*Oh, yeah... Spongebob belongs to Nickelodeon, and Barbie to Mattel. Don't want to get lawsuits or anything because of them, too. Everything will make sense as soon as this chapter is read... ^_^;;
Going out to: the people who have e-mailed and left reviews. They really are encouraging and effective stuff to fend off minor and major writer's blocks! Truffles for everyone! OKAY! I'm done! On with the show... Hope the format's better! ^_~
Monday March 16, 8:02 am
I glumly looked at the tea cup in my hands the following morning. "I did that?" I asked Pagan weakly. I just learned that he had to drive Yuy to work because he was still seeing double from last night's incident.
He nodded. "Fortunately for Sir Yuy, most people at the office are frightened of him. If they see an unusual amount of hair protruding at the back of his head, they will be smart enough to let it alone."
"Protruding at the back of his head?"
"Because of the bump, Miss Peacecraft. Hair was sticking out this morning." He grinned at me. "I've never had much fun in this occupation, until I noticed Sir Yuy was going through this for the first time..."
Riddles! Pagan talks in riddles, I swear! Mornings are not the time to give Relena Alessandra Peacecraft riddles! Especially after that Relena hit her husband on the head just mere hours ago! "Go through what, Pagan?" I asked as patiently as I could. Don't be rude, Relena; control the twitch on your left eye, Relena...
"Sexual tension," he said mischievously.
Note to self: mischievous Pagan is a scary Pagan!
Unfortunately for me, however, it was the time that I chose to sip some tea. Pagan had to work out his aging bones quite rapidly because I started choking on the supposedly "soothing" liquid.
"Sexual tension?" I asked between gags. "Seriously. I didn't think I'd be attractive enough to be considered as a potential mate."
"There's an echo in here," he replied dryly. "Yes. Sexual tension. Specifically one between a married man and his wife, who adamantly refuses any sexual relations nor physical contact to pass between them." He smiled at me and gave my back a final pat. "Do you feel better now, Miss Peacecraft?"
I sighed. "I suppose so, Pagan."
"If you'll excuse me," he said. "I need to give the car a wash." I nodded and waited until Pagan was out of the kitchen before banging my head on the counter.
How is it that people know about this sexual tension thing when I don't even feel it?!
And there's still that issue about that perfume I smelled on him...
Oh, don't even go there! I'm not jealous! I'm keeping up my end of the marriage contract, so it's only fair that I demand Yuy to do the same thing, isn't it?! I'm playing the part of committed wife, and here he is, playing Heero the Gigolo. For all that I'm going through for this man, I think I should give him one good, agonizingly painful kick in his damn shins...
"You okay, señorita?" Lucia asked when she came in. "You look mad."
"I am. I feel guilty, though, but mad all the same." When I looked at her, all she gave me was a blank look. "Do you know what I'm talking about? Last night? Or more like this morning... Really, really early morning."
"I was sleeping. I wake up and everyone was not in kitchen, so I take shower. Pagan tell me nothing."
I explained it to her and for a moment, I was afraid that I put Lucia into a catatonic state. I thought about stopping and snapping her out of her trance, but I knew that she was listening. Her barrage of rapid Spanish sentences proved my thoughts right. Her sudden stop and sly smile made me raise my eyebrow. "You sound jealous."
"Oh, hell no!" Geez, I *swear* there's a conspiracy against me! Didn't I just think earlier that I'm not jealous? "How can I be jealous? I don't even love the guy!"
Lucia just shrugged me off. "There is more than one way to be jealous, señorita," she told me sternly. I shut out the rest of her words after that, too deep into my own thoughts and theories... hypotheses. Whatever.
I *don't* love him or I *can't* love him? There are differences between those two, no matter how vague they may be. These differences actually matter, unlike the supposed "real meanings" between "I don't know" and "Maybe". How many songs have been written that reiterate time and time again that love takes time? I've always thought that whole "love at first sight" was a bunch of b.s. only because... well... It's a hormone surge. I mean, come on! Can you seriously tell me that you love a stranger just by seeing them? How about knowing what they're about? Will a person be capable of loving another when they don't know what ticks them off and what tickles their fancies?
But then again if I think about it, Heero's not at all unfamiliar to me anymore. He's stubborn, he's a hybrid between patient and quick tempered, and he's sexy! Now if we were talking about lust, then that's something I can easily admit to. I was about to explain that to Lucia when she started pushing me out of the kitchen. "Hey! What are you doing?"
"Out! Dress up!" she thundered. "Your brain is messy! We clear it out by taking you fabric shopping with me."
"For?"
I heard her curse in Spanish. "Señorita! Your dress! I make your dress and you say I can, yeah? Remember?"
The party. The Oil Father's party. The dreaded party where I get the privilege to meet Heero's ex-fiancee. Can't I just be my anti-social self once more? I sighed and resigned myself to the surprisingly strong pushes of my "boss". But only because it was too early in the morning!
12:01 pm
Seeing Lucia chew on her pencil made me think of a mathematician at work. After the fabric shopping, I've pretty much been a mannequin for the past two hours. I stood there, being scrutinized, and sighed. "This is the eighth fabric," I told her. "When can I sit down?"
"No. No sitting," Lucia replied around the pencil. "Ay. Velvet not good on you. Oh!" She unwrapped the roll of cloth around me and took out a new one. "This, yeah?" Suddenly, she frowned. "Yuck. Corduroy. Why did person give me weird fabric? I'm angry! You remember the name of girl?"
I nodded. "I think it was Cory or something."
Her nose wrinkled and she flipped her wrist. "Bah. She's new. No wonder I got wrong stuff."
"You got what?!" I walked around the counter and stared at what looked like a pile of fifty bags sitting on the floor. "You've spent nearly five hundred dollars for these things! How can you sound so unconcerned and nonchalant and indifferent and..." When I looked at Lucia, she was staring at me as if I grew three heads. "Do you see what I mean?"
"No," she replied. "Words are too big. But I think you say that, why is it I don't care?" I nodded. "Because! I am regular customer! Manager knows me so if he knows I don't need something I get, I just take it back and they give me my money. And he knows señorito, so it's okay." Then she made this weird facial expression and pointed at my chest. "Pull up, señorita, yes?"
I looked down. My cheeks flaring, I pulled up the material roughly and fixed it around my torso. Such a great reminder why I never wore these girly tube tops and halter tops in the first place... "Thank you. But I never wanted to wear this from the start!"
"Oh, so you'll do the fitting naked?" Lucia shook her head. "I don't like idea. No... What if there's Peeping Tom or something?"
"Well, the naked part sounded nice," a new voice said. I almost turned my head to shout at the rude person who entered our conversation; that was, however, before the voice registered in my brain and I realized who it was.
Yup. I'm assuming that because my face became so pale, Hilde wouldn't need much of her white powder make up to turn me into a geisha once more.
But see, my warrior side told me to "Gather your bearings, Peacecraft! This is a war! Anytime you see this hunk of a devil is a war!" So gather my bearings I did and when I turned around, I had a scowl on my face. Oh, I'm so good... I seriously should get the Bald Statue with the Golden Testicles (aka good ol' Oscar) for this. "What are you doing here?"
"It's lunch. Can't I spend time with my wife?" Heero proceeded to walk in the kitchen and stopped right beside Lucia. "Arthur called me at work," he told her. "I heard you guys walked out of that store with tons of material."
"Si, señorito. But nothing!" She scratched her head in a frustrated manner and gestured towards me. "She's hard! She's too beautiful for these fabrics!"
I never thought I'd resort to distracting myself by looking at the ceiling, then wonder whether it was painted cream, off-white, or ivory white.
"But she never utilized that beauty, did she?" he asked, giving me a mocking smile.
I gasped. That guy goes too low! "Hey! I take offense in that!" I propped my hands on my hips and glared at him. "No, I'm not saying I think I'm downright beautiful, if that's what you're going to use to pick on me later! As a matter of fact, just because I didn't get caught up in the whole 'dress up' hype..."
"Look who's insinuating now. I never said you were ugly. I just asked about why you never did use it, even to just play around." I watched as he walked towards Lucia's stash of fabrics and took out a roll of silk pearl pink fabric. Without any warning at all, Heero wrapped it around me instead of asking Lucia to do so.
"Because it reminded me too much of Barbie and I hated her," I answered through gritted teeth. Yes, folks, it was one of my pathetic attempts to distract myself from his proximity. I just know I had multiple heart palpitations while he was doing so! I was more worried about him feeling it...
The next thing he did was that he brushed the knuckle of his thumb against my breasts. How do I know that? His pace was deliberately slow; it became even slower when he got to those areas. "Heero..."
I felt his warm breath against my exposed shoulder. "You know," he said in a low voice, "that was the first time you called me by my first name while we're talking."
The comment was the splash of cold water I needed. "I know," I responded, trying to project an irritated voice. "That's why I hope you enjoyed it. Because it's the first and the last time."
The nerd had the nerve to still chuckle! What's worse, I felt his lips brush against my shoulder! ARGH! This is harrassment, I say to you! Harrassment! But... would it still be harrassment if there's a hint of enjoyment on my part?
Anyway...
"I like!" Lucia yelled. "This good!" She grinned widely and took the material from him gently. "I make dress out of this one. Pink is okay, si?"
"It's a nice pink," I answered, sounding withdrawn even to myself. I felt listless when I took a shirt and pulled it over my head. "I can wear it."
Lucia walked over to me and felt my forehead. "You okay? You were happy earlier and now you look bored and tired."
It's the second time I lied to her. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll just go watch TV or something. I didn't think modeling would be tiring." As I walked towards the living room, I can feel Heero walking behind me. I let him, which was out of character for me. I know he was bound to notice that, but for some reason, I was not in the mood to pick a fight with him.
We sat down on the couch in complete silence, our hands both at our sides. The TV was on, though I wasn't watching. I saw the images, but I wasn't comprehending what the show was about. The thought of Heero coming home for lunch just ran through my mind again and again. The clincher to that was he came home for lunch to spend time with me.
And then there was that thing that happened earlier... Oooh, boy, can someone get me a glass of cold water?
Mind games. That's what it was. He's playing with my mind by acting like the "devoted" husband that he was supposed to be. I know he's doing otherwise. I don't think a man is in his right mind when he starts wearing perfume. Well, that excludes scented body lotions. Come to think of it, some of my male ex-employees were proud owners of a number of bottles from a highly successful lingerie company. "It really moisturizes," one of them confessed to me. "Besides, it comes in handy sometimes. My girlfriend right now talks to me about those things and it makes her happy that I can keep up."
The images that thought conjured in my mind disturbed me greatly, especially since Heero was in all of them.
Even when Lucia came in to serve Heero lunch, which was about twenty minutes later, not a word passed between us. "Wow, is this fun or what?" she asked loudly. "You guys know what you're watching? Spongebob! Grandchildren watch him, too." She left the room, singing the opening song.
Oops.
I turned the TV off, much to his indignance. "Why'd you turn it off?" he asked through his mouthful of sandwich. "I was paying attention."
I faced him and I noticed that there was some mayonnaise on the side of his mouth. Before I knew it, my arm extended and my fingers wiped it off. My fingers felt a tingling sensation after I pulled away.
Can someone explain to me what just happened back there?
"Turn it back on, then," I replied, trying my hardest to ignore his surprised gaze on me. "It's not hard. And besides, you're the one who followed me here."
"It's my house." His eyes were amazing: one minute they reflected shock and the next, they looked like a pair of seas churning in a violent storm.
"Feel free to kick me out," I snapped, standing up abruptly. "Who said I wanted to move in here anyway? Who said I wanted to marry you?" As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back. I ran out of the room and up the stairs, feeling the urge to fling myself on my bed.
Harsh reality check: Relena Peacecraft needs to stuff a sock in her mouth.
I don't know how much time elapsed until Heero came up to the room. Instead of looking at him and taking full responsibility for what I said, I pretended that I was sleeping. He sat down beside me and stroked my hair. "I'm not going to give up on you, Relena," I heard him whisper. His fingers danced over my exposed cheek and he gave it a kiss.
Heero was out of the room when I lost control of my tears. I laid there, not sobbing or breathing harshly for air. I just let them flow. I hope that Lucia wouldn't happen to come in the room to see me in this state...
March 26 Thursday, 11:06 am
The mansion was somewhat quieter in the days that followed. Pagan did not say a word to me, either. He would greet me cordially, and stayed out of my way. Lucia, true to her word, worked on my dress diligently, but we hardly talked. She may have heard my outburst and was probably reeking with disappointment. She meant what she said about Heero and I with all her heart and soul. Me, being the silly girl I was, just realized that in the silence that sprouted between us.
I remember daddy as someone who wasn't much of a sentimentalist; neither was I. It was probably one of the reasons why we thought the ceremonies that came with burying the dead was a waste of time. One of his favorite quotes in the Bible can be found in the Book of Genesis: "From dust you are and dust you shall return."
"Why later and not sooner? People are just slowing down the inevitable," he told me. I was probably eleven years old at around that time. "Our bodies are but mere vessels. They're just made of dirt and water. No matter how much formaldehyde they use on our dead bodies, all of us are going to go back to what we really are."
"Don't you want pretty flowers on your grave, daddy?" I asked.
He cupped my chin and kissed my nose. "No, baby. I don't want flowers on my grave. I can't appreciate the flowers because I'm dead. Besides, they're better as Earth's living and life-sustaining creations than presents, wrapped in plastic and tied together by a rubber band."
"Then what do you want me to do?"
"I want you to remember me," he replied. "I want to be in your heart. I know you don't remember much of mommy, but you still have her there. Remember what we talked about and live up to them, and I'll be happy."
Two weeks ago, daddy got what he wanted. His body was cremated and I scattered them out into the sea. No one was informed of the ceremony and there never was a funeral or a viewing of the body, whatever it was. Then again, we weren't really close to anyone, not even to mommy's family. The communication with them was severed a long time ago, when I was a little girl. Instead, it was just the priest and I who were present. It was that important to me. In fact, I waited for the priest to leave before I scattered his ashes.
Daddy really was the only person I had left in the world.
The sea was daddy's final place. The cliff I stood upon when I dispersed his dusty remains became my sanctuary. His presence was stronger when I'm there, somehow.
There was a light breeze when I sat down at the edge. The sounds, the smell, even the temperature were all the same the last time I was here. The birds above me were also the same ones who were present when I was last here, on the day his ashes mixed with the sea. I remember feeling detachment that day, too sad to actually care about anything.
I felt betrayed. I have come to terms with his passing, but still... I was bitter towards him for hiding so many things. Shingo Yuy is one, followed by the stipulations of that damnable hidden will. Daddy's secret of Heero Yuy takes the greater part of this bitterness.
Now, I was trembling uncontrollably, because I was angry. Words fall short to describe my anger. I was able to reflect on what I learned about daddy after his death. Can it get anymore ironic than that? "In a few days, I'll be forced to smile in Heero's ex-fiancee's face and you're not here to tell me how to act. You left," I said softly. "You left and now, all I seem to feel is anger. The nearness of you kept me sane. You know that, don't you?"
The birds answered my question with their calls and caws. I looked at my hands; the rocks scraped off bits of my skin and dirt filled the cuts. I slid backwards, then stood up and brushed myself off. I thought I'd be able to figure out some things here, but I just became more confused. I bowed my head and looked at the waves. The breeze picked up again, taking delight in lifting strands of my hair and flipping it in my face. I took one last look at the sea before I walked away.
I didn't go back to the mansion when night fell. Instead, I went to my old house. I stepped in and turned the lights on, surprised that the electric company has not yet terminated their service as I requested. Maybe that was a blessing in disguise.
Walking through the hallways was like taking a walk down memory lane. I didn't have the heart to put the pictures down nor sell the furniture when I packed up and moved at the mansion. I felt a little bit lighter as I walked more. But yet... something was missing.
Home is where the heart is. Hell, I don't even know where my heart's at.
I thought that 1427 Lansdowne Lane would always be my home. It was the building that witnessed every memorable event in my life, good or bad; it became the silent witness to daddy's death.
My old bed in my room beckoned and I yielded to it, flopping on it carelessly.
March 27 Friday, 11:25 am
In the end, I decided to go back to the mansion. The sun was high by the time I got there and when I was inside, I heard absolutely nothing, save for the lone vacuum cleaner sucking up the dust bunnies somewhere in the mansion. I followed the sound and ended up in a room upstairs; one I've never seen before. Lucia was kneeling on the carpet, collecting the balls of lint and dirt the vacuum wasn't able to pick up.
She looked up at me and turned off the cleaning machine. "You're back," she said. "Did you eat? I cook breakfast burrito. You can see if señorito save some."
"I ate," I answered softly. The atmosphere was still awkward for me to start small talk with Lucia. I don't know if it was guilt or just because of the tension that started earlier this week. So I contented myself by looking around the unfamiliar room, which I determined was the mansion's library as I assessed it.
It wasn't long until I heard someone sniffling. Lucia was wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt when I turned around. "I thought you wasn't coming home," she said. I knelt beside her, but she waved me off. "No, no! You listen, yes? Your husband-"
"Lucia, do we have to go through this again?"
"Your husband," she repeated again, more firmly this time, "spent night until morning looking for you. He called your scary Uncle Lawyer and he says to señorito that you did not call." Her hands reached for the hem of her apron and she wiped more tears. "He looked tired when he came. It was 1 in the morning. Your husband give up and said if you want to come back, you will." Through her shaky smile, I could still see the sadness in her eyes.
I nibbled on my lip. Somehow, I knew that this incident will be the first and the last. "Will you feel better if I say that I'll tell you when I'm leaving?" I asked. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"No," she replied and my heart sank. "No. You cannot leave. It's not okay to say to me when you will go and not come home." Lucia looked at me sternly. "You are married, señorita. No matter what you are thinking, you are stuck with señorito. You have to fix problems together."
"I know," I said, finally able to smile. "I've exercised too much, I think. I've been doing a lot of running as of late."
She looked at me for a long moment before understanding dawned on her. Lucia's hearty laugh bounced around the room and I knew that I was forgiven. "You still heelareeus."
I shared her laughter. Only she could make hilarious sound so Spanish. At that instant, I realized that this place was home, no matter how much I disliked its owner.
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Last notes: Feels rushed, but I tried... ::sigh:: Never liked writing drama, although I did write an angsty short story... Finals are first and foremost on my mind right now, so good luck to everyone who has finals! May we all step up to the challenge and meet it well.