thugs disappear. I laugh as I release the Imperius. They are so screwed. Too bad I won't see the look on the customs officer's face when two guys holding an Uzi suddenly appear next to the customs check stand in San Francisco International Airport. I'm so bad sometimes.

A voice comes from what was formerly my locked front door, "Impressive, Potter."

I whip around, throwing a dagger at the intruder. I make sure it stops with the point just millimeters from his heart. Who I saw made me see red.

Snape.

At that instant, the strongest memory charm I'd ever used failed and my mind was flooded with the memories of the worst day of my life. A day I never wanted to relive, a day that was influential in my decision to leave Hogwarts and try to get away from the magical world altogether.

The day they all laughed at me. Every last fucking one of them. And the teaching staff frowned on me. I lost 400 house points in one fell swoop. I lost the last two men I'd sought friendship with.

They manipulated me. I fell for it. I was baited into it. Malfoy was the mastermind, and Snape carried it out. It was a combination aphrodisiac, confundus potion, love potion and liquid imperius on top of the manipulation. I couldn't stop myself - I didn't want to in that instant - from walking up to the head table, lifting Snape out of his chair, pinning him to the wall, thrusting my tongue in his mouth and sticking my hand down his pants.

He'd pushed me away, but I came back for more. I couldn't help it. At that point in time, I'd wanted the man. I tried to crawl into his pants again.

Then it all went away. Just like that, the potion wore off and I realized what I'd been doing.

I scanned the room. Dumbledore was furious. Snape couldn't hide his laughter behind his scowl - he had enjoyed watching me make a fool of myself. The Slytherins were howling, unable to control themselves. The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were laughing madly. The house I'd alienated myself from over the last term as I'd befriended Malfoy were pointing and laughing at me. Hermione looked shocked. Ron looked as happy as I'd ever seen him. Dean, Seamus and Neville were snickering.

"Why don't you finish what you started, Potter!" I heard Malfoy yell. "This has been MOST entertaining!"

As the reality of the situation sunk in, I saw red for Malfoy. Before I realized what I was doing, I had my wand out and started to cast the Cruciatus on that Slytherin motherfucker. I wanted him to suffer; I wanted him to die. I no longer cared.

"CRUC--!" I yelled. The Great Hall fell silent as I stopped halfway into the spell. Everybody was shocked. The Boy-Who-Lived was going to cast an unforgivable. It wasn't supposed to happen.

"MISTER POTTER!" yelled the Headmaster. The look of fury in his eyes was horrible.

Before anybody else could react, I ran from the hall. I ran to Gryffindor Tower using every possible hidden passage and shortcut I knew. When I got to my dorm, I packed the rest of my crap haphazardly in my trunk. I knew I was going to be expelled. I wanted to be ready when Dumbledore came. Hedwig was in the owlery; I'd come back for her if I were ever allowed back. Or maybe she would come to me. I grabbed my broom and took one last look around the room that had been my home for the last seven years. It was the only place I'd ever felt like I belonged and now that was that was about to end. I shrunk my trunk and cast a weight reduction charm on it. I put that in my robes and grabbed my broom. I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for the Headmaster to come in and reprimand or expel me.

He never came.

Neither did McGonagall. In fact, nobody came into the fifth-year dorm room for the next hour. Maybe they were going to expel me the next day? Eventually I decided that nobody was coming and why sit waiting when I could just sleep it off. I removed my trunk from my robes, re-enlarged it, and started to put things away. Then I got undressed, shut the curtains of my bed and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and made my decision. I was tired of all this bullshit. It seemed to me that the only reason I was still here was because this was where Dumbledore could control, manipulate and influence me. He didn't want to lose his precious weapon - the Boy-Who-Lived, the saviour of the Wizarding world. HAH! I'd pilfered my Gringotts key from somewhere a few days earlier and now was the time. I dressed in my muggle clothing, grabbed my wand and my key, and made my way out of the castle. I used the tunnel that came out under Zonko's, slipped out the door, and walked. I didn't know where I was going, but I'm sure it was better than anywhere in the Wizarding world.

Somewhere along the road, I passed out.

The next thing I knew I was being roused by the stranger who would become my mentor for the next three years. He let me know that had the perfect opportunity for me to turn my rage and hatred toward the Wizarding World into a profitable enterprise. I told him to fuck off, but he told me I had no choice. I tried to get away from him several times over the next six months, but failed every time.

With each failure, my training became more intense and the consequences for non-participation were more dreadful than the Cruciatus.

Somewhere in the following two and a half years, I decided I wanted to forget that incident at Hogwarts completely. With my mentor's help, I erected the memory charms that would help me forget.

Those same memory charms had just been broken.

Snape just sneered at me past the dagger that was only millimeters from his heart. He plucked the dagger from the air and spoke, "You should know my tracking charms by now Potter. And never trust a Malfoy. Oh, and your Grandfather wants you to come home."

The red got darker. My energy and my anger crackled around me.

"You tell Dumbledore if he wants me to come pay for my sins, for attempting an unforgivable, he'll need to bring me in himself," I growled.

Snape sighed as he continued, "He also informed me that he's forgiven you. There never were any charges filed against you, Potter."

My anger turned to pain as I felt the first of the teardrops start to cloud my vision. It couldn't be. I couldn't go back. My anger flared up again. "FUCK YOU," I yelled, "You're lying!"

With an angry incantation and a sharp jab of my open palm, I banished Snape back to Hogwarts.

Then I fell to my knees. I could no longer hold it in. Everything I knew had been ruined and yet that was still a lie. I buried my head in my hands as the tears rained down. The shame was too great, my anger too vast.

And at that moment, the worst possible thing that could have happened, did.

"Bloody hell, Potter! Did you really need to kick me in the head? This bruise fucking HURTS and it's very unbecoming of me." Malfoy had ambled into the living room.

Before I had time to think and before Malfoy had time to react, I'd thrown another dagger. This one didn't stop.

It pierced his heart.

He fell to the floor, gasping. I stood and walked over to him. I spoke the first words that came to my mind, "You'll never laugh at me again, Malfoy!"

The pain and confusion ruined his face until he realized what I was talking about. He coughed, his breaths ragged. He looked me in the eyes as he uttered, "The Weasel planned it, Potter."

I remembered how happy Ron had looked when I made a fool of myself that day. Could it be true? Malfoy hadn't lied to me since he got here. His face spoke the truth. Oh god. Oh no. What have I done?

Another gasp. Malfoy was dying. "The Dark Lord ordered him, Potter." He gasped again, trying to explain. "He took the mark that Christmas."

"NO!" I screamed. I didn't want to believe it; I didn't want it to be true. Malfoys eyes told me otherwise.

Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god. Malfoy was innocent. I started fumbling with my potion kit, looking for the healing potion. I poured it directly on the wound after pulling the dagger out. The wound started to close, but Malfoys heart was stopped. He breathed two more words to me as I got out tried to find my Draught of Living Death, "I'm sorry." The potion took effect almost immediately, but his wound reopened. I dug desperately for another healing potion. The only one I had left was the strongest one I'd ever brewed. Again, I poured the potion directly onto the wound.

I wasn't sure what else to do. I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed a notepad and pen. I wrote a quick message and made two duplicates. I cast a portkey charm on them apparated one each to Snape, Dumbledore and Pomfrey. The note said simply, "Please come quickly, I've done something stupid. It's a medical emergency."

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Review Responses:
pistaccio pudding: Thanks! It started out as a relentless plot bunny and grew from there. I can't take *ALL* the credit for the grammar, spelling, etc., 'cuz my beta is even more anal than I am. (Thanks, Taligator!)
SandiBebop: *swoon!* Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE. ;) Thanks! I hope to continue to maintain the standard. :)
Also, thanks to BlackDiva, riantlykalopsic, and Lady Mandara Snake for their reviews, too. :)