Elizabeth came out of theatre covered in blood exhausted. She had just performed a four hour operation, and had managed to save the young boy's life. However, it had taken far more time than she would have wanted. She had plenty of patients to see during her shift, not to mention the fact that she had been meaning to see Robert since the start of her shift. He had been asleep when she first arrived, and she hadn't wanted to wake him.
She was pulling off her gloves, the pinging sound of the rubber quite difficult to hear in the busy hall. She noticed two gurney's being wheeled in her direction.
"Oh god, what now?" She moaned, as the nurse wheeling a gurney carrying a young, groaning woman started reeling off a stream of information. "Sounds like a pulmonary edema," She said, snapping back into action, "Take her into theatre and I'll be in straight away. I've just got to get cleaned up." She quickly scrubbed back in and changed her overcoat. She stepped straight into the theatre feeling like she had already done a twelve hour shift. "Am I the only surgeon in this hospital?" She asked her colleagues, already splattered with blood.
"Doctor Henna's in two, but we're short staffed because of Ed Dorsett," Elizabeth flinched at the mention of her 'sort of' ex's name.
"What's he done?" She asked, taking a scalpel from the nurse and slicing deep into the crash victims skin,
"Extended his holiday by four days."
"I'm glad he told you." Elizabeth grumbled, "I am only the OR chief for gods sake."
"He called this morning. Said something about a flight delay and then got cut off." Elizabeth was getting angered now. She was tired, and the conversation was irritating her,
"Well if he calls again- Oh damn it," She never got to say what would happen if Dorsett called again, because the victim's heart suddenly stopped beating.
When she finally got out of theatre, after having to supervise an operation on one of the younger victims of the crash, it was midnight. There were no scheduled ops this late at night, and for once the OR was quiet. She had one hour of her shift left, but it felt like she had been there for days. She spotted Abby heading towards her, looking considerably brighter than she had been the last time Elizabeth had seen her.
"Hey," Abby greeted her, "I noticed you were working late, so I saw this and thought of you when I was on my break." She handed Elizabeth a paper bag. "I noticed it was kinda busy tonight." Elizabeth opened the bag and gave half a laugh,
"Thanks. I didn't think I was going to get anything to eat at all tonight."
"What can I say, I'm a model student." Abby said grinning, "Did you know apparently I'm Romano's doctor now?"
"Yes, Clarke told me this morning."
"Bundle of laughs that is." Abby grumbled. Elizabeth looked sympathetic,
"Is he being really awful?" She asked. Abby raised an eyebrow,
"Well… not as bad as he is normally actually. Hospitalised Romano is kind of a deflated version of the man we all know and love." Elizabeth suddenly remembered that she still hadn't seen him that night.
"When were you last there?"
"Sevenish. At the start of my shift." Abby didn't mention any of the conversation they had had, "Are you almost done?"
"Just under an hour. I'm praying for a quiet end to the shift." Elizabeth said, putting her hands together in a silent prayer. "Are you finished?"
"I'm a nurse for two hours now." Abby sighed, "Still making up numbers after the crash, but things'll be back to normal soon."
"I hope so." Elizabeth agreed, "I'll see you later."
"See ya." Abby said, taking a moment after Elizabeth had left to try to wake herself up, and then headed down to the ER to, as Romano put it, 'play nurse'.
Elizabeth pushed open the door to Robert's room to be met with a similar scene as she had seen that morning. He was laid in bed asleep, but this time breathing deeply and regularly. Not unconscious, but actually sleeping. She contemplated leaving him asleep, but was in doubt after the way that she had left earlier that morning. She had been tired, and she had been short tempered, (not that she wasn't now), but she knew that if she had stayed they would have argued, and she had enough experience as a doctor to know that in any case, stress is not good for a patient. She was thinking about leaving a note or something to let him know that she hadn't forgotten about him. Just then, she heard a grunt from the bed, and thought for a moment that he had woken up. She stepped further into the room, but when he didn't say anything however, she realised he was not awake, but still asleep, and apparently having a very vivid dream. Elizabeth grew alarmed and went to the bed to sit by his side.
"Robert," She said clearly, knowing that if she wanted to wake him she would have to compete with the noise inside his own head, "Robert, wake up," When he didn't wake she put her hand on his arm shaking him slightly. Her hand was thrown off when he flung his own arm out and sat bolt upright, letting out a loud expletive in the process. His right arm went straight to the stump that had once been his left, and it was clear that he had no idea where he was for a split second. Elizabeth collected herself, ignoring the fact that she had hit her own arm on the table, and would probably have a bruise the next day. "Robert," she took his arm again, "It's alright, you were dreaming," He wasn't taking in anything she was saying, and Elizabeth was unsettled by the look in his eye. It was something she had never seen in him before. "Robert!" She shook him sharply this time, and was relieved when his good eye focussed on her. He still hadn't said anything comprehensible but at least he was looking at her now. She didn't know what else to do, she felt as helpless as when she couldn't work out what was making Ella cry in the middle of the night. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close to her, hoping that the fact that she was there was enough to be comforting. She felt his arm moving clumsily to her back, and was quite surprised that now he was fully awake he was not pulling away, or sending her away. Elizabeth got the feeling that whatever dream he had been having was not a one off, and not unrelated to his accident. There was also a little voice at the back of her mind reminding her that she hadn't been this close to a man since Mark had died, with the exception of Dorsett- who she preferred to forget. She ignored this voice, with the mental excuse that her personal feelings were not the issue at hand. "It's alright," She said again, "I'm here."
The lights in the room were bright, so Elizabeth reached out to turn the dimmer switch near to the bed. She flattened his pillows and helped him to lie back down,
"What time is it?" He asked her, trying to hide the fact that he was wondering why she hadn't been in earlier.
"It's after twelve," She said softly. She had been alarmed at the visible exhaustion in his face, not expecting it seeing as she thought he had spent most of his time asleep, and she had been expecting for him to be back to something resembling his proud self. It seemed as if he couldn't put on the same brave face he had done after the first accident, at least not in front of her. She was beginning to worry just how much of an effect this latest set back would have on him. She was hardly aware of her hand moving from his side to the bandaged side of his face. She stroked his cheek gently, "The OR was madness," She explained, "I couldn't possibly get away." He nodded, not feeling the need, nor having the energy to question further. "How is your eye?"
"Same." He mumbled.
"It will get better Robert." She assured him. His left eye opened and looked at her,
"If I was your patient, would you still say that?" Elizabeth didn't reply for a moment, and considered the question.
"I don't know." She said honestly. "All I know is that you have done nothing to deserve this. It isn't fair."
"So you've said."
"And I'll say it again." Elizabeth said stubbornly, "How can fate let all of this happen to you, when all you've ever done, every day of your working life, is save people?" Robert said nothing, "You'll be able to see again, because fate can't be that cruel."
"It's my experience that it can be, and it is." Robert had closed his eye again, "And believe me, I've had plenty of time to think about it, and plenty of time for self pity. I don't need you feeling sorry for me as well." He shook his head, "No arm, no sight, no job-"
"You have a job."
"Weaver's probably got that one too." He grumbled, "I don't have anything anymore Lizzie. Just a load of money and nothing to spend it on."
"You can teach." Elizabeth said, knowing that she had made this suggestion before, and he had listened to her, although not in the way as she would have liked, "A surgeon of your experience and your talent, you could run rings around med school lecturers."
"What good's a teacher if he can't show the student what the hell he's talking about?" Elizabeth had to admit he had a point,
"You're lucky you weren't killed Robert." Elizabeth reasoned. He looked at her again,
"You don't get it Lizzie," He said, desperately, "No one gets it."
"What don't I get?"
"I have nothing left." He told her, "Nothing at all. I wasn't lucky. The fact that I wasn't killed was just another stroke of bad luck." The sincerity in his voice shocked Elizabeth,
"You don't mean that." She said,
"I do." Elizabeth realised that she had seen this desperation in him before. A year ago, after the accident, it had become evident that operating was not going to be possible. He had needed her support then, and she had given it as much as she could have, but she was dealing with her own grief at the time, and it had seemed that he had coped enough on his own to avoid becoming suicidal, although she had become worried on the odd occasion. "Why didn't they just let me die?"
"Because it's their job to save lives." She said firmly, "You should know that better than any one." She was worried now, she didn't know how to handle the situation.
"It's late Lizzie. You should go." Elizabeth knew he was trying to get rid of her, because she was getting too close for comfort, because she was finding out his personal thoughts, and he never shared them with any one.
"I'm not leaving." She said. "I'm not going to leave you like this."
"Lizzie,"
"Robert." Elizabeth took his hand, "I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. Believe me, I know what it's like. But you can't just give up."
"Why not?"
"Because people depend on you. People need you."
"Don't start. You and I both know this place is only keeping me employed out of pity. They only paid for my arm so I didn't go to the press."
"I'm not talking about the hospital." Elizabeth protested. "I need you Robert. I wouldn't have got to where I am today if it weren't for you."
"I can't help you achieve any more."
"You are my friend Robert. I'm closer to you than I am to any one else."
"You'd do better to find some one else to be close to then." Elizabeth could see this turning into an argument about whether she was reason enough for him to want to live.
"I can't." She said simply. "Please don't argue with me about this. I might just be being selfish, but I care about you too much to loose you." She didn't exactly know how she felt about him, to tell the truth. She cared about him, like she had said, but she was beginning to loose sight of the fact that they were friends, and starting to wonder if there was something more. After all, she was friends with Susan, and she had become much closer to Abby since she had started her surgical rotation. She had friends in England who she used to think were the most important people to her in the world, other than her family, but why was she so concerned about Robert? Was it pity, like he feared it was? If Abby or Susan had been involved in the accident, if they had been put in the same position as he was, would she be here now, by their side? Would she be prepared to do anything she could to help them?
"You're a very stubborn woman." Elizabeth smiled, glad to be able to escape her own train of thought.
"I learnt from the best." She assured him. "You are not alone in this. I'll always be here for you." Robert said nothing, nor did he look at her. In fact, if it weren't for the firm grip he kept on her hand, she would have sworn he had fallen asleep. Neither of them said anything else that night, and Elizabeth remained by his side until her shift ended, and the tight grip on her hand relaxed.