Title: The Green-Eyed Monster Bites Back
Disclaimer: If I controlled the universe, I would not stop at owning the show. I would have a button on my remote that could pop Luke out of the TV and into my living room.
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Lorelai watches Luke and Nicole as they cross the street arm in arm.
Lorelai: Can you believe that?
She keeps glaring after the couple, long after they have disappeared from view.
Jess: What?
Jess continues to wipe the counter without looking up.
Lorelai: The way she was marking her territory.
What is she, a dog?
Jess: Whatever do you mean, Ms. Gilmore?
Someone trespassing on your turf, Lorelai?
Lorelai: You were here too. (mimicking Nicole) "I think he looks just fine."
And standing on tiptoe to kiss him like that… Spraying him would have been subtler.
Jess: (deadpan) If you're going to act like a jealous ex-girlfriend, could you please do it outside? You're filling the diner with negative energy.
Lorelai spins around to face Jess.
Lorelai: What?
Jess's smirk is almost audible.
Jess: You heard me.
Lorelai: I am not jealous!
Jess: Then why do you care if Nicole was acting a little possessive?
Why am I getting in the middle of this? It's not like I care who Luke dates.
Lorelai: A little possessive? Dawson could take lessons from her.
She's Rory's mother, Jess tells himself, leave her alone. He turns away to rinse his rag.
Jess: Whatever…
Lorelai: Luke doesn't deserve to be treated that way.
Oh come on…
Jess: Then I guess you weren't paying attention, because Luke didn't seem unhappy with the situation
Lorelai: Hmph.
As Jess walks around the counter to start working on the tables, the silence gives both a moment to think.
For the first time since Jess had arrived in this insane town, Luke was happy. He's probably deluding himself, Jess considers, but then, that's often the best feeling out there. But he deserves it. After all the crap I've put him through, he deserves it. Jess glances over at Lorelai. And I'm not going to let her ruin it. For the first time, Jess is feeling protective of someone other than his mother or Rory. It feels weird, he thinks, but hey, might as well run with it.
Luke had seemed happy. Good for him, Lorelai thinks. Luke could use some happiness after everything he's gone through this year. Still, there is something nagging at the back of her mind that she can't quite place.
Lorelai: God, that woman…
Here goes…
Jess: It not Nicole that's really bothering you, now, is it?
Damn him for hitting it on his first try.
Lorelai: Of course it is. What else would it be?
Jess: Oh, maybe that Luke isn't sitting around waiting for you anymore.
Lorelai: I never wanted… Luke wasn't… Jess, we're just friends.
Right?
Jess: Oh, right. I forgot. Just friends.
Lorelai: What's that supposed to mean?
Jess: Are you that clueless or do you just really love playing Molly Ringwald?
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Jess turns to look directly at Lorelai, and speaks with perfect, crisp diction.
Jess: Had your porch fixed recently? Anyone buy your basket, talk at some stupid high school thing, or build you a chuppa?
Lorelai: You don't know what you're talking about.
I'm sorry, but you're not getting away unscathed this time, Lorelai Gilmore, no matter whose mother you are.
Jess: Yes, I do. Rory used to yell at me about making life difficult for Luke, but the way I see it, I haven't hurt him half as much as you have.
Lorelai doesn't know how to answer this. On some level, there is guilt, as she knows there is truth to what he says, but that knowledge is buried so deep that all she comes up with is rage.
Lorelai: I don't have to take this from you.
If I'm getting in to this I might as well make it count, right?
Jess: Well, you're going to hear it eventually. Now seems like as good a time as any.
Lorelai pulls money for the coffee out of her wallet and throws it down on the counter.
Lorelai: I'm leaving.
She turns to walk out the door.
Jess: (not backing down) Fine. It's still true.
Lorelai spins around.
Lorelai: I have not hurt Luke!
Jess: No, I'm sure it didn't affect him at all when you got engaged.
How did this idiot ever end up with a daughter like Rory?
Lorelai: He was happy for me.
He was, she thinks to herself, really. Lorelai remembers that part clearly. She also remembers that it bothered her.
Jess: What could he say? I heard he gave everyone free coffee when you broke it off.
Lorelai: If he was upset, he would have said something.
Lorelai realizes the stupidity of her statement before she finishes it. Of course he would never say anything. He's Luke. Luke doesn't do that. Luke sits there, expressionless, while you tear yourself apart trying to figure out what to do, what to say to make him understand. But understand what exactly?
Jess: Like he did over the summer?
Lorelai: That was different. That was because of you.
Jess: And I sing in a boy band with Dean on Sunday afternoons.
Lorelai: If you're Sigmund Freud today, why don't you tell me what it was about?
Lorelai stands there, waiting, as Jess hesitates a moment to phrase his comments for the greatest effect. This needs to be said, but he is only going to say it once. After that, he'll stay out of Luke's business.
Jess: Before I showed up, you and Rory were the only family he had around here. He closes the diner and drives you to the hospital when your dad is sick…
Lorelai: Who told you…?
Jess: Rory filled me in on some details. And you run the diner when his Uncle dies. It all seems pretty mutual until the accident. Then, you treat him like some stranger in charge of a delinquent.
Lorelai: Well, part of that is true. You are a delinquent.
Jess scowls at Lorelai, who rolls her eyes.
Lorelai: Fine, you were a delinquent. Now get to the point.
Jess pauses for just a second until Lorelai is looking directly at him.
Jess: It practically killed him to learn how far down he was on your list of priorities.
Lorelai has been gearing up for a really scathing retort, but comes up with nothing. Jess' words hurt. She looks up as the bell jingles. Rory walks into the diner. She notices the heightened tension in the air, but assumes it's just the usual. Try as she might to change things, her mom and boyfriend are not going to get along.
Rory: (to Jess) Hey.
Jess: Hey.
Lorelai checks her watch.
Lorelai: How did you get home so early? I thought the bus didn't leave Hartford until 5:50. You haven't developed super powers behind my back again, have you?
Rory: Grandma dropped me off.
Lorelai: Oh. That was nice of her.
Rory: Yeah.
Lorelai turns and glares at Jess as if to say, 'We are not finished,' as she picks up her purse.
Lorelai: So how was Paris?
Rory: She's forgiven me apparently.
Lorelai: Always a plus.
Rory: And she's mellowed out a little since the whole Jamie thing.
Lorelai: So Castro instead of Mussolini?
Rory: Just about.
She slings her arm around Rory's shoulder, and the two walk to the door.
Lorelai: That's great.
Rory looks over her shoulder.
Rory: Bye, Jess. I'll see you tomorrow. (to Lorelai) So, movie night?
Lorelai: Sounds good.
Rory: What should we watch?
Jess: When Harry Met Sally?
Lorelai slowly turns to face the counter, which Jess is wiping again.
Lorelai: (coldly) Drop it.
Jess: (without looking up) Whatever you say, Ms. Ringwald.
Lorelai and Rory leave the diner in silence. Mother and daughter make it halfway down the block before either speaks.
Rory: What was that about?
Lorelai: (still upset) Nothing.
Rory: Okay…
Lorelai straightens up and shrugs her shoulders. She has a lot to brood over, but there is no reason to involve Rory.
Lorelai: (in a much calmer tone) No, really. It was nothing. So what movie should we rent?
A/N: Thanks, everyone for your comments on Jess version 1.0. I hope this one's a bit better.