Chapter Four
Sami's tears continued for what felt like forever after she'd run out on Lucas and his proposal. Now as she lay in her bed stewing over the confusion that carried on over her in the moment when logically speaking she didn't have a thing to worry about. Brandon had come to town to get a divorce, while Lucas had wanted to become husband and wife. It didn't get more clear cut than that, yet when she thought back to the encounter she'd had with Brandon earlier in the day, she found her heart tied in knots at the thought of him having moved on with someone else--of him loving another woman after what they'd had together.
"I mean really," she thought to herself, "who the hell is Kimberly and what's so damned special about her?" she hugged her pillow to her chest as her tears continued, "She couldn't possibly give Brandon what I could've as she doesn't know how to love him like I…" she stopped herself mid-thought burying her head once again as the faint sound of tapping on her door only fell into the background before Lucas entered the room tentatively popping his head inside.
"Can I come in," Lucas questioned gently watching as her tears consumed her.
"I don't think now is a good time Lucas," Sami replied turning to her face, keeping her back away from him as she began to wipe at her tears, "as you really don't want to see me right now. Trust me on that."
"That's where you're wrong," Lucas continued stepping into the room despite her protests as he gently closed the door behind him. He watched her for a moment longer seeing how she was struggling to hide her emotions from him and as a sigh fell from his lips, he moved over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge as he watched her lost in her silent misery, "Sami, please talk to me."
"Lucas, I'm just really not…" she started feeling his hand brush upon her shoulder before he nudged her chin slightly urging her to face him despite her tears.
"Sami, don't shut me out," Lucas pleaded with her reaching out to wipe at her face, "as that's the last thing I wanted for us and in proposing tonight, I meant it as something to bring us closer, not to tear us further apart…"
"Lucas, it's not that," she started finding herself at a loss as his eyes continued to gaze into hers, "I mean I'm just…well," she paused once again, "this isn't about your proposal. This is about me and my stupid, ignorant, self-destructive side that keeps coming back to haunt me…"
"Sami, Brandon just came back to town and delivered you the news that the divorce is ready to get moving," Lucas slipped his fingers into her golden tresses leaning in to kiss her gently, "and naturally that would be an emotional moment for you. I should've taken that into consideration before I did all this…"
"No, Lucas tonight was so beautiful. It was magical and perfect, but I'm just so…" she began again as a tiny whimper built up in the back of her throat, "I'm a disaster and I don't know why anyone would want to deal with me at a moment like this."
"Hmm, well I can't speak for the rest of Salem, but I'm here because I happen to think you're pretty special. Oh and yeah there's also this minor detail that I keep skipping over which I think all ties back to the fact that I'm head over heels in love with you and I find you truly irresistible," Lucas teased with a hint of a smile watching as she let out a tiny laugh.
"Which proves that you're insane," Sami grinned shaking her head as he reached out to wipe at her tears once again.
"I've been called a hell of a lot worse over the years. Come to think of it, the majority of the worst of it came from you," he reached out to her curling his arm around her shoulders, "although I think in this particular situation my insanity suits me."
"Oh Lucas," Sami couldn't help but lean into him as his arm remained around her securely. She kept her eyes closed thinking about her encounter with Brandon as she wondered why she couldn't just shake this feeling inside of her that had returned to haunt her from the moment that Brandon had walked back into her life once again. If only he hadn't come to Salem and stepped into her apartment on a night like the one she'd planned for Lucas. If only…
"You know I was thinking about all of this," Lucas broke through her thoughts, "maybe I was pushing it by jumping the gun with the proposal first thing as I'd thought about dinner first, but well, the truth is I've had a lot on my mind since Brandon's come back into town as it changes everything."
"You really think so," Sami lifted her head to meet his concerned eyes.
He nodded, "Yes, I know so and the truth to the matter is that I know how emotional things are for you as Brandon's a reminder of your past and of the Sami you used to be. Him coming back into town after all this time was bound to stir up old feelings and I understand that completely."
"You do?" her eyes widened in surprise watching as he seemed to be in complete sync with her.
"Of course I do Sami," he nodded continuing to brush away her tears, "as I don't think anyone wouldn't feel something in your situation. I mean hey, when Nicole and I finally divorced I felt like there was this huge chunk of my life I was letting go of and when I reflected upon it, I saw a long history of mistakes leading up to that failure, but while I only saw it as yet another disaster for me, in the long run it turned out to be for the best. I mean hey, after being with Nicole, it taught me that maybe I should start following my heart to where it really was."
"You got all of that out of your divorce," she questioned curiously.
"Not right away, but eventually I was able to step outside the situation and see that it wasn't love with Nicole. I wanted it to be something that it wasn't and ultimately I would've been doing myself a huge disservice in staying married to her," Lucas reached for her hand lacing their fingers together, "I think the same could hold true with you and Brandon. I mean right now I think his being in town is a reminder of what happened when he left before. Given the way that he abandoned you, well I know that you have to be thinking about those mistakes you made, but Sami, those are in the past. Regardless of what was going on then, you're different now. You're an amazing woman and even if Brandon's return is bringing about some emotional reminders of the woman you once were, in a way his being in town is a blessing in disguise."
"How do you figure," Sami questioned eyeing him intently.
"Well, because it gives him the opportunity to see what he missed out on with you, and truth be told I'm a bit eager to see this divorce get on it's way," he cupped her face in his hands, "as I'm more than eager to make you my wife after all this time so that we can be official together. Not that what we have now isn't amazing, but I just can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces when you become Mrs. Lucas Roberts."
"Your mother will probably drop dead at the very thought of it," Sami informed him seriously.
"So then we'll have an EMT on standby at the wedding," Lucas suggested with a simple shrug of his shoulders, "and then eventually she'll get used to the idea and if she doesn't, well that's her problem, not ours."
"Now that's wishful thinking on your part," Sami nudged at him offering up a tiny smile.
"No wishful thinking would be that you and I would find our way beneath the blankets together naked by the time this night is over," Lucas teased reaching out for her as nibbled on her neck teasing his lips over that vulnerable spot that he'd recently rediscovered as his voice dropped to a sensual whisper, "though a dream come true would be your saying yes to being my wife now that you're about to become a free woman again."
"Lucas," Sami felt a soft moan spill from her now parted lips as she tipped her head back to accommodate his kisses before she thrust her hand into his chest placing a distance between them, "I don't know why you'd even want to bother with something like that as you know how my luck runs with weddings."
"That's because you've been spending all your time with the wrong man," Lucas prompted her stealing another kiss from her lips, "though this time, I think your luck is about to change forever should you say yes."
"I'm not even divorced yet and you're already banking on my next walk down the isle," Sami shook her head at him, "I don't know if that's such a good idea."
"Hey, I don't want to waste my time in contemplations as I think we've already lost a lot of perfectly wonderful years with one another," he continued sliding his arms around her waist before urging her back onto the bed as his body covered hers. Slowly his hand trailed up over her side as a lazy, sexy smile touched over the corners of his mouth until his finger tips finally connected with her left cheekbone, tracing the contours of it gently, "so what do you say? Will you take a chance on me once again and say you'll brave the uncharted road to matrimony with me at long last?"
"That's asking a lot out of someone who hasn't exactly had her share of good fortune with romance," Sami started once again feeling a hesitance build up in the pit of her stomach as he held her.
"That's because you weren't romanced by someone as devoted to you as I am before," he whispered warmly over her lips, his finger tips dropping down over her abdomen as he eased her shirt up just a bit to reveal her silken skin to him before his lips dropped down to her neck once again, "though I'll have you know that should you say yes, I will devote my every waking hour to making each and every last one of your fantasies come true--starting with this very night as I'm suddenly feeling a very profound round of wishful thinking upon us."
"Um Lucas," Sami murmured feeling a heat envelope her as his urgent caresses continued, "I don't think what you're doing has anything to do with wishful thinking right about now as I think you're moving into the lines of the downright shameful."
"Hmm, well haven't you heard, I have no shame where you're concerned," he vowed claiming her mouth with a desperate flame of desire as Sami threw her arms around giving in to the sensations he was bringing forth inside of her as it was far easier to make love to Lucas like this than face the inner conflict that was torturing her endlessly.
******************
Feeling Lucas drift off to a sleep beside her, Sami tried to put her mind at ease, but unfortunately after she and Lucas had made love, her mind was still in another place, in another time even though she was certain she'd have one of the most incredible men in the world wrapped around her giving her everything she'd ever wanted. Carefully, she uncurled his arm around her before sliding out of bed and reaching for her robe. She cast one last look over her shoulder at him before leaving the bedroom and entering the living room.
Step by step, she made her way over to the small desk she'd had in the corner of the room knowing that it had been so very long since she'd been tempted to make her way down this path as she'd vowed to keep this part of her life behind her. Still, as the thought of what was inside the top drawer of the desk haunted her, she took in a slow breath reaching for the drawer and opening it up as she pulled out the golden wedding band that remained within. Silently, she lifted it from the place she'd secured it in at the back of the drawer and as she stood in the moonlight unable to take her eyes off the golden band before her, she slid it on her finger surprised at the ease at which it fit even after all this time. It seemed so right, though at this moment it had to be entirely wrong as this ring was a symbol of her unity with the man she was about to walk away from and never look back upon as she had the new man of her dreams back in bed ready to give her the world.
"What are you doing Samantha," she cursed herself quickly pushing the ring off of her finger ready to bury it in the drawer when her eyes fell upon another object. Curling her finger over it, she pulled it out into the moonlight realizing it was the bracelet Brandon had given her when he'd promised her an eternity for them to share together. As the memory of that moment in time touched her, Sami felt tears come to her eyes once again as she could almost feel herself back in time--back in that place when being with Brandon and loving him was the most important thing in her life as she'd finally gotten that chance to be with the man who'd touched her heart in such a way that…
"That it ended badly," she chastised herself hearing the sound of footsteps from behind her as she shuffled to put the bracelet back where it came from. Turning around on her heel, she saw Lucas standing in the doorway watching her groggily.
"Is something wrong," he questioned scratching his head as a yawn spilled from his lips.
"No," she shook her head approaching him as she forced a soft smile, "Nothing's wrong at all. I was just feeling restless."
"Not because of me I hope," he leaned against the door frame holding his arm out towards her, "though it's late. You should come back to bed."
"I will," she promised accepting his hand as he pulled her in towards him, "tell me something Lucas."
"Anything," he assured her curling his arm around her waist, "what's on your mind?"
"If you and I do this…I mean if we really get married like you want us to, will it be what we both want it to be or are we just setting ourselves up for disaster," Sami questioned unsure of this step she was contemplating with him.
"There's only one way to find out," he admitted pulling her in for a kiss, "though if I were a betting man, I'd lay odds on the fact that if you said yes, things will probably lead to happily ever after for us down the road."
Sami remained silent for a long moment watching the expression that washed over his features as she could feel the sincerity in his tone, the look of love behind his eyes and in that moment when she felt just how deep Lucas believed in this new chance for them, she felt her heart persuaded to grab a hold of that dream as well and as she tipped in towards him pressing her lips to his, she murmured against his mouth, "Yes."
"Yes," he nearly gulped breaking away from the kiss as his eyes widened in surprise, "Did you just say yes?"
She nodded, "Yes I did. I'll do it--we'll do it Lucas. I'll marry you."
"Oh Sami," Lucas hoisted her up in his arms, spinning her around the room before he set her back on her feet once again kissing her tenderly as he thought of all of their dreams they were about to experience with one another over and over again.
As Sami held onto him, kissing him with the desire that touched at her heart, she just prayed that she'd be able to find it within herself to give up the past and be the kind of woman he deserved in his life as he deserved nothing less. Sure, she'd been reluctant about saying yes as she'd felt herself quite conflicted over the last week, but now none of that mattered as she'd sealed her fate in accepting Lucas's proposal and there would be no turning back. Brandon was the past and Lucas was the future. She was almost certain of that.
Sami's tears continued for what felt like forever after she'd run out on Lucas and his proposal. Now as she lay in her bed stewing over the confusion that carried on over her in the moment when logically speaking she didn't have a thing to worry about. Brandon had come to town to get a divorce, while Lucas had wanted to become husband and wife. It didn't get more clear cut than that, yet when she thought back to the encounter she'd had with Brandon earlier in the day, she found her heart tied in knots at the thought of him having moved on with someone else--of him loving another woman after what they'd had together.
"I mean really," she thought to herself, "who the hell is Kimberly and what's so damned special about her?" she hugged her pillow to her chest as her tears continued, "She couldn't possibly give Brandon what I could've as she doesn't know how to love him like I…" she stopped herself mid-thought burying her head once again as the faint sound of tapping on her door only fell into the background before Lucas entered the room tentatively popping his head inside.
"Can I come in," Lucas questioned gently watching as her tears consumed her.
"I don't think now is a good time Lucas," Sami replied turning to her face, keeping her back away from him as she began to wipe at her tears, "as you really don't want to see me right now. Trust me on that."
"That's where you're wrong," Lucas continued stepping into the room despite her protests as he gently closed the door behind him. He watched her for a moment longer seeing how she was struggling to hide her emotions from him and as a sigh fell from his lips, he moved over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge as he watched her lost in her silent misery, "Sami, please talk to me."
"Lucas, I'm just really not…" she started feeling his hand brush upon her shoulder before he nudged her chin slightly urging her to face him despite her tears.
"Sami, don't shut me out," Lucas pleaded with her reaching out to wipe at her face, "as that's the last thing I wanted for us and in proposing tonight, I meant it as something to bring us closer, not to tear us further apart…"
"Lucas, it's not that," she started finding herself at a loss as his eyes continued to gaze into hers, "I mean I'm just…well," she paused once again, "this isn't about your proposal. This is about me and my stupid, ignorant, self-destructive side that keeps coming back to haunt me…"
"Sami, Brandon just came back to town and delivered you the news that the divorce is ready to get moving," Lucas slipped his fingers into her golden tresses leaning in to kiss her gently, "and naturally that would be an emotional moment for you. I should've taken that into consideration before I did all this…"
"No, Lucas tonight was so beautiful. It was magical and perfect, but I'm just so…" she began again as a tiny whimper built up in the back of her throat, "I'm a disaster and I don't know why anyone would want to deal with me at a moment like this."
"Hmm, well I can't speak for the rest of Salem, but I'm here because I happen to think you're pretty special. Oh and yeah there's also this minor detail that I keep skipping over which I think all ties back to the fact that I'm head over heels in love with you and I find you truly irresistible," Lucas teased with a hint of a smile watching as she let out a tiny laugh.
"Which proves that you're insane," Sami grinned shaking her head as he reached out to wipe at her tears once again.
"I've been called a hell of a lot worse over the years. Come to think of it, the majority of the worst of it came from you," he reached out to her curling his arm around her shoulders, "although I think in this particular situation my insanity suits me."
"Oh Lucas," Sami couldn't help but lean into him as his arm remained around her securely. She kept her eyes closed thinking about her encounter with Brandon as she wondered why she couldn't just shake this feeling inside of her that had returned to haunt her from the moment that Brandon had walked back into her life once again. If only he hadn't come to Salem and stepped into her apartment on a night like the one she'd planned for Lucas. If only…
"You know I was thinking about all of this," Lucas broke through her thoughts, "maybe I was pushing it by jumping the gun with the proposal first thing as I'd thought about dinner first, but well, the truth is I've had a lot on my mind since Brandon's come back into town as it changes everything."
"You really think so," Sami lifted her head to meet his concerned eyes.
He nodded, "Yes, I know so and the truth to the matter is that I know how emotional things are for you as Brandon's a reminder of your past and of the Sami you used to be. Him coming back into town after all this time was bound to stir up old feelings and I understand that completely."
"You do?" her eyes widened in surprise watching as he seemed to be in complete sync with her.
"Of course I do Sami," he nodded continuing to brush away her tears, "as I don't think anyone wouldn't feel something in your situation. I mean hey, when Nicole and I finally divorced I felt like there was this huge chunk of my life I was letting go of and when I reflected upon it, I saw a long history of mistakes leading up to that failure, but while I only saw it as yet another disaster for me, in the long run it turned out to be for the best. I mean hey, after being with Nicole, it taught me that maybe I should start following my heart to where it really was."
"You got all of that out of your divorce," she questioned curiously.
"Not right away, but eventually I was able to step outside the situation and see that it wasn't love with Nicole. I wanted it to be something that it wasn't and ultimately I would've been doing myself a huge disservice in staying married to her," Lucas reached for her hand lacing their fingers together, "I think the same could hold true with you and Brandon. I mean right now I think his being in town is a reminder of what happened when he left before. Given the way that he abandoned you, well I know that you have to be thinking about those mistakes you made, but Sami, those are in the past. Regardless of what was going on then, you're different now. You're an amazing woman and even if Brandon's return is bringing about some emotional reminders of the woman you once were, in a way his being in town is a blessing in disguise."
"How do you figure," Sami questioned eyeing him intently.
"Well, because it gives him the opportunity to see what he missed out on with you, and truth be told I'm a bit eager to see this divorce get on it's way," he cupped her face in his hands, "as I'm more than eager to make you my wife after all this time so that we can be official together. Not that what we have now isn't amazing, but I just can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces when you become Mrs. Lucas Roberts."
"Your mother will probably drop dead at the very thought of it," Sami informed him seriously.
"So then we'll have an EMT on standby at the wedding," Lucas suggested with a simple shrug of his shoulders, "and then eventually she'll get used to the idea and if she doesn't, well that's her problem, not ours."
"Now that's wishful thinking on your part," Sami nudged at him offering up a tiny smile.
"No wishful thinking would be that you and I would find our way beneath the blankets together naked by the time this night is over," Lucas teased reaching out for her as nibbled on her neck teasing his lips over that vulnerable spot that he'd recently rediscovered as his voice dropped to a sensual whisper, "though a dream come true would be your saying yes to being my wife now that you're about to become a free woman again."
"Lucas," Sami felt a soft moan spill from her now parted lips as she tipped her head back to accommodate his kisses before she thrust her hand into his chest placing a distance between them, "I don't know why you'd even want to bother with something like that as you know how my luck runs with weddings."
"That's because you've been spending all your time with the wrong man," Lucas prompted her stealing another kiss from her lips, "though this time, I think your luck is about to change forever should you say yes."
"I'm not even divorced yet and you're already banking on my next walk down the isle," Sami shook her head at him, "I don't know if that's such a good idea."
"Hey, I don't want to waste my time in contemplations as I think we've already lost a lot of perfectly wonderful years with one another," he continued sliding his arms around her waist before urging her back onto the bed as his body covered hers. Slowly his hand trailed up over her side as a lazy, sexy smile touched over the corners of his mouth until his finger tips finally connected with her left cheekbone, tracing the contours of it gently, "so what do you say? Will you take a chance on me once again and say you'll brave the uncharted road to matrimony with me at long last?"
"That's asking a lot out of someone who hasn't exactly had her share of good fortune with romance," Sami started once again feeling a hesitance build up in the pit of her stomach as he held her.
"That's because you weren't romanced by someone as devoted to you as I am before," he whispered warmly over her lips, his finger tips dropping down over her abdomen as he eased her shirt up just a bit to reveal her silken skin to him before his lips dropped down to her neck once again, "though I'll have you know that should you say yes, I will devote my every waking hour to making each and every last one of your fantasies come true--starting with this very night as I'm suddenly feeling a very profound round of wishful thinking upon us."
"Um Lucas," Sami murmured feeling a heat envelope her as his urgent caresses continued, "I don't think what you're doing has anything to do with wishful thinking right about now as I think you're moving into the lines of the downright shameful."
"Hmm, well haven't you heard, I have no shame where you're concerned," he vowed claiming her mouth with a desperate flame of desire as Sami threw her arms around giving in to the sensations he was bringing forth inside of her as it was far easier to make love to Lucas like this than face the inner conflict that was torturing her endlessly.
******************
Feeling Lucas drift off to a sleep beside her, Sami tried to put her mind at ease, but unfortunately after she and Lucas had made love, her mind was still in another place, in another time even though she was certain she'd have one of the most incredible men in the world wrapped around her giving her everything she'd ever wanted. Carefully, she uncurled his arm around her before sliding out of bed and reaching for her robe. She cast one last look over her shoulder at him before leaving the bedroom and entering the living room.
Step by step, she made her way over to the small desk she'd had in the corner of the room knowing that it had been so very long since she'd been tempted to make her way down this path as she'd vowed to keep this part of her life behind her. Still, as the thought of what was inside the top drawer of the desk haunted her, she took in a slow breath reaching for the drawer and opening it up as she pulled out the golden wedding band that remained within. Silently, she lifted it from the place she'd secured it in at the back of the drawer and as she stood in the moonlight unable to take her eyes off the golden band before her, she slid it on her finger surprised at the ease at which it fit even after all this time. It seemed so right, though at this moment it had to be entirely wrong as this ring was a symbol of her unity with the man she was about to walk away from and never look back upon as she had the new man of her dreams back in bed ready to give her the world.
"What are you doing Samantha," she cursed herself quickly pushing the ring off of her finger ready to bury it in the drawer when her eyes fell upon another object. Curling her finger over it, she pulled it out into the moonlight realizing it was the bracelet Brandon had given her when he'd promised her an eternity for them to share together. As the memory of that moment in time touched her, Sami felt tears come to her eyes once again as she could almost feel herself back in time--back in that place when being with Brandon and loving him was the most important thing in her life as she'd finally gotten that chance to be with the man who'd touched her heart in such a way that…
"That it ended badly," she chastised herself hearing the sound of footsteps from behind her as she shuffled to put the bracelet back where it came from. Turning around on her heel, she saw Lucas standing in the doorway watching her groggily.
"Is something wrong," he questioned scratching his head as a yawn spilled from his lips.
"No," she shook her head approaching him as she forced a soft smile, "Nothing's wrong at all. I was just feeling restless."
"Not because of me I hope," he leaned against the door frame holding his arm out towards her, "though it's late. You should come back to bed."
"I will," she promised accepting his hand as he pulled her in towards him, "tell me something Lucas."
"Anything," he assured her curling his arm around her waist, "what's on your mind?"
"If you and I do this…I mean if we really get married like you want us to, will it be what we both want it to be or are we just setting ourselves up for disaster," Sami questioned unsure of this step she was contemplating with him.
"There's only one way to find out," he admitted pulling her in for a kiss, "though if I were a betting man, I'd lay odds on the fact that if you said yes, things will probably lead to happily ever after for us down the road."
Sami remained silent for a long moment watching the expression that washed over his features as she could feel the sincerity in his tone, the look of love behind his eyes and in that moment when she felt just how deep Lucas believed in this new chance for them, she felt her heart persuaded to grab a hold of that dream as well and as she tipped in towards him pressing her lips to his, she murmured against his mouth, "Yes."
"Yes," he nearly gulped breaking away from the kiss as his eyes widened in surprise, "Did you just say yes?"
She nodded, "Yes I did. I'll do it--we'll do it Lucas. I'll marry you."
"Oh Sami," Lucas hoisted her up in his arms, spinning her around the room before he set her back on her feet once again kissing her tenderly as he thought of all of their dreams they were about to experience with one another over and over again.
As Sami held onto him, kissing him with the desire that touched at her heart, she just prayed that she'd be able to find it within herself to give up the past and be the kind of woman he deserved in his life as he deserved nothing less. Sure, she'd been reluctant about saying yes as she'd felt herself quite conflicted over the last week, but now none of that mattered as she'd sealed her fate in accepting Lucas's proposal and there would be no turning back. Brandon was the past and Lucas was the future. She was almost certain of that.