The next morning, Abby woke to the telephone ringing. She had to take a few moments to fully wake up, and then stood up and hurried out of her room and down the hall to get the phone. Damn, the sound would definitely have woken Ella. She skidded slightly on the rug and picked up the receiver, resting her hand against the wall,
"Hello?" She said, her voice croaky and still full of sleep. She could see the clock on the wall in her hall, and she could see that it was eight thirty. Neela would be there in half an hour.
"Hey Abby," She groaned inwardly at the sound of Chuny's voice. Not another shift. Anything but another shift!
"Chuny, hi," She said, after clearing her throat quickly. "Whatever shift it is I can't do it."
"Oh, Abby," Abby rolled her eyes, "It's just a few hours this morning. Haleh's car's broken down, and she has to wait for it to get fixed."
"Until when?" Abby asked, her mind screaming at her that she had to get her study done, and that she had been working so many shifts lately that she had begun to live purely on triple espressos every hour or so.
"Ten 'til one." Chuny said. Abby could tell by her voice that she was expecting her to do it. But her mind was set. If she didn't get her work done, she would never get through med school, and she would be stuck doing night shifts and random nurses hours for the rest of her life.
"I can't." She said, apologetically, then wondering why she sounded apologetic. It was the hospital that had called her wasn't it? Why should she always have to drop what she was doing just because they called her? "I've got to get some work done. And I'm babysitting for Doctor Corday…"
"Oh well the crèche…"
"I can't do it, Chuny." Abby said finally, "I really can't. What about Sam? She lives near doesn't she?"
"She's already working." Chuny said absently. Abby was just about to suggest someone else, "No don't worry Abby," Chuny insisted before she could say anything. "We can find some one, and even if we can't it's not as if Romano's working. And Weaver's not in today."
"Sorry Chuny," Abby couldn't help saying.
"S'alright, really. Have fun studying."
"Yeah, I'm sure I will." Abby looked at the clock again. Neela would be here soon and she had to get Ella up and get dressed herself,
"I'll see you later," Chuny said, and Abby could hear the shouts and screams from the ER in the background.
"Yeah, bye," But the phone call had been cut off before she could finish. Abby put the phone down and headed for the spare room where Ella was sleeping. Sure enough, when she went in she found the tiny blonde wide awake, tracing the pattern of the wall paper with her fingers. "Hey sweetie," Abby said warmly, pulling down the rail she had attached to the side of the bed last night. "Well, look at you. I wish I looked so good in the morning." She picked her up and headed into the kitchen, where she had left the bag that Elizabeth had given her the day before. She opened it, sitting Ella down on one of her kitchen chairs. She took out half a bag of 'Sugar snaps' cereal that was sealed with a clothes peg. She turned when she heard Ella making an urgent baby noise, and she saw her pointing at the television.
"I know you can talk Ella," Abby said, turning on the television, and flicking around until she found the first kid's channel, and wondered how Elizabeth put up with the high pitched noise and phsycaldelic colours first thing in the morning. "So what do you want for breakfast then? Sugar snaps? Or my lovely appetising selection of… well, toast." Abby couldn't help grinning at the look she got, so reminiscent of Elizabeth it was uncanny. "Sugar snaps it is then." She poured them into the only bowl she had in her kitchen, and took some milk out of the fridge. "Geez, I need to buy some food." She put the bowl on the table in front of Ella and took out a carton of Orange juice. Ella was eyeing that hopefully as well. Abby rolled her eyes and took out an unopened carton, untwisting the cap and pouring some into the resealable plastic cup that was in the night bag. She realised that Ella probably wouldn't care that Abby always drank out of the carton, but as a medical student she had to think of hygiene. Ahem. She took a swig out of her own bottle. After Ella had eaten three spoonfuls of cereal, taking extra special care not to spill any of it, she asked Abby where her 'mommy' was.
"Mommy had to go to work," Abby explained, "She's going to come home soon though." She glanced at the television, "Do you normally watch this?" The bouncing was beginning to make her eyes hurt.
"I watch dis one ev'ey day. An' I watch Cliff'od with Mommy." Abby had no idea what 'Cliff'od' was, but still had to smile at the little girl in front of her. She had a remarkably loud voice for some one so small. Abby could remember well the days when she had been a silent little baby, and then a silent little toddler, seemingly very shy whenever she had been around the ER in the past. And then she remembered, with an uncontrollable shudder, the time she had been rushed into the ER after an accidental drug overdose. Abby watched with fascination as Ella seemed to be taking one sugar snap from every area in the bowl. She found herself wondering how Ella would turn out in the future. Abby herself had had a pretty screwed up childhood, and Ella's father had died when she was so young she probably couldn't even remember him properly. She became aware of the child's eyes focussing on her. She found herself explaining herself to a three year old. "I'm okay," She said, "You want some more cereal sweetie?" Ella shook her head, picking up her drink, eyes fixed again on the television.
Elizabeth was buttoning her blouse, while waiting for her pot of coffee to fill in the kitchen. She yawned, but she felt much more rested than she had done for the last few days. No more extra shifts, for her or the other surgeons, due to the fact the Ed Dorsett was returning later that day. She didn't know what was worse, having extra shifts, or knowing that she would later that day have to confront him about his extended leave.
She wondered whether she should take Robert's advice and give him the graveyard shift for a month. Maybe two. Then again, she knew she would probably end up avoiding the issue and giving him a verbal warning. She had gone to see Robert the previous night before ten, feeling the need for conversation that wasn't about budgets or med students.
"Ah Lizzie, you'll have to wait a moment while I check my schedule… I think I might be able to squeeze you in for a heart to heart sometime between now and… how's the day I die sound to you?" Elizabeth had felt the instant sense of relief when she heard his mocking tones.
"I'll take an early appointment if that's alright with you." She had said, "I don't think I can make it to the end of this shift without some relatively friendly conversation."
"I am always friendly." Robert had said indignantly. Elizabeth sighed,
"That's what I need."
"Why're you here so late any way? An OR chief such as yourself has the privilege of assigning your own shifts." Elizabeth had been hoping to avoid this conversation. She had dated Dorsett for only a few weeks, well, maybe it was more like a month… and a bit more… Anyway, all the time she had been with him she had known how Robert felt about her, even if he didn't know that she knew. She hadn't spoken with him about her relationship with Dorsett, and although she was pretty sure it was over, she had never mentioned it herself.
"We're short staffed." She said, simply, hoping it would be enough. But it wasn't.
"Because of who?" Elizabeth sighed.
"Dorsett. Prolonged his holiday by four days."
"So you've had to take a double shift?" Elizabeth nodded, "You need to be more assertive Lizzie. Why didn't you tell him to get his lazy ass back to work?"
"Because he didn't call me directly. I'm pretty sure he was hoping that I wouldn't notice, if he could just find people to cover for him."
"Fire him. Call him and tell him he can have as long a vacation as he wants, because he no longer has a job." Elizabeth laughed,
"So that I have to do double shifts until we find another surgeon? I'll pass thank you." Robert shrugged,
"At least rearrange the rosters, so he's doing the graveyard shift. Every day."
"For a month."
"I'd say indefinitely, but hey, you're the boss." Elizabeth smiled. She felt better already, but wasn't so sure she would feel the same the next day.
"I don't feel very boss like," She admitted, "But I do have a wonderful tutor."
"I hope you mean me."
"No. I mean Abby. Who do you think I mean?" She didn't want to go back to the OR, but she remembered just how busy it would get soon. "If I send Dorsett down here will you yell at him for me?" Robert grinned,
"Do you really need to ask?" he became serious, "But if you don't handle him now, it's not going to be any easier later."
"Oh, you're right. I know you are." She sighed, "You could just hold my hand and feed me the lines." She noticed the hint of a smirk that crossed Robert's face, and quickly moved on, "I was… speaking to Abby earlier." She said,
"Oh yeah?"
"She wants a surgeon to look you over, because she thinks you're ready to go home, as long as your eye is kept clean, and we keep an eye on it." She watched his face, and saw that same look that Abby had seen. She had been right, there was something wrong. "Robert?"
"Yeah… Well, if I go home, who's going to be here to hold you hand?"
"Obviously you can wait until your eye is completely healed," Elizabeth carried on carefully, "I imagine the prospect of moving around your house is a bit daunting without full visibility."
"If I can manage one handed, I can managed one eyed. Anyway, things are looking less fuzzy lately."
"So you want to go home?" Robert paused before answering,
"Yeah… sure. Better than this damn place anyway." Elizabeth frowned,
"You're lying." She said, plainly. Robert looked alarmed,
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are. Why don't you want to go home?"
"I do."
"You don't." Elizabeth was not going to leave until she had sorted this out. She was beginning to work out what was going on, from the quick glances he kept giving in the direction of the window. "Robert, if you won't talk to a professional about all this, you have to talk to me."
"Lizzie, there's nothing wrong."
"Don't you Lizzie me." She said, practicing standing her ground, "I know you. Sometimes I think I know you too well. You don't want to go outside the hospital."
"What are you, a shrink now?"
"I passed my psyche rotation with flying colours. Even if it was a while ago. You have been through two very traumatic experiences, both outside this place. I just want to know what's going on Robert."
"Fine then." He said, resignedly. If he was to be honest with himself, he had been desperate to talk to someone about what was going on in his head, although he didn't think that he trusted any one other than Elizabeth to talk to them. He rubbed his working eye with his hand, "You're right. I don't want to go out there, because every time I think about it, I can see… I can see what happened, or what could have happened, or both. I'm not the kind of person to admit having a fear of anything, and if you tell any one this I'll have to kill you," He added, conversationally, "But I don't want to have to walk outside those doors, because…"
"Because it scares you." Elizabeth provided, knowing he didn't want to say it. Robert raised an eyebrow,
"Because it terrifies me." Surprised by this open admission, but sort of honoured that she was the one he trusted to tell her, Elizabeth said nothing. She took his hand and held it in her own,
"You'll get through this Robert." She said sincerely, "You're not alone. You don't have to leave yet, but when you do, I'll be there with you." She knew he believed her, and she was surprised herself at how committed she was becoming to him. There had been a moment, over a year before now, that he had shown, (consciously) that she was important to him. He had needed her, wanted her then, but she had not felt the same. It had been so soon after Mark, and her grief had still been fresh in her mind. She still loved her husband, of course she did, but the way she felt about Robert was… different. Could it be different in a good way? She was beginning to think that she needed him as much as he needed her.
Elizabeth sighed, remembering the past events of her shift clearly. She would have to go back today, but not until later. She fought the urge to pick up the phone and call Abby. It was nine am, and she could afford to leave Ella for a little while longer. She took her coffee into her living room and sunk into an armchair, relishing the moments of silence before she had to leave her sanctuary.
Thanks to,
Tpel,
Alisson
I'm sorry for the delay, but I'm afraid there will be many! I am busy doing coursework and the dead line is very soon! ER channel 4, 10 pm, don't miss it! Carter's coming back, so he will in my fic very soon. I haven't forgotten it's Christmas, so that will happen next chapter.